Archive for the ‘commercials’ category
March 15, 2019
Subtitle: “When meat eaters ruled the seas…”
(Scene: In a commercial we are shown a Viking longboat on a wine-dark sea, the sky likewise brooding and elemental. But what is this? Only one Viking warrior remains conscious trying dutifully to ply the oars, her crew mates passed out from fatigue or perhaps mead. She is weary, for the hour is late…but fortunately, the warrior has a powerful ally in Jack Links Beef Jerky! She bites off a healthy mouthful (not at all daintily), and is empowered! Bigfoot appears in the stern of the longboat, and begins to lay down a powerful and quickening beat on his massive drum to set the rhythm for the lone rower. She is empowered, and roars lustily, the very model of a Viking shield maiden! A raven perched on the railing joins in the cry, and the sleeping crew begins to show signs of life. — On to victory for Odin, mighty warriors!
We then flash to the office habitat of our modern female warrior, successfully fighting the battle of after-hours office fatigue with her Jack Links Jerky. Empowerment is delivered, and Bigfoot enters the office to break the wand of the custodian’s vacuum, because sometimes only destruction will express the mood!- – Rawrrr! – –Meat will apparently deliver this one through overtime just as it delivered the Vikings past treacherous seas. It is good to know that their unconquerable spirit lives on!
Categories: absurdities, advertising, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, commercials, creature features, furry, furry commercials, television
Comments: 2 Comments
March 11, 2019
I have often walked past the lobster tank in my local supermarket, pitying the poor doomed creatures within and wishing that I could set them free, like some kind of crustacean messiah. In a recent Geico commercial, I can imagine one such liberated lobster enjoying his freedom, sitting in the corner of a hot tub, his claws spread wide as he enjoys the tub jets. There are also two newlywed humans in the far corner of the tub with him.
“I can’t believe it!,” says the guy as he looks at his phone. “That there’s a lobster in the tub with us?,” questions his new wife. It seems that the guy is more incredulous about how much they saved on car insurance with Geico, and how easy it was to do it. The mellow lobster, voiced by H. Michael Croner, asks if the couple is staying at the hotel, and congratulates them when he learns they’re newlyweds. Marriage is not for him, however, as he’s afraid of committment…he’s been boiled alive! The hotel chef appears at this point, looking for the lobster and causing him to duck underwater. We can understand when the lobster reappears, and proclaims that the chef is “the worst!” If you look carefully, the lobster appears to redden somewhat as the commercial progresses…
This cool crustacean can hang out in my bathtub anytime, and should the Lobster Liberation Army ever stage it’s move, I’m maintaining my innocence…
Categories: advertising, animal elements, anthropomorphic, aquatic, Brilliant but twisted, commercials, fantasy, Invertebrates, television
Tags: lobster hot tub party
Comments: 3 Comments
March 7, 2019
Our McDonald’s Fillet-o’-Fish commercial begins on an icy boat in some frozen fishing waters where a crewman is playing a familiar theme on a recorder. Suddenly the ship’s radar signals an approaching image, which turns out not to be a school of fish but a yellow submarine! Surfacing, out from the yellow submarine pops not the Beatles but a Jacque Cousteau look-alike, who is holding a tray heaped with Filet-o’-Fish sandwiches. The commercial even throws in one of those aggravating Billy Bass-type mounted electronic fish novelty items from a few years back, who is pleased to sing you the McDonald’s Filet-o’-Fish song, and leave it to rattle around maddeningly inside your head while you beg it in vain to stop…
…and why is McDonald’s bringing back Filet-o’-Fish advertising now? Well, they sell 40% of their fish sandwiches each year during the Lenten season, and the Golden Arches are just fishin’ while the fishing is good. And I’ll bet that some of you owned a singing Billy Bass fish on a plaque, or knew someone who did. The ones I most encountered sang Take Me To The River, which memory is already playing inside my head…good song, but make it stop!
Categories: advertising, aquatic, commercials, television
Tags: McDonald's Filet-O-Fish Ad
Comments: 4 Comments
March 4, 2019
In the increasingly bizarro-world in which we live where entertainment and merchandising blend, it is perhaps fitting that we see KFC’s iconic spokesman Colonel Sanders morph into RoboCop, who in a series of new commercials has been given the mission of protecting the franchises “secret blend” of 11 herbs and spices. Voiced by the original movie RoboCop Peter Weller, the blend of man and machine is disturbingly perfect, complete with elements of the Colonel’s trademark hair, tie, and white suit.
In one of the commercial spots, the Colonel is plied at a dinner gathering for his secret KFC recipe. “If I told you, then I’d have to kill you,” replies the cybernetic Colonel, interrupting the awkward silence which follows with a repeated weird mechanical laugh. The Colonel makes a persuasive argument for consuming the product while respecting the secrecy of the recipe that we ignore at our own peril. Consume, and do not question…or else!
Perhaps a world of corporate wars is coming, one in which Colonel Robocop takes on Ronald “Terminator” McDonald, or the Mayhem guy is in an iron cage match with Progressive’s Flo. These tales are waiting to be written… *shudders*
Categories: absurdities, advertising, Brilliant but twisted, commercials, sci fi
Tags: Colonel RoboCop
Comments: 5 Comments
February 14, 2019
The Butterfinger brand has been bought out from Nestle by Ferrero, who have amped up the brand and its slogan with an alien presence in a new commercial. The trademark admonition that “Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger” has been said by many over the years, including Bart Simpson. Last uttered in 2012, the slogan has now been updated to “Nobody lays a finger on my better Butterfinger!“
In the frenetic ad, a yellow and blue alien (Butterfinger colors) escapes from a lab, helps himself to a dusty Corvette, and goes on a thrill ride with a hitchhiker he picks up who happens to be selling alien T-shirts! The wild ride ends with the alien using his telekinetic powers to help himself to a Butterfinger bar, after which he proclaims the revised slogan.
I saw this commercial for the first time after watching a recording of a Project Bluebook episode, and then seeing LaToya Jackson revealed as the Alien character on S1/Ep7 of The Masked Singer. I think that the powers that be are trying to tell me something…
(Tip o’ the pen to Cary Comic for the idea for this post!)
Categories: absurdities, aliens, Brilliant but twisted, commercials, paranormal, sci fi, television, twisted reality
Tags: Better Butterfinger commercial, Butterfinger with alien ad
Comments: 1 Comment
February 3, 2019
I, for one, am starting to get a bit freaked out over the number of anthropomorphic organs detaching themselves from the human body and making a go of it by themselves in advertisements and public service announcements. There was a time when reporting such sightings would have landed you a diagnosis as an active psychotic, but now we have bladders, stomachs, and even colons parading around without a suspicion of recreational drug use. Perhaps it’s appropriate and to be expected for the times in which we live, but I’ll never be fully comfortable with it, and it may haunt my dreams…
One of a series, “Little Lungs in a Great Big World: Snowboard,” brings us the little lungs in question being asked by other bigger, presumably healthier lungs if they’d like to go snowboarding with the group. The little lungs respond in the affirmative, but because they had smoked as a teenager are smaller in size,and subsequently unable to draw in enough air and keep up. They wind up wiping out and getting skewered by the antlers of a moose, one eye hanging disconcertingly out of its socket.
It certainly doesn’t make me want to light one up! When I was young, we didn’t have all of these renegade organs marauding about, and were simply told that smoking would stunt your growth. To lull us into acquiring a smoking habit, we went to visit Marlboro Country where manly men did manly things like ropin’ and ridin’ with nary a hacking cough to be heard, or a tumor to be seen. – – And who was cooler than Joe Camel? – – But ahh, times have changed. Perhaps in the future, Larry Liver will warn us about the dangers of alcoholic consumption…
Categories: absurdities, advertising, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, commercials, fantasy, television
Tags: Little Lungs: Snowboarding, Real Cost of Smoking promos
Comments: 2 Comments
January 28, 2019
No, good readers, we have not turned into a BDSM blog, but are only sharing images of a centaur which appears in a Snickers “Fantasy Night Football” commercial. You see, Matt, the centaur pictured, has gotten his fantasy nights confused…and we’ve all been there, right (–not)? So anyhow, Matt decides to go horsing around, and shows up at a neigh-bor’s house in his centaur’s costume. The only problem is, it’s Football Fantasy night, and not…whatever else it is that Matt is into, ahem! We shall not go there, being a semi-respectable establishment…
The commercial may be seen as an extension of the “you’re not yourself when you’re hungry” Snickers theme, and Matt must be hungry indeed. Perhaps it’s appropriate that Matt is in his centaur suit, since Snickers is named after a horse…and being a centaur does add new layers of meaning into the expression, “going for a ride.”
I’ve always wondered, though…when a centaur is ill, does he see an MD or a veterinarian? There are unanswered questions here…hmmm!
Categories: absurdities, advertising, anomalies, commercials, furry, furry commercials, humor, television
Comments: 5 Comments
January 25, 2019
In this Cox Communications advert, two anthropomorphic pandas are playing a spirited game of ping-pong, complete with appropriate panda grunts and cries…but things are not as they appear, for a mother summons one of the “pandas” to dinner, and playtime is over. He touches a button on a device, shedding his panda avatar and revealing that he’s really a human boy. His friend is likewise human, and furthermore located at a distance away. They give each other a wave and a “later dude” through a projected screen, and return to their mundane real lives…
This is an envisioning of technology of the future, and I find it completely believable. I’d better start saving now for the mobile emitter and massive data plan that I’ll need to shed my human self at will…
Categories: advertising, animals, anthropomorphic, commercials, furry, furry commercials, television
Tags: Cox Communications Panda, future technology
Comments: 3 Comments
January 21, 2019
It’s not easy being a turkey. Apparently, if a carnivore doesn’t get you, a nicotine addiction probably will. Is Elmer Fudd lurking in wait for our feathered friend, or a cancer specialist? Life is full of uncertainties. In light of his questionable destiny, the turkey in our Chantix commercial is keeping active in a variety of activities, and probably maintaining a positive mental attitude as well. This bird has a fuller life than I do…he gardens, reads, mows the lawn, and finds time to float in his pool. I envy him…I don’t have a freakin’ pool, so the wages of poultry must be pretty good. He even puts out a feeder for the birds…but wait, isn’t that what he is?! I’m so confused…then in order to minimize the number of strikes against him, the turkey is wisely trying to kick the cigarette habit with Chantix, a program which allows him to go “slow turkey” as opposed to cold turkey.
Unanswered is the question of whether unsuccessful quitters of his species are the source of smoked turkey; I’ve always wondered. Anyways, I’m glad that this Chantix user is no bird brain…
Categories: animal spokepersons, anthropomorphic, avian, commercials, feathered friends, furry, furry commercials, television
Tags: Chantix turkey
Comments: 3 Comments
January 18, 2019
Dean Winter is back as Mayhem for Allstate Insurance as the “overly confident dog walker” who would walk 100 dogs “if his paws were big enough to hold all the leashes.” Well, he does have quite a herd of dogs leading him, and all that fur makes it hard for him to see where he’s going, causing him to take quite a header on a loose brick, his face impacting with a sickening thud on unyielding brickwork. The homeowner viewing the accident via camera comments that Mayhem is not Kevin, his usual dog walker…Mayhem responds that he is today. Our man of infinite sorrows adds that unless the homeowner has Allstate Insurance, paying for his medical bills is gonna be “ruff.” A dog sweetly licks Mayhem’s battered face…
In my twisted mind, I’d like to see some kind of apocalyptic standoff between Flo of Progressive Insurance and the Mayhem dude where he’d cast all kinds of calamities at her (fire, flood, lightning, raccoons, etc.) which Flo in her flawless white outfit would simply shrug off. It would be kinda like a battle between two X-Men, the irresistible force versus the immovable object. Flo’s sister Janice could be indifferently chewing gum in the background, her attention riveted on her cell phone… (fade to black)
Categories: absurdities, advertising, animal elements, commercials, furry
Tags: Allstate's Mayhem, overly confident dog walker
Comments: 1 Comment
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