Geico’s “Angry Birds” Problem…

Posted December 28, 2021 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, advertising, alternative realities, animals, anthropomorphic, commercials, feathered friends, furry, television, twisted reality
Tags: ,

According to Geico, cultural icons are invading your home! You’ve got Muppet drummer Animal as an unwelcome guest in your attic, and Yogi and Boo Boo bears raiding your cookouts. In yet another example, Angry Birds from Rovio are doing the Hitchcock thing, smashing into the walls and windows of your home, and trashing feeders, lawn umbrellas, and flower pots on your patio!– – Aieee!

Now I know the three feathered fowl well, having an Angry Birds 2 addiction and leading a clan on the mobile game site. They are Red, Chuck, and Bomb, although Bomb certainly could have blasted through the window had he detonated. The homeowners are lucky that Terence didn’t show up, as the heavyweight probably could have gone through the wall as well. Matilda, Silver, and the Blues are likewise nowhere to be seen. Add in optional birds Bubbles, Hal, and Stella, and we could have reduced the whole house to splinters…pathetic humans!- –And why are there no Angry Foxes games?!

“The birds are back!,” one homeowner warns the other before the thumping and crashing continues. “Why are the birds so angry?,” wonders a neighbor peering over a fence. Perhaps there are green pigs in the neighborhood, stealing the avian’s eggs. In filming, the crew lobbed baseballs at the home to enable the actors to respond realistically to the impacts…

Fortunately, the homeowners have Geico insurance bundled to deal with the feathered predation. The assault of cultural icons must impact adversely on property values, one suspects… 🦊

Comments: 5 Comments

Truist Financial Commercial, “Care…”

Posted December 22, 2021 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, advertising, alternative realities, anomalies, anthropomorphic, furry, plushies, television, twisted reality

Plushies (stuffed animals) individually are cute, cuddly, and innately comforting. An enormous ball of stuffed animals of diverse species rolling at you like an oversized tumbleweed might be a bit…disconcerting! There’s something unnatural going on here...

But you needn’t worry. This isn’t The Blob of vintage science fiction fame, but rather a helpful heap of plushies. Rolling about in a strange collective, they do things like return errant objects, hold elevator doors open, stop shopping carts from banging into cars in a parking lot, and roll replacement tires along to stranded motorists. They even extend a flower to a seated woman and her child! In the motorist scenario, the paw of one of the stuffed animals may even be seen extending to give the new tire a final push. I wouldn’t know whether to be grateful or alarmed, perhaps both…I tend to be a bit suspicious of reality violations…

Truist Financial says that because it values care, it considers itself a different kind of bank. A rolling ball of helpful plushies would certainly be different, I suppose, and make for an interesting police report. I hope that the ball of stuffed animals doesn’t get rained on…

Comments: 2 Comments

The Charmin Bears in “Airport Security”

Posted December 15, 2021 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, advertising, animal spokepersons, anthropomorphic, commercials, furry, surrealism in life, television, twisted reality

Someday, I am just going to lose it over the Charmin bears. The bears themselves aren’t really that bad, they’re actually kind of cute. It’s what they do that rankles my fur! These bears are always pooping, and then examining their behinds for evidence of toilet paper residue. I mean, this kinda thing is seriously cringe-worthy! Personal space, please!

Now we all know that bears defecate in the woods, and apparently elsewhere as well. Everybody poops, with the exception of some Disney animals like Bambi that are drawn without discernible anuses. I’ve often wondered if such animals simply explode when their colon backs up too far. Be that as it may, the Charmin bears would appear to have a weird and pervasive anal fixation that borders on the disgusting.

In their Airport Security ad, Papa Bear passes through security without a hitch because, of course, his hiney’s clean! I just love the “kill me now” expression on the agent’s face. And does the fact that the agent is wearing clothes and Papa none mean that this is some kind of strip search? If so, Papa seems to be enjoying it…

It should come as no surprise that Papa’s luggage is actually stuffed with toilet paper. The Charmin Bears are nothing if not consistent. It’s just that bare bear bottoms, clean or (shudder) otherwise, get old really fast. I much prefer fox tails… 🦊

Comments: 8 Comments

NJM’s “Ferret Interview” Commercial…

Posted November 24, 2021 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, advertising, alternative realities, anthropomorphic, commercials, fantasy, furry, furry commercials, television
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I have long been of the opinion that ferrets are wonderful animals whose potential has barely been touched in commercials, the furry fandom, and society in general. They are cool, cute, endearing, smart, and move well. Perhaps through commercials such as this one, the Day of the Ferret will finally have arrived!

Just check out this little guy…small in size, but big in talent! He’s lithe, good-looking, well-spoken, and he even moonwalks! Appearing for a job interview, the ferret is offered a job in the mail room by the job interviewer, who clearly lacks vision. The ferret sees himself as having mascot potential, and frankly would be a great one!

Now NJM Insurance promotes itself as having no mascots and no jingles, and I respect them for that. Some of the mascot commercials are admittedly stupid or over-the-top. But I would snatch this little guy up, and sign him to a long-term contract, fast! I can even see a TV series working nicely for this one…

Now in my twisted perspective, I’d like to see the tables reversed, and the ferret interviewing the woman. She could then then be told that she didn’t meet company needs at this time, or perhaps more darkly be assigned to writing company “mission statements” and other jobs from hell…

Now to see another ferret used effectively, check out the character of Fungo Squiggly in the comic strip Get Fuzzy. Fungo is rough and borderline thuggish, he smokes, is said to chew metal as a hobby, produces Ferret Television, and is the nemesis of Bucky the Cat. Will there be a ferret in your future?

And by the way, a Happy Thanksgiving, y’all!

Comments: 6 Comments

Liberty Mutual’s “Spider-Man” Commercial…

Posted November 22, 2021 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, advertising, alternative realities, avian, Brilliant but twisted, furry, humor, superheroes, television
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Like many of us, Doug of Liberty Mutual notoriety harbors a superhero fantasy. So when he and the Emu view footage of Spider Man web-swinging and saving a city, Doug just can’t resist putting a nasty-looking spider on his arm, and encouraging it to bite him in the expectation of receiving spider powers…

Doug appears to have a surprisingly good office, actually…one would expect him to be in a converted broom closet. Anyways, once bitten Doug raises his arms dramatically in expectations of receiving the spider-gift…

Doug is no Peter Parker, however, and what Doug receives is a nasty reaction to the spider bite. “Did it work?!,” asks Doug as he is packed off to the hospital, grotesquely swollen face and all. First the poor sap is denied a helicopter in a previous commercial, and now this. I guess most of us aren’t destined to have superpowers, but we’ll keep the fantasy alive… 🦊

Comments: 6 Comments

The Bigfoot-Alien Connection…

Posted November 12, 2021 by vulpesffb
Categories: aliens, alternative realities, anomalies, anthropomorphic, cryptozoology, furry, paranormal, unexplained

When the yet-unproven is layered together with the implausible, you wind up with something like The Bigfoot Alien Connection Revealed, a 2020 film which basically postulates that Bigfoot is himself an alien, an intelligent life form not of this earth but possibly trans-dimensional, whose elusiveness centers on his ability to slip between those dimensions. As a physically robust species, Bigfoot is described as having some form of collaboration with the more traditional alien grays, in effect doing the heavy lifting for them as their agents. Incidents where Bigfoot sightings have occurred together with “lights in the sky” are suggested as supporting evidence for this.

Running at over 90 minutes, The Bigfoot Alien Connection dispenses theories that are pretty far out there as compared to the more mundane ideas about the big hairy guy perhaps being an unidentified species of giant ape; rather, claims are advanced that paranormal features are associated with Bigfoot. Some have reported seeing Bigfoot disappear in front of them; the question then arose as to whether Bigfoot was somehow “cloaking,” or leaving our dimension at that point. Locations described as “hot spots,” “power spots,” or “vortex spirals” are reported as having been associated with Bigfoot appearances, together with other paranormal phenomena such as orbs. Some presenters in the feature linked the appearance of orbs directly to Bigfoot, even suggesting that he is capable of shape-shifting.

Oh well! As one commentator in the feature observed, the phenomena associated with Bigfoot manifestations defies explanation, at least at times. It’s unfortunate that many portrayals of Bigfoot are cartoonish, and many pursuers of them amateurish, as there are some serious investigators out there worthy of attention and support…

Comments: 9 Comments

All Hail, Halloween!

Posted October 31, 2021 by vulpesffb
Categories: alternative realities, fantasy, furry, horror, occasions
Tags: ,

(Me, when Halloween is mentioned…)

I unabashedly love Halloween! You can have your Xmas, with it’s warm, cozy, fuzzy feelings…but give me Halloween, with monsters, witches, zombies, malevolent aliens, and more!

I’ve loved Halloween since I was a kid…always have, and always will! I’m far too old now to Trick-or-Treat, but I can still seek the sublime feeling of the creepy and a good scare. On Halloween, you can embrace your dark side and animal within, and dare to walk that creature around for a bit…

So keep a little bit of Halloween spirit with you all year ‘round…and dare for the scare! – -Ahahahaha!

(Happy Halloween from Fyrefox! 🎃)

Comments: 1 Comment

“Shapeshifters Anonymous” on “Creepshow”

Posted October 23, 2021 by vulpesffb
Categories: anthropomorphic, biomechanical, Brilliant but twisted, fantasy, furry, furry sidekicks, furry television, horror, twisted reality
Tags: ,

Gee, they’ve got support groups for everything these days…weight control, problem drinking, and even apparently Shapeshifters. I don’t know if it’s a 12-step program, but it’s certainly inclusive, sponsoring a were-cheetah, a were-boar, a classic werewolf (their newest arrival), and even an unlikely were-tortoise. And oh yes, there’s even a garden-variety furry with no shifting ability but whose character is a hippo. She’s readily accepted here as well, and identifies with the group.

In the Creepshow episode, a confused and troubled werewolf seeks admission to the support group. He only has the previous week’s password, but comes bearing a nice box of donuts, so they let him in…I know that donuts would seal the deal for me! The new arrival is conflicted and full of angst about his werewolf side, as werewolves tend to be since the days of Larry Talbot. I prefer Ann Rice’s perspective of the wolf gift. But anyhow, the were-cheetah leader of the group takes the lupine under her wing (or paw), and she’s a gorgeous specimen, even if not quite on a par with Cheetah from Wonder Woman…

Anyways, the Shapeshifters don’t have long to get acquainted as they have a serious Santa problem, and are soon locked in a royal battle with an attack by a myriad of mall-type Santa’s helpers, capped off by a visit from the not-so-jolly old elf himself, who presents as more Krampus than Claus. He’s truly Santa Claws, complete with wicked blades where he should have hands. This is truly Psycho Santa…

Well, anthropomorphs aren’t going to take being pushed around easily, so with the aid of a transformational serum supplied by a previously-mute member they fight the helpers and then the big guy in the armored red suit with firearms, environmental weaponry, and tooth and claw. It’s wonderful stuff!

So catch Shapeshifters Anonymous, originally a 2020 Shudder special, on Creepshow. It’s based on a story by J.A. Konrath…

(Tip o’ the pen to Carycomic!)

Comments: 3 Comments

American Horror Story’s “Death Valley” from “Double Feature”

Posted October 20, 2021 by vulpesffb
Categories: aliens, alternative realities, Brilliant but twisted, historical perspectives, horror, Mythological, paranormal, sci fi, television
Tags: ,

The current Double Feature season of American Horror Story is exactly that, with the first Red Tide segments being about ghoulish vampires, and the second Death Valley feature centering on aliens. I’m only going to comment on Death Valley to keep things more contained, and frankly because I’m a bit tired of vampire themes, although admittedly Red Tide is innovative.

Now aliens I can really get my teeth into (with apologies to the vampires). What makes Death Valley a real hoot is the number of historical personalities portrayed, ranging from Eisenhower and Nixon (above) to JFK, Marilyn Monroe, and even an all-too brief appearance by Amelia Earhart, who without having aged in 20 years is delivered to the Eisenhower administration and pregnant with an alien child…yes, you heard that right! Well, a little later on Amelia has her alien baby and it’s a bad one, because it kills Amelia and the docs and nurses in the room until Ike and a couple of soldiers shoot it dead. This is wild stuff, and wildly entertaining!

Now you haven’t lived until you’ve seen Mamie Eisenhower possessed by an alien consciousness and levitating, with her eyes a milky white. The aliens communicate through possession of a human intermediary at times, and can cause the heads of opposing humans to explode by a wave of their hands, which is messy but compelling viewing. Wouldn’t you love to be able to do that?! Anyways, by possessing Mamie they gain emotional leverage over Ike so he agrees to allow the quiet abduction of several thousand people a year in exchange for alien technology. One of the goodies so obtained are cell phones, taken for granted now but unbelievable stuff during the Eisenhower years. Ike suffers angst over this, but hey, the aliens would simply have gone to the Russians had we not allowed them to abduct people, impregnate them, and breed hybrids so their race can survive on Earth.

Some of the alien genetic engineering projects fall short of the desired outcome, however, with disconcerting results like the humanoid above with one alien and one human eye…and the aliens can impregnate anyone and use them as a vessel, including males!

So catch Death Valley from Double Feature on the current season of American Horror Story. It unites so much of the mythic speculation on alien contacts and designs, with historical personages thrown in as you’ve never seen them before, very reminiscent of The X-Files and just as much fun… 🦊

Comments: 5 Comments

Arm & Hammer “Slide Out of Funk” Cat Disco Commercial…

Posted October 16, 2021 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, advertising, alternative realities, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, commercials, fantasy, furry, furry commercials, humor, television, twisted reality
Tags: ,

Many of us wonder what our cats do when they disappear from home for hours at a time. Hunt and kill things to bring home to you? – -Nah, they go to the disco where they got it going on!

This feline disco is in the best 70’s tradition, complete with a lit-up dance floor and a mirrored disco ball hanging from the ceiling. Anthropomorphic cats are in colorful period threads, and there’s even a lithe, scene-stealing tomcat who moves like a young feline John Travolta. Yes, this cat is where it’s at!

It’s no wonder that the female kitties are all moon-eyed over this Top Cat. “Where did he learn to ‘slide’ like that?,” wonders one. Why, Arm & Hammer “slide” cat litter, of course! And doesn’t the cat below on the left look as if she’s wearing a Star Trek uniform? Is this a Caitian, perhaps the feline version of Uhura?

I was never into the “disco” scene much; it ain’t what we called Rock ‘n’ Roll! The kitty disco scene is fun, but if leisure suits ever come back, I’m out of here! 😸 Until that time, “Go Cat, Go!“

Comments: 6 Comments

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