Archive for the ‘stupid’ category

Burger King Chicken Fries “Pregnant” Commercial…

May 19, 2015



Some things are so bad that they’re almost good…either that, or I’m a glutton for punishment!  It is into this category that I cast the hokey Burger King commercial for chicken fries in which a young hen and a box of french fries sit in a comfy living room, where the hen informs her parents on the adjoining couch that she and french fries are pregnant, and going to have chicken fries!  As we the viewers probably face-palm, the mother hen goes into a flurry of frenzied wing-flapping while her rooster father admonishes everyone to “Calm down!”  From the doorway a sibling of indeterminate sex comments, “Again?”  Unwanted chicken pregnancies are a national shame that we all pay the price for. – – Thanks, Obama!

The commercial pushes the envelope of silliness and stupidity, and lacks the creepiness factor of the Burger King monarch himself, who I would love to see in a death match competition with Ronald McDonald, Wendy, and the KFC Colonel…


Amazing Sea Monkeys!

July 26, 2011

– -If you grew up on comic books as I did, you may remember reading cheesy ads on the back pages and cover for things like, well, X-ray eyeglasses and Sea Monkeys!  The ad presented the sea monkeys as being intelligent mer-people who would serve you as their king, “clown around,” and even “learn tricks for your amusement!”- – What child doesn’t nurture a God-fantasy where a kingdom of adoring and obedient subjects would shout “Hail!,” and appeal for attention and approval whenever they enter their bedroom?  Twilight Zone episodes have been built around this kind of thing, and a locker full of a tiny kingdom was also glimpsed in one of the Men In Black movies.- -Works for me!

This would have been a neat trick indeed, because the “sea monkeys” were in reality not primates but… brine shrimp!  Gullible and naive fool that I was, I actually ordered sea monkeys…twice!  The first time, the tiny crustaceans failed to even hatchThe second time they did hatch, but had an extremely short life span, never living up to my expectations, showing personalities, or considering me royalty…caveat emptor!

Early Conditioning…

March 6, 2010

– – I was programmed to be furry from an early age; just my karma, I guess…anyways, when just a wee one I was enrolled in the Cub Scouts (although I would have preferred to have been called a fox kit), and attended weekly meetings in a den led by a den mother.– -Are you sensing a pattern here?!

Then I was made to swear an oath, and they’re serious stuff, by the way…swearing an oath is not to be confused with just plain swearing, which I learned early on can get you into a heap o’ trouble!  Part of the oath was, “…to obey the laws of the pack.” (silent pause for dramatic effect)

Now, many years later, I’m still bound by that oath, waiting for the pack leader to appear.- – Someone’s gotta tell me what I’m supposed to do;  I need my orders, right?   Until then and the coming revolution,  I suppose that as Churchill said,  “they also serve who only stand and wait.” I’m good at waiting as it’s not labor-intensive. – – Someday, the Alpha male will come and give me my marching orders…I have faith!

…another part of the Cub Scout oath was, “to be square”…and that, I’m afraid, has come all too true…

(…although I am a bit twisted, ahahahahaha!)    😉

Tiger Mauling!

October 10, 2009

Vitali— A 27-year-old Canadian man was mauled early last Monday by a Siberian tiger after he and a friend broke into the Calgary Zoo and scaled an outer perimeter  fence around the animal’s exhibit.  While seriously injured, the man is expected to recover, and his friend was not hurt.

The two men stood between the outer fence that they scaled and an inner cage where the tiger, Vitali (pictured) was housed.   Once the two-year-old tiger was startled, he probably hooked the one man with a claw, dragged his arm in, and continued to attack, officials said.

The tiger was trying to protect itself, officials added, and had never previously attacked any people.  Vitali will remain in his current environment, not being responsible for human stupidity…

“Deadliest” Again…

June 14, 2009

Spartan— I was able to catch a Deadliest Warrior marathon, a show I secretly enjoy as kind of an ultimate fighting thing with more cognitive functioning thrown in.  I’ve never seen so many pig corpses slashed with a variety of weapons; just wait until they get their revenge!

The Warrior simulations are also fun as kind of a theater of the absurd; where else are you gonna see a pirate fight a knight, or a Spartan a ninja?  You’ve got to discount the fact that some of these warriors pitted against one another were more used to fighting in a group whereas on the show it’s one-to-one combat; likewise the terrain chosen for the fight tends to favor one fighting style over another, and certain combatants appear to have technological advantages like gunpowder that their opponents lack.

I thought that the Spartan was better portrayed than the lumbering gladiator who fell to an apache in an earlier episode;  the versatility of the Spartan shield as both a defensive and offensive weapon was something I hadn’t adequately considered before (for an awesome display of Greco-Roman style combat, catch Troy sometime for the Achilles-Hector match).  I can believe the Spartan victory over the ninja, while as one advisor/commentator put it, the ninja might have come back later to dispatch the Spartan in his sleep!   Gunpowder seemed to give the pirate an inherently unfair advantage over the poor knight.

Now we need to see some some updated death match simulations, something like Cheney vs. Biden, or Palin vs. Letterman…

Bizarre New Year’s Eve Traditions

January 2, 2009

pwe_ny_eve_walleye_2k_col_12-31_t640–My mother used to eat pickled herring on New Year’s Eve, probably figuring that if she did so, nothing worse would happen to her in the upcoming year.

Some cities and towns drop objects in their town square to mark the arrival of the New Year.  In Port Clinton, Ohio, they drop a 20-ft.-long 600-lb. walleye fish.  In Bethlehem, Pennsylvania they drop a 25-lb. fiberglass version of a marshmellow “Peep.”

The Minnow Rides Again!

August 13, 2008

–Remember Gilligan’s Island, the old sitcom so bad that it was good?–“Seven passengers set sail that day on a three-hour tour?”–Well, the ill-fated boat The Minnow from that show has been restored by a new owner, and will again be offering three-hour tours in Canada.

It has long been debated which character was hotter on that show, Ginger the movie star or Mary Ann, the girl next door.  For me, it was two paws up for Mary Ann.– And let us not forget the Professor, who could make a radio from coconuts, but not fix a hole in the boat’s hull! The Professor was a good-looking dude in his day...

Meaty Comments?

June 22, 2008

–Jessica Simpson recently sported a T-shirt proclaiming, “Real Girls Love Meat.” Since this is a high-class place, we will not take the obvious low road on this comment, that is, questioning whether Jessica is related to Homer Simpson (“D’oh!“).

PETA took umbrage to Jessica’s shirt…gee, I didn’t know we had any freakin’ umbrages left to take!  Anyhow, they responded with a list of five reasons Why Only Stupid Girls Brag About Eating Meat.

They don’t call it Hollywierd for no reason…

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