Yuletide Horrors…

Posted December 19, 2018 by vulpesffb
Categories: creature features, fantasy, furry, horror, legends and folklore

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Since Christmas has been pushed on us since October, it’s only fair to bring a bit of Halloween to the merriment with tales of The Wild Hunt. Traditionally associated with Germanic folklore, notions of The Hunt have since spread and been adapted across Europe, and may even have resonated in North America…

The Wild Hunt stretches attempts to explain it a bit, but basically involves a group of spectral or supernatural huntsmen who ride in frenzied pursuit of unknown or unspeakable prey, or portending a catastrophe such as war, plague, famine, or a second Trump administration. The Huntsmen are traditionally led by a god such as Odin, a historical figure such as Theodoric the Great, a figure drawn from religion such as Satan, or at least a really bad dude. The cohorts of the Leader of the Hunt have been seen as elves, faeries, demons, or spirits of the dead. Their bestiary consists of horses (often spectral) and large fierce canines of the hellhound-variety.

Now riders of The Wild Hunt might be glimpsed as a vision or passing mist in the midwinter sky, and such was seldom regarded as a fortuitous thing, portending calamity to the observer at the very least. Unfortunate observers might have their souls sucked from their bodies by the Riders especially if they obstructed or attempted to interfere with the procession, while by some accounts they might also be rewarded if they helped in some way.

Celtic conceptions of Cernunnos, the bestial Lord of the Hunt, may have been influenced by Wild Hunt mythology. He’d give Santa a ride, but he ain’t no reindeer…

And in North America, the mythic concept appears as Ghost Riders (In the Sky), also a haunting song that may help in visualizing the spectacle. — So have yourself a scary little Christmas!

“Mr. Murderbritches” is Free…

Posted December 13, 2018 by vulpesffb
Categories: animal behavior, animals, furry, predators

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You have to love the name “Mr. Murderbritches” for a bobcat kitten, but I wouldn’t recommend petting him because he might rearrange your face. I also had to search a bit for a non-bloody picture of the little guy, whose images often appear with a chicken that he has just killed, or eating a road-killed deer. This is hardly some cuddle-kitten, but rather a tough little hombre, a wild thing that is truly wild…approach at your own risk!

Now Mr. Murderbritches is a 4-to-6-month old bobcat kitten who was first reported by a homeowner in Kanarraville, Utah in their chicken coop, at which time the bobcat hadn’t killed any chickens. He was let out by a sheriff’s deputy, with a live trap set up in case he returned, which he did the following day. Held in captivity for one night, Murderbritches was later released away from the property but again returned, successfully killing and eating a chicken from the coop at that time. Joshua Carver, a conservation officer with the state’s Division of Wildlife Resources, then released the snarling cat back into the wild.

Murderbritches then made his way to an isolated property miles away from where he was released, and became stuck in a dog kennel. The conservation officer captured the small wildcat again, feeding him a delicious meal of roadkill deer and eagle-killed pheasant before releasing him again even further away. The badass bobcat struck and hissed at those releasing him, and hasn’t been seen since. The cat was “too mean” for the conservation officer to tell if the animal was male or female at first.

Now here’s a quiz to see if you’ve been paying attention. Mr. Murderbritches is:

a.) A clown that you don’t want performing at a childrens’ birthday party.

b.) A new Xmas gift doll for a child that you hate.

c.) A new heavy metal band.

d.) Trump’s next nominee for Department of the Interior.

e.) A bobcat kitten.

Aww shucks, you probably all aced the quiz! In the words of Conservation Officer Carver, “I get a kick out of wildlife being wild.” – – Long live Mr. Murderbritches!

https://youtu.be/7xcuJ3OPl8k

Halos “Good Choice, Kid: Fair” Commercial…

Posted December 11, 2018 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, advertising, Brilliant but twisted, commercials, furry

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Our internal organs are revolting…seriously!  First we have the walking big-eyed bladder of the Myrbetriq commercial, and now in a Wonderful Halos commercial we have a stomach so appalled by the dietary choices of its host that it jumps out of his mid-section complete with skinny legs, and like something from John Carpenter’s The Thing scrambles off in the opposite direction!  In the Halos “Good Choice, Kid: Fair” commercial, we are shown one gentleman with double deep-fried butter sticks in each hand offering one to another guy at a county fair.  It’s more than his stomach can stomach, erupting from his gut and charting its own course…

It’s not that I’d be immune to the allure of a double deep-fried stick of butter.  I’d probably enjoy one immensely, dying with a smile on my face even as it clogged my arteries.  County fairs are notorious for providing such guilty pleasures.   I just doubt that I could retain the blissful composure of the fried butter stick eater as my gastrointestinal organs visibly bailed ship and exited my body, which is the stuff of serious nightmares.  The butter-eater seems to shrug it off…

“Who knew these things were bad for you?,” comments the double deep fried butter eater as his stomach runs off.  “Everyone,” responds the other guy, continuing to sensibly eat his Wonderful Halos oranges.  Sometimes, you see, the right dietary choice is easy, even if guilty pleasures aren’t going away any time soon…

Those East Wing Hallway Trees…

Posted November 30, 2018 by vulpesffb
Categories: bizarre, furry, holidays, horror, Questionably creepy

Tags: ,


For the second consecutive year, First Lady Melania Trump’s East Wing Hallway decorations have proven unusual and controversial. The 2017 ornamentation featured bone-like white branches, icy and devoid of warmth in a darkened hallway. This year the dystopian nightmare theme continues with blood red trees that some have commented to be appropriate backdrops to Stephen King’s The Shining.  They spring up from the ground, as if drawing from some unspeakable underground plasma pool…

Care to promenade through the gauntlet of forty towering, blood red trees devoid of decoration? Perhaps we can hear them whisper, “Feed me, Seymour!  Must be blood!  Must be fresh!”  The Internet has had a field day with memes and commentary. And as if resonating on the same wavelength, it bears mentioning that black Xmas trees are making inroads this year.- -Bring on Jack Skellington in his Santa suit!

So have yourself a scary little Christmas!  It’s perhaps only payback for holiday merchandising beginning in October…

 

  

Stan Against Evil…

Posted November 25, 2018 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, anomalies, anthropomorphic, bizarre, creature features, furry, furry horror, horror, noteworthy, television, twisted reality

Tags: ,


A comedy-horror series is a rare and wonderful thing, especially if it’s done well.  If you’ve missed this gem, you may want to check out Stan Against Evil, now in its third season on the IFC network.  The show takes place in the fictional New Hampshire town of Willard’s Mill, which was the site of witch burnings in the late 17th century.  As a result of that history, strange and creepy supernatural things continue to emerge there which are dealt with by the town’s former sheriff, Stan Miller (John C. McGinley) and it’s current one, Evie Barrett (Janet Varney).

Now Stan Miller is a delight as an aging, cynical, slovenly antihero who just wants to be left alone, but can’t even manage to do that! Teamed reluctantly with the young and beautiful woman who is his successor, Stan is pressed into service to battle legions of demonic monsters that include witches, vampires, evil puppets, and even a were-pony! Although he’d much rather be drinking and watching television, Stan uses traditional and improvised weaponry to devastating effect, repeatedly bludgeoning for example a large winged skeleton-bird wraith creature (at right) with a shovel until it moves no more .- – You gotta love this guy! 

 The show parodies horror in a loving fashion, and manages nods to The X-Files and other traditions from which it has drawn.  I’m glad to see something like this still in active production…long may its demonic beasties thrive!

 

 

Animals and Thanksgiving Parades…

Posted November 22, 2018 by vulpesffb
Categories: animal presence, animals, anthropomorphic, furry, twisted reality

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Being a big fan of Halloween, I love images of early Thanksgiving parades because they had balloons and floats back then that were, well, creepy! Animals have had a long association with Thanksgiving Day parades since their inception, with the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade beginning in 1924 and including live animals, many of them actually borrowed from the Central Park Zoo for the occasion.

The early Thanksgiving Day parades often had a circus orientation, and hence the animal elements. Actual lions, tigers, and bears were trucked down city streets, traumatizing them and causing the elicitation of roars and growls that frightened observing children. Wisely, the use of living animals was abandoned after a few years, with animal balloons and floats substituted, together with some great vintage cartoonish stuff that was rather surreal. Felix the Cat was an early parade favorite.

In the 1930’s, Macy’s actually released their balloons at the end of the parade for a few years, with rewards of $25 offered for their return, a princely sum in depression-era America. Macy’s wasn’t the only Thanksgiving Day parade on the block, either, with Newark, New Jersey having memorable ones as well as other cities in diverse locations.

So while you enjoy that traditional Thanksgiving feast, remember those poor souls who marched, danced, and performed in frigid twenty-some degree weather this year in parts of America dressed among other things as fried eggs and sticks of butter. As I said, I like my holidays surreal, which makes them and family easier to take…

 

Progressive’s “Checkout” Commercial…

Posted November 16, 2018 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, advertising

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Perhaps he’s just big for his age…the man/child riding in the kiddie seat of the grocery cart in the Progressive “checkout” commercial, that is.  He’s a bad boy, too…showing the grocery store employee his toy dinosaur, drinking milk directly from a carton, spilling out a bulk food container chute, and throwing items snatched from the shelf on the floor.  You’ve seen poorly supervised brats in supermarkets doing things of this sort, and more…but have you ever seen a guy in his thirties pulling the same stunts?  Talk about a case of arrested development…

…we are later shown the character called “babyman” in daycare, a Goliath among his peers, as he sits nonchalantly on the floor dressed in bib overalls, enjoying a snack, and later becoming visibly startled by a “pop-up” book.  “Act your age!  Get your own insurance!,” gruffly admonishes the announcer in this commercial encouraging millennials to chart their own course and question insurance decisions that their parents might have made.  Iconic spokesperson Flo is nowhere to be seen…

Perhaps the babyman could use a little firm correction from Flo during his more inappropriate moments, and possibly even a spanking…of course, he might enjoy that, and we don’t want to venture too far into the adult baby fetish thing lest absurdist humor become creepy…