– – It’s grotesque, absurd, and surreal, and like something out of a vegetarian’s worst nightmare…the plucked, decapitated, and man-sized chicken in a commercial for Tums Ultra Strength antacids. Standing upright at an upscale outdoor barbecue presumably where it was consumed, this most foul fowl and the man who is now tormented by it become aware of one another’s presence at the same time. The chicken carcass utters what I suppose martial arts challenges would sound like if vocalized by a chicken, and begins to swing its sizable plucked wings at the hapless human, landing at least one good slap. Although caught off-guard, the man responds by dodging and directing a punch at the giant plucked bird…thankfully, we are spared the full fury of the combat.
…the announcer then interjects, “When that chicken you had at the barbecue starts fighting with heartburn, fight back with Tums!” Antacids apparently succeed where fisticuffs do not, for in the final scene, the man and the great carcass are playing nicely with one another at a friendly game of volleyball. Sports is often seen as an outlet for male aggression and a substitute for war, after all…and I do so like to see conflict resolved amicably, especially when it involves the barbecued dead…
– – “Get in the bag!- – Get in the bag!,” cries the Denskies’ Dad, a would-be turkey pursuer to an agitated and very mobile turkey, which readily keeps ahead of the hapless hunter. So intent is Mr. Denskie at bagging the bird that he is oblivious to a number of trees looming in the immediate vicinity, soon colliding with one of the massive trunks and getting knocked out cold. The turkey escapes, none the worse for the wear. – – So who’s the real bird brain here?!
– – I hate to see mythological creatures exploited, and one usually doesn’t want to mess with dragons. But the Starburst “giggly juicy dragon” is not your typical dragon, even among a race of extraordinary creatures. The dragon in question also seems to dearly love his videos, and apparently is easily entertained by them. The dragon must live under a rock not to already be familiar with the “keyboard cat” video, but then again, dragons are reputed to at times live under rocks, or at least in caves. For that reason, the giggly juicy dragon is probably starved for entertainment, or at the very least doesn’t get out much. The “keyboard cat” apparently can really tickle the dragon’s funnybone, or whatever he may have that passes for one.
– – Hipster Maxwell the pig may have hail damage to his baby blue VW Cabriolet, but he’s so slick that he speedily gets an appointment through his Geico app with an insurance adjuster, and as fellow hail damage sufferer Ted struggles on hold with his insurance company, Maxwell even has time to steal Ted’s girlfriend away, and go boating with her! “Later, Ted!,” chortles the nameless fickle girl. –What is it with pigs, anyhow, that makes them “chick magnets?” Perhaps because they’re both farm animals…
– – You’ve probably heard certain types of vehicles referred to as “dinosaurs,” or perhaps as “big boats” or “land yachts“- -Well, in a commercial for the 2013 Buick Encore, the crossover vehicle has to navigate around a variety of dinosaurs including a stegosaurus, triceratops, and possibly an apatosaurus as they go plodding along city streets and even trying to park. The message is that the time of “big luxury” cars has passed, and the next big thing in luxury vehicles is small and nimble. This is somewhat ironic in that Buick in its day has made some of the biggest and softest luxury cars around; we also continue to burn fossil fuels aplenty, so perhaps the dinos shouldn’t be mocked. The commercial’s voiceover is by Kevin Bacon, and the music in the spot is “The Guitar” by They Might Be Giants…
– – As you’re likely aware, the Aflac Duck was recently injured, suffering damage to his beak and a wing. Now the waterfowl is fighting his way back, with help from physical therapy and the inspiration of Rocky Balboa! In the 60 second commercial, we are shown the duck struggling with such therapy tasks as climbing stairs, treading water, working on a gym station, and jumping rope…slow and sad piano-accented music plays in the background. It’s so hard for the doggedly-determined duck…but then he starts to get his energy and range of motion back, and as the soundtrack of “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor plays in the background, we see the duck working out like a champ!
FOXSYLVANIA 
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