Posted tagged ‘commercials’

Janice Buys A House…

April 27, 2018

“Cycling is my passion!,” declares Janice, sister of Progressive insurance’s arch sales rep, Flo.  The trouble is, sister Janice isn’t terribly passionate about anything, like so many today.  Peddling her exercise bike at a snail’s pace while chewing gem and taking “selfies,” Janice maintains that she is “blasting her quads.”  So when disturbingly perky and intensely focused sister Flo appears at Janice’s house in her trademark white uniform to push the notion of using Progressive’s Home Code Explorer feature, Janice can only complain that Flo is ruining her workout, finding all kinds of reasons not to look at Flo’s presentation.  “I’m in a meeting!,” she contends as she scrolls idly through her phone.- – Isn’t technology wonderful, keeping us all connected?  One can hardly fault Janice for giving Flo the brush-off.

There’s a little bit of trendy Janice’s self-defeating absurdities in many of us, or at least we may know someone somewhat like her.  If not, Flo’s dysfunctional family resonates in the American psyche…and actress Stephanie Courtney has played Flo in over 100 commercials, together with all the members of her fictitious “family…”

(Aside:  This blog has been quietly converted to a paid plan, which means ***No Commercials*** for you, valued readers, and a few other bells, whistles, and shiny things...)

Redd’s Wicked Apple Halloween Commercial!

October 31, 2015


Halloween is a wonderful time to let your inner furry self out, and a Redd’s Wicked Apple Halloween commercial shows us a werewolf with his date about to be served a Bloody Mary at the bartender’s recommended “perfect temperature of 98.6.” From above then falls a can of Wicked Apple Ale. Refusing the Bloody Mary, the werewolf seizes the gift from on high, and tells the bartender, “Nah dawg, I’m good!, ” walking away with the brew.

There’s some fine touches in this brief commercial, such as the mounted human head on the wall.  “This party is dead,” declares the bartender, adding “I love it!” So do I, dawg…and a Happy Howloween to all of you!

Tums Hot Dog Campsite Attack!

September 7, 2015



They bay at the moon, and attack your campsite in a pack, like wolves…the creepy, four-limbed, human sized hot dogs in a recent Tums commercial, that is! Brandishing a burning stick in one hand and his Tums package like a cross before a vampire, our intrepid camper is able to drive the marauding processed meats off.  Such is life in the Twilight Zone of the food chain…(shudders)

Be afraid, be very afraid…Tums has lately alarmed us with tales of assaultive meat foods that have included chicken wings, a nightmarish headless barbecued chicken, sky-diving meatballs, and what appeared to be a very angry corned beef sandwich.  It’s enough to make me want to add additional countermeasures to my existing zombie defense network…

Geico Water Hazard Monster!

September 3, 2015


Golf tends not to be especially thrilling as a spectator sport, but it could be enlivened considerably by making the water hazards truly hazardous, say by putting a Kraken into the water!  Golfer Bill in a recent Geico commercial is having a truly bad round when an enormous tentacle whips out of the water and ensnares him, the golfer flailing helplessly against its iron grip.

The sportscasters in the face of this spectacle are unflappable, commenting in whispered tones about how the golfer’s five iron may not be enough club to handle this situation; he’s gonna lose a stroke on this one!  More of the Kraken then becomes  visible for inspection, and it is truly a beast of Lovecraftian proportions; now this is a sporting event!  Still nonplussed, the sportscasters continue to comment in whispered tones; it’s what they do

I’d pull up a chair and pay to see golf matches like this!  With quicksand, scorpions, and rattlesnakes, perhaps we could also lend new meaning to tired old golf course “sand traps.”- – Now that’s entertainment!

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