Archive for the ‘weird’ category

Progressive Agents of the Corn…

August 6, 2019


   
Fans of Stephen King will get this commercial (The Corning) about Progressive Insurance agents emerging from a cornfield and chanting in a monotone to Charlie the farmer that he is covered for an automotive mishap and saving money because he bundled his home and auto insurance together…

…it’s suitably creepy and surreal.  Led by iconic Flo, half a dozen Progressive agents, identically clad in their immaculate white uniforms, issue forth from the dense cornfield and begin their eerie slow chant while standing in near formation.  “We’re all here for you, all day, all night,” they intone. “Get in the house, Sarah!,” urges Charlie to his wife, wisely following her inside. Their intonation over, Flo congratulates her team for calming a customer by speaking slowly and clearly.  

The best is saved for last when you hear lovable loser Jamie ask the other members of his team if they heard “weird voices” while in the corn.  They all deny it, to which Jamie responds, “Me neither.” Listen carefully, and you’ll then hear a faint, otherworldly voice whisper Jamie’s name, presumably from out of the cornfield…Haunting!

 

Advantage II for Cats Huge Flea Commercial…

July 25, 2017

Fleas the size of humans are the stuff of nightmares, especially if you happen to find them watching a movie with you, or (shudder) squirreled away all cozy in your bed… 

The giant fleas in the Advantage II for Cats commercial are both repulsive and oddly fascinating; it’s hard to look at them or away from them, perhaps because they’ve acclimated to human life so well.  They seem like world-weary couch potatoes, not really trying to make a fuss but just fit in.  And so it is when the woman vacuuming approaches the giant flea encamped on her couch, the insect very accommodatingly lifts a hind leg to allow her work to continue.  The flea fits in all too well, and is possibly less offensive than other house guests.  

If your cat has fleas, you probably do also” is the commercial’s disturbing message.  Perhaps in a sequel, we’ll hear the pitter-patter of not-so-little flea legs around the house, or see the one on the couch pick up the phone to order a pizza…

The Rogue Team Rises: Part 2

April 18, 2017

As Part 1 of the confusing and muddied Rogue Team episode ended, team members Buck, Huck, and Jeff were roughly thrown into a van by the Rogue Team, winding up in Part 2 (S5/Ep2) in an interrogation room in a cabin deep in the woods.  Things became surreal when the masked head of a figure became visible through a window in that room, ordering the boys to capture “The Woman of the Woods,” a witch-like figure last encountered in Lee City, VA.  In return for doing this, the captor promised to deliver the identity of those who had killed “the Stonish Giant,” a Bigfoot variant.  When their captor had left, a boot knife was produced by which the trio freed themselves.  Buck threw a chair through the window where their host had appeared and found a decapitated hog’s head on a stake…eww!

Reunited with Willy and Wild Bill, the team went to team leader Trapper’ s house, and found it ransacked.  In a secure safe was found a note and cell phone video from Trapper, detailing that he was going by invitation to a cabin of the Rogue Team; GPS coordinates were found.  Going to this location the team failed to find Trapper, but rammed around the neighboring roads a bit until they found his truck.  Also finding blood in the area, police were summoned.  With a canine unit brought in, the trail led to another cabin where a bloodied Trapper was found inside.  The blood stemmed from a reopened surgical wound rather than foul play.  On the walls of the cabin were pictures of the AIMS team illustrating things that they had missed in their investigations.

Going back to the cabin where three of them had been held captive (pictured above), the gross hog’s head was examined, and coordinates were found secured in a shotgun casing found in the hog’s mouth; so glad that I wasn’t eating for this segment!  The coordinates were to a location in “The Dark Forest,” with team researcher Jeff sharing that he had gone alone to the Dark Forest, but didn’t know how he had arrived there: presumably the “Woman of the Woods ” was influencing Jeff from a prior encounter.

And what is to be found in “The Dark Forest?”- – Why, that’s where “The Black Wolf” lives, a creature to be revealed in an upcoming episode called, “Secrets of the Dark Forest.” – – Are you not entertained?!

The Rocky Mountain Demon Wolf…and More on “True Supernatural!”

April 14, 2015

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Once again the Destination America channel has spawned a new show on the strange and the unexplained, this one called True Supernatural, a title which in itself may be an oxymoron. The introductory episode I viewed rehashed an artifact from the alleged alien abduction of Barney and Betty Hill in 1961, alternating with a story on an as of yet unidentified “demon wolf.” Rather than running one storyline through to completion, the show spent several minutes on one tale then bounced to the other, going back and forth in this fashion until this viewer at least was annoyed…it’s not like there were any commonalities between the stories being covered!

Now many of us are familiar with the classic Betty and Barney Hill abduction tale, and aliens are apparently pretty rough on human clothing, tearing and staining Betty Hill’s blue dress, which was the artifact examined.  A pink powder was left on the upper portions of the dress which unfortunately was lost when the victim aired the dress out. The stains remained, however, and persist on the dress to this day.  Speculation exists as to whether the stains may harbor alien DNA, but despite testing by six labs, none can identify the powder, extract DNA from the stains, or even reproduce the stains on the dress fabric by human means.  This might even suggest that the aliens in question did not even have DNA, at least as we would recognize it.  Betty Hill’s poor damaged dress continues to exist in university storage, and if a smart lawyer ever catches up with said aliens, they’re gonna be smacked with major damage claims, not to mention pain and suffering!

Now the town of Ennis, Montana has the stuffed remains of an unknown species referred to as the Rocky Mountain Demon Wolf, a gigantic and ferocious creature.  Reports of the creature’s predations date back to the 1880’s, with the specimen shot in 1886.  The animal has an oddly-shaped head, and slopes off towards its hind quarters, rather like a hyena.  It’s hide is so tough that it’s reportedly resistant to arrows and even bullets, making it hard to kill.  Known to take sheep and dogs, modern killings recorded in 2005 and 2006 suggest that perhaps the creature may still be active.  As to what the animal is, speculations range wildly from a mutant wolf to a hybrid to a wolf with birth defects caused by exposure to heavy metals.  Wilder still are speculations that this demon wolf may be a primitive canine, a kind of prehistoric remnant or “Lazarus Species.”  

DNA testing on the Demon Wolf has been delayed due to the fact that two groups are claiming ownership of it, and the courts must decide who to award it to before such work can be performed.  With the glacial pace of some court proceedings, I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for that ruling!

UFO Bigfoot; Lake Pepin Monster; Cajun Werewolf…

March 15, 2014

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The season finale of Monsters & Mysteries in America (S2/Ep12) brought us three new segments with a wide range of strangeness. Just when you thought you’ve heard about every Bigfoot tale around, we’re asked to consider the twisted possibility that the celebrated cryptid is an alien, either the pilot of the UFO close by which it is seen, or an agent of those actually in control of it.- -“Who let the ‘Squatches out?!,” roared the commander of the Grays to his subordinates…

On July 30th, 1966 two picnicking couples got their vehicle stuck on Presque Isle in Pennsylvania. One male walked to town to seek a tow truck with the others remaining behind. Those remaining saw a “falling star” as night approached, the object assuming a mushroom-shape as it approached and landed behind a tree line. A park ranger then appeared, and that ranger and the remaining guy went to investigate the UFO. The two girls remaining with the car saw a 7′ humanoid approach, who attacked the car, hitting and denting it. Of course, there was nothing to be seen of the Bigfoot when the ranger and boyfriend returned. The next day, the Air Force, police, and other groups were crawling all over the site, investigating it. The incident supposedly became part of the Project Blue Book reports. In Fayette County, Pennsylvania a woman investigated noises in the vicinity of her porch, finding instead of the critters she expected a large, Bigfoot-type creature with red eyes. She fired a shotgun at it, at which point the creature disappeared in front of her eyes, apparently “beamed up” by its alien overlords.

Now if aquatic beasties are more to your preference, we were given the story of the Lake Pepin Monster in Minnesota, “Pepie” for short. A type of sea serpent, “Pepie” reportedly was photographed in 2004, with the photo showing a humped creature with a long neck.  The earliest known sightings go back to 1867, with Native American tribes attributing missing members to predation by the monster.  In 1983, a water skier fell off of her skis and while in the drink reported seeing a creature twenty to thirty feet long with scales; she has never returned to those waters since.  A boat equipped with “fish finder” type radar discerned a moving underwater object about 6′ wide by 35′ long; diver Cory Breault was sent in after it, to be passed by something large underwater which caught him in a vortex from which he barely surfaced, emerging freaked out by the experience.  “Pepie” is mundanely thought to be a giant sturgeon or eel, or more imaginatively a plesiosaur…wet and wild stuff!

The third and most brief segment presented the story of the Cajun Werewolf, a shape-shifting canine of the Louisiana swamps.  The creature is said to be a cursed person having the body of a man and the head of a dog or wolf-like beast.  Presented was the story of Chauvin Beldrin, who when about 13 years of age went hunting on All Saints Day in 1976, a day on which it was considered forbidden to take life.  While targeting a rabbit, a creature with the face of a dog came out of the grass, growled, and pursued the young teen, essentially driving him out of the swamp.  It was speculated that the wolfman may be sent forth by the swamp as a warning to those who are not respecting its ways, or trying to take inappropriately from it…

Melonheads; Devil Monkey; Blue Albino Woman…

March 8, 2014

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– – Hoo boy!  Monsters & Mysteries in America fed us some great stuff in a recent episode (S2/Ep11), even if some of it was a bit hard to swallow.  Mellonheads (not to be confused with “My Melancholy Baby” or Coneheads) are strange, mutant creatures sometimes mistaken for children; we all know what little monsters they can be!  In what sounds like a great plot for a low-budget horror movie, a diabolical Dr. Crow in depression-era Kirtland, Ohio of the 1930’s performed sinister experiments in which he mutated orphaned children into monsters. After years of abuse, these deformed and tormented children rose up, fought back, and took revenge on the doctor, burning down his mansion.  It’s uncertain whether the doctor was killed, or simply escaped to set up practice elsewhere.

At any rate, there are dozens of sightings of Mellonheads over the years, especially in Michigan and Connecticut, with a few sightings even reported in Florida.  In Trumbill, Connecticut a Mellonhead sighting was reported along a road locally called “Dracula Drive.”  Then in 1986 in Naples, Florida kids playing war games left two of their number duct taped to a tree…with friends like that, who needs monsters, right?  Anyways, a Mellonhead was heard approaching and was reportedly seen by one of the taped duo, the other one’s head being held at the wrong angle for a sighting although both heard the mutant’s approach.  Their emotional extremity gave them sufficient strength and incentive to break the duct tape, and they fled the approaching Mellonhead successfully…

…then we have the Devil Monkey, who has been sighted in the Appalachian Montains in the 1970’s, specifically in such locations as West Point, Kentucky where Wayman and Marva Morgan were troubled by something five to seven feet tall that killed and mangled their poor Sheltie dog and made noises while ransacking their garbage cans.  Further announcing its presence by a bad odor, the Devil Monkey was spotted by Marva Morgan through a window, and was seen to have sharp fangs and claws.  In Saltville, Virginia the parents of Scott Boyd encountered a Devil Monkey while in their car, when the creature raked at their windows and left lengthy scratches in rows of three along the sides of the vehicle.  Speculations were made that perhaps the creature escaped from a government research facility (like myself), or was mutated by heavy metal pollution in the area.

Last but not least in Topeka, Kansas we were brought tales of the Blue Albino Woman, not to be confused with Smurfette or Dr. Manhattan.  This entity is rather a witch with long white hair and pale, blue-tinted skin.  A former resident of Topeka, the blue one was tormented and buried alive by sadistic local hoodlums, a practice which ticked her off royally and cast her into payback mode.  Now she frequents Rochester Cemetery and chases people out, a plague upon the living bent upon settling old scores…sounds like a plan to me!  Hundreds of sightings have been reported in the area, among them one by James George, who while a boy taken clothes shopping encountered big blue in a store among the manikins.  More recently in 2013, a Jessica Streeter went to said cemetery with her boyfriend, intent on a little amore but instead encountering the blue avenger, who reportedly scratched at them and tried to choke her. The couple managed to escape, and the young lady later used some Irish/gypsy magic to seal and protect her home from intrusion.  A local historian speculated that the Blue Albino Woman may just affect those who are looking for her…she vants to be alone!

Wendigo, Dogman, and Wolfman…

January 6, 2014

– – Things went to the dogs or at least the canids on a recent episode of Monsters and Mysteries in America. For those partial to werewolves, the first segment presented the Beast of Bray Road, a wolf-like creature seen more than 100 times in Wisconsin since the 1940’s. Incidents involving the beast seemed to peak in the 1980’s, when a Lori Endrizzi encountered an upright creature consuming road kill along a road that she was traveling home; it appeared to be developing interest in the woman as a second course before she managed to get her stalled car started and escape. A later encounter was also profiled that occurred in 2006 when a Steve Krueger was picking up deer carcasses when something rocked his truck and helped itself to both a deer carcass and an ATV ramp in the bed of his pickup! He gunned his truck and also escaped, although the missing ramp later couldn’t be located.

A second segment profiled the Dogman, more of a spirit-based creature seen near Holly, Michigan with more than 100 sightings of similar cryptids across the world. A 2005 incident was presented where a repo man was driven off by a man-dog type hybrid which drove him off the property he had entered to reposess a Cadillac.

Lastly and perhaps most terrifying were the accounts of the Wendigo, a rather nasty entity with a taste for human flesh rooted in North American legends and said to frequent the North Woods of the Great Lakes region. The Wendigo takes over people like an infection, possessing them with a cannibalistic hunger so intense that the creature is said to chew off its own lips and gnaw on its fingers. A case was presented where a Cree Indian in the 1870’s had killed and eaten his own family, claiming at his own hanging that he was no longer a man but rather possessed by a Wendigo. In a modern case from 2008, a border on a Greyhound bus attacked a fellow traveler, decapitated him, paraded around the bus with his victim’s head like a trophy, and supposedly ate pieces of flesh from his victim…again supposedly possessed by the Wendigo, which in its true form appears as a frozen, cadaverous monster…truly scary stuff!

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