Archive for the ‘furry’ category

Sea Creature Washes Up On Russian Beach!

August 17, 2018

We always get terribly excited here at Foxsylvania when any kind of globster washes up on any beach, anywhere. Set up some food stands and a good band, and you’ve really got something to break up the summer doldrums!



…the “sea monster” in question is described as being smelly and hairy, and at least three times the size of an average human. It washed up on the shore of the Bering Sea on the Pacific side of the Kamchatka Peninsula; from Russia with Love, Darlink! Although the unidentified thing appears to be from an animal with gray and white coloring, it lacks a defined head or other body parts other than a possible tail or tentacle. The creature is covered with tubular hair, which is hollow and similar to that found on a polar bear.

Some have speculated that the carcass could be the remains of a wooly mammoth that had washed up as glaciers thawed, while others suggest that it could be from an octopus or giant squid. The most likely theory, however, is that the carcass is indeed a globster, a term coined in 1962 to describe something that is not a complete animal, but rather the decaying parts of sea animals such as whales or sharks. Under the influence of time, the sea, and post-mortem predation, the remains of large sea animals often take on bizarre and unrecognizable forms.

So if you visit a beach and come upon a globster, resist the temptation to make a sandwich. It wouldn’t be good for you…

Mysterious Creature Stalks Canadian Moose?

August 5, 2018


Here we go again…another sighting of an alleged unknown creature, this one supposedly stalking a moose!  The encounter occurred July 29th in Gaspesie in the Quebec area of Canada.  As usual, only a blurry, indistinct, out-of-focus image of the creature (circled) is available for perusal.  It is said to resemble Tolkien’s Gollum or perhaps the Rake.  The thing spotted was said to have moved in an inhuman fashion, shaped like a hunched-over demon and about six feet in height.

Skeptics say that the thing was most likely a splat on the window of the vehicle from which the picture was taken, and it simply appears superimposed from there by the treeline.  It is not known if the moose suffered any ill fate from the encounter.  I for one would be more excited if the moose had appeared accompanied by a flying squirrel named Rocky who wore aviator goggles…

Kayak TV Commercial “Shark…”

July 22, 2018

 

Imagine performing dentistry on a Great White Shark…now that’s a toothy business!  This shark is reclining on a dental chair, too, although there’s no need to tell him to open wide…his maw gapes enormously, and is full of razor-sharp teeth.  In the Kayak commercial, you can even see the shark’s tail moving slightly.  The attending dentist doesn’t appear too worried about his unusual client, however, just going about business as usual.  An observing guy in the background comments that the dentist appears confident.  A woman also in the background agrees, but adds that he doesn’t appear Kayak confident as she is, with Kayak having searched hundreds of sites for her to find the best flight.  It’s “search one and done,” you see…

Now being offbeat, I fantasize about crossover commercials.  Picture one featuring the Kayak shark, and the Aspen Dental dentist.  “You really should take better care of your teeth,” the Aspen Dentist might lecture the Kayak shark, who perhaps deliberately in spite ate a whole box of Oreos before visiting the dentist.  “Cancel the rest of my appointments for this afternoon!,” our Aspen guy might add before settling undaunted into the task of cleaning the hundreds of teeth before him. Dentistry soldiers on…our unsung heroes.

Or imagine Progressive Insurance’s agent Flo trying to sell insurance to the shark, who would only listen so long before snapping at Flo in frustration.  Cobra-like, Flo would whip safely away before chiding the shark that he didn’t have to snap her head off.  Flo has impressive survival skills, you see, enduring being marooned on a desert island with only a “name your own price” tool in a commercial that recalls a Tom Hanks film…

Stormy Daniels as “Little Red Riding Hood…” 

July 18, 2018

Adult entertainer Stormy Daniels (linked with The Orange Man) recently appeared in my home state, donning her Little Red Riding Hood outfit for one of her sets.  I have included the least revealing image of this outfit that I could find because we do try to run a semi-respectable blog here.  I understand that the hood along with other things is lowered at some point further into the performance.  This is not to say that I don’t like to see the classics promoted, ahem!

But Ms. Daniels aside, the thoughts which filled my head when I heard of this performance were of Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs 1966 classic, Li’l Red Riding Hood.  This song never gets old for me, and I love to revisit it occasionally.  As late as the year 2000 Sam the Sham was still performing the number, and his howl remained in fine shape.  It’s hard to hear the song without resisting the temptation to howl, and I fall prey to that temptation easier than most.

No, I did not see Ms. Daniels’ interpretation of Little Red, although when asked about it someone who was there offered his opinion that the performance wasn’t worth $140,000…Owwwl!

 

 

Tim Burton’s “Dumbo” is Coming!

June 21, 2018


I’ve always loved Tim Burton’s work for his dark, twisted, and even macabre take on things.  When Burton joins with Disney, we tend to get a less saccharine and darker vision of a great story with surreal, frequently animal elements, and so Tim Burton’s upcoming 2019 version of the Disney classic Dumbo promises to be a real treat.

We had last seen Dumbo as a two dimensional cartoon image in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, and his upcoming outing will be as a far more realistic CGI elephant that is flawlessly integrated with a stellar live-action cast that includes such diverse talent as Michael Keaton and Danny DeVito.  And yes, the hauntingly sad lullaby Baby Mine from the 1940’s classic will be incorporated, so get those tissues ready for when mother elephant is chained up and separated from her baby…

The flying baby elephant with the endearingly enormous ears will be soaring across a big top circus tent in your neighborhood around March 2019.  He works for peanuts, after all…

 

 

Iron Granny Strangles Bobcat!

June 20, 2018

 

In a Charlie Daniels song, the devil went down to Georgia.  He just better not mess with the women there, because they’re a pretty tough bunch…

In a true story, DeDe Phillips, a 46-year-old grandmother living in Hart County, Georgia wandered out of her house with her cell phone in hand to see why a neighbor’s dog was barking.  She had just put a “Women Who Behave Rarely Make History” sticker on the back of her new truck.  Met with a bobcat, the woman took a picture before the bobcat went for her, targeting her face!

Well, when the going gets tough, the tough get going…and knowing that the large feline would go for her upper body, she protected herself by squeezing on its throat.  After a pitched battle in which the woman suffered a broken finger and numerous bites and claw wounds to her face, hands, chest, and legs, Phillips managed to strangle the big cat.  How very metal of her!  She didn’t even call for help because her 5-year-old granddaughter was in the house, and she didn’t want her endangered by coming outside. — This was one granny who could lick her weight in wildcats!

It wasn’t until the next day that she found out that the bobcat tested positive for rabies, and she had her first round of rabies shots. Although bobcat sightings are rare, the animals have been known to attack humans and are especially aggressive when they are sick.  One clearly met its match in Georgia…  

Mysterious Wolf-Like Creature Identified!

June 19, 2018

 

Well, campers, we had earlier reported how a large, wolf-like creature was shot and killed by a rancher in Montana, with its identity puzzling local wildlife experts, and causing a social media tizzy around the nation.– Was this creature a dire wolf?– –  An unusual bear? – – A hybrid?- – Bigfoot?  Following DNA testing at the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service forensic laboratory In Ashland, Oregon the results are finally in, and our mystery wolf-like creature is…(drum roll, please)...a wolf!

Hah! – – Bet you never saw that coming!  Confusion over the animal’s identity may have been caused by it’s external appearance, with the creature appearing to have short legs and big ears, but otherwise found to be a gray wolf from the northern Rocky Mountains.  According to a geneticist for the U.S. Wildlife Service, physical variations aren’t unusual for animals.  As with humans, we tend to have unrealistic expectations about animal appearances.  

So move along, folks…nothing to see here!  And there are still around 900 wolves roaming Montana…