Archive for the ‘television’ category

Fire Dragon of Pocahontas County…

May 3, 2014

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West Virginia seems to have more than its fair share of monsters, all of which are elusive. Following their by now familiar formula, in S2/Ep05 the “hardcore hunters and trappers” crew of Mountain Monsters” went in pursuit of a reptilian creature said to be 10 to 12 feet long and weighing in at about 1,000 lbs. The reptilian is drawn by heat, and can frequent the water as well as dry land, using waterways to get around.

Reports of the fire dragon go back to the 1920’s, when it was spotted by train conductors and even said to have attacked old steam engines. The Mountain Monsters crew first interviewed an eyewitness, “Bub,” who while fishing caught a glimpse of something with a big mouth and red eyes which stood up on its hind legs. During the first night’s investigation, the crew saw fecal droppings, thought they heard the creature, and saw fresh water marks left by something. Hearing shots, the crew encountered an area resident, “Chester,” who claimed that the creature knocked the chimney off his cabin in pursuit of heat; claw marks were seen.

The team then constructed a drop-door water trap in which they would later use a floating fire pit as a lure for the creature. Two fisherman were then interviewed whose boat was rammed on the Cranberry River; punctures and battering damage to the boat’s hull was examined. A hunter, “Grizz,” presented a video he took that showed a brief image of something matching the dragon’s description seen in the distance of the footage.

On their final night’s hunt, the team split and tried to drive the creature off land and into water towards their trap. They found a trail from an area where it had apparently bedded down as well as a hibernation hole into which a member of the crew fell.  A thermal image was seen on a brush pile, and while closing on it the team ran across two individuals on a four wheeler fleeing from their camp which something had destroyed. Concluding that the dragon had reached water, the team went downstream by land and water in the direction of their trap, arriving to find it torn apart and ablaze. They concluded that the fire dragon had been so energized by the fire near and upon the trap that he was able take out the side of it and escape. The fire dragon was pronounced to be “one bad-ass monster.

In next week’s episode, the Mountain Monsters crew will go in pursuit of “Sheepsquatch.”  I think we can all imagine how that’s going to go…

 

Werewolf of Webster County…

April 26, 2014

wpid-1398476464326.jpg – – When a werewolf is matched against armed West Virginian “Mountain Monsters” hunters, my money is on the werewolf!  In S2/Ep/04, the Mountain Monsters crew went in search of the Webster County werewolf in West Virginia, a creature over seven feet tall and weighing over 400 pounds with yellow eyes who is most active during the full moon. The legend of the werewolf dates back to 1770, when some Native Americans were killed along a Shawnee game trail, their chief supposedly reincarnated as a werewolf. Notably, wolves are not indigenous to West Virginia.

Following the show’s formula, the team then interviewed an eyewitness, a trapper named “Boone” who reported seeing a wolf with glowing neon-like eyes standing seven to eight feet tall on his hind legs. On their first night’s hunt, the crew saw thermal impressions on the ground, heard a howl, and thought that the creature had a deadfall trap set for them! They saw a second thermal image on a rock that appeared to be the shape of a large wolf. Approaching the rock sighted, apparent claw marks were seen on it. The rock was pronounced the werewolf’s “howling rock.”

The crew then prepared a rock pit trap, a deadfall-type trap with a two-ton slab of rock poised to fall over it. Then came the most scary moment of the show; the team leader, “Trapper,” extracted a tooth that was paining him using a pair of pliers! I swear that I am not making this up! Prior to this point, he had been self-medicating for a toothache with moonshine. Apparently, dentistry is more feared among this group than unidentified monsters. Gap-toothed grins in several of the members testify to this.

An interview then followed with “Hank,” a land owner who shared a video he had taken while driving past an upright, black-furred creature. Also interviewed was “Gunner,” a hunter who presented a picture of a huge black wolf taken by a trail camera.

On the final night’s hunt, the trap was baited with chicken, and the team split into two groups, hoping to drive the werewolf from opposite directions along the Shawnee game trail into the trap. One group found a bedding area apparently used by the beast that was littered with cattle bones. The other group caught a sighting of eyes in the near distance and the usual gun-waving and confusion ensued, one of the team in the excitement even managing to fall from a tree perch…but don’t despair, he only had the wind knocked out of him!

Converging and meeting by their trap, the investigators discovered…gasp…that the trap had been sprung, but that the prey had dug himself out, apparently dislodging the two-ton rock slab cover in the process! “We outsmarted him, but we underestimated his strength,” concluded the team leader. Once again, a magnificent werewolf has emerged unscathed, and may he ever confound his unworthy pursuers! – – I just love happy endings, don’t you?

 

The Yahoo of Nicholas County…

April 21, 2014

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Yahoo does not always refer to a web site or a numbskull, but also to a large, bigfoot-like creature known as “the Yahoo” which frequents Nicholas County in West Virginia.  Standing seven to eight feet and weighing 800 to 1,200 pounds, first sightings of the Yahoo occurred in the mid-1800’s by lumberjacks.  What distinguishes the Yahoo from other Bigfoot variants is the cry or scream by which it is named.

Operating with the thought that it takes a hillbilly to catch a hillbilly, the Mountain Monsters crew of “hardcore hunters and trappers” went in pursuit of the Yahoo, first interviewing a local eyewitness called “Possum,” who reported seeing a black-furred creature with broad shoulders and huge eyes that screamed at him.  On the first night of their investigation, the crew saw an image on their thermal camera, as well as footprints spaced so as to indicate a 7′ – 8′ stride. 

The following day, a pitfall trap was constructed, and the team interviewed “Fish,” a farmer who witnessed the creature, heard his cry, and caught a partial image of it on a video camera.  Another eyewitness, Jarvis (- -yes!  An eyewitness with a normal name!) saw a 20″ footprint, and caught a dark image of the creature on a trail camera.  Jarvis thought that there was more than one Yahoo, and that they were essentially a family group. 

On the final night hunt, the crew baited their trap with pawpaws (native apples), and found tracks 10″ wide in a stream. From the differing characteristics of the tracks, it was felt that three distinct individuals were represented.  A cry was heard, following which time the crew found themselves pinned down in a ravine and essentially surrounded on at least two sides by the unseen but close by Yahoos, who manifested both their presence and displeasure by knocking small trees down towards their hillbilly pursuers.

Guns were waved about and camera angles became bouncy at this point, but in the general confusion the crew made it back to their trap which they found to have been destroyed by a tree about 60′ long that had been cast upon it.  This final revelation suggested further that the Yahoo creatures live and work in a family unit, and are capable of coordinating their efforts.

Once again confounded, the Mountain Monsters men seem unable to catch anything to date, except perhaps ratings…

Grafton Monster of Taylor County…

April 19, 2014

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As featured in a recent episode of Mountain Monsters (S2/Ep02), the Grafton Monster of Grafton, West Virginia is a large, powerful, and elusive cryptid standing seven to eight feet tall and weighing in excess of 1,000 pounds.  Sometimes called The Headless Horror because its head drops to its shoulders and is accordingly invisible from some angles, sightings of the creature date back to the 1950’s with numerous sightings reported in the 1960’s.

The Mountain Monsters crew went in pursuit of the beast, interviewing three colorful local eyewitnesses. The first one, “Wolfie,” shared a video supposedly taken of the monster in the woods. During their first night’s investigation, the crew saw thermal images on their camera, and found disgusting and malodorous calf afterbirth on a deer hunting stand where the beast had apparently consumed a newborn calf.

The next day, the crew constructed a timber box trap that one member pronounced “slicker than socks on a rooster;” these are not exactly Rhodes scholars. They interviewed a local hunter, Dale, who described a large and wide trail that he had found, and also shared a plaster cast of a large, clawed, inhuman footprint. An image of something hunched over was also partially visible on a photograph the hunter presented.

The third eyewitness, “Doc,” discussed a sighting of something that he was certain wasn’t a deer or a bear; distant audible growling was heard during the interview, promoting the crew to give “Doc” safe passage home.

By the final night, the Mountain Monsters crew had baited their trap with (yuck) cow afterbirth, and went stalking the creature. They again had thermal images, and found deer blood and remains atop a water tank; pursuing on foot, the crew found additional pools of deer blood, and a footprint. Feeling outdistanced, they then took to an off-road vehicle, and went back to their trap, which was unsprung, but had the bait taken. Blood on the top of the cage suggested that their quarry had consumed it there, almost as if mocking them. Growls were heard in the background as the hunted had once again outwitted the hunters…

 

Kentucky Hellhound of Pike County…

April 17, 2014

 

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The Mountain Men are a group of paranormal and cryptid investigators from West Virginia who look more like surplus cast members from Duck Dynasty or perhaps a ZZ Top concert; they’re mostly older, bearded guys whose appearance might cause the neighborhood watch captain to sound an alert; no designer clothing here, but plenty of flannels and camo gear. They sport names like “Buck” (Rookie), “Huckleberry” (Security), “Trapper” (Team Leader), “Wild Bill” (Expert Trapper), Jeff (Researcher), and “Willy”(Trap Builder).  They have a show called Mountain Monsters on the Destination America channel.

Other series like Monsters and Mysteries in America have done episodes on hellhounds, and in a recent episode of Mountain Monsters (S2/Ep 01), the Mountain Men went in quest of one in Kentucky. The hellhound in question was a dark-colored, nocturnal canid about 4′ tall and about 7′ long thought to weigh in the ballpark of 400-500 pounds which was preying on cattle in Pike County, Kentucky.  First sightings of the creature occurred in 1939, with moonshiners reporting quite a few sightings in the 1940’s; after drinking some “shine,” I imagine you can see all kinds of things.  A $200 bounty has been standing for a hellhound since that time.

Well, a cattle farmer showed the Mountain Men a ripped-up calf supposedly victimized by the hellhound, and during the first evening of a night investigation, the team found a “kill area” apparently used by the beast with cattle bones strewn about.  The next day, the team built a drop cage trap for the beast made of bamboo so as to have no odor.  A second farmer showed the team a video supposedly of the beast, and a pawprint measuring 7-1/2 – 8″ was found in a field.  It was speculated that the creature was moving from farm to farm through cornfields, coming close to human habitations in the process, and feeding on cattle.

Using hog shoulders as bait, the team in a subsequent evening tried to flush the creature into their trap; growling was repeatedly heard, and a large shadow was seen moving through a greenhouse. There followed much confusion, waving of rifles about, and comments such as “sonna bitch moved right past me!”  It would seem that the wily beast ran past the armed men in the opposite direction of their trap. They resolved that they would return in the future and get the hellhound…

…but I rather suspect than they’re going to be outwitted then, too…and I’m rooting for the ‘hound!  He’s really quite awesome, in a feral kinda way…and he can totally take these guys!

“And whosoever shall be found/Without the soul for getting down/Must stand and face the hounds of hell/And rot inside a corpse’s shell…”  – – Vincent Price, from Michael Jackson’sThriller

 

The Elephant Auto Insurance Commercial…

April 16, 2014

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I feel mildly uncomfortable with the Elephant Auto Insurance pachyderm, simply because he seems so…Republican!   Clad in a conservative dark suit with a blue tie, I almost expect him to bring Mitt Romney out of a back room, or begin advocating trickle-down economics and tax cuts for the wealthy.  Fortunately the elephant doesn’t do any of that although he does own a business, announcing himself as the founder of the company bearing his name.  

Although the elephant is another CGI marvel, there’s nothing overly clever or memorable about the scripting, dialogue, or action in this commercial, other than a reference to the proverbial elephant memory.  While there’s room for more than one animal spokesperson in the commercial business, the venerable Geico gecko, Maxwell the pig, or the hump-day camel don’t presently need to worry about this guy upstaging them…

Maxwell at the DMV!

April 4, 2014

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Geico’s Maxwell the Pig has appeared in a variety of settings, and walking among us it’s perhaps part of his lot to appear at the Department of Motor Vehicles, where most of us of driving age must suffer now and then.  Asked for proof of insurance, Maxwell produces his Geico digital insurance card, which the worker in attendance readily accepts.  

The indignity of being photographed then follows for Maxwell, and as for most of us his photo likeness is less than complimentary; you know how it is, with being rushed through a soulless institution and asked to hold your head at an unnatural angle.  Well, the little porker barely reaches the top of the desk, and when the picture is taken, Maxwell’s eyes are closed.  Maxwell points this out to the DMV clerk, and guess what…she doesn’t care, calling out “next” while Maxwell is left as just another victim of bureaucracy…we’ve all been there, right?

The Geico Snail…

March 30, 2014

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Many of us have had bosses who aren’t too swift, but this guy is an extreme case, mainly because he’s a snail.  Winding ever so slowly through a cubicled workplace, he wears a tie and tiny spectacles, and even leaves a slime trail behind him…how appropriate for a boss! Well, the snail-boss named Mr. Tompkins is greeted by an employee named Todd, and then informs the hapless man that he is fired before crawling slowly away, whistling as he goes!  None of us would have blamed Todd had he then introduced Mr. Tompkins to the sole of his shoe, but justice is rare in the work world.  

The commercial spot begins with two women having coffee, one of which points out that fifteen minutes with Geico can save you 15% or more on car insurance.  “Everyone knows that,” replies the other woman.  Seeking to one up her companion, the first woman then questions whether her associate knows that bad news doesn’t always travel fast, and the snail-boss is offered as an example of the same. One might also learn that slimy invertebrates make poor bosses, something that I can affirm from personal experience…

Acura’s “Let the Race Begin” Horses…

March 19, 2014

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– – These are horses as one imagines they would be designed by Skynet in the dystopian world of the Terminator movies.  The spot begins with a crowd gathering for a horse race around a futuristic, surreal track. What’s really cool is that the four breathtaking horses competing are robotic, and as they enter the race they vie fiercely for position, complete with metallic sounds as they bang heads with one another in an almost gladiatorial event.  

From behind, however, enters a flesh-and-bone equine who assumes the leadership position, and then the horses morph into vehicles.  Acura, you see, is casting itself as the “dark horse” in the luxury-performance car market, a field in which it hopes to assume leadership.

I sadly know that I will never own a luxury-performance vehicle as my budget barely allows fox kibble.  I do know that I haven’t seen robotic animals this good since the group Swedish House Mafiia did their Greyhound video, and I hope that advertising delivers up more of these fantastic creatures…

UFO Bigfoot; Lake Pepin Monster; Cajun Werewolf…

March 15, 2014

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The season finale of Monsters & Mysteries in America (S2/Ep12) brought us three new segments with a wide range of strangeness. Just when you thought you’ve heard about every Bigfoot tale around, we’re asked to consider the twisted possibility that the celebrated cryptid is an alien, either the pilot of the UFO close by which it is seen, or an agent of those actually in control of it.- -“Who let the ‘Squatches out?!,” roared the commander of the Grays to his subordinates…

On July 30th, 1966 two picnicking couples got their vehicle stuck on Presque Isle in Pennsylvania. One male walked to town to seek a tow truck with the others remaining behind. Those remaining saw a “falling star” as night approached, the object assuming a mushroom-shape as it approached and landed behind a tree line. A park ranger then appeared, and that ranger and the remaining guy went to investigate the UFO. The two girls remaining with the car saw a 7′ humanoid approach, who attacked the car, hitting and denting it. Of course, there was nothing to be seen of the Bigfoot when the ranger and boyfriend returned. The next day, the Air Force, police, and other groups were crawling all over the site, investigating it. The incident supposedly became part of the Project Blue Book reports. In Fayette County, Pennsylvania a woman investigated noises in the vicinity of her porch, finding instead of the critters she expected a large, Bigfoot-type creature with red eyes. She fired a shotgun at it, at which point the creature disappeared in front of her eyes, apparently “beamed up” by its alien overlords.

Now if aquatic beasties are more to your preference, we were given the story of the Lake Pepin Monster in Minnesota, “Pepie” for short. A type of sea serpent, “Pepie” reportedly was photographed in 2004, with the photo showing a humped creature with a long neck.  The earliest known sightings go back to 1867, with Native American tribes attributing missing members to predation by the monster.  In 1983, a water skier fell off of her skis and while in the drink reported seeing a creature twenty to thirty feet long with scales; she has never returned to those waters since.  A boat equipped with “fish finder” type radar discerned a moving underwater object about 6′ wide by 35′ long; diver Cory Breault was sent in after it, to be passed by something large underwater which caught him in a vortex from which he barely surfaced, emerging freaked out by the experience.  “Pepie” is mundanely thought to be a giant sturgeon or eel, or more imaginatively a plesiosaur…wet and wild stuff!

The third and most brief segment presented the story of the Cajun Werewolf, a shape-shifting canine of the Louisiana swamps.  The creature is said to be a cursed person having the body of a man and the head of a dog or wolf-like beast.  Presented was the story of Chauvin Beldrin, who when about 13 years of age went hunting on All Saints Day in 1976, a day on which it was considered forbidden to take life.  While targeting a rabbit, a creature with the face of a dog came out of the grass, growled, and pursued the young teen, essentially driving him out of the swamp.  It was speculated that the wolfman may be sent forth by the swamp as a warning to those who are not respecting its ways, or trying to take inappropriately from it…