Archive for the ‘television’ category
February 10, 2014
– – In another of their memorable and comic commercials in which one event leads to another, DirecTV tells us the sad tale of someone who pays too much for cable, causing him to feel down. When you feel down, you stay in bed…and when you stay in bed, they give your job (in this case, zoo keeper) to someone new. When your job is given to someone new, that someone has a lot to learn…and when someone has a lot to learn, mistakes are made…like failing to secure a cage, which results in a gorilla escaping behind the new keeper’s back. When mistakes are made, you get body slammed by a lowland gorilla when you leave your bed to get the paper….a gorilla named “Jimbo!”
We are admonished not to be body slammed by a lowland gorilla, but rather get rid of cable, and upgrade to DirecTV. Depression is a terrible thing, and so is being mowed down by a rampaging gorilla. – -I’ll take their word for it! One can, I am told, profit from the mistakes of others…
Categories: animals, furry, furry commercials, television
Tags: body slammed, lowland gorilla
Comments: 3 Comments
February 4, 2014
The 2014 Superbowl was not especially memorable for either football or commercials, but the Doritos ad featuring an ostrich was cute. The short spot began with an office boss dressing down two employees for eating all of the Doritos in the breakroom, plus making an awful mess. One of the two employees just so happens to be be a full-sized ostrich…
…the crime scene itself is then recreated, as we are shown the balding male employee scarfing down every Dorito in sight, and indeed making quite a mess in the process; he would seem from the wrappers to prefer the nacho flavor variety. The ostrich appears in the doorway and observes the spectacle, casting a disapproving gaze and then backing out; the man says nothing. When the boss is then confronting the duo and telling them that the offense has been narrowed down to one of them, the human shamelessly says that the ostrich is “obviously” the culprit, at which point the ostrich does a memorable and wide-mouthed gasp! Obviously, some humans are capable of anything…
…and darned if I don’t have an incredible desire to eat some Doritos right now, although I prefer the ranch flavor…ranch, Mmm!
Categories: absurdities, animals, anthropomorphic, avian, Brilliant but twisted, furry, furry commercials, television
Tags: Doritos ostrich
Comments: 3 Comments
January 27, 2014
– – The latest edition of Monsters and Mysteries in America presented another trio of unexplained beasties, at least one of which, the Ohio Grassman, has appeared on earlier, similar shows.
First on the agenda was the Green-Clawed Beast, an aquatic creature reported in Evansville, Indiana. In August of 1955, Naomi Johnson was repeatedly pulled underwater in the Ohio River by a lizard-like thing similar in some ways to the “Creature from the Black Lagoon” of film. The woman escaped her ordeal with bruised and clawed legs, and peculiar mud on them analyzed and reported usually from the depths, as in caves. Interestingly enough, an Air Force colonel reportedly came to the woman’s house later investigating the incident, took copious notes, and left admonishing the lady to never repeat her story…someone call Fox Mulder, please…
…then in the vicinity of the Big Muddy River near Murphysboro in June of 1973, a couple in a car near the river heard a scream and saw a creature emerge from the water reported to be about 7′ tall weighing about 400 lbs. with glowing eyes and an unpleasant stench. They reported the incident to the police, who investigated and found foot-long footprints and heard screams. In 1988, a salvage yard worker and his boss saw the creature and retreated to a building against which impacts were then made. The Big Muddy Monster is thought to be a variety of Bigfoot who uses the river for migrating.
Lastly in Salt Fork Park in Eastern Ohio, Grassman legends go back to at least the mid-1800’s. In 1869, an assault on a man with his daughter reportedly occurred, with the plucky lass beaning the Grassman with a large rock while it was grappling with her father. Described as Bigfoot’s stockier, shorter, and angrier cousin, the Grassman is further distinguished by throwing rocks and building nests. A review of the Eddy family’s experience on Morgan’s Trail was detailed where three children saw the creature and the reunited family later heard multiple strikes on trees before wisely retreating. A Hawk Spearman also reported seeing a 6-1/2 to 7 foot tall creature with massive arms who lobbed a rock at him, later stalking and then attacking the trailer where Spearman and his companion were in residence. Gashes were left on the trailer at a height of about 8′ off of the ground…
Categories: cryptozoology, mysteries, speculation, strange happenings, television, unexplained, unidentified
Tags: Big Muddy Monster, Green-Clawed Beast, Monsters and Mysteries, Ohio Grassman
Comments: 4 Comments
January 12, 2014
– – It’s grotesque, absurd, and surreal, and like something out of a vegetarian’s worst nightmare…the plucked, decapitated, and man-sized chicken in a commercial for Tums Ultra Strength antacids. Standing upright at an upscale outdoor barbecue presumably where it was consumed, this most foul fowl and the man who is now tormented by it become aware of one another’s presence at the same time. The chicken carcass utters what I suppose martial arts challenges would sound like if vocalized by a chicken, and begins to swing its sizable plucked wings at the hapless human, landing at least one good slap. Although caught off-guard, the man responds by dodging and directing a punch at the giant plucked bird…thankfully, we are spared the full fury of the combat.
…the announcer then interjects, “When that chicken you had at the barbecue starts fighting with heartburn, fight back with Tums!” Antacids apparently succeed where fisticuffs do not, for in the final scene, the man and the great carcass are playing nicely with one another at a friendly game of volleyball. Sports is often seen as an outlet for male aggression and a substitute for war, after all…and I do so like to see conflict resolved amicably, especially when it involves the barbecued dead…
Categories: absurdities, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, furry commercials, humor, strange, television
Tags: Tums "Chicken"
Comments: 3 Comments
January 6, 2014
– – Things went to the dogs or at least the canids on a recent episode of Monsters and Mysteries in America. For those partial to werewolves, the first segment presented the Beast of Bray Road, a wolf-like creature seen more than 100 times in Wisconsin since the 1940’s. Incidents involving the beast seemed to peak in the 1980’s, when a Lori Endrizzi encountered an upright creature consuming road kill along a road that she was traveling home; it appeared to be developing interest in the woman as a second course before she managed to get her stalled car started and escape. A later encounter was also profiled that occurred in 2006 when a Steve Krueger was picking up deer carcasses when something rocked his truck and helped itself to both a deer carcass and an ATV ramp in the bed of his pickup! He gunned his truck and also escaped, although the missing ramp later couldn’t be located.
A second segment profiled the Dogman, more of a spirit-based creature seen near Holly, Michigan with more than 100 sightings of similar cryptids across the world. A 2005 incident was presented where a repo man was driven off by a man-dog type hybrid which drove him off the property he had entered to reposess a Cadillac.
Lastly and perhaps most terrifying were the accounts of the Wendigo, a rather nasty entity with a taste for human flesh rooted in North American legends and said to frequent the North Woods of the Great Lakes region. The Wendigo takes over people like an infection, possessing them with a cannibalistic hunger so intense that the creature is said to chew off its own lips and gnaw on its fingers. A case was presented where a Cree Indian in the 1870’s had killed and eaten his own family, claiming at his own hanging that he was no longer a man but rather possessed by a Wendigo. In a modern case from 2008, a border on a Greyhound bus attacked a fellow traveler, decapitated him, paraded around the bus with his victim’s head like a trophy, and supposedly ate pieces of flesh from his victim…again supposedly possessed by the Wendigo, which in its true form appears as a frozen, cadaverous monster…truly scary stuff!
Categories: anthropomorphic, furry, strange happenings, television, unexplained, unidentified, weird
Tags: Beast of Bray Road, Dogman, Wendigo
Comments: 6 Comments
December 30, 2013
– – Monsters and Mysteries in America recently provided us with three nightmares after Xmas in a new episode, just the right antidote for the holiday season! Momo it would appear is a Missouri version of Bigfoot, described by those who have seen if not loved him as a long-haired beast covered in fur and emanating a stench! In 1972, “Missouri Momo” generated quite a commotion in the confusingly-named town of Louisiana, Missouri for several months. He was spotted by two boys and their mother, and is blamed for the disappearance of several dogs, which the creature apparently has an appetite for. The only physical evidence of Momo, however, is a plaster cast of a footprint showing a deep heel imprint and unusual toes…
Shadow people are reported to haunt Maryville, Missouri, with some claiming to have seen full-figure apparitions. These tall, dark creatures are sometimes reported with glowing red eyes, and one subtype apparently is seen wearing a brimmed hat. One person reports repeated, long-term encounters with a shadow person he calls, “the Cowboy.” So persistent and brazen was this entity that he knocked on the window of the haunted man’s car! Shadow people can sometimes be seen straight on, and in such encounters their appearance is especially ghastly, for they can appear bloodied, burnt, and mutilated. In some encounters, shadow people have verbally communicated dark desires to the persons visited that they abandon or harm family members…
Lastly, the Van Meter Monster was an unwelcome visitor to a town of the same name in Iowa in 1903 who ushered forth from a coal mine located across the town. The creature is said to resemble a large, somewhat humanized bat with featherless wings and the rather convenient feature of a light which emanates from a horn on the beast’s forehead; in my opinion, sketches make it look rather prehistoric, like a pterodactyl. Townspeople of that day were alerted to the presence of the creature by the appearance of light at night, often projected from a height at a time prior to electrification of the town. The monster was reportedly shot at by a number of individuals and not harmed by the experience, in one encounter casting a foul odor at the shooter. After several nights of such experiences, manly men of that day gathered firearms and dynamited the mouth of the mine which apparently served as a portal for the creature. The mine has remained closed since that time, with the bat-man unavailable for comment, evidently sealed within…what a great tale!
Categories: anomalies, anthropomorphic, controversial, cryptozoology, television, unexplained, unidentified, urban legends
Tags: Momo, Myths & Monsters, Shadow People
Comments: 3 Comments
December 23, 2013
– – It’s not easy to come up with an hour’s worth of strangeness to feed an audience every week, but Monsters & Mysteries in America tries its best to give us a steady diet of it. Three segments of a recent episode occurred in or near the Bridgewater Triangle in Massachusetts, where apparently trolls don’t just frequent the internet, but may also be found trying to lure people into the forest. The Pukwudgie is described as being a three to four foot high creature capable of speech who can’t attack intended victims directly, but tries to entice them to follow to some foul and unimaginable fate. Cases presented involving the Pukwudgie included a 1995 encounter when a man and his dog heard a creature supposedly say “We want you,” and a 2008 event when a video camera is said to have captured an image of one at the edge of the forest.
A second segment “Alien Brood” centered on twin sisters who reported being repeatedly abducted by aliens as children with successive abductions occurring into their adulthood. When children, the sisters contended that they were visited by aliens at night who paralyzed and levitated them and took them into a spacecraft, with injuries found by the sisters on their bodies the next day. As adults, the sisters reportedly were subjected to alien “reproductive procedures” and turned into “breeders” for the production of alien “gray”-human hybrids. One 2007 encounter was termed especially violent, and one sister reported meeting a hybrid child during a later abduction.
The third segment involved three sightings of the “Dover Demon” over two nights by teenagers in April of 1977 in the Massachusetts town of Dover. The creature is said to have a huge head almost the size of his body with no visible mouth and large, glowing eyes. Described as neither human nor animal, the unidentified cryptid resembles the Gollum in the Lord of the Rings saga…
Categories: aliens, anomalies, cryptozoology, speculation, strange happenings, television, unexplained, weird
Tags: aliens, Monsters & Mysteries, Pukwudgie
Comments: 6 Comments
December 12, 2013
– – A recent episode of Haunted Highway on the Syfy channel sent the two-person investigative team of Devin and Jael to Lake Murray in South Carolina in the U.S. This large lake, ranging in depths of over 200 feet, has had accounts dating back to the 1930’s of a large, unidentified aquatic creature about 40 to 60 feet long with a snake-like body and scales the size of a hand. Many reported appearances of the beast have been with accompanying acts of aggression towards the observers, including boats being struck. It is considered a kind of cousin to the Loch Ness monster, and is nicknamed “Messie.”
Taking a boat out into the lake, the investigative team saw a large shadow in the water which disappeared. They then went to Dreher Island in the lake, where something struck the boat hard enough to shake it. The team then went for a night dive off Dreher Island, although the murkiness of the lake limited visibility to several feet under water. A “Deep Trekker” camera was later sent underwater, loosing its video feed at one point, but later resuming it to capture a blurry image of something large moving through the water. An expert later consulted by the team regarded the image captured to be that of a large sturgeon.
Some eyewitnesses reported having seen the Lake Murray beast over the years, with those who maintain having seen it in an incident about two years ago describing it as definitely not looking like an eel or a sturgeon…so as with so many similar cases, the Lake Murray Monster remains elusive, and the current investigation report was inconclusive…
Categories: animals, aquatic, cryptozoology, scalies, television, unexplained, unidentified
Tags: Haunted Highway, Lake Murray beast, Loch Ness monster cousins
Comments: 2 Comments
December 9, 2013
– – I’m always sad to see an animal turn to strong drink, although lord knows bears have good reason to; they’re hunted, exploited, and subjected to Yogi Bear type portrayals. Still, the bear portrayed in the brief Jim Beam honey bourbon whiskey commercial seems to be holding it together pretty well, even if he is monopolizing the stock of Jim Beam Honey at a bar where a customer asks the barkeep if there’s any left of it; you know how bears are reputed to be with honey and all, they’ve got that Winnie-the-Pooh thing going on…
…well, the bartender slides a glass down to the unnamed bruin, who apparently is a well-known customer at the establishment. He obviously knows his way around the bar, and also the stringed instrument that he is shown strumming at the end of the commercial. – – Remember, bears, know your limits, and drink responsibly!
Categories: animals, anthropomorphic, furry, furry commercials, television
Tags: bear at a bar, Jim Beam honey bear
Comments: 2 Comments
December 3, 2013
– – Geico’s Maxwell the pig is back in a commercial spot again, this time at a football game where he is again demonstrating the capabilities of his Geico app to a friend, even in the midst of a a crowded stadium. It’s evidently a chilly day prompting some extra covering in the outdoor facility, and pretty soon the stadium cam zooms in on Maxwell, causing his image to appear on a giant screen, together with the legend, “Pig in a blanket!” For the uniformed, this refers to a recipe for hot dogs prepared wrapped in crescent rolls. We’ll overlook the additional fact that footballs were once referred to as “pigskins.”
“Guess I walked into that one,” quips Maxwell, who at this point could use some better material…
Categories: animal spokepersons, animals, anthropomorphic, furry, furry commercials, television
Tags: Maxwell the pig at a football game
Comments: 4 Comments
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