Archive for the ‘scalies’ category

Golf Course ‘Gator…

October 18, 2018

 

Looking like an escapee from Jurassic Park on the Buffalo Creek Golf Course in Palmetto, Florida there has repeatedly been seen a large alligator estimated to be 15 feet in length who has been nicknamed “Chubbs.”  This recent image was taken by a golfer from about 50 feet away.  The ‘gator seems to lumber from one water hole to another, pausing to rest along the way.  He doesn’t bother the golfers, who wisely don’t bother him…

The ‘gator has reportedly been good for business.  It is not known if he is considered a hazard of the course, or what percentage of the golfers there are wearing their Izod shirts.  And for those of us who remember Wally Gator, the early 60’s Hanna-Barbera creation, we offer these theme lyrics:                              

 Wally Gator is a swinging alligator in the swamp.

He’s the greatest perculator when he really starts to romp. 

There has never been a greater operator in the swamp. 

See ya later, Wally Gator.

 

source: https://www.lyricsondemand.com/tvthemes/wallygatorlyrics.html

Great-Grandmother vs. 12-Foot ‘Gator…

September 19, 2018


Here at Foxsylvania, we applaud and appreciate strong women, and feel that they are an awakening giant in America’s near political future. As a case in point, we bring you Judy Cochran, the mayor of Livingston, Texas who is also a great-grandmother.

Well, about three years ago, a miniature horse of her’s went missing, and its remains were never found. A large alligator was suspected, with multiple gators having been found on her property, which includes several miles of riverfront. Revenge is a dish best served cold, and a 12-foot, 580-pound alligator was recently legally shot and killed in a pond with one round by the mayor, who plans on eating the meat and making the hide into boots. Her grandson shot an even larger gator several years ago…

…I plan on staying on the right side of the mayor, and hope that she doesn’t see me as a varmint should I venture into Texas…

Godzilla vs. Kong!

June 12, 2018


Deep inside me, there abides a ten-year-old fox-boy who never grew up.  For that reason, I can still get excited about a Godzilla vs. King Kong remake, even though it will have been 58 years since a movie bore that title.  Hopefully the special effects will have improved significantly in that time interval.  Just don’t get your popcorn out yet or try to buy movie passes; Godzilla vs. Kong isn’t slated to arrive until May of 2020…

For what is sure to be an epic addition to the MonsterVerse, the film director promises a dark film in which there will be a clear winner!  That’s right, no ambiguous ending for once.  Kong, last seen in Skull Island set in the 1970’s, will have weathered the intervening decades by becoming older, battle-scarred, and bigger. His size will accordingly be more of a match for the redoubtable Godzilla, my personal fave.  I’m sure that there will be an abundance of fires, explosions, and destruction of real estate…look, they’re lowering property values!  Perhaps the battling behemoths can level Trump Tower…

 

Rampage:  Megafauna Rampant…

April 11, 2018

I’m glad that my cousin, Ralph, finally made it to the big screen!  He always had dreams of going to Hollywood, and deserved it after all those years of parking cars, pumping gas, and hanging out at furry and video game conventions.  It was annoying to him that people would pull at his costume only to discover that it wasn’t one. – – Ahh, his mother would have been so proud of him!  On the other hand, I wasn’t granted Ralph’s athleticism, being only a bookish writer…fortune, thou art a cruel mistress!

I suppose it was inevitable that they’d make a movie loosely based on the vintage video game, Rampage, and starring Dwayne Johnson.  After all, Doom turned out so well!  In the long-ago, I can remember playing the video game, and never doing terribly well…such is the the story of my life!  Anyways, in his latest action film outing, the Rock plays primatologist Davis Okoye who is attempting to intervene on behalf of his albino silverback gorilla, George, the object of a rogue genetic experiment gone awry. – –Tell me about it!  George, Ralph, and other mutant animals grown to enormous size are, well, rampaging through North America, and causing big trouble and general mayhem.  It’s up to Dwayne Johnson and others to find an antidote…

This sci fi/fantasy offering sounds like good brainless fun, and is opening April 13th at a theater near you!  A CGI-heavy movie, it also features Jeffrey Dean Morgan of The Walking Dead, minus his Negan bat, Lucille.  I expect that Ralphie will give a memorable performance, and even if he doesn’t, I’m still proud of the big lug… 😉

Dragons vs. The Frozen Dead!

August 24, 2017

 

Noteworthy:  It was Dragons vs. Zombies  on a recent episode of the HBO series Game of Thrones.  Just when things were looking hopeless for virtuous character Jon Snow and his small band of seasoned fighters under siege by thousands of White Walkers (kind of like frozen dead), it was three great dragons to the rescue, spewing flames and causing the walking dead to combust merrily, a rout and a slaughter.  This is the kind of spectacle that makes for great television, about as good as it gets…

…but wait!  Things take a twist when the demonic leader of the White Walkers is able to peg a lance into one dragon, slaying it and later resurrecting it as a kind of zombie ice dragon ready to do his bidding.  The series finale of Game of Thrones should be truly epic…

Geico’s “Alligator Arms”

March 30, 2016

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I love Chinese food, and so apparently do some alligators.  Following lunch at a Chinese place with some human companions, it’s check time.  “Whoa whoa whoa, I got this!,” declares the ‘gator as he makes a token effort to reach the check.  Limited by his short arms, the reptile never gets there; “I can’t reach it,” he submits.  “When you have short arms, you avoid picking up the check,” declares the announcer.  “It’s what you do.”  If you want to save up to 15% on car insurance, you switch to Geico…it’s what you do.

Conveniently, a male companion, Dennis, gathers up the check, and is thanked by the reptile.  Not one to waste food, the ‘gator then gobbles down the remainder of the meal in one practiced gulp.  “Oh, that is good crispy duck!,” he announces with gluttonous satisfaction.  Waste not, want not, I suppose…

Snickers “Godzilla” Commercial…

July 16, 2014

 

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Godzilla, as we learn in a Snickers commercial, is an alright dude!  We are shown footage of the big guy in just slightly larger than human form, hanging at the beach, riding four wheelers, playing ping-pong, and making the scene at a party.- – What a party animal!

Godzilla’s actually pretty cool!,” comments one male party-goer to his friend.  “Except when he’s hungry,” corrects the buddy.  Then the footage cuts to Godzilla in full rampage, hundreds of feet tall and blasting cars airborne with his breath.  Fortunately, someone in the crowd knows the remedy for this situation, and lobs Godzilla a Snickers bar. – – He eats the morsel, gets a blissful expression on his massive face, and then suddenly…Party Godzilla is back, water skiing and blending happily into human society again!  

You’re not yourself when you’re hungry, we are told. Studies have shown that hunger and anger can be linked. Maybe then the answer to unrest in the Middle East and elsewhere is simply to bombard the combatants with Snickers bars…heck, diplomacy doesn’t seem to be doing much, so make chocolate, not war!