Archive for the ‘anthropomorphic’ category

Cernunnos…

August 11, 2013

20130811-064213.jpg – – Cernunnos is a righteous dude, and perhaps an early furry lifestyler!  Also known as the horned god, Cernunnos is the antlered “God of the Forest” and often considered “God of the Animals” who is often portrayed as sporting a rather significant set of deer, elk, or moose horns; moreover, he wears them well!  An anthropomorphic being, Cernunnos is often depicted with an impressive rack while the head beneath is sometimes human and at other times shown as that of a stag. The body tends to be human, ending in feet that in some depictions are cloven deer hooves.

Celebrated in Celtic mythology and also incorporated into pagan and Wiccan traditions, Cernunnos represents a number of things, mostly good; he is the lord of the hunt, associated with both the hunter and the hunted, and is kind of an embodiment of nature; he would certainly be an unapologetic tree-hugger. Cernunnos also represents prosperity and abundance, for which purpose he is often pictured with an overflowing purse of coins. Cernunnos is also associated with life, death, and rebirth, for which reason some images of him depict an antlered skull head, while I consider him more of a vigorous life force embodiment.  Along these lines, Cernunnos is also identified with male sexuality, fertility, and the celebration of it; he is, after all, horny!  The deity holds or is in the presence of a snake in many images, another phallic symbol. In some images, the deity is shown as quite a hunk who could probably sell products to housewives easily; advertisers please note!  He is mysterious, elemental, and rather medieval in an enticing “Game of Thrones” way…

Cernunnos is associated with the fire element and the life-giving power of the sun. Being all of these things and more, Cernunnos has rather big hooves to fill, but serves all of his roles admirably and well.  I rather like the dude and could work for him; note the fox by his feet in this image…

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Mike’s Hard Lemonade “Deer Head” Commercial…

August 5, 2013

mike's hard lemonade

– – It’s kind of a “night of the living dead venison”  commercial; a guy is shown kicking back with three male friends in a comfy room, the mounted head of an antlered deer hanging on the wall.  The doorbell rings, and the guy answers the door.  There standing at the door is every hunter’s worst nightmare; the body of the slaughtered deer, minus its head!  It gets creepier; you can see the headless torso breathing! 

“Who is it?,” asks the head of the slaughtered deer from the wall; you can see its mouth move, and its eyes blink.  The guy is too stunned to say anything, so the deer head repeats its question; “Seriously, who is it?”  Again, the host is unable to answer, the headless body lingering in the doorway…end of commercial!

First airing in July of 2012,  this is creepy yet wonderful stuff, imparting the message that Mike’s hard lemonade is different, and that as the host tells a friend of the lemonade, “sometimes you gotta change things up.”  If every hunter was visited by an undead version of their slain prey, it might indeed make a world of difference…(Twilight Zone theme plays in the background)

Wonder Woman vs. Cheetah

August 3, 2013

 

20130803-080124.jpg— Does it get much better than Wonder Woman versus the Cheetah?  Not by much it doesn’t; I’d want to pull up a chair and watch this one!

There are relatively few female villains worthy of note, and fewer still of the furry persuasion; Cheetah fills the gap purr-fectly!   As with most comic book superheroes and villains, Cheetah has gone through a number of re-imaginings, ranging from the rather ridiculous to the superbly menacing. I like my Cheetah anthropomorphic and ferociously feral, thank you!  She’s evil yet alluring and seductive, more than enough to make a good boy turn bad. In the world of female furry felines, Catwoman remains the gold standard but Cheetah prowls not far behind, roaming closer to the jungle and lacking the breakout status Catwoman has achieved.

The Cheetah was originally portrayed as a woman in a costume, but over the years has come to be shown as far more than that. The character even had a heretical stint in a male incarnation!  I like the character’s portrayal as Barbara Ann Minerva, kind of a cursed/blessed archaeologist who through supernatural intervention has transformational powers.  Her status as an archenemy of Wonder Woman has at times been rooted in a desire to possess the Amazon’s golden “Lasso of Truth,” while at other times it’s more of a bruised ego thing.  At any rate, it makes for memorable cat fights which are usually inconclusive or open-ended; you don’t really want to kill off a great villain or villainess as they are what makes for a better story and a more appealing protagonist.

At any rate, I’d secretly root for the Cheetah.- – Long may she vex Wonder Woman, and perhaps someday she’ll achieve the stand-alone and cult status that Catwoman enjoys.  In one animated outing, the Cheetah did have a tryst of sorts with Batman, who saw that she although in league with villains lacked true criminal intent; she just needed money to further her scientific research, what with funding cuts and all.   Many of us have felt that pinch, and I wouldn’t mind feeling hers…Rrowr!

The Orangina “Cat…”

July 26, 2013

Orangina

— In France and elsewhere, a soft drink is sold called Orangina.  A memorable commercial was made for the product in 2010 which featured a CGI-generated anthropomorphic male cougar who liked the product so much that the big cat applied it to his face following shaving like lotion to soften his skin.  As the viewer is wondering why a cougar shaves or why a soft drink has skin applications, a bare-chested human male enters the scene who approaches the cougar, and shares, shall we say, a tender moment with him…

…yes, cross-species same-sex attraction! — Ah. those French are such sly dogs, are they not…or perhaps I should say, cats? — Meow!

The Charmin Bears…

July 12, 2013

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— I, for one, have always found the Charmin Bear family rather dysfunctional and somewhat disturbing. Now, we all know that bears defecate in the woods, but I just don’t think that it’s normal or healthy for there to be so much preoccupation over the matter of toilet paper. I mean, the episode where Leonard, the father bear, is basically alone stroking the toilet paper by himself while almost in a trance-like state as he mutters “so soft!” strikes me as being rather creepy, or reflecting an unhealthy and unnatural obsession. Then there are control issues reflected, as when one or another of the bears (usually the males) are told (by Momma Bear Molly) how much toilet paper to use, and that they can be using less. — I mean, this is ‘merica, right, and I can be using as much dang toilet paper as I want to!  The tag line is even “less is more;” what are these bears, Republicans?!  Also we have the episode where one boy bear has little bits of TP all over his bear behind, and is called to task for it by Momma Bear, Molly…this seems to violate his body space, dignity, and personal privacy rights! There are also unresolved issues that beg to be addressed in this psychodrama, such as the apparent use of toilet paper (“bathroom tissue,” excuse me) without toilets or even bathrooms…and what of the minimally-rendered forest in which these bears reside?  Where is this unreal estate located, the Twilight Zone?

All in all, we haven’t seen this much obsession over toilet paper since the days of store owner Mr. Whipple, who chastised customers for squeezing the Charmin while secretly engaging in the same behavior himself, a paragon of hypocrisy.  The Mr. Whipple character was retired, by the way, when the actor portraying him died, death being the ultimate form of retirement…

Of the Wisdom of Owls…

July 9, 2013

geico owls

– – The latest Geico commercial is a hoot!  Now everyone knows that 15 minutes with Geico can save you 15% or more on car insurance, but “did you know that some owls aren’t that wise?,” asks one woman on the road to her male car companion. 

The scene then shifts to the woods at night, where a female owl is reminding her mate that she’s having brunch with Megan tomorrow.  “Who?,” responds the male owl.   “Megan, my co-worker,” clarifies the female owl.   “Who?,” again calls the male owl.  “Seriously, you’ve met her like three times!,” adds the female owl.  “Who?,” replies the male once again.  At that point, it’s time for an exasperated sigh from the female owl as her head turns away…I’m sure that many of us guys have experienced this kind of thing, but honestly, we’re not all clueless!

Maxwell “Bestiality” Backlash…

July 6, 2013

20130706-080812.jpg – – Although I never cease to be amazed at the things which offend some people and cause them to go on the warpath, cute, cuddly Geico spokesman Maxwell the pig seems an unlikely target. He’s sweet, innocent, resourceful, and just trying to make his way in the world like the rest of us.

Nonetheless, this unlikely target has at least in some of his commercials drawn the ire of certain far right groups, including the conservative group One Million Moms, which reports having received numerous complaints over such ads as the one depicting Maxwell parked in a car on a date with a girl. The female in question appears, shall we say, to wish to advance their relationship to the next level. Maxwell, the hip but at times clueless innocent, occupies himself instead with a phone app game of “Fruit Ninja.” Not amused, the One Million Moms group sees the commercial as promoting bestiality, termed it repulsive and unnecessary, and wished to see it pulled from airing immediately.

Puh-leeze! While there’s some innuendo going on in the commercial, it’s light-hearted, and so ridiculous as to be more absurd than shocking.  Humor when devoid of any satirical content fast becomes bland and meaningless.  One might also argue that Maxwell in unintentionally or otherwise blocking his date’s advances has substituted a more “wholesome” activity, yet we do not see conservative watchdog groups marketing Maxwell chastity rings. The group in question also objected on similar grounds to a Skittles commercial featuring a girl and a walrus.

To paraphrase an old popular song, all we are saying…is give pigs a chance! And some people need to find better things to occupy their time as well…

 

Dorothy and Alice…

June 21, 2013

Dorothy and Alice

— Ah, the stories, the wonderful fantastic tales that could be shared if Dorothy from “Oz” and Alice from “Wonderland” could sit down together, and compare notes on a pleasant summer afternoon!  I’d surely pull up a chair to listen in to that conversation!

Alice could open by relating how she followed a white rabbit with a watch who seemed much preoccupied with the time, while Dorothy could share an encounter with a cowardly lion. Alice might speak of meeting a hookah-smoking caterpillar, while Dorothy could regale us with descriptions of flying monkeys. There would be reports of animal abuse, too, such as Alice’s description of a croquet game with flamingos used as mallets, and Dorothy’s account of a green-hued witch threatening her small dog.

Some of the strangest furry encounters in literature have been described or related by children, or by those with child-like, open minds. Weird shit, indeed, and oddly compelling…

Maxwell and Ted Have Hail Damage…

June 3, 2013

Boating Maxwell– – Hipster Maxwell the pig may have hail damage to his baby blue VW Cabriolet, but he’s so slick that he speedily gets an appointment through his Geico app with an insurance adjuster, and as fellow hail damage sufferer Ted struggles on hold with his insurance company, Maxwell even has time to steal Ted’s girlfriend away, and go boating with her!  “Later, Ted!,” chortles the nameless fickle girl. –What is it with pigs, anyhow, that makes them “chick magnets?”  Perhaps because they’re both farm animals…

Now if only they could have attached Maxwell’s trademark pinwheels to the handles of his Skidoo!  This porker gets out and about more than most of us do…but just remember that relationships with pigs are illegal in most states! 

Mermaid Mania!

June 1, 2013

mermaids– – Even in the rarified world of cryptozoology, consideration of mermaids has fallen into the realm of the really far out there stuff, to be greeted perhaps with rolling of the eyes and snide remarks.  Most likely this is because treatment of the very topic of mermaids/mermen has been tainted by embodiment in fairy tales and the Disney treatment in popular culture; we are inclined to think of mermaids as merchandised items, as plastic toys carried about and loved by small girls.  If we think of mermaids and mermen as being less like My Little Pony collectables, we’re finally at a stage where we can give the topic more serious consideration.  

Specials on the Animal Planet network have sparked new treatments of the mermaid topic, complete with the ambiguous videos and reported missing body parts, allegations that we’ve come to associate with Bigfoot investigations.  There’s even a linkage of sorts in that mermaids and mermen are speculated to be a kind of “water ape” that has evolved back to an aquatic existence from a previous incarnation on dry land.

First there was Mermaids:  The Body Found airing in May 2012, a docu-fiction including the tantalizing tale of inexplicable body parts brought forth from the stomach of a Great White shark on the South African shore that matched no other known species, body parts that represented perhaps 30% of a complete individual possessing mermaid characteristics, including morphological adaptations such as hands rather than fins, and an upright hip bone posture. While little of the skull of the specimen remained, reconstruction from what was present suggested the capacity for echolocation as is seen in aquatic mammals such as dolphins.  Researchers working with the remains had them as well as their research confiscated as they were about to return to the United States, or so alleges a reputed former NOAA scientist.

Remaining, however, are recordings of mysterious underwater noises coming from an unknown source which resembles a 1997 sound recording called the “bloop.”   This transmission contains known whale and dolphin sounds together with more sophisticated sounds of an unknown creature speculated to be communicating with the cetaceans.  There are also a number of disputed videos, including one reportedly taken by a boy on a cell phone camera following a mass whale beaching in 2007.  The images show in addition to whale carcasses and debris a still living humanoid-like creature that the boy maintains to have been a mermaid or merman…

For the record, the National Oceanic Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) has issued a statement denying the existence of mermaids or other aquatic humanoids.  Animal Planet has stated that the mermaid shows are not factual, and should be considered entertainment only; the shows are essentially science fiction, with some real events and speculative scientific theory incorporated.  While mermaids may be all wet, the ratings amassed by Mermaids:  The New Evidence are quite real, with 3.6 million viewers drawn, making the show the most viewed telecast on Animal Planet ever…