Archive for the ‘commercials’ category

KFC “Chicken and Waffles” Commercial..

November 12, 2018

When you’ve seen KFC icon Colonel Sanders in his trademark white suit dancing with a human-sized animated bottle of Mrs. Butterworth’s, you’ve seen pretty much everything, or at least need to cut back on the recreational drugs. It’s not that I’m judging them, you see, and the Colonel is surprisingly light on his feet, at one point hoisting Mrs. Butterworth aloft in a performance worthy of Dancing With The Stars. They are, after all, promoting chicken and waffles at your KFC franchise, and I wish them every happiness together…

The commercial spoofs the “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life” dance scene from the movie Dirty Dancing. The dance moves aren’t quite as spectacular as those in the original choreographed scene, however, in large part because a bottle of syrup doesn’t have, well, legs. One must work with what one has, I suppose, even if the end result is kinda surreal and freaky. I’m cool with that, although if I start dancing with my syrup bottles I’ll be ready for institutionalization. One also must presumably take care to separate bottles of Mrs. Butterworth’s from Aunt Jemima’s lest a sticky business develop. I don’t know what extremes syrup bottles might be capable of, after all, either as rivals or co-conspirators…

The POM Worry Monsters…

November 6, 2018

I’m no stranger to Worry Monsters; we’re intimate associates, actually. It’s just that I never imagined them looking quite as they are depicted in commercials for POM Wonderful juices. Managing to look both disturbingly human and grotesquely cute at the same time, these monsters look like rejected prototypes from a Disney/Pixar movie, or perhaps toys for children that you hate. They’re covered in pastel-colored fur, have distorted or exaggerated facial features, and monster appendages like horns and pointy ears. There are scarier monsters in real life American politics, nudge-nudge, wink-wink!

The underlying notion seems to be that as you get older you worry more about your health, so you turn more to things like running in the case of the male profiled, or yoga in the case of the female. But if you drink POM Wonderful juice that boasts ingredients like pomegranate juice, you’ll worry less about your health, and your Worry Monsters won’t be either as bothersome or as potent. The blue furry monster pursuing “Jake” in our commercial is winded, not able to keep up with his running, and the only fear that he can cast to his charge is over chafing. “Julie’s” purple-hued yoga monster bewails the fact that she can’t spend quality time pouring over the Internet with her host over diseases that she might have. These are ineffective, underutilized monsters with issues, you see. Perhaps they need to see Dr. Phil; that might make for memorable viewing…

…one might fantasize about the Mountain Monsters crew plugging one of these critters during a search for Bigfoot; heck, they’d probably wear their hide as a vest to the hoots of their fellows over the pastel shades. And when it comes to inner demons, I’ve stopped fighting with mine…we’re on the same team, now! So eliminate those free radicals, people, and remember to VOTE! It’s never been more important…

Robitussin Honey “Window Bear” Commercial…

November 1, 2018

“Hi Susan!,” greets the anthropomorphic CGI bear cheerily as he rolls back a woman’s kitchen sink window in this Robitussin commercial.  The woman has been coughing, and her cough is visible as a blue spray; drat, mine never is!  In her hand, the woman holds a honey container, appropriately enough one of those molded in the shape of a bear. She has been self-medicating her cough, you see, with honey, a popular home remedy for the ailment.  

“Honey?  I respect that,” comments this genial bear.  “But that cough looks pretty bad!”  He extends a helpful paw to offer a box of Robitussin.  “Try this new Robitussin Honey!”  This is a better bruin; articulate, affable, and helpful.  We cut then to the announcer commentary…“the real honey you love, plus the powerful cough relief you need.”

Then it’s back to the woman and bear again.  “Mind if I root through your trash?,” he asks the woman.  It only seems a fair exchange, after all, and the bear’s been so helpful.  But sadly in this brief 15 second spot, we are not told if she grants permission to this rare bear…

…in my crazed mind, I would like to see a television series that unites a number of commercial animal spokes-creatures, including this bear, Maxwell the pig, and of course the Lactaide “milk that messes with you” cow.  We’ll throw in Tony the Tiger, Toucan Sam, and other guest animals.  It would be just the thing to heal us from the vicious political mid-term election attack ads now dunning us at every commercial interval.  And this bear? – – better than your average politician, hey hey hey hey! – – I’d vote for him!

The Myrbetriq Bladder Commercial…

October 16, 2018

 

I, for one, worry about my internal organs becoming uppity, detaching themselves from the collective of my body, and leading me around by the hand with clear designs of influencing my behavior.  A case in point is the anthropomorphic bladder in a Myrbetriq commercial for overactive bladder depicted as kind of an apple-shaped thing with overly-large and expressive eyes.  It’s a disquieting mixture of creepy and cute, a kind of bizarre but unique pet which is dragging its owner off to the bathroom at frequent and inconvenient intervals.  We all know what to do about the problem; see a doctor, and medicate the little bastard!

Now there are undeniably occasions when it might prove advantageous to have an auxiliary bladder, especially if you could somehow wirelessly transmit surplus urine to it to handle those times of overload, say when you’ve downed several cups of coffee or glasses of cola.  Diuretics can be so inconvenient, and no one wants to traipse off to the bathroom any more often than you have to.  But people might talk if you waltzed about with your internal organs visible, or at least diagnose you with an active mental illness for presuming that such was possible.  “My bladder is giving me fits.  What do you mean, you can’t see him?!”

I suppose that there might be anthropomorphic organ pets even worse than an overactive bladder; a spastic colon, for example.  But for the time being, I’ll just resolve to keep my internal organs all wrapped up in myself, where they properly belong.  I don’t care if they don’t like it…and I don’t want to hear their organ recitals, either…ahahahaha!

 

The Mintmobile Fox…

September 30, 2018

 

Who’s green and keen? — The Mintmobile Fox, of course!  Now normally when foxes turn green, it’s not a good thing, of course, and may signify severe gastrointestinal distress.  It all right for this little guy, however, ’cause he’s just a ‘toon, but one who we can see appearing in a wide variety of settings, beginning with his bed and ranging to such diverse environments as a supermarket and gymnasium.  This fox meditates…he rides in cars conversing with women…and looks ever so cool motoring in his own sweet ride.  He’s an inspiration to all of us of the vulpine persuasion…

The Mintmobile Fox is a mascot or spokesman for a wireless internet service, and that’s all right.  What’s not all right, as he’ll tell and show you, are such things as finger dipping and carpet showers.  We are then witness to such things as people at a gathering plunging their fingers into bowls of dip, and a guy showering in a stall layered in carpet.  I, for one, do not wish to be party to such things, nor would any sensible fox.

This bright-eyed and perky little guy even wears eyeglasses, or when the occasion calls for it, shades.  Catch his act for Mintmobile on commercials, although a cartoon series spin-off would be great…

KitKat’s Halloween Commercial…

September 26, 2018

KitKat has memorable Halloween commercials, such as a previous one featuring a cat with bat wings. In this year’s atmospheric offering, a Jack-O’-Lantern scares the woman who just carved him by shouting, “Boo!” and then laughing. The woman, momentarily startled, is wearing cat ears. That’s right, furries, she might be one of us! I think I’m feeling a connection here…

Anyways, the lady has done a hideous job in carving the poor pumpkin, and apologizes to him for what she’s done to his face, featuring a crooked grin and disproportionately sized eyes; Ray Charles could have done a better job. This is a mellow orange fellow, however, and he’s not bothered by her lack of pumpkin prowess, even accommodatingly offering her a KitKat right out of his mouth! The woman accepts and promptly eats the proffered treat, a contented look on her face. All is right in the strange world of talking pumpkins, which I’d take any day over the current reality in the news.

So have a KitKat…breaks are good! Chocolate…is there anything it can’t make better?! – – And the woman with cat ears? – – She wears them well!

The Grim Reaper of Home Appliances…

September 8, 2018

I, for one, fear the Grim Reaper of home appliances. My grief was great when he came for my hot water heater, leaving me $800 in the hole for plumber bills and heater replacement. Death, there is thy sting, right in the wallet!  Oh, the suffering budget, the anguish, the gnashing of teeth!  It was not a pretty sight…

…and so I can appreciate the trials of the poor woman in the American Home Shield commercial who answers her door to find the Grim Reaper paying a call, the icon hovering complete in smoldering black cowl.  As the dreaded black specter advances, our housewife understandably freaks out.  “No, it can’t be!  I’m not ready!  I do spin class!,” she protests, sinking to her knees in supplication.  But the Reaper advances further, his bony finger extending to indicate that his target is not the woman herself, but rather her large stainless steel refrigerator/freezer!  Now understanding, the woman protests “What? The refrigerator! – – Oh come on!  Do you know how much it cost me?  You’re killing me!”  Then the lady decides to rephrase her unfortunate choice of words, but death is implacable.  As the refrigerator shakes in his otherworldly powers, the announcer tells us how all of our appliances will eventually die, but their plan will see to their replacement.  For good measure, the Reaper decides to take out our hapless lady’s home central air system too.  It was a full day’s harvesting, apparently…

When the Reaper comes for me, I’m going to say “Oh happy day!”  No wait…that’s what I’m going to tell the aliens…