Archive for the ‘Brilliant but twisted’ category

The Geico Chicken…”It’s What You Do…”

April 15, 2015

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Dang, this chicken leads a more adventurous life than I do!  A  free-range chicken is shown riding the rails, traveling shotgun with a trucker, enjoying a campfire gathering, and sitting at a diner counter while observing egg platters being served…that’s gotta be awkward! – – Ahh, the lure of the open road, to be footloose and fancy free!  All the while, said chicken manages to send pictures of her exploits to a worn-looking farm couple, her former owners…

…it’s what she does…after all, she’s a free-range chicken, doing what she’s called to do!  The sweeping melody of “Ride Away” by Roy Orbison accompanies the Geico commercial, and I’d love to log a few miles with this bird! 

Camels: “It’s What You Do…”

December 31, 2014

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The original Geico commercial with Caleb the Camel at the office is now kind of a classic.  Success, unfortunately, tends to breed imitation, and so it comes as no surprise in this new commercial to see humans at the zoo tormenting camels on display with “Guess what day it is” banter.  As anyone who has heard the many imitators can vouch, it gets old pretty quickly…

We are then privy to a conversation held between two camels at the zoo who are being badgered by camel wanna-bees, complete with dialogue from the original commercial.  Understandably, they are weary of it.  “It’s not even Wednesday!,” complains one camel to his companion.  “Let it go, Phil,”  advises the other.  The voice of the announcer then cuts in; “When you’re a camel, this is what you put up with all the time…it’s what you do…”

Camels…more sinned against than sinning.  Joe Camel, purveyor of tobacco products in an earlier time, never knew these burdens…and a happy and prosperous New Year to all of our readers!

 

 

 

“I Heard Something in the Attic” d-Con Commercial

December 25, 2014

 

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In another commercial for d-Con pest control, a couple goes to investigate a noise heard in their attic. Once there, they encounter two large and socially-inappropriate mice. Now these are not your cute and endearing Christmas mice, but rather human-sized anthropomorphic ones who not only take up residence in your attic, but also rifle through personal possessions and even put on your stored clothing that they find there! Clearly, a line of some sort has been crossed here…

One of the mice appears to be looking through a photo album while another is wearing some kind of frilly feminine outfit, possibly a bridal gown. We’ll hope that said mouse is female, as I prefer not to even consider the thought of cross-gender dressing rodents, much less what pleasure they may take in such acts. No creature does this better than Bugs Bunny, anyways, and he always uses the ploy to confound his adversaries. Small wonder, then, that the couple order the offending vermin out…humanoid mice need to have a better sense of decorum. As the commercial concludes, enough is enough…

d-Con’s “Mouse in the Pantry” Commercial

December 19, 2014

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In a short, arguably disgusting, but twisted commercial for d-Con pest control products, a father with two young children finds some sizable, oblong, dark-colored objects littering the kitchen floor.  “What are those?,” questions a child innocently.  Following the trail of unspeakable things to the kitchen pantry, the father jerks open the pantry door to reveal…a mouse!  A large, anthropomorphic, fursuited mouse is seated comfortably on the pantry floor while munching on some snack for humans right out of the box!  The father screams in surprise at the unwelcome furry visitor, who yells back startled at the human intruder. – – It’s a Kodak moment!  

“Get out!,” demands the father of the surprised anthro rodent.  Those were his droppings strewn on  the floor, you see.   You certainly wouldn’t want to find such a creature stirring in your house on Xmas Eve…perhaps if he were fitted with Depends, he would be less objectionable.  Darn vermin seem to get bigger every year!

 

Progressive’ s “Flo’s Family”

December 6, 2014

 

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Many of us suffer through the holiday gatherings of our dysfunctional families.  It can then be strangely comforting to view the mouth-fighting, absurdities, and friction crackling through the air at meal gatherings of Flo’s Family, she of Progressive Insurance fame.  While Flo is strangely disquieting and surreal, the viewer emerges from such commercials with a better understanding of the family dynamics which produced her, and indeed may feel oddly sympathetic.  Flo has actually done remarkably well for herself, considering her background.  This is the family from hell, and perhaps we may see a bit of our own in it.

Actress Stephanie Courtney plays six roles in a number of spots, including Flo, Janice, Todd, Diane, Dad, and Grandpa.  Most of the commercials are a mere half minute long, but in some such as Creative Thanksgiving, the ads expand to about two minutes, providing a kind of mini sitcom.  Flo’s relentlessly cheerful mother Diane announces that the family is having a “creative” Thanksgiving, which amounts to a euphemism for crazy.  Instead of a traditional turkey, Mom has made turkey balls, turkey burgers, turkey rolls, turkey sliders, and so on.  Eyeing a turkey ball with toothpick on his plate, Grandpa complains, “What is this? The Great Depression?!,” crying out to Flo as “Nurse!”  She does look like one, as Flo dresses in her white Progressive uniform every day.  Sister Janice proclaims that this constant attire is an insult to her creativity.  “Well, they were all out of tube tops at the gas station,” retorts Flo.  Dad ventures that he gets creative in where he leaves his socks.  “What’s a man gotta do to get a hot plate around here?!,” complains Grandpa.  Crazy stuff…err, I mean creative!

And so it goes…funny thing is, this would be a better sitcom than half of those currently on television!  

Gecko’ s “Really Literal” Genie…

November 9, 2014

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Two women begin this Geico commercial eating outside with the usual conversation about how spending 15 minutes with Geico can save you 15% on your car insurance.  “Everyone knows that!,” dismisses one woman.  “Well, did you know that some genies can be really literal?,” retorts the other.

Cut to a mock-sitcom called, “Genie and Me,” complete with laugh track.  A man is unpacking boxes, and comes upon a brass lamp, which he polishes. — Poof!  A genie appears, who has a wonderfully disaffected, almost bored expression.  His master is granted a wish, and greedily if predictably wishes for a million bucks.  The genie gestures, and the house and grounds are suddenly populated with a million bucks…the four-legged, antlered variety!  Be careful what you wish for, as it is said…

…there are other “Genie and Me” episodes available for viewing, all in the style of a 1950’s – 1960’s sitcom, complete with hokey humor.  In one, the mother of the genie’ s master mistakes the magical lamp for a gravy boat.  “Good gravy!,” comments the genie, who is wonderful to watch.  It’s fake television, but still better tongue-in-cheek viewing than much of the drek actually airing on the tube…Ray, Genie! 

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American Horror Story: Freak Show

October 24, 2014

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The Fx series American Horror Story: Freak Show is remarkable dark television horror, combining good writing and superb acting on a bizarre subject in a fashion rarely seen on the small screen. Inspired by Tod Browning’s Freaks and Herk Harvey’s Carnival of Souls and set in Florida in the early 1950’s, the show details the relationships between a closely-knit colony of sideshow freaks in a dying profession, and the often harsh outside world of gawkers and exploiters who constitute the real monsters. Every subtype of human oddity is represented, including a brilliantly-portrayed tormented “bearded lady (Kathy Bates),” a “lobster boy,” “pinheads,” and the stars of the show, a pair of stunning conjoined female twins with radically different personalities. Paranormal elements are injected, and there is also about the most scary predatory clown that you are ever likely to see, “Twisty” (pictured).

This is disturbing but mesmerizing stuff, definitely not for the kiddies due to gore and sexual content. It’s perfect, however, for horror fans, and those of us who enjoy Halloween themes year-round…

Doritos Breakroom Ostrich…

February 4, 2014

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The 2014 Superbowl was not especially memorable for either football or commercials, but the Doritos ad featuring an ostrich was cute.  The  short spot began with an office boss dressing down two employees for eating all of the Doritos in the breakroom, plus making an awful mess.  One of the two employees just so happens to be be a full-sized ostrich…

…the crime scene itself is then recreated, as we are shown the balding male employee scarfing down every Dorito in sight, and indeed making quite a mess in the process; he would seem from the wrappers to prefer the nacho flavor variety.  The ostrich appears in the doorway and observes the spectacle, casting a disapproving gaze and then backing out; the man says nothing.  When the boss is then confronting the duo and telling them that the offense has been narrowed down to one of them, the human shamelessly says that the ostrich is “obviously” the culprit, at which point the ostrich does a memorable and wide-mouthed gasp!  Obviously, some humans are capable of anything

…and darned if I don’t have an incredible desire to eat some Doritos right now, although I prefer the ranch flavor…ranch, Mmm!

Tums TV Spot, “Chicken…”

January 12, 2014

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– – It’s grotesque, absurd, and surreal, and like something out of a vegetarian’s worst nightmare…the plucked, decapitated, and man-sized chicken in a commercial for Tums Ultra Strength antacids.  Standing upright at an upscale outdoor barbecue presumably where it was consumed, this most foul fowl and the man who is now tormented by it become aware of one another’s presence at the same time.  The chicken carcass utters what I suppose martial arts challenges would sound like if vocalized by a chicken, and begins to swing its sizable plucked wings at the hapless human, landing at least one good slap.  Although caught off-guard, the man responds by dodging and directing a punch at the giant plucked bird…thankfully, we are spared the full  fury of the combat.

…the announcer then interjects, “When that chicken you had at the barbecue starts fighting with heartburn,  fight back with Tums!”  Antacids apparently succeed where fisticuffs do not, for in the final scene, the man and the great carcass are playing nicely with one another at a friendly game of volleyball.  Sports is often seen as an outlet for male aggression and a substitute for war, after all…and I do so like to see conflict resolved amicably, especially when it involves the barbecued dead…

The Starburst “Juicy Dragon…”

October 8, 2013

starburst– – I hate to see mythological creatures exploited, and one usually doesn’t want to mess with dragons.  But the Starburst “giggly juicy dragon” is not your typical dragon, even among a race of extraordinary creatures.  The dragon in question also seems to dearly love his videos, and apparently is easily entertained by them.  The dragon must live under a rock not to already be familiar with the “keyboard cat” video, but then again, dragons are reputed to at times live under rocks, or at least in caves.  For that reason, the giggly juicy dragon is probably starved for entertainment, or at the very least doesn’t get out much.  The “keyboard cat” apparently can really tickle the dragon’s funnybone, or whatever he may have that passes for one.

In this short video, one candy-chomping man is wondering how they get Starburst candies to be so juicy; lord knows, many poor devils lay awake at night pondering that very point.  Now thanks to this commercial, you need wonder no longer! – – They show the giggly juicy dragon funny videos such as the keyboard cat, he laughs so hard that he weeps tears of joy, and such tears as they flow are collected and put into the Starbursts.  I guess that this isn’t quite exploitative as the dragon gets his jollies that way, although PETA might see the matter differently…