AAA “Accident Rewind” Commercial With Beaver…

Posted February 17, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, animals, furry, furry commercials, television
Tags: ,

accident rewind

– –  Beavers are known for being industrious, and apparently at times they’re a bit evil as well!  In an AAA insurance commercial, we are shown a family of four riding along in a red SUV as birds chirp when they spy a beaver gnawing at a tree.  “Daddy, Daddy, look…a beaver!,” cries one girl from the back seat.  “Oh, he’s so cute!,” chimes in the mother, riding shotgun in the front seat.  “Oh, no no no no no!,” redundantly corrects the father.  

Father knows best, apparently.  We are given a close-up of the beaver, who emits a sound between a growl and a hiss, and drops the tree directly at the family’s SUV!  Fortunately, it’s technology to the rescue!  Dad hits a switch inside the vehicle, and the car is instantly protected by a surrounding, shimmering shield, like those deployed by Star Trek spacecraft against enemies.  The tree is halted harmlessly by the energy field!- – I’d give anything to have one of those!

Sadly, though, 24th century technology isn’t here yet.  “Until there’s an impenetrable force field to protect your car from woodland creatures, there’s the next best thing…insurance from AAA!,” declares the announcer.  I don’t understand why we woodland creatures are getting a bad rap here, but if I can’t get a force field, I’m willing to settle for a Jetson’s flying car.  The future is taking too long to get here…*sighs*

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Body Slammed By A Lowland Gorilla!

Posted February 10, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, furry, furry commercials, television
Tags: ,

body slammed

– – In another of their memorable and comic commercials in which one event leads to another, DirecTV tells us the sad tale of someone who pays too much for cable, causing him to feel down.  When you feel down, you stay in bed…and when you stay in bed, they give your job (in this case, zoo keeper) to someone new.  When your job is given to someone new, that someone has a lot to learn…and when someone has a lot to learn, mistakes are made…like failing to secure a cage, which results in a gorilla escaping behind the new keeper’s back.  When mistakes are made, you get body slammed  by a lowland gorilla when you leave your bed to get the paper….a gorilla named “Jimbo!”

We are admonished not to be body slammed by a lowland gorilla, but rather get rid of cable, and upgrade to DirecTV.  Depression is a terrible thing, and so is being mowed down by a rampaging gorilla.  – -I’ll take their word for it!  One can, I am told, profit from the mistakes of others…

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Mr.Peabody & Sherman…

Posted February 8, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, animals, anthropomorphic, cartoons, famous furries, furry, movies
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Peabody– – I suppose that I shouldn’t be surprised that a movie is being made of Mr. Peabody & Sherman, since movies and sequels have been made of The Smurfs and The Chipmunks.  If there’s a chance that parents are familiar with the original subject, a movie treatment serves to introduce children to the character, and film makers hope that a profitable franchise is born.  

Now The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show was a gem in the 1960’s, and has already been subjected to a movie treatment.  Besides introducing us to Rocket J. Squirrel and Bullwinkle Moose, the Rocky and Bullwinkle Show had other unrelated ‘toon features that included Dudley Do-Right and Peabody’s Improbable History segments.  Mr. Peabody was a talking, bespectacled, intellectual white dog who in a role reversal had an adopted boy, Sherman.  Through use of a time machine, Peabody and Sherman would travel back in time in episodes to encounter memorable historical figures, teaching Sherman of their significance and at times benevolently influencing the turn of events.  

Based on these memorable offbeat characters, Mr. Peabody & Sherman is an American 3D computer-animated adventure-comedy produced by DreamWorks Animation, and involves Sherman’s misuse of the WABAC time machine with subsequent efforts by Peabody and Sherman to put things back on track before the space-time continuum is destroyed, a problem common in science fiction.  As with the original shorts, the film is described as sweet-natured and amusing, with enough witty touches to keep adults entertained as well.  In theaters March 7th…

Comments: 4 Comments

Doritos Breakroom Ostrich…

Posted February 4, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, animals, anthropomorphic, avian, Brilliant but twisted, furry, furry commercials, television
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doritos ostrich

The 2014 Superbowl was not especially memorable for either football or commercials, but the Doritos ad featuring an ostrich was cute.  The  short spot began with an office boss dressing down two employees for eating all of the Doritos in the breakroom, plus making an awful mess.  One of the two employees just so happens to be be a full-sized ostrich…

…the crime scene itself is then recreated, as we are shown the balding male employee scarfing down every Dorito in sight, and indeed making quite a mess in the process; he would seem from the wrappers to prefer the nacho flavor variety.  The ostrich appears in the doorway and observes the spectacle, casting a disapproving gaze and then backing out; the man says nothing.  When the boss is then confronting the duo and telling them that the offense has been narrowed down to one of them, the human shamelessly says that the ostrich is “obviously” the culprit, at which point the ostrich does a memorable and wide-mouthed gasp!  Obviously, some humans are capable of anything…

…and darned if I don’t have an incredible desire to eat some Doritos right now, although I prefer the ranch flavor…ranch, Mmm!

Comments: 3 Comments

Ohio Grassman, Green-Clawed Beast, and Big Muddy Monster…

Posted January 27, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: cryptozoology, mysteries, speculation, strange happenings, television, unexplained, unidentified
Tags: , , ,

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– – The latest edition of Monsters and Mysteries in America presented another trio of unexplained beasties, at least one of which, the Ohio Grassman, has appeared on earlier, similar shows.

First on the agenda was the Green-Clawed Beast, an aquatic creature reported in Evansville, Indiana. In August of 1955, Naomi Johnson was repeatedly pulled underwater in the Ohio River by a lizard-like thing similar in some ways to the “Creature from the Black Lagoon” of film. The woman escaped her ordeal with bruised and clawed legs, and peculiar mud on them analyzed and reported usually from the depths, as in caves. Interestingly enough, an Air Force colonel reportedly came to the woman’s house later investigating the incident, took copious notes, and left admonishing the lady to never repeat her story…someone call Fox Mulder, please…

…then in the vicinity of the Big Muddy River near Murphysboro in June of 1973, a couple in a car near the river heard a scream and saw a creature emerge from the water reported to be about 7′ tall weighing about 400 lbs. with glowing eyes and an unpleasant stench. They reported the incident to the police, who investigated and found foot-long footprints and heard screams. In 1988, a salvage yard worker and his boss saw the creature and retreated to a building against which impacts were then made. The Big Muddy Monster is thought to be a variety of Bigfoot who uses the river for migrating.

Lastly in Salt Fork Park in Eastern Ohio, Grassman legends go back to at least the mid-1800’s. In 1869, an assault on a man with his daughter reportedly occurred, with the plucky lass beaning the Grassman with a large rock while it was grappling with her father. Described as Bigfoot’s stockier, shorter, and angrier cousin, the Grassman is further distinguished by throwing rocks and building nests. A review of the Eddy family’s experience on Morgan’s Trail was detailed where three children saw the creature and the reunited family later heard multiple strikes on trees before wisely retreating. A Hawk Spearman also reported seeing a 6-1/2 to 7 foot tall creature with massive arms who lobbed a rock at him, later stalking and then attacking the trailer where Spearman and his companion were in residence. Gashes were left on the trailer at a height of about 8′ off of the ground…

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Skunk Ape, Pascagoula Aliens, and Lizard Man…

Posted January 20, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, anomalies, cryptozoology, mysteries, scalies, strange happenings, unexplained, unidentified
Tags: , ,

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— We’ve heard accounts of the Skunk Ape and the Lizard Man before, but Monsters and Mysteries in America recently bundled these two cryptids together with a tale of the Pascagoula Aliens to give us an hour’s entertainment. Unlike other series to have presented these topics before, Monsters & Mysteries tends not to present many scientific theories or opinions, or to send out an investigative team in search of the truth; reported occurrences and events together with eyewitness accounts are utilized.

Central Florida is the second most common site for hairy hominids in America, rated only after the Pacific Northwest. Rumors of the Skunk Ape came alive in the 1960’s, with the foul-smelling creature’s odor likened to road kill. Three reported sightings were reported, including one by an advanced scout on Gilcrest Island in 1961. In Niyakka State Park, a “large, thick, hairy creature” was also caught on video walking through tall grass. Something ape-like is indeed discernible on the video, although it is so distant that precise identification is impossible.

Then in Pascagoula, Mississippi in 1973, two workers fishing after work claimed to have been abducted by aliens. Hickson (age 42) and Parker (age 19) reported hearing a buzzing noise that was followed by a blue light and a glowing sphere; the duo were paralyzed, and were levitated by three aliens into a spacecraft where they were suspended in air, and examined by some kind of scanner that resembled an eye. They regained awareness back on the ground, and reported the incident to a sheriff, who secretly tape recorded their interrogation. The sheriff was impressed by the sincerity of the two men, who held to the same story for forty years. Another sighting by a different party also took place that same night.

In Bishopville, South Carolina in Scape Ore Swamp in July of 1988, an attack occurred on Chris Davis, a 17-year-old male who when changing a tire perceived a large humanoid approaching his car. Escaping in his car, the young man reported that the Lizard Man jumped on the roof of his car, riding along with the moving vehicle while pounding at the windshield with three-fingered, clawed hands. He was able to throw the creature off the vehicle, but it continued to run after the car for a time at speeds of up to 35 mph. The offending Lizard Man was green, stood about 7′ tall, and had red eyes. Damage to vehicles has also been credited to the creature, with more than a dozen sightings reported…believe it, or not!

 

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Evil Gnomes, Bigfoot Wars, Hell Hounds…

Posted January 13, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, anomalies, anthropomorphic, cryptozoology, furry, mysteries, strange happenings, unexplained, unidentified
Tags: , ,

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– – On Monsters and Mysteries in America as recently aired on the Destination America channel, we were treated to a full banquet consisting of segments on Bigfoot Wars, Evil Gnomes, and Hell Hounds. Much of this good stuff was reported in the vicinity of the Sierra Mountains in California, where according to legends, Bigfoot guards certain areas and defends them as his own. It seems that in prehistoric times, Native Americans and Bigfoot creatures came to blows when Bigfoot invaded Native American settlements, stealing and reportedly eating a child. In the culture clash wars which ensued, Native American spear and arrow technology was apparently sufficient to cause negotiation of a peace between the two groups, and the establishment of separate territories, boundaries of which are respected and enforced to this day.

In 2011, an expedition ventured into a Sierra Mountains canyon, where howling and screams were heard at night and audio was recorded of the same. The next day, one of two trucks used by the expedition became mired in the mud, and the expedition party departed in their one usable vehicle. When they returned for their second truck days later, the access road was barricaded in four locations, with the last obstructions so massive as to barely be movable; it was speculated that these barricades were warnings to the expedition members that their presence wasn’t wanted in that territory. Finally making their way back to the abandoned truck, the investigators found a large smudge on the vehicle’s windshield of a beast’s face. DNA was later extracted from the slobber, but showed human contamination. Might this finding possibly reflect a possible partial human heritage to Bigfoot as some have speculated?

A second segment reflected events in Porterville, California where a family was supposedly plagued by an “evil gnome.” No, I am not making this up! Reports of gnome-like creatures come from diverse locations around the world. The Thomas family in 1999 heard running noises and cackling laughter around their home prior to a face-to-face encounter returning home one night from a shopping trip; on that occasion, the panicked mother ran into her house. Later, the gnome reportedly came up to a window, cheeky devil! Two nights later, the gnome trashed the family garden, and repeated vandalisms occurred thereafter. Eventually the family moved, but later contacted a former resident at the property who had experienced similar problems. The gnome was thought to have lived in a shed on the property which was later demolished. He was probably distraught over that; there’s no place like gnome…

Finally in Palm Springs, California there are reports of hell hounds, which are described as being black with glowing eyes and razor fangs. In 2013 a retired guy reports having seen a pack of them, saying that they looked like dogs with the head of a wolf, and larger in size than these species. A neighboring man had his car cover and bumper ripped up pretty impressively, presumably by these beasties…

Comments: 3 Comments

Tums TV Spot, “Chicken…”

Posted January 12, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, furry commercials, humor, strange, television
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chicken

– – It’s grotesque, absurd, and surreal, and like something out of a vegetarian’s worst nightmare…the plucked, decapitated, and man-sized chicken in a commercial for Tums Ultra Strength antacids.  Standing upright at an upscale outdoor barbecue presumably where it was consumed, this most foul fowl and the man who is now tormented by it become aware of one another’s presence at the same time.  The chicken carcass utters what I suppose martial arts challenges would sound like if vocalized by a chicken, and begins to swing its sizable plucked wings at the hapless human, landing at least one good slap.  Although caught off-guard, the man responds by dodging and directing a punch at the giant plucked bird…thankfully, we are spared the full  fury of the combat.

…the announcer then interjects, “When that chicken you had at the barbecue starts fighting with heartburn,  fight back with Tums!”  Antacids apparently succeed where fisticuffs do not, for in the final scene, the man and the great carcass are playing nicely with one another at a friendly game of volleyball.  Sports is often seen as an outlet for male aggression and a substitute for war, after all…and I do so like to see conflict resolved amicably, especially when it involves the barbecued dead…

Comments: 3 Comments

Wendigo, Dogman, and Wolfman…

Posted January 6, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: anthropomorphic, furry, strange happenings, television, unexplained, unidentified, weird
Tags: , ,

– – Things went to the dogs or at least the canids on a recent episode of Monsters and Mysteries in America. For those partial to werewolves, the first segment presented the Beast of Bray Road, a wolf-like creature seen more than 100 times in Wisconsin since the 1940’s. Incidents involving the beast seemed to peak in the 1980’s, when a Lori Endrizzi encountered an upright creature consuming road kill along a road that she was traveling home; it appeared to be developing interest in the woman as a second course before she managed to get her stalled car started and escape. A later encounter was also profiled that occurred in 2006 when a Steve Krueger was picking up deer carcasses when something rocked his truck and helped itself to both a deer carcass and an ATV ramp in the bed of his pickup! He gunned his truck and also escaped, although the missing ramp later couldn’t be located.

A second segment profiled the Dogman, more of a spirit-based creature seen near Holly, Michigan with more than 100 sightings of similar cryptids across the world. A 2005 incident was presented where a repo man was driven off by a man-dog type hybrid which drove him off the property he had entered to reposess a Cadillac.

Lastly and perhaps most terrifying were the accounts of the Wendigo, a rather nasty entity with a taste for human flesh rooted in North American legends and said to frequent the North Woods of the Great Lakes region. The Wendigo takes over people like an infection, possessing them with a cannibalistic hunger so intense that the creature is said to chew off its own lips and gnaw on its fingers. A case was presented where a Cree Indian in the 1870’s had killed and eaten his own family, claiming at his own hanging that he was no longer a man but rather possessed by a Wendigo. In a modern case from 2008, a border on a Greyhound bus attacked a fellow traveler, decapitated him, paraded around the bus with his victim’s head like a trophy, and supposedly ate pieces of flesh from his victim…again supposedly possessed by the Wendigo, which in its true form appears as a frozen, cadaverous monster…truly scary stuff!

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Comments: 6 Comments

Momo, Shadow People, and the Van Meter Monster

Posted December 30, 2013 by vulpesffb
Categories: anomalies, anthropomorphic, controversial, cryptozoology, television, unexplained, unidentified, urban legends
Tags: , ,

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– – Monsters and Mysteries in America recently provided us with three nightmares after Xmas in a new episode, just the right antidote for the holiday season! Momo it would appear is a Missouri version of Bigfoot, described by those who have seen if not loved him as a long-haired beast covered in fur and emanating a stench! In 1972, “Missouri Momo” generated quite a commotion in the confusingly-named town of Louisiana, Missouri for several months. He was spotted by two boys and their mother, and is blamed for the disappearance of several dogs, which the creature apparently has an appetite for. The only physical evidence of Momo, however, is a plaster cast of a footprint showing a deep heel imprint and unusual toes…

Shadow people are reported to haunt Maryville, Missouri, with some claiming to have seen full-figure apparitions. These tall, dark creatures are sometimes reported with glowing red eyes, and one subtype apparently is seen wearing a brimmed hat. One person reports repeated, long-term encounters with a shadow person he calls, “the Cowboy.” So persistent and brazen was this entity that he knocked on the window of the haunted man’s car! Shadow people can sometimes be seen straight on, and in such encounters their appearance is especially ghastly, for they can appear bloodied, burnt, and mutilated. In some encounters, shadow people have verbally communicated dark desires to the persons visited that they abandon or harm family members…

Lastly, the Van Meter Monster was an unwelcome visitor to a town of the same name in Iowa in 1903 who ushered forth from a coal mine located across the town. The creature is said to resemble a large, somewhat humanized bat with featherless wings and the rather convenient feature of a light which emanates from a horn on the beast’s forehead; in my opinion, sketches make it look rather prehistoric, like a pterodactyl.  Townspeople of that day were alerted to the presence of the creature by the appearance of light at night, often projected from a height at a time prior to electrification of the town.  The monster was reportedly shot at by a number of individuals and not harmed by the experience, in one encounter casting a foul odor at the shooter. After several nights of such experiences, manly men of that day gathered firearms and dynamited the mouth of the mine which apparently served as a portal for the creature. The mine has remained closed since that time, with the bat-man unavailable for comment, evidently sealed within…what a great tale!

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