Archive for the ‘Brilliant but twisted’ category
July 19, 2013
– – Being eaten by an airborne shark can ruin your whole day! It’s not that the SyFy Channel hasn’t made and aired breath-taking bad movies before; it’s just that Sharknado is one of those rare hilariously bad movies that has taken on a life of its own, and taken Twitter by storm. For the time that Sharknado aired, there was the feeling that a global ephemeral community had formed, and that thousands, perhaps millions of bad movie connoisseurs were united in groaning and laughing over the premise and execution of this marvelously bad flick.
Originally airing on the SyFy Channel on July 11th and repeated on air July 18th, Sharknado was a kind of monster meets disaster movie production in which a freak hurricane hits Los Angeles, causing man-eating sharks to be scooped up in tornadoes, which then flooded the city with shark-infested waters. There is something dark inside many of us that delights in seeing someone eaten by a shark, especially a throw-away character that deserves it. Unlike similar movies in which there’s only five or ten minutes of actual gory action, Sharknado didn’t skimp on the shock and sharks; there were sharks peppered throughout the film, on land, sea, and air! They consumed fleeing motorists, and even made their way into flooded houses. – – That’s gotta lower property values!
If you left your brains at the door, Sharknado was great fun! Sample dialogue: “We’re gonna fight. You can’t just stand around and wait for sharks to rain down on us.” Fight the protagonists did, with shotguns, baseball bats, and even chainsaws…they got up in helicopters, and used home-made propane bombs to neutralize tornadoes! You haven’t lived until you’ve seen someone use a chainsaw to rescue a woman after being consumed and inside the shark! Contracted by the SyFy Channel and directed for film studio The Asylum by Anthony C. Ferrante, Sharknado will have a sequel set in New York City, with fans suggesting titles on Twitter…
Categories: absurdities, animals, aquatic, Brilliant but twisted, television
Tags: Sharknado, SyFy Channel movies
Comments: 3 Comments
June 21, 2013
— Ah, the stories, the wonderful fantastic tales that could be shared if Dorothy from “Oz” and Alice from “Wonderland” could sit down together, and compare notes on a pleasant summer afternoon! I’d surely pull up a chair to listen in to that conversation!
Alice could open by relating how she followed a white rabbit with a watch who seemed much preoccupied with the time, while Dorothy could share an encounter with a cowardly lion. Alice might speak of meeting a hookah-smoking caterpillar, while Dorothy could regale us with descriptions of flying monkeys. There would be reports of animal abuse, too, such as Alice’s description of a croquet game with flamingos used as mallets, and Dorothy’s account of a green-hued witch threatening her small dog.
Some of the strangest furry encounters in literature have been described or related by children, or by those with child-like, open minds. Weird shit, indeed, and oddly compelling…
Categories: animals, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, fantasy, furry, furry literature, weird
Tags: animal, fantastic, Oz, Weird, Wonderland
Comments: 4 Comments
May 20, 2013
– – We who have gardens know that unwanted animals can invade your territory, and lay waste to the fruits of your labors. For that reason, animal repellents are commonly used, both of the home variety and those commercially made. In a commercial aired by Liquid Fence, they take a rather idyllic-looking yard and divide it neatly in two, protecting part of it with bars of soap, scarecrows, shiny things, an ugly fence, ninjas, and “a Pomeranian (dog) who only works the day shift.” The other half of the yard is protected by Liquid Fence.- – Guess which half of the yard most effectively repels the unwanted wildlife?- -You guessed it!
So if you don’t want the dwatted wabbits getting at your tender vegetation, you now know what to do. I’ll be in the yard portion infested by the wabbits, mesmerized by the shiny things…
Categories: animals, Brilliant but twisted, furry commercials, strange, television
Tags: animal repellents, Liquid Fence
Comments: 2 Comments
April 27, 2013
– – From the 1940’s through the 1960’s, bright and cheerful books featuring caucasian children, middle-class families, and wholesome animals were sold by Little Golden Books and related publishers with titles such as, The Pokey Little Puppy or Baby’s Toys. They were often the first reading material that kids of that time experienced, or the first books that they owned. Prices were unbelievable by today’s standards; perhaps 25 cents gradually creeping higher.
Well, artist Bob Staake has created a series of books inspired by such classic kiddie reading material, but with a darker satirical twist that makes these books distinctly not for the young and innocent; these are titles such as, Mommy Needs To Go To Detox, or If You Give A Cyclops A Kitten. The cover art is dead-on.- –Why didn’t they have books like this when I was a kid?!
Also recommended: Bedtime Stories for Children You Hate by Antoinette Bergin, with stories such as, Your Upstairs Neighbor Kills People…pleasant screams, kiddies, ahahahaha!
Categories: Brilliant but twisted, cartoons, humor, Off-topic, strange
Tags: Bad children's books
Comments: 2 Comments
April 17, 2013
– – As you’re likely aware, the Aflac Duck was recently injured, suffering damage to his beak and a wing. Now the waterfowl is fighting his way back, with help from physical therapy and the inspiration of Rocky Balboa! In the 60 second commercial, we are shown the duck struggling with such therapy tasks as climbing stairs, treading water, working on a gym station, and jumping rope…slow and sad piano-accented music plays in the background. It’s so hard for the doggedly-determined duck…but then he starts to get his energy and range of motion back, and as the soundtrack of “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor plays in the background, we see the duck working out like a champ!
The underlying message is that with Aflac to pay his bills so he doesn’t have to worry, the duck can focus on therapy and getting better…and there’s no keeping a good duck down! He’s gotten 35,000 get-well cards, according to Aflac’s chief marketing executive, who considers the duck and the brand to be not an image but an experience. But will he suffer from post-traumatic stress, and require therapy? This is the 58th commercial to feature the Aflac duck, if you’re counting…
Categories: absurdities, animal spokepersons, animals, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, furry commercials, television
Tags: Aflac Duck therapy
Comments: 2 Comments
April 8, 2013
– – Wouldn’t you like to have a hawk for a friend that obligingly drops off a cold drink when you’ve a hankering for one? The dude in the “No Man’s Land” commercial for Dr. Pepper 10 does, and also frolics with a bear in the wilderness, tears and chews bark right off a tree, and effortlessly carries a huge log with one arm! Such things are apparently possible when you partake of “The Manliest Low-Calorie Soda in the History of Mankind.” Welcome to the manly world of Dr. Pepper 10, so manly it’s packaged in gunmetal-gray cans.- -Would Hillary Clinton drink this?- –I think not!
‘Ya see, diet sodas are frequently perceived as wimpy drinks unfavored by manly men, so the good folks at Dr. Pepper have brought us this neo-version of Grizzly Adams to counter this perception. Partaking of it’s “bold flavor” and ten calories enables us to be “wild and free,” or so they would have us believe; all that’s missing is a drum circle. So much for guys being sensitive and in touch with our feelings, and I like my diet drinks just fine.- -I’ll gladly take a friendly hawk and a bear buddy, though, if anyone’s offering…
Categories: absurdities, animals, Brilliant but twisted, furry, furry commercials, television
Tags: Dr. Pepper 10
Comments: 2 Comments
April 2, 2013
– – Back when special effects were a lot less special in the 1960’s, we were treated to an episode of Star Trek (The Original Series) called Arena where a young William Shatner’s James T. Kirk fought a powerful but ponderous and slow-moving reptilian creature called a Gorn.- –Well, 46 years after their original encounter, Shatner is again rematched with his scaly rival in a commercial for a Star Trek video game debuting this month. The duo is comfortably seated on a sofa in a cozy living room, each one armed with a video controller and engaged in virtual on-screen combat!
Things get a little heated, and the two arise to their feet to engage in hand-to-hand combat, complete with sofa cushions being thrown, and the legendary Starfleet captain dodging clumsy swings by the reptilian! When the combatants clinch, Shatner breaks the reptile’s hold by smacking his palms over its ear orifices. As the Gorn moans in pain, Shatner accuses it of overacting, and out of breath admonishes it that, “We’re both too old for this kind of thing!”- -Wonderful stuff!
The Gorn depicted is true to the original creature, complete with bulky costume and compound eyes. A computer-generated Gorn as later seen in an episode of Star Trek: Enterprise was considerably more agile, and moved quickly. This flashback, however, reminds us of what may be Gorn, but not forgotten…
Categories: absurdities, animals, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, furry commercials, scalies, sci fi, television
Tags: Shatner and Gorn commercial, Shatner vs. Gorn
Comments: 2 Comments
March 29, 2013
– – Many of us like to hug kittens, but would you like to wear them?- -Not as skins, heaven forbid, but as living, moving creatures? It would be unnatural, and possibly a bit surreal if not creepy. Then you’d probably pick up a lot of cat hair, and what if one of them had to pee or poop? Many would be the problems of a kitten shirt, not to be confused with a hair shirt, worn in the Middle Ages to mortify the flesh, which is not an idea much in vogue in contemporary society…
…well, hair shirts were worn intentionally to be uncomfortable, and the idea of this commercial for Hanes ComfortBlend T-shirts and underwear is that they’re as soft or next best to being covered with luxurious kitten fur. To drive home that point, we are shown a man wearing a digitally-enhanced shirt of many kittens, and they don’t seem to be overly-distressed by being worn, moving slightly and mewing independently. The kitten-shirt wearing man doesn’t seem to be getting much support on his attire from his friends, so he taps Hanes spokesman Michael Jordan for his opinion. Michael doesn’t seem to think much of kitten shirts either, and you can bet that PETA would be of the same frame of mind.
While cat-friendly, I doubt I’d like a kitten shirt, as well. Now if you’d care to cover me with Catwoman, however, that’s another matter entirely…
Categories: absurdities, animals, Brilliant but twisted, furry, furry commercials, television
Tags: Hanes cat commercial, kitten undershirt
Comments: 2 Comments
March 27, 2013
– – He understands marketing completely, wears an electronic speech translation device around his neck, and occasionally eats his staff members…that’s Mr. Wolfdog, the marketing director brought in by Old Spice to promote their Wild Collection fragrance line. Wolfie knows his way around an office, and his is complete with devices like calculators, business awards, and desk toys like a Newton’s Cradle. Wolfdog is also a busy rascal, having made a series of banner ads, a number of videos posted on YouTube, animated GIFs, and even an album of inspirational business music called Night Business, with cover art featuring Wolfie in shades and a cool casual suit! His credentials include being Alpha Male for Deciduous Forest Pack #13588 in Woods, Montana.
It’s all parody, but with videos such as How to Give Constructive Criticism (“Use a compliment kabob!,” “Wear a criticism sweater!”), Wolfdog is a more authentic, creative, and benign supervisor than some I’ve had.- -I could work for this guy! He’d be a great improvement, actually…
Categories: absurdities, animal spokepersons, animals, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, furry, furry commercials, television
Tags: Director Wolfdog, Old Spice's Wolfdog
Comments: 3 Comments
March 23, 2013
– – The commercial for Old Spice’s Hawkridge runs like a demented out-take for Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds. It’s a high-stakes poker game, and two male players are squaring off over the card hands that they hold while on-lookers gawk. One card player with glasses, a receding hairline, and a handful of costly rings is contending against a handsome guy who has, interestingly enough, a hawk on his arm. Although he holds a royal flush, the dominant player is sweating. We are privy to his thoughts; “I couldn’t get a read on him. Is he bluffing?,” thinks the man. Looking up, the royal flush holder sees that his opponent now has two hawks. Scree, screech the hawks. A moment later, the hawks have multiplied to four; scree, they cry. Briefly later, the hawks have multiplied yet again. The shrill cries are now a chorus, with hawks descending from above and one even roosting on the handsome guy’s head.- -Holy Hitchcock!
When yet another hawk rolls out from under the table between the bespectacled guy’s legs, he obviously has even more to sweat about, and so decides to fold despite holding an unbeatable hand. This is known as winning by intimidation. A victory for the hawkmaster, who has also by now acquired his opponent’s girlfriend! The message is that this scent doesn’t just attract women, but vanquishes competition! Talk about giving someone the bird…
Categories: animal presence, animal spokepersons, animals, Brilliant but twisted, feathered friends, furry commercials, television
Tags: Hawkridge commercial
Comments: 2 Comments
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