Archive for the ‘holidays’ category

Festivus, now more than ever!

December 23, 2022

I would be remiss if I failed to wish you a Happy Festivus this December 23rd! Festivus…for the Rest of Us, is to remember all of us who feel disconnected from the joy of the holiday season. Perhaps you are tired of Xmas promotions since October, are flat broke from spending money you don’t really have to prove that you care about certain people, dread the thought of spending time with relatives you hate, or simply can’t stand to hear Holly Jolly Xmas one more time. Come to Festivus, all ye who are Xmas weary and heavy laden before it even begins! Festivus has a big tent!

Now Festivus has a rich if artificial tradition, and is highly therapeutic, all without the prohibitive expenses of psychotherapy. Beginning with the Airing of Grievances, Festivus allows you to tell other people near you exactly how they’ve disappointed you, and what problems you have with them! Talk about clearing the air…

And Festivus, first presented in a 1997 Seinfeld episode, is all about simplicity. No need for an elaborate natural tree with decorations…you simply need to put up an aluminum pole that can be stored in a crawl space, and used year after year. Talk about eco-friendly!

As Festivus rolls on, you progress to the Feats of Strength, much like wrestling where a designated person grapples with the head of the family…and remember, Festivus isn’t over until you pin them! Yow, that one must have hurt!

So if all of this talk about the traditions of Festivus “scratches you where you itch,” it’s not a coincidence…it’s a Festivus miracle! I feel strangely purged and better already! 🦊

And Merry Xmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanza, and Happy Festivus to all from Foxsylvania!

“The Mean One” Grinch Horror Parody…

December 2, 2022

If you’re tired of annually getting Xmas drummed into you from late October through New Year’s, you just might be in the right mood to appreciate The Mean One, a parody of Dr. Seuss’ How The Grinch Stole Xmas. Tag line: “First he stole Xmas…now he’s back for BLOOD!”

Forget the Grinch being redeemed, this is the Dark Grinch, or as Stephen King might say it, “Full dark, no stars.” This is Krampus as opposed to St. Nicholas, the Grinch as horror movie Xmas slasher.

Forget Scrooge, who got all soft and wimped out on us. This Grinch means business. It seems that he killed little Cindy Lou-Hoo’s mother during the daughter’s encounter with him, and now twenty years later, she’s back like Sarah Conner after the Terminator with an accompanying skill set..

The Grinch always did seem to have horror star potential, but hey, as Kermit the Frog famously noted, “It isn’t easy being green.” There are leavening notes of dark humor in the premise and available trailer footage, because after all this is a parody and satirical in nature. Memorable lines by Cindy Lou-Hoo; “It’s time to roast this beast!,” and “You’re a dead one, Mr. Grinch!”

Just color me green with envy for this dark Grinch, with battle scenes against Santa figures reminiscent of Shapeshifters Anonymous! Cindy’s weaponry includes an illuminated Walking Dead “Negan-esque” bat, and some kind of wonderful candy cane shotgun. So let’s all go on a slay-ride, everyone! 🦊

My Daze As A Leopard…

February 27, 2021


I can’t really say that I was “seduced” by the furry fandom as I came willingly, nay, eagerly!  It was kind of like, “So a ‘furry’ is what I am?  All right, where do I sign, and do I get a membership card?”  

Perhaps it was the many hours I spent watching Warner Bros. cartoons as a kid, identifying with and relating to the characters I saw, liking them more than any human, and heck, wanting to be them!  I got to play a rooster in my second grade farm-themed class play, and I was like out of my mind with the part, although the teacher wouldn’t let me put my Foghorn Leghorn spin on the character.  Sadly, it wasn’t even a speaking part!  As Foghorn might have said, “Teacher, I say, oh Teacher!  You’re about to exceed the limitations of my medication!”  That could have been a breakout role for me, too…sad!

Then there were Halloween opportunities, when it was not only acceptable but required to role-play.  Forget skeletons, ghosts, and witches, too…I wanted to be an animal!  Back then, if your parents weren’t crafty enough to make you a costume, they’d pony up a few bucks, and you landed one of these Ben Cooper or Collegeville kid Halloween costumes.  The material of the body component might even be made of garbage-bag grade stuff, not even fabric, and I remember one tearing as I wore it.  The masks were thin brittle plastic, and it was almost impossible to breathe in them.  If unfortunate enough to wear glasses, they’d steam them up immediately, and you’d blunder around your neighborhood trick-or-treating with severely impaired vision.  Turns out, this was good practice for the COVID masks of today!  

Anyways, one year and the last that I went trick-or-treating, I wore a Ben Cooper leopard costume, identical as I remember it to the one pictured.  Although this was the world’s cheapest fursuit and looked it, I was in heaven…I mean, the costume even had a tail!  Thank God none of the other kids ripped my tail off, although a few grabbed me by it.  Nowadays, this would constitute harassment. And would you believe it?  The same vintage costume I’ve seen selling on eBay for $199, plus shipping.  Now I’m sure that my leopard suit wound up in the trash as I’d outgrown it and abandoned trick-or-treating by the following Halloween.  Maybe I should have said to my mother, “Hey, hang onto this!  It’ll be worth almost $200 in the future!”  But I didn’t know, and parents tend not to listen, anyways…they always know better, or think that they do!

It’s long gone, but I’ll always remember my leopard suit.  Then in a college production of Man of La Mancha, I got to play Don Quixote’s horse.  That had a much better full head mask to it, which unfortunately I was not allowed to keep, although the die was cast by that point. 

So hooray for Halloween, which unfortunately is rarely celebrated today as it was in days of yore.  If you’ve still got your old costumes, hang onto them…they might be worth some bucks today.  And as someone who’s worn the leopard suit, I can only conclude by saying…RAWRR!

 

 

 




 

 

 

Those East Wing Hallway Trees…

November 30, 2018


For the second consecutive year, First Lady Melania Trump’s East Wing Hallway decorations have proven unusual and controversial. The 2017 ornamentation featured bone-like white branches, icy and devoid of warmth in a darkened hallway. This year the dystopian nightmare theme continues with blood red trees that some have commented to be appropriate backdrops to Stephen King’s The Shining.  They spring up from the ground, as if drawing from some unspeakable underground plasma pool…

Care to promenade through the gauntlet of forty towering, blood red trees devoid of decoration? Perhaps we can hear them whisper, “Feed me, Seymour!  Must be blood!  Must be fresh!”  The Internet has had a field day with memes and commentary. And as if resonating on the same wavelength, it bears mentioning that black Xmas trees are making inroads this year.- -Bring on Jack Skellington in his Santa suit!

So have yourself a scary little Christmas!  It’s perhaps only payback for holiday merchandising beginning in October…

 

  

Happy Thanksgiving!

November 22, 2012


– – Verily, there is much to be grateful for this Thanksgiving…like I’m grateful that spiders don’t fly, and that flies do…otherwise, they’d be called “walks!”  So stuff a dead bird with stale bread, and eat it…or not!


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