Archive for the ‘animal spokepersons’ category

Chantix Commercial, “Cold Turkey…”

June 9, 2019


  

In our most recent Chantix commercial, we get to venture inside of the Turkey’s home, and it’s an immaculate, spacious place…certainly nicer than my den!  Now it’s cold inside his home, symbolic of the old “cold turkey” approach to smoking cessation, so the turkey turns off his window air conditioner, and dons a colorful sweater vest…this is the “slow turkey” method, after all…  

Our feathered friend does all kinds of things at home, like tending to his aquarium, moving some sea shell souvenirs, mixing up what appears to be lemonade, and getting his flip-flops out of the closet.  I really don’t know how they will fit on his turkey feet, but he somehow managed to wear hiking boots when we saw him camping.  Yes, it would appear that our boy may be planning a visit to the beach!  I envy him…

Perhaps our next episode will be subtitled, Bird at the Beach, or perhaps more simply, Living With A Turkey.  I’m sure that’s a title that many of us could identify with!  Here are a few other suggested segments:

– – The Chantix Turkey in, “Beach Blanket Bingo!”

– – The Chantix Turkey in, “Fowl Play!”

– – “The Chantix Turkey Meets Rocket Raccoon!”

– – “The Chantix Turkey in “Feathered Fiends!”

– – “Turkey in the White House!” (- -nudge, nudge, wink, wink)

(…the possibilities are unlimited, folks!)

 

“Meet the Best of Geico Winner” Commercial

June 3, 2019


  
Most of the great ones are here…the most iconic Geico spokesmen, that is, in a recent commercial set in their makeup trailer!  We briefly see the Gecko, the squirrels, the sloth, the Caveman (“Let’s do the eyebrows first”), and the contest winner, Kathleen.  But where is the Camel, it’s asked?

“Mr. Big Shot’s got his own trailer,” bitterly answers the Caveman, and we cut to that location, where we see the Camel in the lap of luxury, receiving the ministrations of two makeup artists while he sips on a lemonade and Alonzo Vasquez’s Rollout tune pumps.  Even Joe Camel of cigarette fame never had it this good! – – Ahh, being Number One has its privileges!

The Slowskys in, “Snail Mail”

June 1, 2019



It’s good to see The Slowskys again, especially with Bill Jr. growing up so fast!  Parents Bill and Karolyn continue to live life in the slow lane, loving drip coffee, lay-overs, and being put on hold; heck, they even get snail mail, delivered by an authentic snail!  With today’s posting comes the message that they’ve been invited to a Y2K party, to which Bill Jr. quips, “Wasn’t that like 20 years ago?”

“Oh look, Karolyn, we’ve got a mathematician on our hands,” grouses the father turtle in the Xfinity commercial.- – Ahh, the impetuousness of youth!  Young Bill Jr. is a modern, with-it kinda reptile, however, sporting his headphones and backwards-turned ball cap and tapping away on his Xfinity powered cell phone.  This is a turtle of today’s generation who’s on the move, and headed to the future…

On the Cleanliness of Bears…

May 29, 2019

I, for one, have received entirely too much information about the condition of the youngest Charmin bear’s “heinie.”  The bespectacled youngest brother bear whose name is Dylan, gleefully picks up his underwear from the floor in a commercial, dancing around with it unafraid because “(his) heinie’s clean.”  While I’m sure we can all sleep better with this knowledge, it bears remembering that none of the ursines visibly wear any underwear in their commercials, or for that matter, clothing of any kind whatsoever.  Yes, they are bear naked!  That which is not worn remains pristine regardless of defecation, so Dylan’s boast is pointless…  

So there, bear, with your underwear!  Keep it there, and get out of my hair!

Sierra Trading Post Squirrels, “Exciting Life”

May 3, 2019


In this short advert, the Sierra Trading Post squirrel couple are up in a forest tree, mocking the “silly humans” camping below with their Sierra cooler.  The male exuberantly brags that he buries his food “all over the place” for the excitement of never knowing whether he’s going to find it again, or starve to death. There’s something to be said, I suppose, for living life on the edge…

These squirrels exist somewhere in the nexus of where funny meets cool meets creepy.  There’s something about their paws that I find disquieting, although the squirrels seem to be living life with gusto, whether it’s discussing being run over or starvation.  There’s probably a lesson in here for us…

(…tip o’the pen to CaryComic!)

 

Sierra Trading Post Squirrels; “Too Soon!”

May 2, 2019

Our Sierra Trading Post commercial begins with two chubby squirrels with human faces sitting on a rock presumably in a park, one of them holding a nut, and city skyscrapers visible in the background.  Two human joggers go past them, and they pause to admire their outfits, which it’s speculated were bought at Sierra. The male squirrel remarks that he used to jog, and the female chortles, “You never jogged!”  The male persists that he did, but had to stop when his Uncle Scruff apparently had a less than favorable encounter with a vehicle.  “I’m going to go across the street today,” ventures the male.  They both scream in a shrill fashion…

“Scruff had no sense of direction,” remarks the female squirrel.  ” Too soon!,” replies the male.  Epic brands…vast selection…Teeny-tiny prices, like our squirrels…Sierra!  RIP, Uncle Scruff…

(tip o’ the pen to Cary Comic for alerting me to this one!)

Chantix “Slow Turkey” Commercial…

January 21, 2019

It’s not easy being a turkey. Apparently, if a carnivore doesn’t get you, a nicotine addiction probably will.  Is Elmer Fudd lurking in wait for our feathered friend, or a cancer specialist?  Life is full of uncertainties. In light of his questionable destiny, the turkey in our Chantix commercial is keeping active in a variety of activities, and probably maintaining a positive mental attitude as well. This bird has a fuller life than I do…he gardens, reads, mows the lawn, and finds time to float in his pool.  I envy him…I don’t have a freakin’ pool, so the wages of poultry must be pretty good. He even puts out a feeder for the birds…but wait, isn’t that what he is?!  I’m so confused…then in order to minimize the number of strikes against him, the turkey is wisely trying to kick the cigarette habit with Chantix, a program which allows him to go “slow turkey” as opposed to cold turkey.

Unanswered is the question of whether  unsuccessful quitters of his species are the source of smoked turkey; I’ve always wondered. Anyways, I’m glad that this Chantix user is no bird brain…