Archive for the ‘humor’ category

KFC’s “The Most Delicious Union…”

March 29, 2019


I had thought that last November’s KFC commercial featuring a Colonel Sanders impersonator dancing with a human-sized bottle of Mrs. Butterworth syrup was a once-and-done thing, but in a companion piece commercial airing currently, the Colonel is back, complete with a misty, bedroom-eyes type expression as he meets Mrs. Butterworth in a marble hallway while a Celine Dion ballad plays.  I know that they say “the South shall rise again,”  but this is ridiculous!

Mrs. Butterworth appears to make the first move as the impossible couple stare into each other’s faces and the Colonel caresses her molded plastic cheek, probably thinking of all the syrupy goodness contained within…then the couple lean towards one another as a preliminary to a kiss which thankfully, we don’t get to see!  

I don’t know what will happen next, and frankly prefer not to go there.  Some things are best left to the imagination, and I cringe to think of a Sanders/Butterworth union.  Perhaps in the aftermath, however, a horror writer could pen an installment called Children of the Syrup.  It would not be suitable for children or sensitive individuals, and viewer discretion is advised…

 

Snickers “Fantasy Night” Centaur…

January 28, 2019

 

No, good readers, we have not turned into a BDSM blog, but are only sharing images of a centaur which appears in a Snickers “Fantasy Night Football” commercial.  You see, Matt, the centaur pictured, has gotten his fantasy nights confused…and we’ve all been there, right (–not)?  So anyhow, Matt decides to go horsing around, and shows up at a neigh-bor’s house in his centaur’s costume.  The only problem is, it’s Football Fantasy night, and not…whatever else it is that Matt is into, ahem!  We shall not go there, being a semi-respectable establishment…

The commercial may be seen as an extension of the “you’re not yourself when you’re hungry” Snickers theme, and Matt must be hungry indeed.  Perhaps it’s appropriate that Matt is in his centaur suit, since Snickers is named after a horse…and being a centaur does add new layers of meaning into the expression, “going for a ride.”  

I’ve always wondered, though…when a centaur is ill, does he see an MD or a veterinarian?  There are unanswered questions here…hmmm!

 

The Grim Reaper of Home Appliances…

September 8, 2018

I, for one, fear the Grim Reaper of home appliances. My grief was great when he came for my hot water heater, leaving me $800 in the hole for plumber bills and heater replacement. Death, there is thy sting, right in the wallet!  Oh, the suffering budget, the anguish, the gnashing of teeth!  It was not a pretty sight…

…and so I can appreciate the trials of the poor woman in the American Home Shield commercial who answers her door to find the Grim Reaper paying a call, the icon hovering complete in smoldering black cowl.  As the dreaded black specter advances, our housewife understandably freaks out.  “No, it can’t be!  I’m not ready!  I do spin class!,” she protests, sinking to her knees in supplication.  But the Reaper advances further, his bony finger extending to indicate that his target is not the woman herself, but rather her large stainless steel refrigerator/freezer!  Now understanding, the woman protests “What? The refrigerator! – – Oh come on!  Do you know how much it cost me?  You’re killing me!”  Then the lady decides to rephrase her unfortunate choice of words, but death is implacable.  As the refrigerator shakes in his otherworldly powers, the announcer tells us how all of our appliances will eventually die, but their plan will see to their replacement.  For good measure, the Reaper decides to take out our hapless lady’s home central air system too.  It was a full day’s harvesting, apparently…

When the Reaper comes for me, I’m going to say “Oh happy day!”  No wait…that’s what I’m going to tell the aliens…

 

“Frozen Aisle” Aspen Dental Commercial…

July 4, 2018


While visions of Hell usually emphasize a hot, burning place, horror can be found in many locations, and the image of a dentist emerging from a freezer case to snatch someone back into its unspeakable depths suffices nicely.  Like this dentist, the emissaries of the netherworld can also be charmingly seductive…

Our Aspen Dental commercial begins with a woman and her self-absorbed hubby prowling the aisles of a generic supermarket while she complains about having to pay for her dental services, whether or not she’s happy with them. “There has to be an easier way,” mutters hubby, his eyes never leaving his paper.

Thus summoned, the dentist rolls out of the adjoining freezer case, complete with frost and icicles on his body and dental chair…chilling!  While the woman gawks and hubby continues to read his paper, the dentist from a frozen hell begins his spiel.  “If you’re looking for easy, look no further,” he advises as he tells the woman of Aspen’s money-back policy on dentures.  Next the woman is happily in the frosty dental chair; “That’s pretty easy!,” giggles the woman. “Easy said, easy done!” agrees the dentist as they are retracted back into the freezer case which closes. – –Abandon all hope,  ye who enter here?

Clueless hubby finally looks up from his paper, obviously totally unaware of where his wife is or what has just gone on.  I’m sure that those of us who are in or once were in a relationship can relate…

The Kat Lady Kit Kat Halloween Commercial…

October 21, 2017


People with multiple cats tend to be regarded as demented; “Crazy Cat Lady” is practically part of the language.  Well, cats can really come into their own on Halloween, as illustrated in this 2016 Kit Kat candy commercial.  The brief spot begins when a mother out with Trick-or-Treating kids asks them whose house they want to visit first.  “The Cat Lady!,” they gleefully shriek.

Next we are shown the woman in question, seated comfortably in her home.  The doorbell rings, and immediately one cat across from her unfurls an impressive set of bat-like wings.  Next an Egyptian-styled cat saunters regally across the room. “It’s go-time, Kitty-Cat!,” announces the woman as she grabs a bowl filled with Kit Kat treats.  

So have a break…have a Kit Kat bar!  Wouldn’t you like to have a winged cat?  And Halloween is a lifestyle for some of us, really…

Tums TV Spot, “Chicken…”

January 12, 2014

chicken

– – It’s grotesque, absurd, and surreal, and like something out of a vegetarian’s worst nightmare…the plucked, decapitated, and man-sized chicken in a commercial for Tums Ultra Strength antacids.  Standing upright at an upscale outdoor barbecue presumably where it was consumed, this most foul fowl and the man who is now tormented by it become aware of one another’s presence at the same time.  The chicken carcass utters what I suppose martial arts challenges would sound like if vocalized by a chicken, and begins to swing its sizable plucked wings at the hapless human, landing at least one good slap.  Although caught off-guard, the man responds by dodging and directing a punch at the giant plucked bird…thankfully, we are spared the full  fury of the combat.

…the announcer then interjects, “When that chicken you had at the barbecue starts fighting with heartburn,  fight back with Tums!”  Antacids apparently succeed where fisticuffs do not, for in the final scene, the man and the great carcass are playing nicely with one another at a friendly game of volleyball.  Sports is often seen as an outlet for male aggression and a substitute for war, after all…and I do so like to see conflict resolved amicably, especially when it involves the barbecued dead…

The Pepto Bismol Squirrel in “Aerial Enlightenment”

November 15, 2013

Pepto squirrel

– – Enlightenment can apparently be found anywhere, even on aircraft, when you have Pepto To Go!  We’ve already seen the zen-oriented rodent in the forest, and now he pops up on a flight, where he tells a female passenger that he can see that she’s packed…her stomach!  Such a pronouncement would be unwelcome from a human, but coming from a squirrel, we marvel at his sage perception.  

He appears out of a seatback compartment that looks like a medicine cabinet, and before we know it, the squirrel has somehow teleported into the woman’s pocket, emerging with a vial of Pepto, and telling the passenger that relief can be hers. There is a price to be paid, however, for the woman’s airline peanuts belong to the squirrel, and are shown in his tiny paws as he reappears in the seatback compartment in front of her, and the commercial ends.  Wisdom, like the squirrel, is where you find it…and perhaps the squirrel will come when the student is ready…