Archive for the ‘absurdities’ category

The Geico “Walrus Goalie” Commercial…

May 14, 2019


Things get stranger and stranger in the world of advertising, where weird means memorable which can equate to name recognition and subsequently business. Duncan the walrus is an unlikely representative of Geico insurance, but he certainly gets the job done, just as he completely fills the hockey goal, making it impossible for the opposing team to score in a recent Geico ad.  Geico makes it easy to get help when you need it, you see, by having licensed agents available 24/7, and it’s not just Geico easy, it’s “having a walrus in the goal easy…”

Duncan is decked out in protective hockey gear, even though it’s ludicrously too small for him.  We see in the commercial spot a hockey puck bounce off his shin guard, while a frustrated opposing team skater grouses that the walrus is “ridiculous.”  The team coach  off on the sidelines doesn’t think so, shouting “Way to go, Duncan!” as he throws the walrus a fish from a bucket that Duncan catches on the fly.  The sidelined coach  and team members then further show their appreciation of the goalie by making walrus sounds.  Having had his fish and excitement, the walrus must then be admonished not to fall asleep on the ice.  “Duncan, stay up!  No sleepies!,” cries the coach in the closing.

One wonders if Duncan in his off hours doesn’t reflect upon the lyrics from the 1967 Beatles Magical Mystery Tour album, for he is the walrus…“goo goo j’goob.”

 

 

Sierra Trading Post Squirrels; “Too Soon!”

May 2, 2019

Our Sierra Trading Post commercial begins with two chubby squirrels with human faces sitting on a rock presumably in a park, one of them holding a nut, and city skyscrapers visible in the background.  Two human joggers go past them, and they pause to admire their outfits, which it’s speculated were bought at Sierra. The male squirrel remarks that he used to jog, and the female chortles, “You never jogged!”  The male persists that he did, but had to stop when his Uncle Scruff apparently had a less than favorable encounter with a vehicle.  “I’m going to go across the street today,” ventures the male.  They both scream in a shrill fashion…

“Scruff had no sense of direction,” remarks the female squirrel.  ” Too soon!,” replies the male.  Epic brands…vast selection…Teeny-tiny prices, like our squirrels…Sierra!  RIP, Uncle Scruff…

(tip o’ the pen to Cary Comic for alerting me to this one!)

The Chantix Turkey Goes Camping…

April 22, 2019

Watching a commercial of the Chantix turkey camping, I wonder if the vest that he’s wearing is goose down filled, and if so whether the wearing of it isn’t some kind of crime against birds in general. Don’t get me wrong, he does look good in it, kind of like an avian Eddie Bauer.  One almost expects to see Elmer Fudd emerge from those woods in the background in his ludicrous hunting outfit, toting a long gun and announcing, “I’m hunting wabbit…but you’ll do!”  Then in my crossover fantasy, previous Chantix spokesman Ray Liotta emerges from those same woods, engaging Elmer in a firefight since one corporate spokesman might reasonably be expected to defend another.  Ray would easily win the fight, having played tough guys in Mafia-inspired films.  Elmer is hardly known as being a marksman…

Other questions lurk, too…since the Chantix turkey represents the slow turkey approach to smoking cessation, might we someday expect to see his cousin, cold turkey?  That bird might be imagined as being cold to the point of chattering, and to have really jittery nerves.  As we view the Chantix turkey hiking in the woods, we’re sorry that he’s mute.  Perhaps in the future he could be given a voice, even singing the Happy Wanderer song as he hikes.  With just a little refinement, this turkey could really take off.  He even cooks over a campfire, and I’d toast marshmallows with him..we’re all forest friends here!

  

Arm and Hammer Litter “In Control” Commercial

April 12, 2019

Human-sized anthropomorphic cats can be a wonderful fantasy or a chilling nightmare, depending on the individual’s perspective.  Arm and Hammer Cloud Control cat litter brings us one such feline family in a brief recent commercial, with Mama cat relating how in her house things would get out of control fast, especially in the litter room.  So she uses Arm and Hammer Cloud Control litter to be in control of the “cloud of nasties” that otherwise might be a problem around a cat litter box.  No one wants their bathroom to stink, after all…

The dressed, human-sized cats are both whimsical and surreal, and would probably be an improvement over some neighbors that I’ve had…

 

Progressive’s “Maid for Us” Commercial…

April 8, 2019


Back in the 1960’s, sitcoms ruled television, and many of them were poorly connected with actual life…heck, we even watched Gilligan’s Island!  A show called Hazel which ran from the early to mid-60’s even featured a household maid as the title character. Drawing upon this television tradition, a recent Progressive commercial features their iconic spokesperson Flo unwillingly cast into the role of new maid by the generic middle class family moving into a house that Flo is merely trying to inspect, but at each turn she’s perceived as being “the wacky new maid” who just pops up unexpectedly everywhere while they are performing such activities as carrying a large decorative fish into the bathroom.  

The Progressive commercial even includes a theme soundtrack written just for the ad that has a 60’s sound and sitcom feel, and includes the lyrics, “she’s not the maid we wanted, but she’s the maid we’ve got.”  Actress/comedian Stephanie Courtney as Flo shouting her disclaimer at the family in their front yard seems to do little to sway the neighborhood impression of her, however, in this retro sitcom parody…

KFC’s “The Most Delicious Union…”

March 29, 2019


I had thought that last November’s KFC commercial featuring a Colonel Sanders impersonator dancing with a human-sized bottle of Mrs. Butterworth syrup was a once-and-done thing, but in a companion piece commercial airing currently, the Colonel is back, complete with a misty, bedroom-eyes type expression as he meets Mrs. Butterworth in a marble hallway while a Celine Dion ballad plays.  I know that they say “the South shall rise again,”  but this is ridiculous!

Mrs. Butterworth appears to make the first move as the impossible couple stare into each other’s faces and the Colonel caresses her molded plastic cheek, probably thinking of all the syrupy goodness contained within…then the couple lean towards one another as a preliminary to a kiss which thankfully, we don’t get to see!  

I don’t know what will happen next, and frankly prefer not to go there.  Some things are best left to the imagination, and I cringe to think of a Sanders/Butterworth union.  Perhaps in the aftermath, however, a horror writer could pen an installment called Children of the Syrup.  It would not be suitable for children or sensitive individuals, and viewer discretion is advised…

 

“Power Thru Overtime” Jack Links Commercial…

March 15, 2019

Subtitle: “When meat eaters ruled the seas…”
(Scene: In a commercial we are shown a Viking longboat on a wine-dark sea, the sky likewise brooding and elemental. But what is this? Only one Viking warrior remains conscious trying dutifully to ply the oars, her crew mates passed out from fatigue or perhaps mead. She is weary, for the hour is late…but fortunately, the warrior has a powerful ally in Jack Links Beef Jerky! She bites off a healthy mouthful (not at all daintily), and is empowered! Bigfoot appears in the stern of the longboat, and begins to lay down a powerful and quickening beat on his massive drum to set the rhythm for the lone rower. She is empowered, and roars lustily, the very model of a Viking shield maiden! A raven perched on the railing joins in the cry, and the sleeping crew begins to show signs of life. — On to victory for Odin, mighty warriors!

We then flash to the office habitat of our modern female warrior, successfully fighting the battle of after-hours office fatigue with her Jack Links Jerky. Empowerment is delivered, and Bigfoot enters the office to break the wand of the custodian’s vacuum, because sometimes only destruction will express the mood!- – Rawrrr! – –Meat will apparently deliver this one through overtime just as it delivered the Vikings past treacherous seas. It is good to know that their unconquerable spirit lives on!