Archive for the ‘alternative realities’ category

Paws of Fury: The Legend of Hank

July 22, 2022

The furries of summer are here! Originally conceived as an animated sequel to 1974’s Blazing Saddles comedy, Paws of Fury: The Legend of Hank took a long time coming to fruition, and was originally planned with the less cumbersome title of Blazing Samurai. At last we have our Wild West saga with a Japanese tilt that retains the legacy of Mel Brooks, who even voices the character of the Shogun!

Now if you’ve seen Westerns (or “Easterns’), there’s a little bit of many things you’ve seen before here, with elements drawn and blended from Kung Fu Panda, The Karate Kid, The Magnificent Seven, and Zootopia. An evil cat warlord (voiced by Ricky Gervais) seeking to destroy a town of cats sends an inept canine (Michael Cera) to be their defender, knowing full well that cats and dogs tend not to get along, and anticipating to sow internal chaos and destruction. Canine Hank, however, truly aspires to be a samurai, and finds a trainer and mentor in the unwilling, grumpy person (furson?) of Samuel L. Jackson’s character. Overcoming feline xenophobia against dogs, the aspiring canine samurai gradually acquires their acceptance and cooperation while developing his own skills, and the rest is history…

Paws of Fury is already playing in theaters, and I may borrow a kid as an excuse to go see it….

Liberty Mutual’s “Tools” Commercial…

July 17, 2022

I’ve never had an emu work on my vehicle, but I could argue that some gorillas have. We’ve all been at the mercy of garages and mechanics. Even the venerable Plymouth Duster chariot used by the dynamic duo of Doug and the LiMu Emu occasionally needs work, and in the Liberty Mutual “Tools” commercial, we are taken inside a garage housing a Bat Cave’s worth of assorted vehicles, all the brand’s trademark “banana yellow” color. I mean, there’s a motorcycle, some kind of utility vehicle, and even Skidoo-type things…

Doug is hard at work beneath the chassis of his Duster, but is he up to the job? – – Nope, and neither is the Emu, who hilariously brings his human partner the wrong tool specified for each step of the job. When asked for a socket wrench, the Emu brings a hammer. When a blowtorch is requested, LiMu deposits a stuffed animal into Doug’s hand…

At the end of his efforts, Doug somehow manages to extract what appears to be a distributor from the bottom of the vehicle! “LiMu,call a mechanic” are Doug’s closing words. Clearly one is needed to prevent this Duster from entering the dustbin…

The LiMu Emu and Doug are best buddies who dress identically, and have a long-standing history, the details of which we someday may learn…or perhaps it’s best not to ask!

Car Seat Headrest, a “Furry Adjacent” Band…

July 6, 2022

I had earlier posted on Here Come The Mummies, a band whose members perform swaddled in mummy wrappings. We now highlight Car Seat Headrest, an indie rock band whose frontman Will Toledo is a furry who on his recent concert tour sometimes performed in a modified fursuit as his character, Mortis Jackrabbit…

Now the band Car Seat Headrest is described as “furry adjacent,” as in not totally furry, but next to furry, with their Twin Fantasy album featuring furry art of two canids hugging, and the album dedicated to “nervous young inhumans”with a cut by the same name...

Mortis the bunny is quite a presence on stage, appearing as if wearing a gas mask with uncanny, changing luminescent eyes…

So check out Car Seat Headrest, a very different band full of emotion and angst, and rooted in the furry fandom… 🦊

“Lamb” is haunting…

June 17, 2022

You probably won’t see many Icelandic folk-horror/fantasy films in your day, and Lamb is one of them. From the A24 studio that gave us such films as Hereditary, their latest film crosses genres, confounds us, and almost defies description. I had earlier posted on Lamb as a unique film that was coming prior to being able to view it, and now having seen the flick, I can confirm that Lamb is extraordinary, even though it is likely to mess with your head. The best films often do…

So submitted for your approval is the strange tale of Ingvar and Maria, two childless sheep ranchers living in a remote part of Iceland who one night come upon the birth of a mutation in their livestock, a lamb with humanoid features. They basically take the newborn into their house, place it into a crib in their bedroom, and raise it as their own, a sweet child with an ovine head but scattered human features which despite being a hybrid adapts well to life in the isolated world with human foster parents. This is comical but touching at the same time, and her “parents” are quite happy with their non-traditional family…

Now as a furry, I can probably transition to the world of anthropomorphic animals and animal-human hybrids more easily than most people outside of the fandom. I’m totally cool with the notion of folks raising something that is neither fully animal nor human, and in fact I am envious of them! You can dress such a creature in human clothing, treat it as a loved member of family, and even take them places with you, messing with mundane people as you do so. – -What could be better than that?!

What usually happens, however, is that other people won’t understand, will judge and condemn you, and in some fashion come after you as one harboring an abomination. I rather expected a mob armed with torches and pitchforks to come calling, and demand that this lamb be surrendered to them. Fortunately, this does not happen although there are a few tense moments when we are led to believe that Ada’s “uncle” is leading her off to shotgun her. This too doesn’t happen, and “Uncle Petur” becomes a convert…

Now Ada the lamb-child is revealed to us gradually as a hybrid, having one human hand and a hoof. She uses bipedal locomotion, and is about the size of a four-year-old. She cannot speak, but understands and responds to human language. Ada plays with her human mother, and is very sweet! I’ve seen human brats behave far less lovably…

But unfortunately, the story doesn’t end well but in violence against a target we didn’t expect when Ada’s biological father comes calling, also anthropomorphic and true nightmare fuel. Talk about Ram Tough! When you mess with nature, there are consequences, it would seem. This points to the need to keep firearms out of the hands and hooves of beasts.- – Are you listening, Congress?!

At any rate, Lamb may leave you scratching your head, wondering what you have just seen, and perhaps questioning the lines of separation between humans and animals, as well as questioning our relationship with the natural world. And that’s a good thing, really….so two paws up for Lamb, which now can be seen on some premium networks... 🦊

Here Come the Mummies…

June 8, 2022

Where hot funk music meets the paranormal and an iconic horror tradition, you have Here Comes the Mummies. Everyone has to have a gimmick, right? Well, the members of this band dress up as mummies at every performance, complete with subtle variations in their wrappings, make-up, and individual names such as Mummy Cass.– – Get it? A play on Momma Cass! Oh, some of you are too young to remember her. A pity, that…

There’s a backstory, too. It seems that these guys hit on Pharos’ daughter, and so were cursed. Yes, these guys suffered for their art! An early album of the Mummies is titled, Undead Live. Many of their concerts begin with the band members entering to an impressive throbbing drum line as an Egyptian-esque theme plays, with the lead singer roaring at the crowd when all are assembled. Then it’s on with the electric guitars and a brass ensemble that includes saxophones and trumpets as well as a keyboardist. These Mummies have their act together, and know how to put on a show! It’s comic and cool at the same time. Crowds leave their concerts smiling, so it’s a happy afterlife. Prepare to be mummified…Arrrgh! 🙀

Pharonic sax…no, not sex, get your minds out of the gutter!

Some early hits of The Mummies such as Believe include nice musical evocations of ancient Egypt and paranormal references, as in the lyrics, “Do you believe in things you cannot see? Do you take your superstition seriously?” Ancient astronauts theorists would be pleased…

It’s bizarre but wildly entertaining, and these guys are accomplished musicians who even incorporate some choreography into their numbers. I swear that I saw a mummy twerk at me! Anyways, I like these guys, and if that makes me a Mummy’s boy, so be it! They’re on tour this summer…

As the Mummies would tell us in Ra Ra Ra, When all is said and done,/ we’re not the first to be here / There’s nothing new underneath the sun.” We could all use a little twisted ancient Egyptian revival in these mad times, right? So spread the word and rock on, bandaged brothers! 🦊

https://youtu.be/ETHvSTT6PA8

Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey

May 27, 2022

Say it ain’t so…Winnie the Pooh as a serial killer?! Yes, it is so in an upcoming horror movie. Winnie the Pooh and Piglet too have gone feral, abandoned by college-bound Christopher Robin and basically starving. It’s not exactly the beloved A.A. Milne characters from the original 1926 story here, nor their Disney versions. Nope, the boys have gone rogue, reverting to their wild roots and becoming seriously creepy. Piglet even sports tusks, and is clad in black…

In a scene which to me seems reminiscent of Steven King’s Christine, Pooh-bear is driving an ominous-looking vehicle. Just don’t bother looking for Eeyore the donkey, although you’ll see his tombstone. The boys have already killed and eaten him…

With the Winnie the Pooh tale now in the public domain, liberties may be taken with the classic story, although the film strives not to run afoul of Disney copyrights by omitting certain characters like Tigger, and changing the clothing styles of others. Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey is not a big budget horror movie, and was supposedly shot in just ten days.

So be afraid, be very afraid of Pooh and Piglet sneaking up on you in your bath. In this horror comedy, you might not even recognize them anymore.- – Aieee! 🙀

Progressive’s “Jurassic World” Commercial…

May 12, 2022

Jurassic World Dominion, the sixth film in the franchise, is set to open June 10th, and so it’s timely that Progressive Insurance’s iconic Flo and Jamie characters are shown at a drive-in screening the film. What makes this viewing different, however, is that the dinos are apparently able to walk off the screen and into the real world, a T-Rex doing just that, smashing and flipping vehicles at the outdoor movie event…

Chaos ensues…Flo and Jamie, however, are totally nonplussed as they stand by their RV, trading quips about how stinky dinosaurs are. With home, auto, and RV insurance bundled, they’ve got the situation covered, and will handle the cleanup. It’s all cool, they’ve got it taken care of , and it’s just part of a day’s work for your insurance professionals. They’ve been there, and done that…

Jamie notes how this shows why you should always go to the bathroom before the movie begins…and Flo is probably scarier than any T-Rex, anyways… Rawrr! 🦖

“OwlKitty” Does Hollywood!

February 16, 2022

Walter, the Chevy Silverado ad cat, is impressive. OwlKitty, however, is awesome! The black female cat’s real name is Lizzy, and OwlKitty is an assumed stage name. Assume the stage she does, being skillfully edited by her owner, Tibo Charroppin, into parodies of iconic scenes from such movies as Titanic, Jurassic Park, Avengers Endgame, Star Wars, and more…

and OwlKitty can do it all, covering a range from the romantic role of Rose in Titanic to Sith Lord Darth Vader in Star Wars. Give her an action movie, and she can morph in size to substitute for raptors or a T-Rex in the Jurassic Park franchise, or perch atop Captain America’s shoulder in Endgame to seek out Thanos in singular combat, and send him flying, blue energies arcing from her small but mighty body. Still a proper cat, she grooms herself afterwards… 🐈‍⬛

Godzilla on the rampage again? – – No problem, you need a Kong-sized OwlKitty to set that bad boy straight!

So when you have a problem situation, the right man for the job just might be a cat. OwlKitty does lighter, comic-touches, too. The look on her face when Jack (Leonardo DiCaprio) dances her around in the Titanic parody is priceless. We haven’t seen a cat this compelling and relatable since Ellen Ripley’s cat Jonesy in Alien…

“King Shark” Rules!

February 3, 2022

In the depths of winter and the continuing pandemic, we could all use a little King Shark right now! Anthropomorphic sharks are a rare breed indeed, and this one is a metahuman criminal denizen of DC’s extended universe, a villain who somehow manages to be cute and even likable despite a taste for human flesh…

The son of a “King of All Sharks,” King Shark (real name Nanaue) is a demigod who is voiced to perfection by Sylvester Stallone in the Suicide Squad 2 movie. Stallone’s mumbling, monotone delivery suits the man-shark character well. Although quite deadly and almost indestructible, King Shark (shown above reading a book in prison upside down) is child-like and dull-witted, speaking in short, simple phrases. Just point him in the right direction, and then get out of his way!

You would want to be King Shark’s friend, because if you were not, you’d be nom nom, namely something good to eat. King Shark doesn’t eat his friends, although almost anything else organic would be considered fair game. He may be seen chewing happily on a human head and other body parts of those opposing him in the movie…

So catch King Shark as memorably created in the Suicide Squad movie. And when he celebrates Shark Week, you’d better party along…. 🦊

IKEA’s Mighty Teddy Bears…

January 25, 2022

If you’re going to have a teddy bear past the age of 10 or so, you’ll want to have one that’s built like Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime…

…and so are these teddy bears in the IKEA commercial, “Every Home Should Be A Haven.” These are buff bears, and ever so useful! They stand outside a home like protective Mafia muscle, wearing sunglasses and functioning like gatekeepers or bouncers! Think you’ll enter uninvited? I don’t think so… 🙀

These teddies are in shape! They lift weights, easily uplift a sofa, and even screen calls inside, crushing a cell phone in one mighty paw when an undesired call comes through. Although powerful, the not-so-soft plushies are good with kids, putting up with makeup parties and tucking the young-uns into bed, all to the rap strains of Final Form by Sampa the Great…

The only thing I don’t like about this commercial is that in the full version, a bear growls, and scares away a fox foraging through garbage outside. We only want milk and cookies, for cripes sake!– – Bear brutality! Oh well, who am I to argue with such ursine muscle? These bruins could take out Yogi without breaking a sweat… 🦊


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