Posted tagged ‘Deadliest Warrior on Spike TV’

“Deadliest Warrior’s” Zombies vs. Vampires…

September 18, 2011

 – – We’ve posted here before about the Spike TV Deadliest Warrior series in which combatants are matched from vastly different cultures and time periods who would not and could not have possibly met much less fought in reality; if you sit through about fifty minutes of debate about the weaponry, fighting styles, and characteristics of the warriors and watch ballistics gel torsos get shot and sliced in tests of weaponry and techniques, you are eventually rewarded with brief but realistic combat footage of the two featured warriors engaged in mortal combat.  Sample matches shown in past episodes have included a pirate versus a knight, and a ninja against a Spartan…the winners in those matches were the pirate and the Spartan, respectively. 

It’s kind of a permutation of the fantasy combat match-ups that guys have entertained themselves with and delighted in since the dawn of time, and it’s great guy entertainment!  Well, the Deadliest Warrior guys kicked it up a notch for this year’s series finale, and featured a closing match of vampires versus zombies!   This added a mythical or otherworldly dimension to the usual reality violations routinely accepted on the show, but hey, why not?! Being familiar with the attributes of both groups yet not identifying strongly with either, I was strangely prepared to be relatively objective and impartial, being at core by my very nature a were-animal guy; that’s where my loyalties lie.

Since a vampire is easily the superior of a single zombie (whose strength lies in numbers), they set a ratio of one vampire for every 63 zombies in the match, and even against such odds the vampires were able to prevail although two of the three starting vamps were ultimately swarmed by zombies and overcome, and it was also strongly hinted that the sole survivor was infected.  While outrageous stuff it was great fun as well, and if similar extreme fantasy “warrior” matches are held in the upcoming season, werewolves would certainly like a crack at this season’s winners…

“Deadliest” Again…

June 14, 2009

Spartan— I was able to catch a Deadliest Warrior marathon, a show I secretly enjoy as kind of an ultimate fighting thing with more cognitive functioning thrown in.  I’ve never seen so many pig corpses slashed with a variety of weapons; just wait until they get their revenge!

The Warrior simulations are also fun as kind of a theater of the absurd; where else are you gonna see a pirate fight a knight, or a Spartan a ninja?  You’ve got to discount the fact that some of these warriors pitted against one another were more used to fighting in a group whereas on the show it’s one-to-one combat; likewise the terrain chosen for the fight tends to favor one fighting style over another, and certain combatants appear to have technological advantages like gunpowder that their opponents lack.

I thought that the Spartan was better portrayed than the lumbering gladiator who fell to an apache in an earlier episode;  the versatility of the Spartan shield as both a defensive and offensive weapon was something I hadn’t adequately considered before (for an awesome display of Greco-Roman style combat, catch Troy sometime for the Achilles-Hector match).  I can believe the Spartan victory over the ninja, while as one advisor/commentator put it, the ninja might have come back later to dispatch the Spartan in his sleep!   Gunpowder seemed to give the pirate an inherently unfair advantage over the poor knight.

Now we need to see some some updated death match simulations, something like Cheney vs. Biden, or Palin vs. Letterman…

The “Deadliest Warrior” Show On Spike TV!

April 15, 2009

samurai–If you’re like me, there are some things on TV you watch even if you’re not proud of the fact.  Spike TV’s Deadliest Warrior series is such wonderful nonsense, great guy stuff!  Remember the old pointless arguments about the victor in a fight between a ninja and a pirate?–Well, now they’ve built a show around this kinda premise!–Is this a great country, or what?!

Forget the fact that the combatants were products of different times and different places, and would never meet in real life…forget the fact that you can’t compare apples and oranges…just shut up, sit back, and watch the most unlikely of death matches between a Roman gladiator and an Apache, or between a Viking and a samurai!

Leading up to the main event are analysis of the weaponry and fighting styles of the two opponents pitted against one another, with consideration given to such things as who possessed the weapons most effective at long, medium, and close range.  The information is then factored into a computer simulation program which predicts the likely victor in many of such clashes.  For your viewing pleasure, a computer-generated death match is then presented at the end of the show.  The series is similar to Jurassic Fight Club, but with human combatants.

I was kinda surprised that the Apache was predicted to be victorious in the majority of match-ups against Roman gladiators, but the gladiators seem to have been portrayed as plodding  juggernauts vulnerable to the attack and retreat tactics of the more nimble Apache.  I was unsurprised by the victory of the samurai warrior over the Viking, although I do have as a furry great respect for the Vikings, the berserker version of which howled, wore bear or wolf skins, bit their shields, and in general worked themselves into a rage intended to frighten their enemies.

No, we’re not apparently gonna see Ninjas vs. Pirates on future versions of this show, but we are going to be treated to Pirate vs. Knight and Ninja vs. Spartan. By the way, in a Ninja vs. Pirate match, my money would be on the ninja.  Personally, though, I’d prefer to be a pirate, as I think they had more fun.  Ninjas were more into discipline, and pirates more into wenching, drinking, and pillaging. –When’s the last time you went to a good pillaging?–It’s a lost art, really…

Sure, it ain’t Shakespeare…but it  is great guy entertainment! —Woo-hoo!!!   😉

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