Archive for the ‘animals’ category

The Lykoi, or “Wolf Cat…”

June 23, 2022

I like Lykoi cats, because they look feral and mildly scary, and I have a dark side. Like unto itself is drawn, ‘ya know! Because of their appearance, Lykoi cats are also known as Wolf Cats or Werewolf Cats. I figure that one might be a good sidekick or henchman for me when a door-to-door salesman, political aspirant, or religious proselytizer comes calling. Then it would be, “Are you gonna leave quietly, or do I have to turn the cat loose on you?”

But despite their appearance, these cats are actually quite sweet and affectionate, even if they do look like a witch’s familiar. Lykois have a naturally-occurring genetic mutation, and are a new breed recognized in 2012. They have no undercoat, so their hair tends to look coarse and mangy. They often develop a hairless “mask” of skin around the eyes, nose, muzzle, , and the back of their ears. Relatively rare, there are fewer than 100 show-standard Lykoi cats in the world.

So if you’d like a cat linked in name and appearance to the wolf who looks like Lon Chaney in transition, the Lykoi cat may be your ticket. They’re not really bad, they just look that way; magnificent! – – Rawrr!

Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey

May 27, 2022

Say it ain’t so…Winnie the Pooh as a serial killer?! Yes, it is so in an upcoming horror movie. Winnie the Pooh and Piglet too have gone feral, abandoned by college-bound Christopher Robin and basically starving. It’s not exactly the beloved A.A. Milne characters from the original 1926 story here, nor their Disney versions. Nope, the boys have gone rogue, reverting to their wild roots and becoming seriously creepy. Piglet even sports tusks, and is clad in black…

In a scene which to me seems reminiscent of Steven King’s Christine, Pooh-bear is driving an ominous-looking vehicle. Just don’t bother looking for Eeyore the donkey, although you’ll see his tombstone. The boys have already killed and eaten him…

With the Winnie the Pooh tale now in the public domain, liberties may be taken with the classic story, although the film strives not to run afoul of Disney copyrights by omitting certain characters like Tigger, and changing the clothing styles of others. Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey is not a big budget horror movie, and was supposedly shot in just ten days.

So be afraid, be very afraid of Pooh and Piglet sneaking up on you in your bath. In this horror comedy, you might not even recognize them anymore.- – Aieee! 🙀

“Lucky Larry’s Landscaping” Progressive Commercial

April 24, 2022

I haven’t seen animal choreography this featured since Michael Jackson’s Halloween animated special (below). Catch that gem if you possibly can, especially the animal dance sequence performed to Jackson’s Dangerous. But I digress…

In Progressive Insurance’s commercial Timber, we are introduced to landscaper Lucky Larry, whose job is going so well that he sings to us about it emerging from his truck:

“Oh, the sun keeps shining and the grass is green, I’m way ahead of schedule with my trusty team!” 🎶

“There’s Heather on the hedges,” (complete with hedgehogs snipping) “and Kenny on the koi,” (one of which leaps up to kiss said worker), and we’re ready for an idyllic Disney-esque song and dance number on stairs with anthropomorphic raccoons, bunnies, and squirrels when the mood is shattered by the new guy worker accidentally dropping a tree on the work truck! 🙀

Fortunately, Progressive Insurance can have your small business covered for such calamities, even if Lucky Larry isn’t true to his name… ☘️

So let the dance continue, even if there aren’t foxes included in this number. I’ve gotta get me a better agent, that’s all… 🦊

Capitol Red Fox Caught…

April 9, 2022

I wish to disavow involvement with the incidents of a red fox biting nine people on the grounds of the U.S. Capitol, and have a perfect alibi; she was a female, you see…

She was a fine specimen, it must be admitted, and I’m sure that many of us can sympathize with biting people on the ankle, especially congressmen, but with nine confirmed bites, her doom was sealed. It saddens me to report that the fox was captured and euthanized, and did test positive for rabies. Even sadder is the fact that her kits were also reportedly captured and euthanized, too…

Rest In Peace, magnificent lady! You just took bite the power a bit too much to heart… 🦊

Walter, the Chevy Silverado Cat…

February 13, 2022

We’re quite used to seeing dogs in commercials, but cats not so much unless theyre hawking cat food or kitty litter. Walter the Cat changes all of that, appearing in a commercial for Chevy Silverado where he does everything a dog typically does, and more…

In the commercial, Walter is shown corralling cattle, chasing a mailman, riding a snowmobile, retrieving a stick thrown into water, leading a dog sled team, and even extricating a downed skier like a St. Bernard!

It’s all in a day’s work for the frisky feline, who rides shotgun in his master’s truck and shares a tent as well as any canine best friend. It is the Year of the Tiger, after all…Rawrr! 🦊

Geico’s “Angry Birds” Problem…

December 28, 2021

According to Geico, cultural icons are invading your home! You’ve got Muppet drummer Animal as an unwelcome guest in your attic, and Yogi and Boo Boo bears raiding your cookouts. In yet another example, Angry Birds from Rovio are doing the Hitchcock thing, smashing into the walls and windows of your home, and trashing feeders, lawn umbrellas, and flower pots on your patio!– – Aieee!

Now I know the three feathered fowl well, having an Angry Birds 2 addiction and leading a clan on the mobile game site. They are Red, Chuck, and Bomb, although Bomb certainly could have blasted through the window had he detonated. The homeowners are lucky that Terence didn’t show up, as the heavyweight probably could have gone through the wall as well. Matilda, Silver, and the Blues are likewise nowhere to be seen. Add in optional birds Bubbles, Hal, and Stella, and we could have reduced the whole house to splinters…pathetic humans!- –And why are there no Angry Foxes games?!

“The birds are back!,” one homeowner warns the other before the thumping and crashing continues. “Why are the birds so angry?,” wonders a neighbor peering over a fence. Perhaps there are green pigs in the neighborhood, stealing the avian’s eggs. In filming, the crew lobbed baseballs at the home to enable the actors to respond realistically to the impacts…

Fortunately, the homeowners have Geico insurance bundled to deal with the feathered predation. The assault of cultural icons must impact adversely on property values, one suspects… 🦊

The “Birds Aren’t Real” Movement…

October 14, 2021

Where performance comedy meets reality, you have the Birds Aren’t Real movement. Living as we are in a post-truth era where personal desires and perceptions take precedence for many over objective reality, we are awash in conspiracy theories to which a disturbing number of people ascribe...

The central mythos of Birds Aren’t Real is that beginning in the late 1950’s, federal agencies began exterminating all biological bird life in North America, replacing them with robotic surveillance drones. These drones watch and report on you to government agencies who in turn sell information about you. – – Don’t believe this? Well, have you ever seen a baby pigeon?!- – And why do you think that birds fly away when you approach them?

Now you see, Birds Aren’t Real is an organization that holds rallies and tours, much like other conspiracy groups that advance claims unbacked by science or factual evidence. It’s leader is Peter McIndoe, an earnest-appearing young man who blends parody and reality seamlessly. He has been spreading his gospel as a “bird truther” since 2016.

Alfred Hitchcock tried to warn us about avian attack drones many years ago in his prophetic film, The Birds. Shouldn’t we be putting up massive domes to keep these “undesirables” out? Remember the Avian Flu? Who knows what horrors some hidden laboratory is creating to be carried by these feathered fiends next?

And Big Bird, come on! Surely you don’t think he’s real? He’s just a clever propaganda creation engineered to lull our young into a false sense of security, and we invite him into our homes!

The revelation that birds are in fact surveillance drones is sure to put a damper on many traditional Thanksgiving dinners this year. I for one wouldn’t want to wind up with a mouthful of electronic parts, would you?! Should you swallow a few components, you probably become an enabler…

So just remember that if it flies, it spies! And ask yourself whether you get the joke, or are one of the people targeted by it. For what is a BIRD but a Basic Information Recording Drone? And bird watching goes both ways. – – Watch the skies, for they may be watching you! 🙀

Geico’s “Animal in the Attic”

October 7, 2021

I’ve always felt that Animal, the Muppet drummer for Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem, might have been helped by the proper psychotropic medication. On medication, however, his explosive and wildly exuberant drumming might have suffered. It’s a trade-off, really…

The Geico commercial begins with an unremarkable middle-aged couple sitting on their couch, with the guy professing that they love their house, and have lived there for years. “Yeah, but there’s an Animal in the attic,” adds the lady…

and so there is, flailing away at his drum kit while vocalizing such snatches of speech as “Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah! Drums! Drums! Aaaah! An-im-al!

When not loudly pounding on his drums, Animal invades the kitchen, literally swings from the rafters, and slides down the bannister. Remarkably, all his unwilling hosts can do is try to ignore him. At least Geico makes bundling their car and homeowners insurance easy…

In a closing scene, we are shown Animal shambling across the couple’s yard, the length of broken chain around his neck a nice touch. Animals just have to be free, ‘ya know…. 🦊

(…tip o’ the pen to Carycomic!)

“Godzilla vs. Kong” Satisfies…

August 31, 2021

I have at long last been able to see the much-touted Godzilla vs. Kong movie, crown jewel in the MonsterVerse series. While the film is overly-long and leaves many unanswered questions, it’s still a good guilty pleasure for Kaiju fans.

Now it takes over forty minutes for our combatants to finally meet in a neon-lit Hong Kong, which thoughtfully has Titan Shelters (so labeled) present for the safety of its human inhabitants. The dang Titans run amok every so often, and wouldn’t it be great if Titans were the only problem faced by humanity? They would constitute an external, readily-identifiable enemy.

Now Kong in the movie receives much of the initial film time, even taking a waterfall shower to the strains of a 50’s doo-wop hit. He’s being kept in a containment environment, but knows that it’s fake. When Godzilla begins attacking shipping and otherwise behaving badly, Kong is transported via air and sea to protect the mainland, and then it’s match on. Kong and Godzilla have an ancient rivalry and generally bad blood towards one another, you see. Kong is also recruited to fight for humanity by being shown “Hollow Earth,” a vast environment within the Earth where he’s led to believe he may find others like himself. The notion of Hollow Earth should really delight and get fringe conspiracy and pseudo-science adherents buzzing.

So Kong and Godzilla fight in Hong Kong, and I won’t detail that outcome so as not to spoil the spectacle for those who have yet to see the film. I will say that Mechagodzilla enters into it prominently, however, and that he’s become sentient, gone rogue, and is infused with the mojo of King Ghidora through one of his three decapitated heads, and despises Godzilla for having killed him in a previous film. Understandably, this could ruin your entire day. It all gets rather complicated, but suffice it to say that Mechagodzilla here is an impressive creation, his red eyes glowing like a gigantic Terminator endoskeleton. When Godzilla and Mechagodzilla go at one another head to head, it’s like seeing a Jedi vs. Sith light saber battle on a epic scale, so pull up a chair for this one…

So by all means, indulge yourself in Godzilla vs. Kong, which at times is oddly satisfying and a great guy film! No one else needs to know that you saw it. Perhaps in a future film, the absence of the other Titans from this one will be explained. I could do with a good Mothra epic, after all. Until then, satisfy yourself with Mechagodzilla… 🦊

Brando’s “Dr. Moreau” 25th Year Anniversary…

August 21, 2021

Everyone should read the 1896 novel The Island of Doctor Moreau by H. G. Wells at least once. As a furry, I’ve read it several times, and catch the film versions whenever they’re on. Burt Lancaster played the doctor in a more traditional 1977 version, whereas Marlon Brando really took the role off the rails in a 1996 version that is generally regarded to be the worst film that he ever made.

Brando‘s Dr. Moreau is by almost anyone’s definition bizarre. Playing the part in white Kabuki-style makeup and other outrageous garb, Brando’s characterization is really far out there, and hard to relate to. What makes the film memorable, however, is the cast of animal hybrids that were created in one of the last special effects extravaganzas using makeup rather than computer generated special effects. You can even catch Ron Perlman in the film playing the Sayer of the Law, a goatish-hybrid.

Now Ron Perlman is no stranger to having played furry and other offbeat characters, having appeared as Hellboy and even Vincent in the series Beauty and the Beast. Perlman wanted the experience of having appeared in a project with the legendary Marlon Brando, although this film hardly qualifies as Brando’s best work. Perlman would describe the movie as being an incredible mess…

Now Dr. Moreau was a mad scientist type who endeavored to create human-animal hybrids via vivisection. When his gruesome and painful experiments were publicly exposed, Moreau fled to his island to continue work perfecting his Beast Folk. It continues to be a classic work of science fiction to this day while reflecting the ethical, philosophical, and scientific concerns of the time of its creation. So consider visiting The Island of Doctor Moreau in literature and film, with the 1996 Brando version celebrating its 25th anniversary…and if you see Fox-Bear Woman, a female hybrid of a fox and a bear, tell her I’ve got her back… Are We Not Men?!


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