Archive for the ‘humor’ category

Wednesday Addams; Her Catsuit and Dance…

February 4, 2023

I hope that you’ll indulge me one more time if I expand my previous post to elaborate a bit on Wednesday Addams’ catsuit as she memorably wore it in team competition during the Netflix series. The catsuit is leather-like, pieced-together, and evocative of that worn by Edward Scissorhands in the Tim Burton movie of the same name. Wednesday wears it well, Murrr! Sorry, she’s bringing out the feral in me…

Copies of the outfit are presently selling briskly! Actress Jenna Ortega had to request that the outfit be modified to allow for…err, bodily functions, as originally there was no provision for that in the suit’s design. Once you were in the catsuit, you were in it for the day’s filming…

And in addition to gravedigging, performing autopsies, and staring uncomfortably, Wednesday enjoys dancing, performing this memorable turn in the series as seen below. I’ve heard the dance compared to an elaborate mating dance by a Bird of Paradise. Notice the claw-like hand movements, and the “broken neck” pose at one point in the video. Wednesday gives us all freedom to be weird, and I appreciate her for that, even if she is a bit dead inside. I guess I’ve always had a “thing” for bad girls like Catwoman, Cheetah, and Wednesday. Yeah, I know that good girls go to heaven, but bad ones go everywhere, and Wednesday will make her own way… 😸

(Now if Wednesday was an anthropomorphic fox performing her dance, you might have something like this…) 🦊

The NJM Narwhal and Nemesis “Carl…”

January 26, 2023

For a company that boasts of “no talking animals or irritating jingles,” the NJM insurance company has given us some great ones. And what’s wrong with talking animals, I want to know? Sirs, I am one! 🦊

One of the first great talking animals that NJM has given us was this full-suited narwhal. Now it’s not everyday that you run across someone in a narwhal fursuit, and this fellow has the best intentions…he just wants to audition to be the NJM mascot, and gets zero tolerance. The poor fellow seems to have a flaccid horn…don’t they have a drug now that you can take for that? No wait, that’s the infamous “bent carrot” commercials for Peyronie’s Disease, thanks to which we’ll never see misshaped carrots the same way again…aargh! 😾

Anyways, the NJM receptionist sics laid-back security guard Carl on the poor would-be narwhal mascot to usher him from the building. Wearing a full-body narwhal costume isn’t all peaches and crèam; it’s easy to fall on stairs, for example…

Now Carl the Security Guard played by Scott Watson ordinarily has a boring and uneventful job, except when blue narwhals show up. He is unflappable, and plays the role to deadpan perfection, even in this surreal circumstance. He is the perfect foil to the irrepressible narwhal, ebulliently played by Jared M. Smith.

The narwhal is not easily discouraged or defeated, and in subsequent commercials tries to re-enter the premises, including by vehicle again to be thwarted by Carl. “I’m outta here!,” blusters the narwhal, only to find that his flippers make poor appendages for operating a car…

So catch the delightful rivalry of Narwhal vs. Carl, which to me is vaguely reminiscent of Charlie the Tuna trying to get Starkist to take him in those old commercials. This might be a great live action cartoon…

And now for the first time ever, we bring you the fox-narwhal hybrid. Yes, I think I could get into that character! Please note that my horn isn’t floppy or bent. Everyone sing now: “Fox-narwhals, fox-narwhals, swimming in the ocean, and causing a commotion, because they are so awesome…

Progressive’s “Jurassic World” Commercial…

May 12, 2022

Jurassic World Dominion, the sixth film in the franchise, is set to open June 10th, and so it’s timely that Progressive Insurance’s iconic Flo and Jamie characters are shown at a drive-in screening the film. What makes this viewing different, however, is that the dinos are apparently able to walk off the screen and into the real world, a T-Rex doing just that, smashing and flipping vehicles at the outdoor movie event…

Chaos ensues…Flo and Jamie, however, are totally nonplussed as they stand by their RV, trading quips about how stinky dinosaurs are. With home, auto, and RV insurance bundled, they’ve got the situation covered, and will handle the cleanup. It’s all cool, they’ve got it taken care of , and it’s just part of a day’s work for your insurance professionals. They’ve been there, and done that…

Jamie notes how this shows why you should always go to the bathroom before the movie begins…and Flo is probably scarier than any T-Rex, anyways… Rawrr! 🦖

Liberty Mutual’s “Spider-Man” Commercial…

November 22, 2021

Like many of us, Doug of Liberty Mutual notoriety harbors a superhero fantasy. So when he and the Emu view footage of Spider Man web-swinging and saving a city, Doug just can’t resist putting a nasty-looking spider on his arm, and encouraging it to bite him in the expectation of receiving spider powers…

Doug appears to have a surprisingly good office, actually…one would expect him to be in a converted broom closet. Anyways, once bitten Doug raises his arms dramatically in expectations of receiving the spider-gift…

Doug is no Peter Parker, however, and what Doug receives is a nasty reaction to the spider bite. “Did it work?!,” asks Doug as he is packed off to the hospital, grotesquely swollen face and all. First the poor sap is denied a helicopter in a previous commercial, and now this. I guess most of us aren’t destined to have superpowers, but we’ll keep the fantasy alive… 🦊

Arm & Hammer “Slide Out of Funk” Cat Disco Commercial…

October 16, 2021

Many of us wonder what our cats do when they disappear from home for hours at a time. Hunt and kill things to bring home to you? – -Nah, they go to the disco where they got it going on!

This feline disco is in the best 70’s tradition, complete with a lit-up dance floor and a mirrored disco ball hanging from the ceiling. Anthropomorphic cats are in colorful period threads, and there’s even a lithe, scene-stealing tomcat who moves like a young feline John Travolta. Yes, this cat is where it’s at!

It’s no wonder that the female kitties are all moon-eyed over this Top Cat. “Where did he learn to slide’ like that?,” wonders one. Why, Arm & Hammer “slide” cat litter, of course! And doesn’t the cat below on the left look as if she’s wearing a Star Trek uniform? Is this a Caitian, perhaps the feline version of Uhura?

I was never into the “disco” scene much; it ain’t what we called Rock ‘n’ Roll! The kitty disco scene is fun, but if leisure suits ever come back, I’m out of here! 😸 Until that time, “Go Cat, Go!

The “Birds Aren’t Real” Movement…

October 14, 2021

Where performance comedy meets reality, you have the Birds Aren’t Real movement. Living as we are in a post-truth era where personal desires and perceptions take precedence for many over objective reality, we are awash in conspiracy theories to which a disturbing number of people ascribe...

The central mythos of Birds Aren’t Real is that beginning in the late 1950’s, federal agencies began exterminating all biological bird life in North America, replacing them with robotic surveillance drones. These drones watch and report on you to government agencies who in turn sell information about you. – – Don’t believe this? Well, have you ever seen a baby pigeon?!- – And why do you think that birds fly away when you approach them?

Now you see, Birds Aren’t Real is an organization that holds rallies and tours, much like other conspiracy groups that advance claims unbacked by science or factual evidence. It’s leader is Peter McIndoe, an earnest-appearing young man who blends parody and reality seamlessly. He has been spreading his gospel as a “bird truther” since 2016.

Alfred Hitchcock tried to warn us about avian attack drones many years ago in his prophetic film, The Birds. Shouldn’t we be putting up massive domes to keep these “undesirables” out? Remember the Avian Flu? Who knows what horrors some hidden laboratory is creating to be carried by these feathered fiends next?

And Big Bird, come on! Surely you don’t think he’s real? He’s just a clever propaganda creation engineered to lull our young into a false sense of security, and we invite him into our homes!

The revelation that birds are in fact surveillance drones is sure to put a damper on many traditional Thanksgiving dinners this year. I for one wouldn’t want to wind up with a mouthful of electronic parts, would you?! Should you swallow a few components, you probably become an enabler…

So just remember that if it flies, it spies! And ask yourself whether you get the joke, or are one of the people targeted by it. For what is a BIRD but a Basic Information Recording Drone? And bird watching goes both ways. – – Watch the skies, for they may be watching you! 🙀

Geico’s “Animal in the Attic”

October 7, 2021

I’ve always felt that Animal, the Muppet drummer for Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem, might have been helped by the proper psychotropic medication. On medication, however, his explosive and wildly exuberant drumming might have suffered. It’s a trade-off, really…

The Geico commercial begins with an unremarkable middle-aged couple sitting on their couch, with the guy professing that they love their house, and have lived there for years. “Yeah, but there’s an Animal in the attic,” adds the lady…

and so there is, flailing away at his drum kit while vocalizing such snatches of speech as “Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah! Drums! Drums! Aaaah! An-im-al!

When not loudly pounding on his drums, Animal invades the kitchen, literally swings from the rafters, and slides down the bannister. Remarkably, all his unwilling hosts can do is try to ignore him. At least Geico makes bundling their car and homeowners insurance easy…

In a closing scene, we are shown Animal shambling across the couple’s yard, the length of broken chain around his neck a nice touch. Animals just have to be free, ‘ya know…. 🦊

(…tip o’ the pen to Carycomic!)

Yesterday’s Tomorrows…

July 7, 2021

I have to confess that I’m pretty ticked that I don’t have my flying car yet. Now I really wouldn’t have wanted one that looked like a small rocket ship, as I’m more into the retro futurism look. Just give me something that looks like a Volkswagen but can fly, ok?

And another thing…where are the skyships, since zeppelins were at one time predicted to be the future of aviation? I always wanted to be a sky captain, navigating one of those big, majestic craft between the cities, and maybe occasionally repelling sky pirates for a little romance and excitement. – – Why did the Hindenburg have to blow up?!

And where are the robots? They were supposed to be everywhere, some assuming all labor so you’d never have to lift a finger. You’d have to watch out for the bad robots, however, who could be quite menacing, both to you individually and to the human race…

Bad robots were usually made by mad scientists, who are also in short supply these days. I think that being a mad scientist was my role model at one time. I liked the look and the vibe, plus you didn’t have to worry about fashion or hair care…

But alas, the future as I wanted it never came to pass. Instead we got smart phones and Facebook. Guess I’ll just have to concentrate on doing the personal evolution thing…

“Grilling Out” with the LiMu Emu…

June 11, 2021

I’m not sure that one would want to date or marry an insurance company spokesman or rep as depicted on TV, where they never seem to be able to talk about anything but insurance, which can get old really fast! So it is at an outdoor cookout for Liberty Mutual’s “Doug” (David Hoffman), the Emu, and their presumed wives. The partners are dressed alike in matching loud yellow floral Hawaiian print shirts, and even their wives are in matching tones. It’s a surreal occasion, their outfits matching the yellow finish of the Liberty Mutual-mobile visible in the background. They’re nothing but thematic here…

When Doug blathers only about insurance, his wife politely asks him to change the topic, it being the weekend and all.- -Give it a rest, dude! In the awkward silence that follows, Doug asks the Emus wife if she would prefer to eat either a hot dog or chicken right off the grill, the latter offering seeming to be at least quasi-cannibalistic for the bird. The Emu vocalizes a brief response which Doug interprets to indicate a choice for a hot dog. It is not clear whether this is possibly because chickens may resemble baby emus in their sight…

For inquiring minds, the Emu memorably depicted in these commercials is a mix of real bird and CGI effects. At any rate, he certainly can rock a pair of aviator shades! Perhaps a future commercial could touch on a sensitive issue, such as The Great Australian Emu War of 1932, where 20,000 emus prevailed against World War I veterans armed with machine guns. They are a resourceful and resilient species… 🦊

Progressive Motaur’s “New Shoes” Commercial…

March 30, 2021

In his previous outing, we saw Progressive’s “Motaur” suffer a blowout, and I’m sure that we all wonder how such a biomechanical being responds to such an incident; why, he goes to a tire shop, of course!  Where the rubber meets the road also incorporates elements of the old full-service shoe store, with Motaur trying on a new set of tires, and the older store employee, completely nonplussed by his appearance, offering helpful comments from his perspective to close the sale.  Those full-service shoe stores are hard to find these days; if you were a kid, they would actually measure your feet!  Earlier still, some shoe stores would have an X-ray machine on site so you could see how the shoes fit on your underlying anatomy.  It was kind of, “Hey kid, want a dose of radiation with those penny loafers?”  But I digress… 

When Motaur voices concerns that his new kicks might be too tight, the employee opines that he just might want to break them in a bit, because he sure doesn’t want tires to be too loose!  A disturbing thought here; can Motaur actually feel his inorganic parts, and if so, how?  Anyways, the employee is a helpful and good salesman, and we wind up with Motaur back on the road again, another satisfied customer.  Sure is good that he had Progressive’s 24/7 roadside assistance plan!  Long may he ride to his Culture Club tunes!  Are we in for a Boy George revival?

In future installments, perhaps we’ll learn if Motaur sees a doctor or a mechanic if he gets sick.  Does he change his own oil?  Inquiring minds want to know…

 


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