Archive for the ‘speculation’ category

UFO Bigfoot; Lake Pepin Monster; Cajun Werewolf…

March 15, 2014

20140315-152816.jpg

The season finale of Monsters & Mysteries in America (S2/Ep12) brought us three new segments with a wide range of strangeness. Just when you thought you’ve heard about every Bigfoot tale around, we’re asked to consider the twisted possibility that the celebrated cryptid is an alien, either the pilot of the UFO close by which it is seen, or an agent of those actually in control of it.- -“Who let the ‘Squatches out?!,” roared the commander of the Grays to his subordinates…

On July 30th, 1966 two picnicking couples got their vehicle stuck on Presque Isle in Pennsylvania. One male walked to town to seek a tow truck with the others remaining behind. Those remaining saw a “falling star” as night approached, the object assuming a mushroom-shape as it approached and landed behind a tree line. A park ranger then appeared, and that ranger and the remaining guy went to investigate the UFO. The two girls remaining with the car saw a 7′ humanoid approach, who attacked the car, hitting and denting it. Of course, there was nothing to be seen of the Bigfoot when the ranger and boyfriend returned. The next day, the Air Force, police, and other groups were crawling all over the site, investigating it. The incident supposedly became part of the Project Blue Book reports. In Fayette County, Pennsylvania a woman investigated noises in the vicinity of her porch, finding instead of the critters she expected a large, Bigfoot-type creature with red eyes. She fired a shotgun at it, at which point the creature disappeared in front of her eyes, apparently “beamed up” by its alien overlords.

Now if aquatic beasties are more to your preference, we were given the story of the Lake Pepin Monster in Minnesota, “Pepie” for short. A type of sea serpent, “Pepie” reportedly was photographed in 2004, with the photo showing a humped creature with a long neck.  The earliest known sightings go back to 1867, with Native American tribes attributing missing members to predation by the monster.  In 1983, a water skier fell off of her skis and while in the drink reported seeing a creature twenty to thirty feet long with scales; she has never returned to those waters since.  A boat equipped with “fish finder” type radar discerned a moving underwater object about 6′ wide by 35′ long; diver Cory Breault was sent in after it, to be passed by something large underwater which caught him in a vortex from which he barely surfaced, emerging freaked out by the experience.  “Pepie” is mundanely thought to be a giant sturgeon or eel, or more imaginatively a plesiosaur…wet and wild stuff!

The third and most brief segment presented the story of the Cajun Werewolf, a shape-shifting canine of the Louisiana swamps.  The creature is said to be a cursed person having the body of a man and the head of a dog or wolf-like beast.  Presented was the story of Chauvin Beldrin, who when about 13 years of age went hunting on All Saints Day in 1976, a day on which it was considered forbidden to take life.  While targeting a rabbit, a creature with the face of a dog came out of the grass, growled, and pursued the young teen, essentially driving him out of the swamp.  It was speculated that the wolfman may be sent forth by the swamp as a warning to those who are not respecting its ways, or trying to take inappropriately from it…

Melonheads; Devil Monkey; Blue Albino Woman…

March 8, 2014

20140307-233254.jpg

– – Hoo boy!  Monsters & Mysteries in America fed us some great stuff in a recent episode (S2/Ep11), even if some of it was a bit hard to swallow.  Mellonheads (not to be confused with “My Melancholy Baby” or Coneheads) are strange, mutant creatures sometimes mistaken for children; we all know what little monsters they can be!  In what sounds like a great plot for a low-budget horror movie, a diabolical Dr. Crow in depression-era Kirtland, Ohio of the 1930’s performed sinister experiments in which he mutated orphaned children into monsters. After years of abuse, these deformed and tormented children rose up, fought back, and took revenge on the doctor, burning down his mansion.  It’s uncertain whether the doctor was killed, or simply escaped to set up practice elsewhere.

At any rate, there are dozens of sightings of Mellonheads over the years, especially in Michigan and Connecticut, with a few sightings even reported in Florida.  In Trumbill, Connecticut a Mellonhead sighting was reported along a road locally called “Dracula Drive.”  Then in 1986 in Naples, Florida kids playing war games left two of their number duct taped to a tree…with friends like that, who needs monsters, right?  Anyways, a Mellonhead was heard approaching and was reportedly seen by one of the taped duo, the other one’s head being held at the wrong angle for a sighting although both heard the mutant’s approach.  Their emotional extremity gave them sufficient strength and incentive to break the duct tape, and they fled the approaching Mellonhead successfully…

…then we have the Devil Monkey, who has been sighted in the Appalachian Montains in the 1970’s, specifically in such locations as West Point, Kentucky where Wayman and Marva Morgan were troubled by something five to seven feet tall that killed and mangled their poor Sheltie dog and made noises while ransacking their garbage cans.  Further announcing its presence by a bad odor, the Devil Monkey was spotted by Marva Morgan through a window, and was seen to have sharp fangs and claws.  In Saltville, Virginia the parents of Scott Boyd encountered a Devil Monkey while in their car, when the creature raked at their windows and left lengthy scratches in rows of three along the sides of the vehicle.  Speculations were made that perhaps the creature escaped from a government research facility (like myself), or was mutated by heavy metal pollution in the area.

Last but not least in Topeka, Kansas we were brought tales of the Blue Albino Woman, not to be confused with Smurfette or Dr. Manhattan.  This entity is rather a witch with long white hair and pale, blue-tinted skin.  A former resident of Topeka, the blue one was tormented and buried alive by sadistic local hoodlums, a practice which ticked her off royally and cast her into payback mode.  Now she frequents Rochester Cemetery and chases people out, a plague upon the living bent upon settling old scores…sounds like a plan to me!  Hundreds of sightings have been reported in the area, among them one by James George, who while a boy taken clothes shopping encountered big blue in a store among the manikins.  More recently in 2013, a Jessica Streeter went to said cemetery with her boyfriend, intent on a little amore but instead encountering the blue avenger, who reportedly scratched at them and tried to choke her. The couple managed to escape, and the young lady later used some Irish/gypsy magic to seal and protect her home from intrusion.  A local historian speculated that the Blue Albino Woman may just affect those who are looking for her…she vants to be alone!

Flying Humanoid, Jersey Devil, Batsquatch…

February 27, 2014

20140226-140407.jpg

– – “Things that fly” might have been considered the unifying theme of a recent Monsters & Mysteries in America episode, one in which the segments again considered content previously aired on such shows as MonsterQuest, with Batsquatch essentially a rehash of a segment already done by Monsters & Mysteries itself.

Now Flying Humanoids have been reported dozens of times, both from across the United States and elsewhere. The occurrences reported on here, however, transpired in the Ozark Mountains of Missouri in Turkey Creek. Two bothers reported that in July of 1998, they had been looking for “a bit of adventure” when an unknown flying fiend was powerful enough to lift their vehicle slightly off the ground and shake it. The humanoid is reported to be tall and hairless, having red eyes and a great wingspan. Brothers Ed and Danny Overton reported that a humanoid flew at their car, causing it to go into a tree. Dan Overton returned to the Turkey Creek area in 2010, where he observed a freshly-dug cave, and heard the growl and sound of something large coming through the woods. Drag mark scrapes were seen, and tree limbs were broken and dropped around them. The humanoid was reportedly seen and pursued, but took off and subsequently disappeared.

The Jersey Devil is a classic cryptid native to the Pine Barrens of southern New Jersey with a back story going to 1735 when a Mother Leeds gave birth to an unwanted 13th child and cursed it, wishing for it to be a devil. Be careful what you wish for, as they say, for Mother Leeds reportedly birthed something with the head of a horse, red eyes, and the wings of a bat that grew to be about the size of a small elephant. Considerable hysteria over the creature was reported in 1909, and in more recent times times Paul Pedersen Jr. encountered the devil as a child in 1963 while babysitting his sister at home. Hearing something hopping up the cellar steps, young Pedersen and his sister ran to the front yard to await the return of their father, who found the basement trashed, and removed a coal chute through which it was figured something had gained access to the house. Even more recently in 2008 a woman and her boyfriend while in a car heard screeches and the flapping of wings. Something then hit the top of their car, which was dented as a result.

The last segment of the episode was a recap of the Batsquatch sightings in the Rio Grande Valley area in 1976, with attacks having been reported in Raymondsville and also Hidalgo County near Houston. Please reference the earlier Sheepsquatch, Batsquatch, and Sasquatch post for additional information if desired…

“Aliens Cloned My Husband;” Alien Matrix; Betty and Barney Hill Abduction…

February 25, 2014

abductionThis is primarily a furry blog, but we’ll take a good alien tale as well if we can find one!  Alien stories dominated a recent hour of Monsters & Mysteries in America, presenting a vintage classic alien abduction story as well as newer, further-out variations.  Please note:  these accounts are not presented here as documented facts.

The Betty and Barney Hill story is kind of the gold standard of alien abduction tales.  It occurred way back in September of 1961 in New Hampshire, and was the first reported alien abduction that actually got publicity.  The Hills were both rather stable and ordinary people, with Betty being a social worker and Barney a postman; they were not interested in science fiction, UFO’s, or aliens beforehand.  Returning from a trip to Montreal and Niagra Falls, the couple were on Highway 3 when they observed a falling star that appeared to fall upward, and then come closer.  The Hills then lost consciousness of what transpired, gaining awareness miles away two hours later.  Although they could not account for what occurred during that lost time, some odd things had apparently happened to them that could not be accounted for.  Betty’s dress and its lining were torn, and coated in some pink substance.  Barney’s shoes were unaccountably scraped on the uppers, both of their watches had stopped, and there were circles on the trunk lid of their vehicle.  The couple kept their strange experience a secret for years, although Barney began experiencing symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress syndrome as well as insomnia, conditions which adversely affected his ability to perform on the job and which eventually led them to seek professional help.

Dr. Simon, a PTSD expert, employed hypnosis in separate sessions in February of 1964 with Barney and Betty which served to unlock and reveal their long-repressed memories of the abduction night and the missing two hours of time.  Those sessions revealed that on the night of the UFO sighting, Barney Hill had left his car which they stopped upon the UFO’s approach to observe it further, carrying with him binoculars and a handgun.  He could see beings inside the windows of the starcraft, their leader dressed in a black uniform.  Panicking, Barney then retreated to his car, and the couple attempted to flee in it but were stopped or disabled by the UFO, the couple paralyzed and rendered unconscious.  Barney had the sensation of floating, being drawn through the air into the craft, except for his shoes which were dragged, causing the scraping to their uppers.  

Inside the alien craft, Barney and Betty under hypnosis reported seeing creatures that we now think of as alien “grays” who had large, dark eyes and noses unlike the human.  Thorough physical examinations followed of the couples’ extremities and joints, with a long needle inserted into Betty’s navel, a procedure which brought her excruciating pain until the alien leader cast his hand over her eyes, an action which took away the pain.  Barney was likewise examined, and in addition apparently underwent semen extraction.  The couple later awoke in their car, 35 miles away from from where they had been.  A dog traveling with the couple had pushed himself as far under the front seat as possible.  The couple did not mention the event to outsiders for four years until the time of the hypnosis at which time those lost memories were recovered.

On cloning, a second reported encounter was presented from September of 1988 which occurred in New Mexico.  There a Gloria Hawber, a medical secretary, saw a glowing object originally thought to be a hot air balloon from which smaller lights emanated.  Alien beings about 3 to 3-1/2 feet high later materialized through her bedroom walls, and implanted a device in her head through her eyes.  Gloria’s husband, Fred, was not there at the time and was initially supportive of his wife but later manifested a different personality, becoming distant, cold, and abusive.   A few hours later, this changed individual began convulsing, and days later simply disappeared.  It was the contention of Gloria that her husband had been abducted and cloned, and that his changed self that she encountered was essentially a duplicate.  This belief was reinforced by later alien abductions suffered by Gloria, during one of which her actual husband appeared to her on a spacecraft.  The story was one exemplifying those of a growing number of abducted people who contend that aliens are making clones of individuals, and essentially replacing them with the duplicates.

Then in Wiggins, Mississippi the case of Richard and Mary Rogers was presented in which Richard at night following sleep was placed into a kind of military-style alien abduction in which he was cast into a virtual reality testing environment in order to groom him as a “super soldier”  for deployment in alien wars.  Supposedly interested in the human emotional make-up that they lack, human subjects were placed by aliens into a threatening and contentious environment in which weapons would appear in simulated fights against dangerous adversaries.  The alien intent was supposedly to see how humans would react in these situations. Interestingly enough, Richard would awake with real physical wounds and bruises from these experiences…

Fantastic?–Absolutely!   I love this stuff, but don’t bet the rent on the credibility of alien abduction stories…

Sheepsquatch, Batsquatch, Sasquatch…

February 22, 2014

Batsquatch– – Monsters & Mysteries in America is again providing us with some new episodes, which happily gives us something to write about.  In one episode first aired in 2014, a bizarre hybrid beast called Sheepsquatch was profiled, described colorfully as being “a cross between mutton and man.”  This might be a great description for an offbeat underdog wrestler, but refers to a creature sighted in the Appalachian mountains of Kentucky.  One encounter detailed occurred in July of 2004 by friends Dakota Cheeks and Ricky Joyce, who while staying in a hunting cabin awoke to find their 150-pound dog with his neck broken.  They later stayed in a camper, and became aware of something pressing against it.  Therafter, they encountered a 9′ tall creature with long, taloned arms that emitted an “ungodly, gut-wrenching growl” at them.  The beast charged, and while they fired at it, the duo apparently failed to hit anything.  Retreating, the friends came back later and found drag marks, while it was uncertain whether the creature was wounded and dragged itself away, or had dragged prey away.– Quite the ambiguous, open-ended account, yes?

Then we have Batsquatch (not in any way associated with Batman), who haunts the Rio Grande Valley of Texas.  In January of 1976, ten different witnesses including police officers and fisherman reported seeing the creature within a two week time frame.  Batsquatch stands eight to ten feet tall, and has a bat-like wing span.  In January of 1976, brothers David and John Daut were traveling in a small car when the creature appeared on the road in front of them.  As it refused to yield and forced them to stop, they were in the process of backing up when the beast took three or four steps towards their car before flying over it, making loud flapping noises in the process.  Batsquatch has a head like a dog or wolf, and intense red eyes.  A second account presented the case of a man who stepped outdoors and was grabbed from above by Batsquatch; while he managed to beat the creature off, the back of the jacket that he was wearing bore rips as if from talons.  In Hidalgo County near Houston, a father and son team were hunting deer and in a tree stand when the father reported being snatched by an avian humanoid; the son shot at the offending beast, which released the father, who suffered broken ribs and related injuries.  It was speculated on the show that Batsquatch may be a surviving type of pterodactyl…very cool if so, and certainly the very stuff of which Syfy Channel movies are made!

Lastly and most familiar to us, the show presented a segment on Sasquatch of the American Pacific northwest.  In a rather current and fascinating encounter from 2010, hunter Justin Smeja and a friend while in the Sierra Mountains saw a Bigfoot standing about 6-1/2 to 7 feet tall.  They fired at the unfortunate beast, apparently hitting him.  The wounded creature staggered away, and was met by two juveniles, engaging in what the hunters described as “deaf chatter” with them.  The creatures then split up with the hunters in pursuit; Smeja reports encountering and shooting one of the poor juveniles thereafter.  As he watched the creature expire, Smeja was taken by its humanoid characteristics and stricken by remorse, as a result of which he and his friend buried the Sasquatch rather than retaining its body.  Reports of the incident caused Bigfoot hunter Derek Randles to encourage Smeja to find and return with the body.  This Smeja attempted to do, but could recover only a patch of hair with attached hide and flesh.  This tissue was taken to a lab, where analysis reportedly found the tissue to be that of a genetic relative of humans, with Bigfoot speculated to be the result of breeding between a male primate and a human female in the distant past…I’m glad I wasn’t a chaperon  on that date!

As for Derek Randles the Bigfoot hunter, he had his own encounter in August of 1985 when he and a hiking friend went off-trail in Washington state.  A large rock was thrown at the duo to be followed by a second, each cast intentionally and landing about ten feet away.  The hiking partners wisely exited stage left at that point, with Randles looking behind himself at one point, and spying Bigfoot.  It was Randles belief that Bigfoot did not intend to harm him but only scare him off, and that perhaps in going off-trail he and his companion had ventured too close to a family group of Bigfoot or their habitat.  Out of this encounter was born the Olympic Project, which seeks to obtain crystal-clear images of Bigfoot in a natural environment.  The automatic motion-sensor type cameras deployed in this project have so far managed to take mostly images of well-known wild animals, together with some partial images of body parts that just might be connected to a Bigfoot…or not!  

Again, I could die happy if we’d have conclusive, verifiable scientific proof of the existence of any of these cryptids or others in my lifetime.  An alien would be awfully nice, too… *sighs*

Ohio Grassman, Green-Clawed Beast, and Big Muddy Monster…

January 27, 2014

20140126-231318.jpg

– – The latest edition of Monsters and Mysteries in America presented another trio of unexplained beasties, at least one of which, the Ohio Grassman, has appeared on earlier, similar shows.

First on the agenda was the Green-Clawed Beast, an aquatic creature reported in Evansville, Indiana. In August of 1955, Naomi Johnson was repeatedly pulled underwater in the Ohio River by a lizard-like thing similar in some ways to the “Creature from the Black Lagoon” of film. The woman escaped her ordeal with bruised and clawed legs, and peculiar mud on them analyzed and reported usually from the depths, as in caves. Interestingly enough, an Air Force colonel reportedly came to the woman’s house later investigating the incident, took copious notes, and left admonishing the lady to never repeat her story…someone call Fox Mulder, please…

…then in the vicinity of the Big Muddy River near Murphysboro in June of 1973, a couple in a car near the river heard a scream and saw a creature emerge from the water reported to be about 7′ tall weighing about 400 lbs. with glowing eyes and an unpleasant stench. They reported the incident to the police, who investigated and found foot-long footprints and heard screams. In 1988, a salvage yard worker and his boss saw the creature and retreated to a building against which impacts were then made. The Big Muddy Monster is thought to be a variety of Bigfoot who uses the river for migrating.

Lastly in Salt Fork Park in Eastern Ohio, Grassman legends go back to at least the mid-1800’s. In 1869, an assault on a man with his daughter reportedly occurred, with the plucky lass beaning the Grassman with a large rock while it was grappling with her father. Described as Bigfoot’s stockier, shorter, and angrier cousin, the Grassman is further distinguished by throwing rocks and building nests. A review of the Eddy family’s experience on Morgan’s Trail was detailed where three children saw the creature and the reunited family later heard multiple strikes on trees before wisely retreating. A Hawk Spearman also reported seeing a 6-1/2 to 7 foot tall creature with massive arms who lobbed a rock at him, later stalking and then attacking the trailer where Spearman and his companion were in residence. Gashes were left on the trailer at a height of about 8′ off of the ground…

Pukwudgie, Aliens, and the Dover Demon…

December 23, 2013

20131223-055512.jpg

– – It’s not easy to come up with an hour’s worth of strangeness to feed an audience every week, but Monsters & Mysteries in America tries its best to give us a steady diet of it. Three segments of a recent episode occurred in or near the Bridgewater Triangle in Massachusetts, where apparently trolls don’t just frequent the internet, but may also be found trying to lure people into the forest. The Pukwudgie is described as being a three to four foot high creature capable of speech who can’t attack intended victims directly, but tries to entice them to follow to some foul and unimaginable fate. Cases presented involving the Pukwudgie included a 1995 encounter when a man and his dog heard a creature supposedly say “We want you,” and a 2008 event when a video camera is said to have captured an image of one at the edge of the forest.

A second segment “Alien Brood” centered on twin sisters who reported being repeatedly abducted by aliens as children with successive abductions occurring into their adulthood. When children, the sisters contended that they were visited by aliens at night who paralyzed and levitated them and took them into a spacecraft, with injuries found by the sisters on their bodies the next day. As adults, the sisters reportedly were subjected to alien “reproductive procedures” and turned into “breeders” for the production of alien “gray”-human hybrids. One 2007 encounter was termed especially violent, and one sister reported meeting a hybrid child during a later abduction.

The third segment involved three sightings of the “Dover Demon” over two nights by teenagers in April of 1977 in the Massachusetts town of Dover. The creature is said to have a huge head almost the size of his body with no visible mouth and large, glowing eyes. Described as neither human nor animal, the unidentified cryptid resembles the Gollum in the Lord of the Rings saga…

The Zombie? – – Of Corpse!

November 2, 2013

Montana-TV-Station-Issues-Zombie-Warning-Claims-It-Was-Hacked.jpg (728×400)

 

– – On this Dia de Los Muertos following hard on the heels of Halloween, the mind runs more naturally to a consideration of supernatural, creepy, and scary considerations.  Zombies are much in vogue, having developed as a horror sub-genre through the work of George Romero among others and more recently, well-written and acted shows such as The Walking Dead.

In our modern age, death is kind of a final taboo, and the dead are swiftly and antiseptically spirited away so our delicate sensitivities are not offended by them, and we can postpone dealing with our own mortality.  Such was not the case in earlier times, when people would have been well-acquainted with both the sight of the dying and dead bodies.  In ancient times especially during plague years, dead bodies could be seen in public places in varying stages of decomposition, their numbers at times overwhelming burial details. As zombies are essentially animated corpses, their presence in film and literature may hark back to a kind of revulsion and fear in the collective unconscious over events that transpired earlier in human history…

Cattle Mutilations!

September 5, 2013

s-COW-large – – Alright! – – Who’s up for a show on cattle mutilations!

What a silly question! – – We all are, of course! Cattle mutilations carry that heady odd mixture of attraction and repulsion that makes something utterly irresistible, at least for those of us hooked on the strange, the macabre, and the unexplained. Speaking of which, The Unexplained Files conveniently served up a heaping helping of cattle mutilations on their most recent episode! – – Who says that television is a vast wasteland?!

Anyways, in the San Luis Valley in Colorado as in other midwestern states, cattle have been mutilated with near surgical precision, their eyes, ears, tongues, and sex organs removed with the corpses drained of blood. The cuts applied have apparently been cauterized with intense heat. Pet horses have also been so mutilated. Many of the mutilated animals share bone fractures, as if the animals were dropped from a height to the location of their discovery.

A number of explanations were advanced to possibly explain the phenomena. Predators remain the official explanation, although this seems unlikely as body parts were not strewn about, the grounds of discovery were curiously bloodless, and harvesting of body parts seems both unusual and selective. Speculation also exists that extraterrestrials were involved, possibly using bovine and equine blood to create hybrids. UFO sightings have been reported following some reported mutilations.

Theories also exist that human and governmental involvement is responsible, representing a kind of clandestine federal monitoring program of the food chain in order to contain a deadly outbreak of “mad cow” disease or possibly bioterrorism. Black helicopters favored by “black ops” agents have been reported by some area residents following mutilation incidents, although still others see the deeds as the work of whacked-out cultists.

At any rate, the bovine and equine deaths were both strange and unnatural, with unanswered questions likely to linger for the indefinite future. – – Anyone up for a burger? I’ll pass, thank you…

The Unexplained Files…

August 29, 2013

20130829-074934.jpg  — The Unexplained Files, a new show on the paranormal, aired on the Discovery Science channel in my area August 28th. Running an hour, the series debut was comprised of two half hour segments which essentially represented territory previously covered elsewhere, one a pilot disappearance following his UFO report, and the second a summary of some Chupacabra sightings in Texas…

The UFO segment involved the disappearance of a young pilot in a small plane in Australia in 1978 following his radio reporting of being buzzed by an unidentified aircraft; no wreckage was ever found. The transmission ended with a metallic buzzing sound, with the inference made that an alien abduction occurred at that point of both pilot and plane. Pilot error has been officially ruled as the reason for the disappearance, although family and expert opinion were presented during the segment indicating that the pilot was not suicidal, and that the aircraft piloted would not long function if flown, say, upside down. The pilot’s transmission to a ground controller lasted for about seven minutes, however, and while agitated the pilot appeared rational and coherent, his last words rather disturbing, to the effect saying that what was hovering about him wasn’t an aircraft…(Twilight Zone theme plays)

Next came the Chupacabra stories, including footage shot through a deputy’s window as he pursued a canid creature with an elongated head and snout. There were also interviews with the woman possessing an alleged corpse, with independent DNA testing of the same matching no known species; the usual “coyote with mange” official explanations were given, although animals so afflicted are quite sick, and usually wouldn’t be expected to keep ahead of a jeep which pursued one at 45 mph over rough territory in another occurrence reported…the things are breeding, too, with pups seen along with adults. Don’t look to adopt one at PetSmart any time soon, however…

While this new series I found somewhat weak and drawn out, hounds of the paranormal are eager for anything that they can find these days.  Couldn’t they have gotten into more current mysteries, however…like what the deuce happened to Miley Cyrus?!  Anyways, next week’s episodes will reportedly include cattle mutilations; now that’s something I can really get my teeth into, ahahahaha!