Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey

Posted May 27, 2022 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, alternative realities, animals, anthropomorphic, bizarre, furry, furry horror, movies, twisted reality

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Say it ain’t so…Winnie the Pooh as a serial killer?! Yes, it is so in an upcoming horror movie. Winnie the Pooh and Piglet too have gone feral, abandoned by college-bound Christopher Robin and basically starving. It’s not exactly the beloved A.A. Milne characters from the original 1926 story here, nor their Disney versions. Nope, the boys have gone rogue, reverting to their wild roots and becoming seriously creepy. Piglet even sports tusks, and is clad in black…

In a scene which to me seems reminiscent of Steven King’s Christine, Pooh-bear is driving an ominous-looking vehicle. Just don’t bother looking for Eeyore the donkey, although you’ll see his tombstone. The boys have already killed and eaten him…

With the Winnie the Pooh tale now in the public domain, liberties may be taken with the classic story, although the film strives not to run afoul of Disney copyrights by omitting certain characters like Tigger, and changing the clothing styles of others. Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey is not a big budget horror movie, and was supposedly shot in just ten days.

So be afraid, be very afraid of Pooh and Piglet sneaking up on you in your bath. In this horror comedy, you might not even recognize them anymore.- – Aieee! 🙀

Progressive’s “Jurassic World” Commercial…

Posted May 12, 2022 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, advertising, alternative realities, commercials, extinct species, fantasy, furry, humor, television

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Jurassic World Dominion, the sixth film in the franchise, is set to open June 10th, and so it’s timely that Progressive Insurance’s iconic Flo and Jamie characters are shown at a drive-in screening the film. What makes this viewing different, however, is that the dinos are apparently able to walk off the screen and into the real world, a T-Rex doing just that, smashing and flipping vehicles at the outdoor movie event…

Chaos ensues…Flo and Jamie, however, are totally nonplussed as they stand by their RV, trading quips about how stinky dinosaurs are. With home, auto, and RV insurance bundled, they’ve got the situation covered, and will handle the cleanup. It’s all cool, they’ve got it taken care of , and it’s just part of a day’s work for your insurance professionals. They’ve been there, and done that…

Jamie notes how this shows why you should always go to the bathroom before the movie begins…and Flo is probably scarier than any T-Rex, anyways… Rawrr! 🦖

Zoe Kravitz as “Catwoman…”

Posted May 6, 2022 by vulpesffb
Categories: movies

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I have to say that I was not overly taken by the new “ The Batman” movie. The film was long, dark, and gritty, about as far removed from previous comic-inspired interpretations as it could be. Neither Robert Pattinson’s Batman nor Paul Dino’s Riddler were as I conceived of them to be, especially with the Riddler portrayed as a creepy serial killer. I rather liked Colin Farrell’s Penguin, although we didn’t get to see enough of him in the film…

Zoe Kravitz’s Catwoman, however, worked, as did her chemistry with Batman. This Catwoman is lithe and feline without excessive costuming, and brings a convincing kinetic grace to the role. She’s very much at home on a motorcycle, and while Batman can counter her in physical tussles, she’s more than a match for anyone else. There are layers to this Catwoman including bisexuality, and she’s neither an obvious villainess nor heroic, but rather somewhere in between in the process of becoming herself.- – I like that!

It pains me to read that Zoe Kravitz was apparently denied even an audition for the Catwoman role in a previous Batman film, and told that she was “too urban.” She actually makes the character three-dimensional, with noble intentions and sympathetic motivations, and a story arc is established for the character that can continue. It’s kind of an origins story for Catwoman here, with the character basically Selina Kyle in a mask. That’s really how it should be done…. 🦊

Paging, “Dr. Rick…”

Posted May 2, 2022 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, advertising, Brilliant but twisted, commercials, television, the human condition

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In a series of Progressive commercials, we are introduced to a sagely and much-needed therapist, Dr. Rick, who counsels people how not to become their parents. He’s kinda like Dr. Phil, but with a specialty practice, and more hair

Now parentomorphosis is a terrible but common disease. No one wants to become like their parents, but let’s face it, your genes predispose you that way, and you’re environmentally shaped. If you’re not careful, you may some day be seeking out Early Bird specials at restaurants, and looking to buy comfortable, practical shoes...

Dr. Rick both conducts group therapy, and takes his clients into real life situations. It is there that he can stop his charges from giving unwanted advice, telling the waiter their name, or gawking at people with their hair dyed blue. “We all see it,” Dr. Rick tells the staring client…

So if you have a bag containing bags (and oh God, I do!), you may be in need of Dr. Rick’s help lest you transform into your parents. I do hope that it’s not too late for me… 🙀

Nature’s Own Honey Wheat “Little Red” Commercial

Posted April 27, 2022 by vulpesffb
Categories: advertising, anthropomorphic, furry, furry classics, furry commercials, television, twisted reality

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We’ve seen the fairy tale-inspired commercials of Nature’s Own breads before, and they’re great, spinning off from the Goldilocks saga with the Three Bears, and the Three Little Pigs tale, enjoying a french toast breakfast with the Big Bad Wolf. Well, now we have a version of Little Red Riding Hood, and it’s equally good and memorable…

The wolf that traipses to the cottage door here is large, muscular, and formidable in appearance. Granny inside is clearly no match for him. Entering the dwelling, the wolf licks his chops…is he anticipating an easy meal of Granny?

But no…it’s an easy meal with Granny! When Little Red makes her way to the house wearing her signature garb, the wolf is seated peacefully at the table with Granny, the perfect gentleman! Why kill Granny when she’s the perfect sandwich-maker, after all? Little Red enters the door and beholds the unexpected scene, her eyes wide. “What big eyes you have!,” comments the wolf to Red, in a perfect role-reversal.

See, isn’t this nice? Granny, Little Red, and the Wolf all seated amicably at the table. Why make war when you can make a sandwich? Perhaps Putin could heed this counsel…

“Lucky Larry’s Landscaping” Progressive Commercial

Posted April 24, 2022 by vulpesffb
Categories: advertising, animals, anthropomorphic, furry, furry commercials, television

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I haven’t seen animal choreography this featured since Michael Jackson’s Halloween animated special (below). Catch that gem if you possibly can, especially the animal dance sequence performed to Jackson’s Dangerous. But I digress…

In Progressive Insurance’s commercial Timber, we are introduced to landscaper Lucky Larry, whose job is going so well that he sings to us about it emerging from his truck:

“Oh, the sun keeps shining and the grass is green, I’m way ahead of schedule with my trusty team!” 🎶

“There’s Heather on the hedges,” (complete with hedgehogs snipping) “and Kenny on the koi,” (one of which leaps up to kiss said worker), and we’re ready for an idyllic Disney-esque song and dance number on stairs with anthropomorphic raccoons, bunnies, and squirrels when the mood is shattered by the new guy worker accidentally dropping a tree on the work truck! 🙀

Fortunately, Progressive Insurance can have your small business covered for such calamities, even if Lucky Larry isn’t true to his name… ☘️

So let the dance continue, even if there aren’t foxes included in this number. I’ve gotta get me a better agent, that’s all… 🦊

National Animal Crackers Day…

Posted April 18, 2022 by vulpesffb
Categories: advertising, animal elements, furry, historical

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I would probably be remiss if I did not mention that April 18th is National Animal Crackers Day. It’s probably not appropriate to refer to those of us of the furry persuasion as animal crackers, although being crackers has helped me retain at least some of my sanity…

Now Animal Crackers were first produced in England beginning in the mid-1800’s, and were imported into the United States until domestic production began in Pennsylvania by Stauffer’s Biscuit Company in 1871. Animal Crackers are technically not cookies but crackers, the dough being different.

In 1902, Animal Crackers began marketing as Barnum’s Animals, packaged in the little circus wagon boxes that most of us are familiar with. They originally sold for five cents a box, and were sold with a string cord handle so they could be carried, or hung on Xmas trees as ornaments!

Beginning in 1948, the product began being sold as Barnum’s Animal Crackers, and the rest is history. When I think of Animal Crackers, I’m inclined to think of the classic Marx Brothers movie by the same name…

And would someone puh-leese stop Shirley Temple from singing in my head now about Animal Crackers in her soup from the 1935 movie, Curly Top? – – Aieee, Cuteness overload!!!

Capitol Red Fox Caught…

Posted April 9, 2022 by vulpesffb
Categories: animal behavior, animal occurrences, animals, furry

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I wish to disavow involvement with the incidents of a red fox biting nine people on the grounds of the U.S. Capitol, and have a perfect alibi; she was a female, you see…

She was a fine specimen, it must be admitted, and I’m sure that many of us can sympathize with biting people on the ankle, especially congressmen, but with nine confirmed bites, her doom was sealed. It saddens me to report that the fox was captured and euthanized, and did test positive for rabies. Even sadder is the fact that her kits were also reportedly captured and euthanized, too…

Rest In Peace, magnificent lady! You just took bite the power a bit too much to heart… 🦊

“The Bad Guys” from Dreamworks…

Posted March 29, 2022 by vulpesffb
Categories: anthropomorphic, furry, furry movies

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Based on a highly successful kid’s book series by Australian author Aaron Blabey that premiered in 2015, The Bad Guys is a kind of crime comedy focusing on the criminal exploits of five anthropomorphic animals that include Mr. Wolf (a pickpocket), Mr. Snake (a safecracker), Mr. Shark (a master of disguises), Ms. Tarantula (a tech wizard), and Mr. Piranha (mob muscle). It’s kind of like an Ocean’s Eleven theme, but with furries. We’re not all cute and harmless, ‘ya know. I myself have kind of a dark side, which comes with being of a predacious species. Get a bunch of us together, and you have a force of nature, literally and figuratively…🙀

Now Mr. Wolf (Sam Rockwell) is the gang leader, and is both slick and hot. Get in line, ladies…but when a caper goes sour, he cuts a deal with the authorities to avoid prison time in exchange for his gang going good, which he really has no intention of doing. In the course of doing good, however, he finds that being a do-gooder actually strokes his inner need for acceptance. I should mention that Mr. Wolf has a love interest who is a real fox, one Diane Foxington, whose ears to me look rabbit-like…

As a tag line goes, these guys may be bad, but they’re good at it…and being good is no fun! Although intended for kids, The Bad Guys has something for everyone, especially if you like anthropomorphic animals with some classic themes thrown in, and a wolf who wears his threads well and can hold his own on the dance floor. The Big Bad Wolf here is really just a party animal who’s capable of redemption, only needs to channel his gifts in a socially-acceptable way, just wants to have fun, and I likes him! So let’s all let our inner animals out, whaddya say? There’s a little furry in all of youse…Yowsa! 🦊

The Saga of Miracle Mike, the Headless Chicken…

Posted March 25, 2022 by vulpesffb
Categories: animal oddities, bizarre, feathered friends, furry, Questionably creepy, strange happenings, weird

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Warning: this post may not be suitable for some of our more sensitive viewers. Well, you’ve already seen the headless chicken photo, so what remains are the gory details…

In September of 1945, a farmer who lived in Fruita, Colorado by the name of Lloyd Olsen who raised chickens was killing large numbers of them to take to town for market, and using a hatchet for the fowl task. Most of the chickens obligingly died as expected, although chickens beheaded will sometimes kick and run about for several minutes before succumbing. One chicken, however, had his jugular spared and retained most of his brain stem, and was able to develop a blood clot to prevent bleeding out, and so remained ambulatory. The brain stem which remained controlled his breathing, digestion, and heart rate. The fowl also retained an ear. After his decapitation, the headless chicken got up, and began to strut around the farm.

The farmer took this curiosity and kept it in an apple box overnight, the next morning describing that “The damn thing was still alive.” The event then took on a life of its own, so to speak. As the rooster survived, Olsen let him continue to roam around. He would sleep with his neck stub tucked under his feathers, tried to peck for food with his neck stub, and even gained weight due to the chicken being fed milk and water directly into his esophagus with a dropper. He could even so digest small pieces of corn…

Recognizing how unique a living headless chicken was, his owner made a cash cow out of him, taking him on the road where he became a sideshow sensation, and earning 25 cents per head (so to speak) for people to gawk at him. At the height of his fame, Mike made his owners $4,500 per month...not exactly chicken feed, in the 1940’s.

Sadly while on road tour in Phoenix, Arizona his owners awoke to the sounds of Mike choking. As they had to suction mucus from his throat throughout the day, they would usually keep a syringe nearby, but had forgotten this equipment at a previous sideshow event. Mike couldn’t dislodge the mucus himself, and so suffocated in March of 1947, about 18 months after his decapitation. From the sideshow profits, however, his owners were able to buy a horse, mule, hay baler, two tractors, and a Chevrolet pickup truck.

A statue of Mike was erected, and Mike the Headless Chicken was awarded his own special festival day, celebrated annually in Fruita, Colorado with a chicken lunch, an egg toss, a chicken dance, a race, and even chicken bingo, which is chosen by chicken droppings that land on a bingo board! Mike would have liked that. Only in America…is this a great country, or what?!


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