Archive for the ‘absurdities’ category

Snickers “Fantasy Night” Centaur…

January 28, 2019

 

No, good readers, we have not turned into a BDSM blog, but are only sharing images of a centaur which appears in a Snickers “Fantasy Night Football” commercial.  You see, Matt, the centaur pictured, has gotten his fantasy nights confused…and we’ve all been there, right (–not)?  So anyhow, Matt decides to go horsing around, and shows up at a neigh-bor’s house in his centaur’s costume.  The only problem is, it’s Football Fantasy night, and not…whatever else it is that Matt is into, ahem!  We shall not go there, being a semi-respectable establishment…

The commercial may be seen as an extension of the “you’re not yourself when you’re hungry” Snickers theme, and Matt must be hungry indeed.  Perhaps it’s appropriate that Matt is in his centaur suit, since Snickers is named after a horse…and being a centaur does add new layers of meaning into the expression, “going for a ride.”  

I’ve always wondered, though…when a centaur is ill, does he see an MD or a veterinarian?  There are unanswered questions here…hmmm!

 

Allstate’s “Overly Confident Dog Walker”

January 18, 2019

Dean Winter is back as Mayhem for Allstate Insurance as the “overly confident dog walker” who would walk 100 dogs “if his paws were big enough to hold all the leashes.”  Well, he does have quite a herd of dogs leading him, and all that fur makes it hard for him to see where he’s going, causing him to take quite a header on a loose brick, his face impacting with a sickening thud on unyielding brickwork.  The homeowner viewing the accident via camera comments that Mayhem is not Kevin, his usual dog walker…Mayhem responds that he is today. Our man of infinite sorrows adds that unless the homeowner has Allstate Insurance, paying for his medical bills is gonna be “ruff.”  A dog sweetly licks Mayhem’s battered face…

In my twisted mind, I’d like to see some kind of apocalyptic standoff between Flo of Progressive Insurance and the Mayhem dude where he’d cast all kinds of calamities at her (fire, flood, lightning, raccoons, etc.) which Flo in her flawless white outfit would simply shrug off.  It would be kinda like a battle between two X-Men, the irresistible force versus the immovable object. Flo’s sister Janice could be indifferently chewing gum in the background, her attention riveted on her cell phone… (fade to black)

 

“Emotional Support” Blobfish…

January 8, 2019

I’m not unsympathetic to the idea of Emotional Support Animals, although some people have pressed the limits of what may be considered such an animal, and where it may be appropriate to take them.  As a case in point we have a Credit Karma commercial where a female passenger on an airline notices a male in the same seat row sporting a blobfish on his lap, who he introduces as Harold, an emotional support animal that he enlisted when his credit rating caused damage to his self-concept.  The woman advises the man that he can gain tips on improving his credit rating from Credit Karma, a thought which so excites the man that he accidentally drops Harold on the aircraft floor.  “He’ll be all right,” reassures the man.  “He’s a bottom feeder!

Now blobfish are real, a deep sea creature found in waters 2,000 to 3,900 feet deep off mainland Australia, Tasmania, and New Zealand.  A few years back, they were voted “the Ugliest Animal in the World.”  Blobfish are easier on the eyes if you see them in their natural habitat, since the appearance that people associate with them is caused by decompression damage as the specimens are brought to the surface.  So be kind to the blobfish, as you’re not seeing them at their best.  Harold could certainly not live out of water, even while he appears to move slightly during the commercial.

Sadly, no one claims blobfish as their spirit animal.  These guys just can’t seem to get a break.  And when it comes to emotional support animals, I’m inseparable from my inner fox

Mucinex Mr. Mucus vs. Gorilla…

January 2, 2019

It’s hard to think of a less appealing figure in a commercial than Mr. Mucus.  We’ve seen bodily organs with minds of their own such as the Myrbetriq bladder and the Halos stomach, but this guy is a bodily product, for crying out loud, basically animated phlegm! He’s even a revolting green color, so we think less than kindly of him, and basically want him gone, ASAP; it isn’t easy being green, as Kermit the Frog observed, and Kermit had redemptive qualities. The repulsiveness of Mr. Mucus is why we are glad to see some insult or harm come to him, and will remember any product that can further that end. You’ll never see stuffed likenesses of Mr. Mucus flying off store shelves.- –  It’s snot gonna happen, ahem!  (laughs maniacally)

The brief ad begins with a man asking his wife where her cough is. The woman responds that she’s fine because she took Mucinex DM, which sent the cough far away. – – How far away? We are then shown Mr. Mucus in the jungle, complete with a safari jacket and pith helmet. Coming across a gorilla, he asks the ape if he’s seen a nice woman with a cough, to which the simian responds Hulk-like by smashing Mucus-boy with a mighty fist that sends him flying swiftly out of sight.  No tears are shed on Mr. Mucus…sad!

Mucinex DM, the voiceover then tells us, releases swiftly and lasts 12 hours, not 4, leaving Mr. Mucus to bungle in the jungle…”Well, that’s alright by me.” (Jethro Tull).

(“I’ll write on your tombstone, I thank you for dinner/This game that we animals play is a winner.” —Jethro Tull, Bungle In The Jungle)

 

 

Halos “Good Choice, Kid: Fair” Commercial…

December 11, 2018


Our internal organs are revolting…seriously!  First we have the walking big-eyed bladder of the Myrbetriq commercial, and now in a Wonderful Halos commercial we have a stomach so appalled by the dietary choices of its host that it jumps out of his mid-section complete with skinny legs, and like something from John Carpenter’s The Thing scrambles off in the opposite direction!  In the Halos “Good Choice, Kid: Fair” commercial, we are shown one gentleman with double deep-fried butter sticks in each hand offering one to another guy at a county fair.  It’s more than his stomach can stomach, erupting from his gut and charting its own course…

It’s not that I’d be immune to the allure of a double deep-fried stick of butter.  I’d probably enjoy one immensely, dying with a smile on my face even as it clogged my arteries.  County fairs are notorious for providing such guilty pleasures.   I just doubt that I could retain the blissful composure of the fried butter stick eater as my gastrointestinal organs visibly bailed ship and exited my body, which is the stuff of serious nightmares.  The butter-eater seems to shrug it off…

“Who knew these things were bad for you?,” comments the double deep fried butter eater as his stomach runs off.  “Everyone,” responds the other guy, continuing to sensibly eat his Wonderful Halos oranges.  Sometimes, you see, the right dietary choice is easy, even if guilty pleasures aren’t going away any time soon…

Progressive’s “Checkout” Commercial…

November 16, 2018

Perhaps he’s just big for his age…the man/child riding in the kiddie seat of the grocery cart in the Progressive “checkout” commercial, that is.  He’s a bad boy, too…showing the grocery store employee his toy dinosaur, drinking milk directly from a carton, spilling out a bulk food container chute, and throwing items snatched from the shelf on the floor.  You’ve seen poorly supervised brats in supermarkets doing things of this sort, and more…but have you ever seen a guy in his thirties pulling the same stunts?  Talk about a case of arrested development…

…we are later shown the character called “babyman” in daycare, a Goliath among his peers, as he sits nonchalantly on the floor dressed in bib overalls, enjoying a snack, and later becoming visibly startled by a “pop-up” book.  “Act your age!  Get your own insurance!,” gruffly admonishes the announcer in this commercial encouraging millennials to chart their own course and question insurance decisions that their parents might have made.  Iconic spokesperson Flo is nowhere to be seen…

Perhaps the babyman could use a little firm correction from Flo during his more inappropriate moments, and possibly even a spanking…of course, he might enjoy that, and we don’t want to venture too far into the adult baby fetish thing lest absurdist humor become creepy…

  

KFC “Chicken and Waffles” Commercial..

November 12, 2018

When you’ve seen KFC icon Colonel Sanders in his trademark white suit dancing with a human-sized animated bottle of Mrs. Butterworth’s, you’ve seen pretty much everything, or at least need to cut back on the recreational drugs. It’s not that I’m judging them, you see, and the Colonel is surprisingly light on his feet, at one point hoisting Mrs. Butterworth aloft in a performance worthy of Dancing With The Stars. They are, after all, promoting chicken and waffles at your KFC franchise, and I wish them every happiness together…

The commercial spoofs the “(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life” dance scene from the movie Dirty Dancing. The dance moves aren’t quite as spectacular as those in the original choreographed scene, however, in large part because a bottle of syrup doesn’t have, well, legs. One must work with what one has, I suppose, even if the end result is kinda surreal and freaky. I’m cool with that, although if I start dancing with my syrup bottles I’ll be ready for institutionalization. One also must presumably take care to separate bottles of Mrs. Butterworth’s from Aunt Jemima’s lest a sticky business develop. I don’t know what extremes syrup bottles might be capable of, after all, either as rivals or co-conspirators…