Archive for the ‘Brilliant but twisted’ category

“Break Free” VW Tiguan Commercial…

November 22, 2022

As the movie Lamb showed us, sheep have been, well, shorn of proper respect and attention in the animal kingdom. They have untapped potential as pets and child-surrogates. This is brought to our attention in a recent commercial for Volkswagen’s Tiguan.

So what happens when you allow a wayward sheep into your VW Tiguan, and take him home with you? Well, he or she becomes much like a dog, hanging out the vehicle’s window, and making themselves at home in your home, demanding walks, drinking from the toilet, making a mess when you’re away, and adorably taking a bath while bleating.—Ahh, the many joys of pet-parenting!

Life gets bigger, you see, when you break from the herd. So “make your own kind of music.” Who am I to judge? Just don’t call your new ovine pet Lambchop. They might get the wrong idea…🐑

And a Happy Thanksgiving, y’all! 🦊





“The Warriors;” “Can…You…Dig It?!”

November 2, 2022

In my twisted little mind, I got Halloween, current sporting events, and the 1979 cult movie “The Warriors” all mixed up, and began thinking, wouldn’t it be interesting if The World Series was played by teams like the film’s The Baseball Furies? The game would never go nine innings, however, as the teams would just pound each other senseless with baseball bats. It wouldn’t last long, but you’d get your afternoon or evening back…

Now why, you might ask, are we posting about a movie that’s over 40 years old? Simply because the movie remains a kick after all those years, and there’s nothing else quite like it. Besides, it’s fun, and the characters depicted in the movie are too cartoonish to be menacing. Even Ronald Reagan was reputed to have enjoyed this film!

Originally criticized as promoting gang violence, the gangs depicted are too cartoonish to be taken seriously, each with a distinctive look that essentially includes a gang uniform. Have you ever seen a roller-skating gang that wears bib overalls? Well, they’re in here, haunting the subways as “The Punks.”

While there was never a sequel to The Warriors, the film did inspire some video games and comics. So the Warriors did come out to “play-yay.”

So many iconic scenes in The Warriors epic battles to traverse the distance between The Bronx and Coney Island! But it’s probably good that a sequel wasn’t made. The original cast in recreating their subway ride had all grown rather long in the tooth, and I thank them for putting on shirts under their vests now. But I also thank them for this “guilty pleasure”movie fave of mine. So yes, “I…can…DIG IT!” And I’m still digging The Warriors… 🦊

Amazon’s “Red Riding Hood” Ad…

October 28, 2022

We seem to be posting a lot about wolves lately, but hey, Halloween is coming, and we gotta run with the pack, so to speak. So much has been written about Little Red Riding Hood that it’s practically a cottage industry, which may be appropriate since Grandma kinda lived in a cottage, don’t ‘ya know?

Well, Little Red here might be little, but she’s kinda hawt as well, and she sure ain’t no fool…no Big Bad Wolf is gonna pull one over on her. Going through those creepy old woods to Grandma’s house, this Little Red (Mikayla Roberts) fears no evil. So when she reaches Grandma’s house, she whips out her cell phone and places an Amazon order, which miraculously arrives almost instantaneously in time for deployment.

The Big Bad Wolf arrives, too…a magnificent, snarling version in white. But when Red deploys the dog toy that she has purchased, Wolfie becomes a good boy, jumping and playing with the toy in total delight! We’ve seen a similar transformation in such films as The Bad Guys, when Mr. Wolf just can’t help wagging his tail when called a good boy. There’s no such thing as a bad boy, really, right?

The actress playing Grandma isn’t exactly an elderly, bedridden-cripple either, but looks to be a pretty hip and vital lady. Well-played update on an old timeless classic, Amazon!

(tip o’ the pen to carycomic…)

Liberty Mutual’s “Tools” Commercial…

July 17, 2022

I’ve never had an emu work on my vehicle, but I could argue that some gorillas have. We’ve all been at the mercy of garages and mechanics. Even the venerable Plymouth Duster chariot used by the dynamic duo of Doug and the LiMu Emu occasionally needs work, and in the Liberty Mutual “Tools” commercial, we are taken inside a garage housing a Bat Cave’s worth of assorted vehicles, all the brand’s trademark “banana yellow” color. I mean, there’s a motorcycle, some kind of utility vehicle, and even Skidoo-type things…

Doug is hard at work beneath the chassis of his Duster, but is he up to the job? – – Nope, and neither is the Emu, who hilariously brings his human partner the wrong tool specified for each step of the job. When asked for a socket wrench, the Emu brings a hammer. When a blowtorch is requested, LiMu deposits a stuffed animal into Doug’s hand…

At the end of his efforts, Doug somehow manages to extract what appears to be a distributor from the bottom of the vehicle! “LiMu,call a mechanic” are Doug’s closing words. Clearly one is needed to prevent this Duster from entering the dustbin…

The LiMu Emu and Doug are best buddies who dress identically, and have a long-standing history, the details of which we someday may learn…or perhaps it’s best not to ask!

Car Seat Headrest, a “Furry Adjacent” Band…

July 6, 2022

I had earlier posted on Here Come The Mummies, a band whose members perform swaddled in mummy wrappings. We now highlight Car Seat Headrest, an indie rock band whose frontman Will Toledo is a furry who on his recent concert tour sometimes performed in a modified fursuit as his character, Mortis Jackrabbit…

Now the band Car Seat Headrest is described as “furry adjacent,” as in not totally furry, but next to furry, with their Twin Fantasy album featuring furry art of two canids hugging, and the album dedicated to “nervous young inhumans”with a cut by the same name...

Mortis the bunny is quite a presence on stage, appearing as if wearing a gas mask with uncanny, changing luminescent eyes…

So check out Car Seat Headrest, a very different band full of emotion and angst, and rooted in the furry fandom… 🦊

“Lamb” is haunting…

June 17, 2022

You probably won’t see many Icelandic folk-horror/fantasy films in your day, and Lamb is one of them. From the A24 studio that gave us such films as Hereditary, their latest film crosses genres, confounds us, and almost defies description. I had earlier posted on Lamb as a unique film that was coming prior to being able to view it, and now having seen the flick, I can confirm that Lamb is extraordinary, even though it is likely to mess with your head. The best films often do…

So submitted for your approval is the strange tale of Ingvar and Maria, two childless sheep ranchers living in a remote part of Iceland who one night come upon the birth of a mutation in their livestock, a lamb with humanoid features. They basically take the newborn into their house, place it into a crib in their bedroom, and raise it as their own, a sweet child with an ovine head but scattered human features which despite being a hybrid adapts well to life in the isolated world with human foster parents. This is comical but touching at the same time, and her “parents” are quite happy with their non-traditional family…

Now as a furry, I can probably transition to the world of anthropomorphic animals and animal-human hybrids more easily than most people outside of the fandom. I’m totally cool with the notion of folks raising something that is neither fully animal nor human, and in fact I am envious of them! You can dress such a creature in human clothing, treat it as a loved member of family, and even take them places with you, messing with mundane people as you do so. – -What could be better than that?!

What usually happens, however, is that other people won’t understand, will judge and condemn you, and in some fashion come after you as one harboring an abomination. I rather expected a mob armed with torches and pitchforks to come calling, and demand that this lamb be surrendered to them. Fortunately, this does not happen although there are a few tense moments when we are led to believe that Ada’s “uncle” is leading her off to shotgun her. This too doesn’t happen, and “Uncle Petur” becomes a convert…

Now Ada the lamb-child is revealed to us gradually as a hybrid, having one human hand and a hoof. She uses bipedal locomotion, and is about the size of a four-year-old. She cannot speak, but understands and responds to human language. Ada plays with her human mother, and is very sweet! I’ve seen human brats behave far less lovably…

But unfortunately, the story doesn’t end well but in violence against a target we didn’t expect when Ada’s biological father comes calling, also anthropomorphic and true nightmare fuel. Talk about Ram Tough! When you mess with nature, there are consequences, it would seem. This points to the need to keep firearms out of the hands and hooves of beasts.- – Are you listening, Congress?!

At any rate, Lamb may leave you scratching your head, wondering what you have just seen, and perhaps questioning the lines of separation between humans and animals, as well as questioning our relationship with the natural world. And that’s a good thing, really….so two paws up for Lamb, which now can be seen on some premium networks... 🦊

Here Come the Mummies…

June 8, 2022

Where hot funk music meets the paranormal and an iconic horror tradition, you have Here Comes the Mummies. Everyone has to have a gimmick, right? Well, the members of this band dress up as mummies at every performance, complete with subtle variations in their wrappings, make-up, and individual names such as Mummy Cass.– – Get it? A play on Momma Cass! Oh, some of you are too young to remember her. A pity, that…

There’s a backstory, too. It seems that these guys hit on Pharos’ daughter, and so were cursed. Yes, these guys suffered for their art! An early album of the Mummies is titled, Undead Live. Many of their concerts begin with the band members entering to an impressive throbbing drum line as an Egyptian-esque theme plays, with the lead singer roaring at the crowd when all are assembled. Then it’s on with the electric guitars and a brass ensemble that includes saxophones and trumpets as well as a keyboardist. These Mummies have their act together, and know how to put on a show! It’s comic and cool at the same time. Crowds leave their concerts smiling, so it’s a happy afterlife. Prepare to be mummified…Arrrgh! 🙀

Pharonic sax…no, not sex, get your minds out of the gutter!

Some early hits of The Mummies such as Believe include nice musical evocations of ancient Egypt and paranormal references, as in the lyrics, “Do you believe in things you cannot see? Do you take your superstition seriously?” Ancient astronauts theorists would be pleased…

It’s bizarre but wildly entertaining, and these guys are accomplished musicians who even incorporate some choreography into their numbers. I swear that I saw a mummy twerk at me! Anyways, I like these guys, and if that makes me a Mummy’s boy, so be it! They’re on tour this summer…

As the Mummies would tell us in Ra Ra Ra, When all is said and done,/ we’re not the first to be here / There’s nothing new underneath the sun.” We could all use a little twisted ancient Egyptian revival in these mad times, right? So spread the word and rock on, bandaged brothers! 🦊

https://youtu.be/ETHvSTT6PA8

Paging, “Dr. Rick…”

May 2, 2022

In a series of Progressive commercials, we are introduced to a sagely and much-needed therapist, Dr. Rick, who counsels people how not to become their parents. He’s kinda like Dr. Phil, but with a specialty practice, and more hair

Now parentomorphosis is a terrible but common disease. No one wants to become like their parents, but let’s face it, your genes predispose you that way, and you’re environmentally shaped. If you’re not careful, you may some day be seeking out Early Bird specials at restaurants, and looking to buy comfortable, practical shoes...

Dr. Rick both conducts group therapy, and takes his clients into real life situations. It is there that he can stop his charges from giving unwanted advice, telling the waiter their name, or gawking at people with their hair dyed blue. “We all see it,” Dr. Rick tells the staring client…

So if you have a bag containing bags (and oh God, I do!), you may be in need of Dr. Rick’s help lest you transform into your parents. I do hope that it’s not too late for me… 🙀

CarMax’s “Car Buying Reimagined”

March 14, 2022

Alpacas are cute and appealing, and as we learn from a recent CarMax commercial, apparently quite clever! We see an alpaca on a farm watching the owner return in his pickup truck, his faithful dog hanging out of the side window. Digging this scene, the alpaca apparently feels that he would like to ride shotgun, too…

So to a minimal instrumental theme that sounds vaguely western-ish, we are shown the crafty alpaca making his way to a shed towards evening where behind closed doors, where he is apparently able to go on line, surf the web, and apparently order a vehicle with sunroof, all without the benefit of digits!

The next morning, the vehicle is delivered to the astonished farmer, neatly tied up with a bow! In the closing scene, we see the new wheels out on the road, the alpaca getting a commanding view with his long neck and head extended out of the sunroof! This alpaca (whose name is Randy) is like the closing theme tells us, “Bad to the bone!”

“King Shark” Rules!

February 3, 2022

In the depths of winter and the continuing pandemic, we could all use a little King Shark right now! Anthropomorphic sharks are a rare breed indeed, and this one is a metahuman criminal denizen of DC’s extended universe, a villain who somehow manages to be cute and even likable despite a taste for human flesh…

The son of a “King of All Sharks,” King Shark (real name Nanaue) is a demigod who is voiced to perfection by Sylvester Stallone in the Suicide Squad 2 movie. Stallone’s mumbling, monotone delivery suits the man-shark character well. Although quite deadly and almost indestructible, King Shark (shown above reading a book in prison upside down) is child-like and dull-witted, speaking in short, simple phrases. Just point him in the right direction, and then get out of his way!

You would want to be King Shark’s friend, because if you were not, you’d be nom nom, namely something good to eat. King Shark doesn’t eat his friends, although almost anything else organic would be considered fair game. He may be seen chewing happily on a human head and other body parts of those opposing him in the movie…

So catch King Shark as memorably created in the Suicide Squad movie. And when he celebrates Shark Week, you’d better party along…. 🦊


%d bloggers like this: