Think of a real-life X-Files series set in the 1950’s, and you’ve got the gist of what this ten episode dramatic series on The History Channel is like…and boy, did they get the period atmosphere and flavor right, down to the home decor and guys going everywhere in hats! In addition to careful and authentic detail, there is superb acting and engaging scripts based on actual Project Blue Book investigations. Aidan Gillen known for Game of Thrones gives a wonderful characterization of J. Allen Hynek, a brilliant but underappreciated professor called in by the government basically to put cases to rest but finding that science can’t explain everything away. He is pressured by his assigned partner Air Force Captain Michael Quinn (Michael Malarkey) who in turn is pressured by military higher-ups to produce the desired investigation outcomes. It’s all there, including shadowy “Men in Black” figures lurking in the background, and glimpses of a UFO hidden in a government hanger.
Episode 2 concerned an investigation of The Flatwoods Monster, a close encounter of the third kind which occurred in West Virginia in 1952 and about which I blogged here way back in 2010. The incident was previously highlighted in an episode of the late great series, MonsterQuest. Anyways, in this Project Blue Book treatment Dr. Hynek explains away the alien sightings as being of an owl up in a tree so as to appear ten feet tall, but is beginning to doubt his own explanations as the episode ends and he is hustled off the case. Future episodes will probably depict the continuing evolution of the character, and I look forward to seeing it, commending the series for your viewing…
I was not disappointed! The Rabbit rocked the house on S1, Ep2 of The Masked Singer with a rousing rendition of Ricky Martin’s Livin’ la Vida Loca. With his glowing red eyes, straitjacket-type outfit, and head-twitching mannerisms, The Rabbit conveyed a touch of madness and menace, winning over Alien with a great stage presence and a lot of kinetic energy, together with that “fresh from the asylum” vibe that he had going on…kinda like Michael Jackson by way of The Joker. Rabbit was deeply into his character, and I respect that. Perhaps he’ll perform White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane in a future match-up…
In other match-ups, Raven easily beat Pineapple, who was voted the weakest performance of the night and voted off. The identity of Pineapple? — Tommy Chong, who is known for comedy but hardly singing and dancing. Raven’s outfit was dark and foreboding, with almost steampunk and horror elements, and she sang Rainbow by Kesha…
In the third round,Poodle sang a strong version of Pat Benatar’s Heartbreaker, but lost to Bee who performed Chandalier by Sia. Bee is apparently a veteran performer who has been doing her thing since the 1950’s! When the menagerie convenes in weeks to come, we’ll be seeing both of them again in someplace where your fantasies meet your nightmares. This is weird but fun stuff, and I’m in for the ride…
I’m not unsympathetic to the idea of Emotional Support Animals, although some people have pressed the limits of what may be considered such an animal, and where it may be appropriate to take them. As a case in point we have a Credit Karma commercial where a female passenger on an airline notices a male in the same seat row sporting a blobfish on his lap, who he introduces as Harold, an emotional support animal that he enlisted when his credit rating caused damage to his self-concept. The woman advises the man that he can gain tips on improving his credit rating from Credit Karma, a thought which so excites the man that he accidentally drops Harold on the aircraft floor. “He’ll be all right,” reassures the man. “He’s a bottom feeder!“
Now blobfish are real, a deep sea creature found in waters 2,000 to 3,900 feet deep off mainland Australia, Tasmania, and New Zealand. A few years back, they were voted “the Ugliest Animal in the World.” Blobfish are easier on the eyes if you see them in their natural habitat, since the appearance that people associate with them is caused by decompression damage as the specimens are brought to the surface. So be kind to the blobfish, as you’re not seeing them at their best. Harold could certainly not live out of water, even while he appears to move slightly during the commercial.
Sadly, no one claims blobfish as their spirit animal. These guys just can’t seem to get a break. And when it comes to emotional support animals, I’m inseparable from my inner fox…
Aha, I just knew that we were going to be able to sneak some compelling furry images and characters onto mainstream television soon, and with The Masked Singer on Fox (- -how appropriate!), our time may have finally come in 2019!
Now for those of you not in the know, The Masked Singer is a new reality show (for the U.S., anyways) in which celebrity contestants perform and compete entirely clad in costume head-to-toe, concealing their identity. Most often those costumes are of animals, monsters, or other fantastic life forms with the contestant’s group of twelve including among others a unicorn, a deer,a hippo, a French poodle, a pineapple-man, a lion, and my personal fave, a rabbit! For the first night, six contestants competed on a paired basis, with the lesser voted contestant of each match-up relegated to the bottom three, and the weakest of that group unmasked and sent home. Victors in the matches included a Peacock winning over a Hippo, a Unicorn beating a “Monster,” and a Lion defeating a Deer. The Hippo, a real-life football athlete, ranked lowest and was sent home.
The show kind of blends American Idol with The Gong Show by way of a furry convention. Some of the costumes are elaborate and impressive, and dependent on their individual gifts and the bulk of their outfit some of the contestants incorporate a little choreography into their stage presentations. All of the contestants are supposedly well-known figures in music, comedy, or athletics, and the identity of each will ultimately be revealed as the weaning-out process continues. Popular in Asia and originating in South Korea, the American version of The Masked Singer is certainly different, even if it’s not for everyone…
It’s hard to think of a less appealing figure in a commercial than Mr. Mucus. We’ve seen bodily organs with minds of their own such as the Myrbetriq bladder and the Halos stomach, but this guy is a bodily product, for crying out loud, basically animated phlegm! He’s even a revolting green color, so we think less than kindly of him, and basically want him gone, ASAP; it isn’t easy being green, as Kermit the Frog observed, and Kermit had redemptive qualities. The repulsiveness of Mr. Mucus is why we are glad to see some insult or harm come to him, and will remember any product that can further that end. You’ll never see stuffed likenesses of Mr. Mucus flying off store shelves.- – It’s snot gonna happen, ahem! (laughs maniacally)
The brief ad begins with a man asking his wife where her cough is. The woman responds that she’s fine because she took Mucinex DM, which sent the cough far away. – – How far away? We are then shown Mr. Mucus in the jungle, complete with a safari jacket and pith helmet. Coming across a gorilla, he asks the ape if he’s seen a nice woman with a cough, to which the simian responds Hulk-like by smashing Mucus-boy with a mighty fist that sends him flying swiftly out of sight. No tears are shed on Mr. Mucus…sad!
Mucinex DM, the voiceover then tells us, releases swiftly and lasts 12 hours, not 4, leaving Mr. Mucus to bungle in the jungle…”Well, that’s alright by me.” (Jethro Tull).
(“I’ll write on your tombstone, I thank you for dinner/This game that we animals play is a winner.” —Jethro Tull, Bungle In The Jungle)
A comedy-horror series is a rare and wonderful thing, especially if it’s done well. If you’ve missed this gem, you may want to check out Stan Against Evil, now in its third season on the IFC network. The show takes place in the fictional New Hampshire town of Willard’s Mill, which was the site of witch burnings in the late 17th century. As a result of that history, strange and creepy supernatural things continue to emerge there which are dealt with by the town’s former sheriff, Stan Miller (John C. McGinley) and it’s current one, Evie Barrett (Janet Varney).
Now Stan Miller is a delight as an aging, cynical, slovenly antihero who just wants to be left alone, but can’t even manage to do that! Teamed reluctantly with the young and beautiful woman who is his successor, Stan is pressed into service to battle legions of demonic monsters that include witches, vampires, evil puppets, and even a were-pony! Although he’d much rather be drinking and watching television, Stan uses traditional and improvised weaponry to devastating effect, repeatedly bludgeoning for example a large winged skeleton-bird wraith creature (at right) with a shovel until it moves no more .- – You gotta love this guy!
The show parodies horror in a loving fashion, and manages nods to The X-Files and other traditions from which it has drawn. I’m glad to see something like this still in active production…long may its demonic beasties thrive!
Back in the halcyon days of my youth, we had Captain Kangaroo, a benign and kindly grandfatherly-like gentleman who sported a haircut like Moe of The Three Stooges, and held sway in a place called The Treasure House. He is shown in the presence of Mr. Green Jeans (a farmer stereotype), and three of the regular furry cast members, Dancing Bear, Mr. Moose, and Bunny Rabbit. In their day, they were quite iconic…
Now this was all low tech stuff but could be strangely surreal at times, perhaps a distant echo of the Peewee’s Playhouse that would follow decades later. I mean, there was even a talking Grandfather Clock that viewers were expected to call to and wake up! And while his face was incapable of rendering any range of emotion, one wouldn’t want to wake up at night to find Dancing Bear hovering over you. There’s something creepy and unnatural about that cheap fursuit that makes him look like Yogi Bear on a party drug…
Bob Keeshan the titular host previously was Clarabell the Clown on the Howdy Doody show, and his show ran for almost thirty years from 1955 to 1984…
Who’s green and keen? — The Mintmobile Fox, of course! Now normally when foxes turn green, it’s not a good thing, of course, and may signify severe gastrointestinal distress. It all right for this little guy, however, ’cause he’s just a ‘toon, but one who we can see appearing in a wide variety of settings, beginning with his bed and ranging to such diverse environments as a supermarket and gymnasium. This fox meditates…he rides in cars conversing with women…and looks ever so cool motoring in his own sweet ride. He’s an inspiration to all of us of the vulpine persuasion…
The Mintmobile Fox is a mascot or spokesman for a wireless internet service, and that’s all right. What’s not all right, as he’ll tell and show you, are such things as finger dipping and carpet showers. We are then witness to such things as people at a gathering plunging their fingers into bowls of dip, and a guy showering in a stall layered in carpet. I, for one, do not wish to be party to such things, nor would any sensible fox.
This bright-eyed and perky little guy even wears eyeglasses, or when the occasion calls for it, shades. Catch his act for Mintmobile on commercials, although a cartoon series spin-off would be great…
I, for one, fear the Grim Reaper of home appliances. My grief was great when he came for my hot water heater, leaving me $800 in the hole for plumber bills and heater replacement. Death, there is thy sting, right in the wallet! Oh, the suffering budget, the anguish, the gnashing of teeth! It was not a pretty sight…
…and so I can appreciate the trials of the poor woman in the American Home Shield commercial who answers her door to find the Grim Reaper paying a call, the icon hovering complete in smoldering black cowl. As the dreaded black specter advances, our housewife understandably freaks out. “No, it can’t be! I’m not ready! I do spin class!,” she protests, sinking to her knees in supplication. But the Reaper advances further, his bony finger extending to indicate that his target is not the woman herself, but rather her large stainless steel refrigerator/freezer! Now understanding, the woman protests “What? The refrigerator! – – Oh come on! Do you know how much it cost me? You’re killing me!” Then the lady decides to rephrase her unfortunate choice of words, but death is implacable. As the refrigerator shakes in his otherworldly powers, the announcer tells us how all of our appliances will eventually die, but their plan will see to their replacement. For good measure, the Reaper decides to take out our hapless lady’s home central air system too. It was a full day’s harvesting, apparently…
When the Reaper comes for me, I’m going to say “Oh happy day!” No wait…that’s what I’m going to tell the aliens…
Imagine performing dentistry on a Great White Shark…now that’s a toothy business! This shark is reclining on a dental chair, too, although there’s no need to tell him to open wide…his maw gapes enormously, and is full of razor-sharp teeth. In the Kayak commercial, you can even see the shark’s tail moving slightly. The attending dentist doesn’t appear too worried about his unusual client, however, just going about business as usual. An observing guy in the background comments that the dentist appears confident. A woman also in the background agrees, but adds that he doesn’t appear Kayak confident as she is, with Kayak having searched hundreds of sites for her to find the best flight. It’s “search one and done,” you see…
Now being offbeat, I fantasize about crossover commercials. Picture one featuring the Kayak shark, and the Aspen Dental dentist. “You really should take better care of your teeth,” the Aspen Dentist might lecture the Kayak shark, who perhaps deliberately in spite ate a whole box of Oreos before visiting the dentist. “Cancel the rest of my appointments for this afternoon!,” our Aspen guy might add before settling undaunted into the task of cleaning the hundreds of teeth before him. Dentistry soldiers on…our unsung heroes.
Or imagine Progressive Insurance’s agent Flo trying to sell insurance to the shark, who would only listen so long before snapping at Flo in frustration. Cobra-like, Flo would whip safely away before chiding the shark that he didn’t have to snap her head off. Flo has impressive survival skills, you see, enduring being marooned on a desert island with only a “name your own price” tool in a commercial that recalls a Tom Hanks film…
do that! Teamed reluctantly with the young and beautiful woman who is his successor, Stan is pressed into service to battle legions of demonic monsters that include witches, vampires, evil puppets, and even a were-pony! Although he’d much rather be drinking and watching television, Stan uses traditional and improvised weaponry to devastating effect, repeatedly bludgeoning for example a large winged skeleton-bird wraith creature (at right) with a shovel until it moves no more .- – You gotta love this guy! 
FOXSYLVANIA 
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