Archive for the ‘absurdities’ category

Liberty Mutual’s “Bird Call” Commercial…

January 5, 2022

When Liberty Mutual’s “Doug” in a recent commercial starts to ply a fellow park-goer about insurance, his avian partner the emu has wandered off. This prompts Doug to resort to a key ring of bird calls, although he can’t determine which one is an emu call. Doesn’t everyone carry a key ring of bird calls?! Blowing many, Doug summons a variety of diverse birds, including raptors, a flamingo, and even penguins!

Forget that the birds represented can’t all be indigenous to the same area…we’re in commercial land, after all. Anyways, after trying multiple whistles and summoning diverse birds, he evidently hits upon the right one, because the LiMu Emu appears, frisbee in beak!

Doug’s bird calls all seem to work. Perhaps both he and Wile E. Coyote order from the Acme company. Gotta get me one of their catalogues sometime, because they have everything! 🦊

Geico’s “Angry Birds” Problem…

December 28, 2021

According to Geico, cultural icons are invading your home! You’ve got Muppet drummer Animal as an unwelcome guest in your attic, and Yogi and Boo Boo bears raiding your cookouts. In yet another example, Angry Birds from Rovio are doing the Hitchcock thing, smashing into the walls and windows of your home, and trashing feeders, lawn umbrellas, and flower pots on your patio!– – Aieee!

Now I know the three feathered fowl well, having an Angry Birds 2 addiction and leading a clan on the mobile game site. They are Red, Chuck, and Bomb, although Bomb certainly could have blasted through the window had he detonated. The homeowners are lucky that Terence didn’t show up, as the heavyweight probably could have gone through the wall as well. Matilda, Silver, and the Blues are likewise nowhere to be seen. Add in optional birds Bubbles, Hal, and Stella, and we could have reduced the whole house to splinters…pathetic humans!- –And why are there no Angry Foxes games?!

“The birds are back!,” one homeowner warns the other before the thumping and crashing continues. “Why are the birds so angry?,” wonders a neighbor peering over a fence. Perhaps there are green pigs in the neighborhood, stealing the avian’s eggs. In filming, the crew lobbed baseballs at the home to enable the actors to respond realistically to the impacts…

Fortunately, the homeowners have Geico insurance bundled to deal with the feathered predation. The assault of cultural icons must impact adversely on property values, one suspects… 🦊

Truist Financial Commercial, “Care…”

December 22, 2021

Plushies (stuffed animals) individually are cute, cuddly, and innately comforting. An enormous ball of stuffed animals of diverse species rolling at you like an oversized tumbleweed might be a bit…disconcerting! There’s something unnatural going on here...

But you needn’t worry. This isn’t The Blob of vintage science fiction fame, but rather a helpful heap of plushies. Rolling about in a strange collective, they do things like return errant objects, hold elevator doors open, stop shopping carts from banging into cars in a parking lot, and roll replacement tires along to stranded motorists. They even extend a flower to a seated woman and her child! In the motorist scenario, the paw of one of the stuffed animals may even be seen extending to give the new tire a final push. I wouldn’t know whether to be grateful or alarmed, perhaps both…I tend to be a bit suspicious of reality violations…

Truist Financial says that because it values care, it considers itself a different kind of bank. A rolling ball of helpful plushies would certainly be different, I suppose, and make for an interesting police report. I hope that the ball of stuffed animals doesn’t get rained on…

The Charmin Bears in “Airport Security”

December 15, 2021

Someday, I am just going to lose it over the Charmin bears. The bears themselves aren’t really that bad, they’re actually kind of cute. It’s what they do that rankles my fur! These bears are always pooping, and then examining their behinds for evidence of toilet paper residue. I mean, this kinda thing is seriously cringe-worthy! Personal space, please!

Now we all know that bears defecate in the woods, and apparently elsewhere as well. Everybody poops, with the exception of some Disney animals like Bambi that are drawn without discernible anuses. I’ve often wondered if such animals simply explode when their colon backs up too far. Be that as it may, the Charmin bears would appear to have a weird and pervasive anal fixation that borders on the disgusting.

In their Airport Security ad, Papa Bear passes through security without a hitch because, of course, his hiney’s clean! I just love the “kill me now” expression on the agent’s face. And does the fact that the agent is wearing clothes and Papa none mean that this is some kind of strip search? If so, Papa seems to be enjoying it…

It should come as no surprise that Papa’s luggage is actually stuffed with toilet paper. The Charmin Bears are nothing if not consistent. It’s just that bare bear bottoms, clean or (shudder) otherwise, get old really fast. I much prefer fox tails… 🦊

NJM’s “Ferret Interview” Commercial…

November 24, 2021

I have long been of the opinion that ferrets are wonderful animals whose potential has barely been touched in commercials, the furry fandom, and society in general. They are cool, cute, endearing, smart, and move well. Perhaps through commercials such as this one, the Day of the Ferret will finally have arrived!

Just check out this little guy…small in size, but big in talent! He’s lithe, good-looking, well-spoken, and he even moonwalks! Appearing for a job interview, the ferret is offered a job in the mail room by the job interviewer, who clearly lacks vision. The ferret sees himself as having mascot potential, and frankly would be a great one!

Now NJM Insurance promotes itself as having no mascots and no jingles, and I respect them for that. Some of the mascot commercials are admittedly stupid or over-the-top. But I would snatch this little guy up, and sign him to a long-term contract, fast! I can even see a TV series working nicely for this one…

Now in my twisted perspective, I’d like to see the tables reversed, and the ferret interviewing the woman. She could then then be told that she didn’t meet company needs at this time, or perhaps more darkly be assigned to writing company “mission statements” and other jobs from hell…

Now to see another ferret used effectively, check out the character of Fungo Squiggly in the comic strip Get Fuzzy. Fungo is rough and borderline thuggish, he smokes, is said to chew metal as a hobby, produces Ferret Television, and is the nemesis of Bucky the Cat. Will there be a ferret in your future?

And by the way, a Happy Thanksgiving, y’all!

Liberty Mutual’s “Spider-Man” Commercial…

November 22, 2021

Like many of us, Doug of Liberty Mutual notoriety harbors a superhero fantasy. So when he and the Emu view footage of Spider Man web-swinging and saving a city, Doug just can’t resist putting a nasty-looking spider on his arm, and encouraging it to bite him in the expectation of receiving spider powers…

Doug appears to have a surprisingly good office, actually…one would expect him to be in a converted broom closet. Anyways, once bitten Doug raises his arms dramatically in expectations of receiving the spider-gift…

Doug is no Peter Parker, however, and what Doug receives is a nasty reaction to the spider bite. “Did it work?!,” asks Doug as he is packed off to the hospital, grotesquely swollen face and all. First the poor sap is denied a helicopter in a previous commercial, and now this. I guess most of us aren’t destined to have superpowers, but we’ll keep the fantasy alive… 🦊

Arm & Hammer “Slide Out of Funk” Cat Disco Commercial…

October 16, 2021

Many of us wonder what our cats do when they disappear from home for hours at a time. Hunt and kill things to bring home to you? – -Nah, they go to the disco where they got it going on!

This feline disco is in the best 70’s tradition, complete with a lit-up dance floor and a mirrored disco ball hanging from the ceiling. Anthropomorphic cats are in colorful period threads, and there’s even a lithe, scene-stealing tomcat who moves like a young feline John Travolta. Yes, this cat is where it’s at!

It’s no wonder that the female kitties are all moon-eyed over this Top Cat. “Where did he learn to slide’ like that?,” wonders one. Why, Arm & Hammer “slide” cat litter, of course! And doesn’t the cat below on the left look as if she’s wearing a Star Trek uniform? Is this a Caitian, perhaps the feline version of Uhura?

I was never into the “disco” scene much; it ain’t what we called Rock ‘n’ Roll! The kitty disco scene is fun, but if leisure suits ever come back, I’m out of here! 😸 Until that time, “Go Cat, Go!

“Lamb;” Bizarre but Awesome?

August 4, 2021

Mary had a little lamb, goes the familiar nursery rhyme…and so, apparently, did a childless couple depicted in the upcoming movie Lamb, set in rugged rural Iceland. Now the couple (Maria and Ingvar) did not produce the hybrid themselves, but rather received it as the product of a kind of supernatural visitation to their sheep shed during lambing season. They regard the hybrid as a gift, and raise it as their own rather defensively, the human-ovine child bringing the couple happiness and filling in the gap in their lives. The lamb-child is raised in a crib and fed from a bottle, becoming a bipedal furry humanoid of sorts.- – Kinda the ultimate blended family, right?

Called the strangest movie of the year,” Lamb crosses a number of borders and genres as good films so often do, and viewers are left confused thinking about whether they’ve seen a folkloric horror flick or some kind of absurdist comedy. Perhaps a bit of both in what’s been described as a “visual poem.” The lamb-child herself is the product of puppetry, performance acting, and CGI blended seamlessly.

This isn’t Sheepsquatch, but we of the furry fandom are quite familiar and comfortable with the notion of animal-human hybrids; I’m on board with this! We all know people who think that their kid is a little lamb whereas they’re really a little devil, right? Reviewers of the film are not overly talkative about the details of it out of fear that doing so might spoil the cinematic experience for viewers. Produced by the A24 studio that has done such films as The Lighthouse, Hereditary, and The Witch, the film may become a cult classic. Lamb brings forth the elemental beauty of the Icelandic landscape, and touches upon the deep, often unfathomable relationship between animals and humans…and that’s not a baaad thing! Watch for Lamb premiering in the U.S. October 8th… 🐑

“Sexy Beasts” Is Coming to Netflix…

June 24, 2021

If you melded The Masked Singer with The Dating Game and sprinkled in some psychedelic drugs, you might come up with something similar to Sexy Beasts, a bizarre dating series premiering on Netflix July 21st. The show is based on an earlier British series that also had versions run in Germany, Korea, and the United States.

The show’s prior core concept involved taking an eligible male or female and matching them on successive dates with three other singles, with all four individuals transformed by heavy prosthetic facial makeovers to resemble animal or mythological figures. Only the contestant’s face would be altered, the rest of their body being as it would normally appear. In the course of the episodes two of the three suitors would be eliminated, allowing the remaining person to go on a second date with the bachelor or bachelorette, both parties then unmasked.

The idea is supposedly to see if romance can be generated solely on the basis of personality if not allowed to see the true face of a prospective suitor. A scenario can then be generated where a woman wearing a panda head inquires of a man resembling a bull whether he has health insurance. We all know that this happens all the time…

Not all of the contestants will be furry, with some facially made up to resemble insects, aliens, monsters, or assorted supernaturals. We all know that the course of true love seldom runs smooth, after all. One’s “date” might turn out to be a real dog, but then presumably you’d at least have a new best friend…

Ah well! In the search for a sexy beast, if nothing’s ventured, nothing’s gained. You might, after all, find one of your own kind.- – Do you know any sexy beasts?  Might a few of you out there be one? Time to ‘fess up…or maybe not. Feral is as feral does, after all.  And what might be a suitable soundtrack for this series?  Perhaps You Sexy Thing by Hot Chocolate!   🦊

Liberty Mutual’s “Gym” Commercial…

June 13, 2021

We once again find the LiMu Emu and Doug on a row of treadmills at a gym, where the human half of the duo asks an unfortunate fellow exerciser on a cell phone if he’s using the Liberty Mutual “customizer” tool, so he “only pays for what he needs.” Doug hardly seems dressed for a workout, wearing long pants, his trademark yellow shirt, and a tie. Bad form, Doug…

Putting Doug to shame, however, is the Emu at the end of the row of treadmills, who is running full tilt! “LiMu, you’re a real animal!,” remarks Doug, adding “Who’s got the ‘bird legs’ now?” Cute…

In an expanded version of the ad, the Emu is also shown pecking at a heavy bag in the gym. His beak punctures the bag’s covering, causing sand to pour out.- -Well, there goes their membership! This is one buff bird…


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