Archive for the ‘twisted reality’ category

“Lamb” is haunting…

June 17, 2022

You probably won’t see many Icelandic folk-horror/fantasy films in your day, and Lamb is one of them. From the A24 studio that gave us such films as Hereditary, their latest film crosses genres, confounds us, and almost defies description. I had earlier posted on Lamb as a unique film that was coming prior to being able to view it, and now having seen the flick, I can confirm that Lamb is extraordinary, even though it is likely to mess with your head. The best films often do…

So submitted for your approval is the strange tale of Ingvar and Maria, two childless sheep ranchers living in a remote part of Iceland who one night come upon the birth of a mutation in their livestock, a lamb with humanoid features. They basically take the newborn into their house, place it into a crib in their bedroom, and raise it as their own, a sweet child with an ovine head but scattered human features which despite being a hybrid adapts well to life in the isolated world with human foster parents. This is comical but touching at the same time, and her “parents” are quite happy with their non-traditional family…

Now as a furry, I can probably transition to the world of anthropomorphic animals and animal-human hybrids more easily than most people outside of the fandom. I’m totally cool with the notion of folks raising something that is neither fully animal nor human, and in fact I am envious of them! You can dress such a creature in human clothing, treat it as a loved member of family, and even take them places with you, messing with mundane people as you do so. – -What could be better than that?!

What usually happens, however, is that other people won’t understand, will judge and condemn you, and in some fashion come after you as one harboring an abomination. I rather expected a mob armed with torches and pitchforks to come calling, and demand that this lamb be surrendered to them. Fortunately, this does not happen although there are a few tense moments when we are led to believe that Ada’s “uncle” is leading her off to shotgun her. This too doesn’t happen, and “Uncle Petur” becomes a convert…

Now Ada the lamb-child is revealed to us gradually as a hybrid, having one human hand and a hoof. She uses bipedal locomotion, and is about the size of a four-year-old. She cannot speak, but understands and responds to human language. Ada plays with her human mother, and is very sweet! I’ve seen human brats behave far less lovably…

But unfortunately, the story doesn’t end well but in violence against a target we didn’t expect when Ada’s biological father comes calling, also anthropomorphic and true nightmare fuel. Talk about Ram Tough! When you mess with nature, there are consequences, it would seem. This points to the need to keep firearms out of the hands and hooves of beasts.- – Are you listening, Congress?!

At any rate, Lamb may leave you scratching your head, wondering what you have just seen, and perhaps questioning the lines of separation between humans and animals, as well as questioning our relationship with the natural world. And that’s a good thing, really….so two paws up for Lamb, which now can be seen on some premium networks... 🦊

Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey

May 27, 2022

Say it ain’t so…Winnie the Pooh as a serial killer?! Yes, it is so in an upcoming horror movie. Winnie the Pooh and Piglet too have gone feral, abandoned by college-bound Christopher Robin and basically starving. It’s not exactly the beloved A.A. Milne characters from the original 1926 story here, nor their Disney versions. Nope, the boys have gone rogue, reverting to their wild roots and becoming seriously creepy. Piglet even sports tusks, and is clad in black…

In a scene which to me seems reminiscent of Steven King’s Christine, Pooh-bear is driving an ominous-looking vehicle. Just don’t bother looking for Eeyore the donkey, although you’ll see his tombstone. The boys have already killed and eaten him…

With the Winnie the Pooh tale now in the public domain, liberties may be taken with the classic story, although the film strives not to run afoul of Disney copyrights by omitting certain characters like Tigger, and changing the clothing styles of others. Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey is not a big budget horror movie, and was supposedly shot in just ten days.

So be afraid, be very afraid of Pooh and Piglet sneaking up on you in your bath. In this horror comedy, you might not even recognize them anymore.- – Aieee! 🙀

Nature’s Own Honey Wheat “Little Red” Commercial

April 27, 2022

We’ve seen the fairy tale-inspired commercials of Nature’s Own breads before, and they’re great, spinning off from the Goldilocks saga with the Three Bears, and the Three Little Pigs tale, enjoying a french toast breakfast with the Big Bad Wolf. Well, now we have a version of Little Red Riding Hood, and it’s equally good and memorable…

The wolf that traipses to the cottage door here is large, muscular, and formidable in appearance. Granny inside is clearly no match for him. Entering the dwelling, the wolf licks his chops…is he anticipating an easy meal of Granny?

But no…it’s an easy meal with Granny! When Little Red makes her way to the house wearing her signature garb, the wolf is seated peacefully at the table with Granny, the perfect gentleman! Why kill Granny when she’s the perfect sandwich-maker, after all? Little Red enters the door and beholds the unexpected scene, her eyes wide. “What big eyes you have!,” comments the wolf to Red, in a perfect role-reversal.

See, isn’t this nice? Granny, Little Red, and the Wolf all seated amicably at the table. Why make war when you can make a sandwich? Perhaps Putin could heed this counsel…

“King Shark” Rules!

February 3, 2022

In the depths of winter and the continuing pandemic, we could all use a little King Shark right now! Anthropomorphic sharks are a rare breed indeed, and this one is a metahuman criminal denizen of DC’s extended universe, a villain who somehow manages to be cute and even likable despite a taste for human flesh…

The son of a “King of All Sharks,” King Shark (real name Nanaue) is a demigod who is voiced to perfection by Sylvester Stallone in the Suicide Squad 2 movie. Stallone’s mumbling, monotone delivery suits the man-shark character well. Although quite deadly and almost indestructible, King Shark (shown above reading a book in prison upside down) is child-like and dull-witted, speaking in short, simple phrases. Just point him in the right direction, and then get out of his way!

You would want to be King Shark’s friend, because if you were not, you’d be nom nom, namely something good to eat. King Shark doesn’t eat his friends, although almost anything else organic would be considered fair game. He may be seen chewing happily on a human head and other body parts of those opposing him in the movie…

So catch King Shark as memorably created in the Suicide Squad movie. And when he celebrates Shark Week, you’d better party along…. 🦊

A Darker Pinocchio…

January 29, 2022

We’re all familiar with Disney’s 1940 adaptation of Pinocchio, and Pinocchio’s conscience Jiminy Cricket, complete with formal clothing and umbrella. In a new retelling of the Pinocchio tale by Guillermo del Toro, the cricket is just as verbal but far more insectile, telling his audience that he “lived in the heart of the wooden boy.” Vaguely chilling, right? He’s even got a revised name…Sebastian J. Cricket! Plus this bug looks almost alien.- – I Iike him already!

Set in Italy in the 1930’s with Mussolini’s fascist power rising, this Pinocchio is depicted as a lost soul in a world he cannot understand. Disney sanitized the original Carlo Collodi tale, which included the cricket being killed early on and his ghost serving as Pinocchio’s conscience! Guillermo del Toro promises to return some of the original Frankenstein or nightmarish elements to the story, which included boys being turned into donkeys on Pleasure Island.

So for a darker, scarier version of Pinocchio that’s “about as far removed from Disney as you can get,” you may want to check out this Pinocchio coming to Netflix in December 2022…and tell them that Sebastian J. Cricket sent you,buwahahaha!

Geico’s “Angry Birds” Problem…

December 28, 2021

According to Geico, cultural icons are invading your home! You’ve got Muppet drummer Animal as an unwelcome guest in your attic, and Yogi and Boo Boo bears raiding your cookouts. In yet another example, Angry Birds from Rovio are doing the Hitchcock thing, smashing into the walls and windows of your home, and trashing feeders, lawn umbrellas, and flower pots on your patio!– – Aieee!

Now I know the three feathered fowl well, having an Angry Birds 2 addiction and leading a clan on the mobile game site. They are Red, Chuck, and Bomb, although Bomb certainly could have blasted through the window had he detonated. The homeowners are lucky that Terence didn’t show up, as the heavyweight probably could have gone through the wall as well. Matilda, Silver, and the Blues are likewise nowhere to be seen. Add in optional birds Bubbles, Hal, and Stella, and we could have reduced the whole house to splinters…pathetic humans!- –And why are there no Angry Foxes games?!

“The birds are back!,” one homeowner warns the other before the thumping and crashing continues. “Why are the birds so angry?,” wonders a neighbor peering over a fence. Perhaps there are green pigs in the neighborhood, stealing the avian’s eggs. In filming, the crew lobbed baseballs at the home to enable the actors to respond realistically to the impacts…

Fortunately, the homeowners have Geico insurance bundled to deal with the feathered predation. The assault of cultural icons must impact adversely on property values, one suspects… 🦊

Truist Financial Commercial, “Care…”

December 22, 2021

Plushies (stuffed animals) individually are cute, cuddly, and innately comforting. An enormous ball of stuffed animals of diverse species rolling at you like an oversized tumbleweed might be a bit…disconcerting! There’s something unnatural going on here...

But you needn’t worry. This isn’t The Blob of vintage science fiction fame, but rather a helpful heap of plushies. Rolling about in a strange collective, they do things like return errant objects, hold elevator doors open, stop shopping carts from banging into cars in a parking lot, and roll replacement tires along to stranded motorists. They even extend a flower to a seated woman and her child! In the motorist scenario, the paw of one of the stuffed animals may even be seen extending to give the new tire a final push. I wouldn’t know whether to be grateful or alarmed, perhaps both…I tend to be a bit suspicious of reality violations…

Truist Financial says that because it values care, it considers itself a different kind of bank. A rolling ball of helpful plushies would certainly be different, I suppose, and make for an interesting police report. I hope that the ball of stuffed animals doesn’t get rained on…

The Charmin Bears in “Airport Security”

December 15, 2021

Someday, I am just going to lose it over the Charmin bears. The bears themselves aren’t really that bad, they’re actually kind of cute. It’s what they do that rankles my fur! These bears are always pooping, and then examining their behinds for evidence of toilet paper residue. I mean, this kinda thing is seriously cringe-worthy! Personal space, please!

Now we all know that bears defecate in the woods, and apparently elsewhere as well. Everybody poops, with the exception of some Disney animals like Bambi that are drawn without discernible anuses. I’ve often wondered if such animals simply explode when their colon backs up too far. Be that as it may, the Charmin bears would appear to have a weird and pervasive anal fixation that borders on the disgusting.

In their Airport Security ad, Papa Bear passes through security without a hitch because, of course, his hiney’s clean! I just love the “kill me now” expression on the agent’s face. And does the fact that the agent is wearing clothes and Papa none mean that this is some kind of strip search? If so, Papa seems to be enjoying it…

It should come as no surprise that Papa’s luggage is actually stuffed with toilet paper. The Charmin Bears are nothing if not consistent. It’s just that bare bear bottoms, clean or (shudder) otherwise, get old really fast. I much prefer fox tails… 🦊

“Shapeshifters Anonymous” on “Creepshow”

October 23, 2021

Gee, they’ve got support groups for everything these days…weight control, problem drinking, and even apparently Shapeshifters. I don’t know if it’s a 12-step program, but it’s certainly inclusive, sponsoring a were-cheetah, a were-boar, a classic werewolf (their newest arrival), and even an unlikely were-tortoise. And oh yes, there’s even a garden-variety furry with no shifting ability but whose character is a hippo. She’s readily accepted here as well, and identifies with the group.

In the Creepshow episode, a confused and troubled werewolf seeks admission to the support group. He only has the previous week’s password, but comes bearing a nice box of donuts, so they let him inI know that donuts would seal the deal for me! The new arrival is conflicted and full of angst about his werewolf side, as werewolves tend to be since the days of Larry Talbot. I prefer Ann Rice’s perspective of the wolf gift. But anyhow, the were-cheetah leader of the group takes the lupine under her wing (or paw), and she’s a gorgeous specimen, even if not quite on a par with Cheetah from Wonder Woman…

Anyways, the Shapeshifters don’t have long to get acquainted as they have a serious Santa problem, and are soon locked in a royal battle with an attack by a myriad of mall-type Santa’s helpers, capped off by a visit from the not-so-jolly old elf himself, who presents as more Krampus than Claus. He’s truly Santa Claws, complete with wicked blades where he should have hands. This is truly Psycho Santa…

Well, anthropomorphs aren’t going to take being pushed around easily, so with the aid of a transformational serum supplied by a previously-mute member they fight the helpers and then the big guy in the armored red suit with firearms, environmental weaponry, and tooth and claw. It’s wonderful stuff!

So catch Shapeshifters Anonymous, originally a 2020 Shudder special, on Creepshow. It’s based on a story by J.A. Konrath…

(Tip o’ the pen to Carycomic!)

Arm & Hammer “Slide Out of Funk” Cat Disco Commercial…

October 16, 2021

Many of us wonder what our cats do when they disappear from home for hours at a time. Hunt and kill things to bring home to you? – -Nah, they go to the disco where they got it going on!

This feline disco is in the best 70’s tradition, complete with a lit-up dance floor and a mirrored disco ball hanging from the ceiling. Anthropomorphic cats are in colorful period threads, and there’s even a lithe, scene-stealing tomcat who moves like a young feline John Travolta. Yes, this cat is where it’s at!

It’s no wonder that the female kitties are all moon-eyed over this Top Cat. “Where did he learn to slide’ like that?,” wonders one. Why, Arm & Hammer “slide” cat litter, of course! And doesn’t the cat below on the left look as if she’s wearing a Star Trek uniform? Is this a Caitian, perhaps the feline version of Uhura?

I was never into the “disco” scene much; it ain’t what we called Rock ‘n’ Roll! The kitty disco scene is fun, but if leisure suits ever come back, I’m out of here! 😸 Until that time, “Go Cat, Go!


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