Archive for the ‘absurdities’ category

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“There’s Something In The Barn“ on Netflix…

March 24, 2024

Yes, there’s something in the barn, and it’s not a moo-cow but rather a Norwegian barn elf in this black horror comedy that plays like the movie Gremlins run through National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation…

It seems that a rather annoying American millennial-type family has inherited a Norwegian farm estate where their distant relative died trying to expel or exterminate the barn elf, succeeding only in dying a fiery death. Oblivious to Norwegian traditions and mythology, the Griswold-type family tries to impose gaudy American holiday traditions on the estate in the process of converting it to a bed-and-breakfast type inn…

This serves to make the barn elf angry, as they are creatures that despise change, bright lights, noise, and modernism in general. Only the family’s pre-teen son Lucas understands this, solely believing in the entity, and forging an alliance with the being by giving it cookies. If you are nice to such an elf, they will do service to you such as remove snow and split and stack firewood. Offend an elf, however, and open warfare results, with the mythical beings being able to call in reinforcements of their fellows…

You wouldn’t like such elves when they are truly angry. They are tribal, not adverse to killing, and will use primitive and environmental weaponry. When they stumble into your liquor cabinet, they’ll indulge themselves, and throw raucous parties…

The Americans are guided in their struggles by an expert in Norwegian folklore, who chides them with such admonitions as “This isn’t America. We don’t go about shooting each other in the faces!” A sensible people, Norwegians prefer negotiation.

Cookies are also powerful negotiation chips, if used in a timely fashion. Proper respect for folkloric beings is always in order, too. So be nice to your barn elf, should you have one… 🦊

Categories: absurdities, alternative realities, anthropomorphic, fantasy, horror, humor, movies, Mythological
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Comments: 10 Comments

Allstate’s “Wild Bird” Commercial…

March 19, 2024

Allstate’s Dean Winters as the redoubtable “Mayhem” is doing animal impersonations again, this time as a wild bird stuck in the attic of basketball legend Larry Bird. – -What, you’ve never seen a bird in a suit before?! That absurdity is part of the humor. Well, once again Winters pulls his animal act off, bonking his head against an attic window to show his entrapment, knocking stuff about, and announcing that he’s “going cuckoo…”

All of the ruckus draws the now senior Bird out of his comfy chair into his attic, where he encounters the bird-Winters, and arms himself with a lacrosse stick! “What ‘ya got, Larry? May the best bird win,” declares Winters. It’s no contest, however, as Winters-as-bird handily dodges basketball Bird’s swings. Jumping to reach Winters, Larry Bird crashes through the attic floor, his legs dangling comically through his living room ceiling…

“You may be a legend on the court, but you’re an amateur up here,” mocks wild bird Winters from the rafters. “Now YOU’RE the bird stuck in the attic!”

Once more, nature prevails…as does Dean Winters, whether as a cat, raccoon, deer, St. Bernard puppy, or bird.- – Can he do a fox next?! 🦊

Categories: absurdities, advertising, animal presence, animal problems, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, furry, furry commercials, humor, television
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Comments: 1 Comment

The Robotic Ghost Furries of “Five Nights At Freddy’s”

March 16, 2024

There is now a 2023 movie based on the popular video game, Five Nights At Freddy’s. For those who have been living in a cave, Freddy’s envisions a closed and decaying 1980’s kiddie pizza emporium much like Chuck E. Cheese’s where the animal-resembling members of the house robotic entertainment band continue unnaturally to lumber around, stalking and killing intruders on the premises…

Now I’ve seen one of these animal robot bands performing in Florida, and it was creepy, because budget-level animatronics do not approach Disney World standards, and the robotic animal performers don’t move fluidly. Because of this, cartoon-like animal robots make suitable fodder for horror movies, kind of like Jason or Freddy with creaky hydraulics…

I’m usually not a fan of video games turned into movies, but this one is not without its moments, probably because I am a damn furry, and likely wouldn’t mind spending my afterlife as Foxy, the robot pirate-fox. Just be kind to him, because he’s been knocking around since the 1980’s unattended and without proper maintenance. Foxy is the worse for the wear, much like I myself…

The robots, ‘ya see, are inhabited by the spirits of deceased children who mysteriously vanished. While they are murderous, their mayhem is not graphically rendered on screen, and one reviewer termed this an introduction to horror movies for the video game generation, “baby’s first horror movie.” There are some novel concepts here, even if the film itself is not especially scary. This probably would have been better suited for presentation on the SyFy channel instead of the big screen, but it did play well in theaters. Similar themes were developed in The Banana Splits Movie, which didn’t have a video game pedigree. But catch this one on Amazon Prime if you have it. It’s fun, but won’t haunt your dreams. It just can’t be taken seriously, but there’s nothing wrong with that, and robotic furries are a kick…

(Foxy’s looked better, but haven’t we all?! And I could definitely get into the Robo-pirate fox scene, yarr! Lower yer flag and stand by to be boarded by the scourge of the Seven Seas, Matey!) 🦊

See y’all at Freddy Fazbear’s…or maybe the funny papers!

*Laughs hysterically and is taken away by nice young men in clean white coats* 🤪

Categories: absurdities, alternative realities, anthropomorphic, biomechanical, Brilliant but twisted, fantasy, furries, furry, furry films, furry movies, horror, humor, Questionably creepy, twisted reality
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Comments: 6 Comments

Easter Bloody Easter…

February 21, 2024

Here comes Peter Rottentail! It seems to be a recent trend in movies to reverse iconic benevolent or virtuous characters such as Santa, Winnie the Pooh, Peter Pan, or Bambi to make them menacing and malevolent. – -Well, Easter is coming, and we’ve got a bad egg for your basket in the form of a malevolent Jackalope terrorizing a Texas town!

A jackalope is kind of a shape-shifting creature that is part human and part giant horned rabbit, and it appears that local legend holds that such ravaged the area a century and a half ago. Guess who’s making a comeback, leading a demon bunny army, and just in time for the small town’s Easter-palooza!

The horror-comedy opens in late March, and you know about those mad March hares! It’s up to Texas determination and a professional bunny slayer to split a few hares… 🙀

Categories: absurdities, anthropomorphic, furry, horror, movies
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Comments: 4 Comments

Sympathy for The Grinch…

December 16, 2023

Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m the Grinch…of Mt. Crumpit!” – -(to the tune of, “Sympathy for the Devil,” by The Rolling Stones)

At this time of year, my thoughts turn naturally to The Grinch. He was, after all, a furry, and like many of us, misunderstood and much-maligned. Max was a furry too, an anthropomorphic dog, loyal and obedient to his master, even if the Ego to the Grinch’s Id. Max I suspect actually liked Xmas, and probably would have affectionately licked any Whos that he came across…

Now, can you imagine being visibly different as a child, then banished to lonely exile on the foreboding heights of Mt. Crumpit? As Kermit the Frog memorably lamented, “It’s not easy being green!”

Is there not, I say, a little bit of the pre-redemptive Grinch in all of us? Who of us has not had dark thoughts after being exposed to Xmas carols and commercials since Halloween? I mean, how many times can you suffer hearing “I Want A Hippopotamus for Xmas” before you utterly lose it?! 🙀

And let’s face it, The Whos were annoying in their relentless cheerfulness. They represented the overkill aspects of Xmas, and holding us all up to an impossible celebratory standard. Clearly, they needed taken down a few pegs, an infusion of Grinchiness…

Even pre-redemptively, The Grinch had some remarkable qualities. He was a survivor, a strong if solitary spirit who was a master strategist and a genius inventor with many skills, kind of the Wile E. Coyote of Xmas characters. His Road Runner was the Xmas overkill that is everywhere at this time of year. I submit to you that The Grinch was a cultural warrior, a tragic hero who only wanted peace and sanity, and perhaps a little Who Hash…

So respect and honor The Grinch, who meant well but whose reach exceeded his grasp. I shall celebrate The Mean One in my heart always, and save him a generous slice of roast beast…🦊

Categories: absurdities, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, famous furries, fantasy, furry, movies, seasonal, television
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Comments: 3 Comments

NJM’s “Snowman” Commercial…

December 6, 2023

What could be more Christmas-y than a cute, smiling snowman? The one in this NJM insurance commercial is even rather pint-sized, so he’s not particularly menacing. Two kids are crafting the snowman, one of which looks a bit like Ralphie in A Christmas Story. And wouldn’t ‘ya know it, once they put Dad’s ball cap on said snowman, he’s comes to life in the best Frosty the Snowman tradition…

Rather than lead the kids in a parade, this snowman begins to sing about Polar insurance, “the coolest around,” He waves his stick-branch arms cheerfully about. The kids scream, and run away; Mom and Dad are still standing there, however, and the insurance-shilling snowman asks them if they have any hot chocolate. One wonders if the snowman has a death wish…

For a company that prides itself in having no mascots, NJM has produced for us some of the best mascots around…a variety, no less!

Categories: absurdities, advertising, alternative realities, Brilliant but twisted, commercials, humor, television, twisted reality
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Ditching the Drama Llama “Flight” Commercial…

November 14, 2023

Drama Queens (and Kings, let’s be honest) are just about everywhere on the internet. You can barely enter a forum without encountering at least one, and they are easy to “trigger.” So it is appropriate that Dramamine has unveiled a spokes-animal that is an actual drama-llama, trying to get Rachel nervous about an upcoming flight…

…walking with her, the drama llama reminds the air traveler that she got nauseous during a previous flight, that the flight may get bumpy, and that she has a middle seat. But when Rachel whips out her box of Dramamine, the llama audibly gasps, stands back as the jet door closes, and tells the passenger that he or she is gonna wait right there!

Although the llama’s voice sounds male, if female would the drama llama be a momma? And at night time, would she be a drama llama in pajamas? Inquiring minds wanna know…

So if you see a drama llama, don’t feed it unless with Dramamine…and don’t confuse a drama lama with an emo alpaca, either… 🦊

Categories: absurdities, advertising, alternative realities, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, commercials, furry, furry commercials, television
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Comments: 11 Comments

Mountain Dew…”Your Soul Needs Dew” Commercial

November 6, 2023

This commercial for Mountain Dew blew me away…totally! It’s definitely furry-friendly. Three persons figure in it. A guy is working on his computer in a large office. He stares at his complexion on his monitor, and he is reptilian. A young woman in a diner happens to stare out the window, and sees her reflection as an exotic bird. A third guy is throwing out garbage in an alley, looks up, and sees his image as feline. This furry trio has gotta do the town, and they do!

We see these guys individually and collectively, the reptile viewing his reflection in an elevator glass and the big cat viewing his paw appendages. They go places, too, like a pool hall, making a fine entrance and getting admiring glances. The reptilian is shown performing in some kind of trendy club, playing to a receptive audience. Two of them are shown in an off-road vehicle. There’s no stopping these guys as they make the world their own in their idealized furry forms…

So enjoy…I think that someone out there in commercial-land finally understands the furry experience, and the inner self! And I’d drink a boatload of Mountain Dew if it would transform me… 🦊

Categories: absurdities, advertising, alternative realities, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, furries, furry, furry commercials, furry fandom, furry television, television, twisted reality
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Comments: 6 Comments

Halloween Reflections…

October 31, 2023

Unto you, good readers, I show my inner self. Halloween’s here, a time that I relish more than Xmas. Let us rejoice and be glad in it with a few things that may help you get into the spirit of the season, one that is all too brief but precious in its brevity…

From Michael Jackson’s Halloween Special of several years ago (2017) we bring you Jim Parsons (best known as Sheldon Cooper) voicing Hay Man, and channeling the dance moves of Michael Jackson, complete with a back-up cast of animals that include foxes! What could be more appropriate than some foxes bustin’ some serious moves, because we’re feral, ‘ya see…because we’re bad…because we’re dangerous!

Yes, I’m an unabashed Halloween freak! I adore it, and resist all pressures to “outgrow” the holiday. One does not “outgrow” Halloween…it grows on you, and within you.- -Xmas spirit?- -I nurture the spirit of Halloween! I think that my enjoyment of horror gives me my dosage of Halloween year-round. It’s like a nutritional requirement for me, really…

We animal-spirits are a natural for Halloween, too. We can all draw inspiration from cats. Mine are daily trying to become more human, while I’m trying to become more like them. Perhaps we could meet in the middle…

Yes, Halloween has some dark elements, but it’s also a celebration, a kind of restorative reaching within yourself to validate and liberate what might be there. We need to kick back a bit against the bonds of civilization. This can be a cathartic experience, which ties in nicely with the furry fandom, which is communal but also intensely individual. We are never more free than when we embrace our inner animal…

So enjoy your Halloween, and carry a bit of it in your heart all-year round. I know that I do… 🦊

Categories: absurdities, alternative realities, animal elements, anthropomorphic, fantasy, furry, furry television, horror
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Comments: 5 Comments

RIP, Paul Reubens…

August 2, 2023

I was shocked and deeply saddened by the recent death of actor and comedian Paul Reubens, not knowing that he was battling cancer. Best known for his Pee-Wee Herman character in his red bow tie, white shoes, and several sizes too small gray suit, Pee-Wee’s Playhouse ruled 1980’s Saturday morning kid’s television, presenting us with a twisted world that appealed to children and secretly adults alike…

I grew up watching wild and crazy children’s TV hosts like Soupy Sales and Sandy Becker, and Pee-Wee Herman was just the logical extension of the demented kiddie show host, a perpetual 10-year-old boy trapped awkwardly in a man’s body. I’m a man-child too, ‘ya see, the 10-year-old in me still secretly loving Godzilla movies…

Paul Reubens recognized the enduring power of childhood. A few other comedians have too, as did the late great Andy Kaufman when he memorably lip-synched the theme to Mighty Mouse, complete to a vintage recording with earnest expressions and dramatic gestures…

Pee-Wee Herman in his Playhouse created an entire twisted world for us, a microcosm of madness complete with a cowboy, a sea captain, dinosaurs, anthropomorphic furniture and devices, a robot, and even a genie in a box! It was a world of enchantment far preferable to reality, and we felt that we belonged there! Paul Reuben’s “Playhouse” world was a fully fleshed out alternative reality drawn from bits and pieces of our childhoods, the better parts, really…

Pee-Wee Herman expressed the inner child in all of us, and represented the way that we wished we could respond to inflexible humorless adults if we were not ourselves expected to be respectable grown-ups. Pee-Wee was Peter Pan with a sarcastic sense of humor…

Paul Reubens was more than just Pee-Wee Herman, too. He had movie and TV roles in which he was virtually unrecognizable, such as The Spleen in the under-rated film Mystery Men, was a vampire in the Buffy series, and played the father of Batman villain The Penguin…

But it is as Pee-Wee Herman that Paul Reubens will best be remembered, and while not everyone’s cup of tea, it’s certain that he’s left many of us smiling….and just remember that if you hear the Secret Word, scream real loud! Adults hate it when you do that…

Categories: absurdities, alternative realities, Brilliant but twisted, humor, movies, television
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Comments: 9 Comments

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