Grafton Monster of Taylor County…

Posted April 19, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, anomalies, anthropomorphic, controversial, cryptozoology, furry, television, unexplained, unidentified

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As featured in a recent episode of Mountain Monsters (S2/Ep02), the Grafton Monster of Grafton, West Virginia is a large, powerful, and elusive cryptid standing seven to eight feet tall and weighing in excess of 1,000 pounds.  Sometimes called The Headless Horror because its head drops to its shoulders and is accordingly invisible from some angles, sightings of the creature date back to the 1950’s with numerous sightings reported in the 1960’s.

The Mountain Monsters crew went in pursuit of the beast, interviewing three colorful local eyewitnesses. The first one, “Wolfie,” shared a video supposedly taken of the monster in the woods. During their first night’s investigation, the crew saw thermal images on their camera, and found disgusting and malodorous calf afterbirth on a deer hunting stand where the beast had apparently consumed a newborn calf.

The next day, the crew constructed a timber box trap that one member pronounced “slicker than socks on a rooster;” these are not exactly Rhodes scholars. They interviewed a local hunter, Dale, who described a large and wide trail that he had found, and also shared a plaster cast of a large, clawed, inhuman footprint. An image of something hunched over was also partially visible on a photograph the hunter presented.

The third eyewitness, “Doc,” discussed a sighting of something that he was certain wasn’t a deer or a bear; distant audible growling was heard during the interview, promoting the crew to give “Doc” safe passage home.

By the final night, the Mountain Monsters crew had baited their trap with (yuck) cow afterbirth, and went stalking the creature. They again had thermal images, and found deer blood and remains atop a water tank; pursuing on foot, the crew found additional pools of deer blood, and a footprint. Feeling outdistanced, they then took to an off-road vehicle, and went back to their trap, which was unsprung, but had the bait taken. Blood on the top of the cage suggested that their quarry had consumed it there, almost as if mocking them. Growls were heard in the background as the hunted had once again outwitted the hunters…

 

Kentucky Hellhound of Pike County…

Posted April 17, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, cryptozoology, furry, television, unexplained, unidentified

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The Mountain Men are a group of paranormal and cryptid investigators from West Virginia who look more like surplus cast members from Duck Dynasty or perhaps a ZZ Top concert; they’re mostly older, bearded guys whose appearance might cause the neighborhood watch captain to sound an alert; no designer clothing here, but plenty of flannels and camo gear. They sport names like “Buck” (Rookie), “Huckleberry” (Security), “Trapper” (Team Leader), “Wild Bill” (Expert Trapper), Jeff (Researcher), and “Willy”(Trap Builder).  They have a show called Mountain Monsters on the Destination America channel.

Other series like Monsters and Mysteries in America have done episodes on hellhounds, and in a recent episode of Mountain Monsters (S2/Ep 01), the Mountain Men went in quest of one in Kentucky. The hellhound in question was a dark-colored, nocturnal canid about 4′ tall and about 7′ long thought to weigh in the ballpark of 400-500 pounds which was preying on cattle in Pike County, Kentucky.  First sightings of the creature occurred in 1939, with moonshiners reporting quite a few sightings in the 1940’s; after drinking some “shine,” I imagine you can see all kinds of things.  A $200 bounty has been standing for a hellhound since that time.

Well, a cattle farmer showed the Mountain Men a ripped-up calf supposedly victimized by the hellhound, and during the first evening of a night investigation, the team found a “kill area” apparently used by the beast with cattle bones strewn about.  The next day, the team built a drop cage trap for the beast made of bamboo so as to have no odor.  A second farmer showed the team a video supposedly of the beast, and a pawprint measuring 7-1/2 – 8″ was found in a field.  It was speculated that the creature was moving from farm to farm through cornfields, coming close to human habitations in the process, and feeding on cattle.

Using hog shoulders as bait, the team in a subsequent evening tried to flush the creature into their trap; growling was repeatedly heard, and a large shadow was seen moving through a greenhouse. There followed much confusion, waving of rifles about, and comments such as “sonna bitch moved right past me!”  It would seem that the wily beast ran past the armed men in the opposite direction of their trap. They resolved that they would return in the future and get the hellhound…

…but I rather suspect than they’re going to be outwitted then, too…and I’m rooting for the ‘hound!  He’s really quite awesome, in a feral kinda way…and he can totally take these guys!

“And whosoever shall be found/Without the soul for getting down/Must stand and face the hounds of hell/And rot inside a corpse’s shell…”  – – Vincent Price, from Michael Jackson’sThriller

 

The Elephant Auto Insurance Commercial…

Posted April 16, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: animal spokepersons, animals, anthropomorphic, furry, furry commercials, television

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I feel mildly uncomfortable with the Elephant Auto Insurance pachyderm, simply because he seems so…Republican!   Clad in a conservative dark suit with a blue tie, I almost expect him to bring Mitt Romney out of a back room, or begin advocating trickle-down economics and tax cuts for the wealthy.  Fortunately the elephant doesn’t do any of that although he does own a business, announcing himself as the founder of the company bearing his name.  

Although the elephant is another CGI marvel, there’s nothing overly clever or memorable about the scripting, dialogue, or action in this commercial, other than a reference to the proverbial elephant memory.  While there’s room for more than one animal spokesperson in the commercial business, the venerable Geico gecko, Maxwell the pig, or the hump-day camel don’t presently need to worry about this guy upstaging them…

Aliens and Dinosaurs?!

Posted April 12, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: aliens, controversial, fantasy, furry, speculation

Tags: ,

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Pseudoscience seldom gets stranger than when it postulates interactions between aliens and dinosaurs, so hang on, folks, ’cause we’re off to the races!  The viewpoints represented here are as drawn from the Ancient Aliens series, and I hasten to add that such viewpoints do not necessarily represent my own, I do, however, find them entertaining, as I do most science fiction and horror fantasies.

Oddball archaeology and paleontology findings are drawn upon to support the notion that not all dinosaurs suffered a mass extinction about 65 million years ago, with some surviving to be known by ancient humans including the Mayans. The fabled ruined city of Angkor Wat in Northern Cambodia, for example, shows in one relief carving (above) what appears to be a stegosaurus. The carving is not of fossilized skeletal remains, but rather of a fleshed-out, living specimen.  In Dinosaur Valley State Park in Texas, human footprints were found alongside dinosaur tracks in the same strata layer.  A collection of carved stones was also found in 1961 in Peru that supposedly depicts dinosaur-human encounters.  

Then in contrast to the notion of dinosaurs surviving into the age of man, the same episode presented the idea that perhaps extraterrestrials directed that infamous asteroid to the Yucatan Peninsula, making the dino demise not an extinction but an extermination event.  Aliens, it was wildly speculated, wanted giant reptiles out of the way so that they could then seed the Earth with smaller creatures generated by their otherworldly genetic manipulations which would in turn lead to humans. If you don’t buy the notion of an asteroid impact triggering global climatic changes too extreme for saurian life, you may wish to consider the alternate proposal advanced that the aliens deployed a nuclear weapon, as iridium has been found in sediment layer from 65 million years ago. 

We thank you for joining us on this flight of fantasy.  Please return your seat backs to their upright position, and thank you for flying Foxsylvania!

 

Maxwell at the DMV!

Posted April 4, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: animal spokepersons, anthropomorphic, furry commercials, television

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Geico’s Maxwell the Pig has appeared in a variety of settings, and walking among us it’s perhaps part of his lot to appear at the Department of Motor Vehicles, where most of us of driving age must suffer now and then.  Asked for proof of insurance, Maxwell produces his Geico digital insurance card, which the worker in attendance readily accepts.  

The indignity of being photographed then follows for Maxwell, and as for most of us his photo likeness is less than complimentary; you know how it is, with being rushed through a soulless institution and asked to hold your head at an unnatural angle.  Well, the little porker barely reaches the top of the desk, and when the picture is taken, Maxwell’s eyes are closed.  Maxwell points this out to the DMV clerk, and guess what…she doesn’t care, calling out “next” while Maxwell is left as just another victim of bureaucracy…we’ve all been there, right?

The Geico Snail…

Posted March 30, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, animals, anthropomorphic, furry commercials, Invertebrates, strange, television

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Many of us have had bosses who aren’t too swift, but this guy is an extreme case, mainly because he’s a snail.  Winding ever so slowly through a cubicled workplace, he wears a tie and tiny spectacles, and even leaves a slime trail behind him…how appropriate for a boss! Well, the snail-boss named Mr. Tompkins is greeted by an employee named Todd, and then informs the hapless man that he is fired before crawling slowly away, whistling as he goes!  None of us would have blamed Todd had he then introduced Mr. Tompkins to the sole of his shoe, but justice is rare in the work world.  

The commercial spot begins with two women having coffee, one of which points out that fifteen minutes with Geico can save you 15% or more on car insurance.  “Everyone knows that,” replies the other woman.  Seeking to one up her companion, the first woman then questions whether her associate knows that bad news doesn’t always travel fast, and the snail-boss is offered as an example of the same. One might also learn that slimy invertebrates make poor bosses, something that I can affirm from personal experience…

Acura’s “Let the Race Begin” Horses…

Posted March 19, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: anthropomorphic, fantasy, furry commercials, sci fi, television

Tags:

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– – These are horses as one imagines they would be designed by Skynet in the dystopian world of the Terminator movies.  The spot begins with a crowd gathering for a horse race around a futuristic, surreal track. What’s really cool is that the four breathtaking horses competing are robotic, and as they enter the race they vie fiercely for position, complete with metallic sounds as they bang heads with one another in an almost gladiatorial event.  

From behind, however, enters a flesh-and-bone equine who assumes the leadership position, and then the horses morph into vehicles.  Acura, you see, is casting itself as the “dark horse” in the luxury-performance car market, a field in which it hopes to assume leadership.

I sadly know that I will never own a luxury-performance vehicle as my budget barely allows fox kibble.  I do know that I haven’t seen robotic animals this good since the group Swedish House Mafiia did their Greyhound video, and I hope that advertising delivers up more of these fantastic creatures…

UFO Bigfoot; Lake Pepin Monster; Cajun Werewolf…

Posted March 15, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: aliens, animals, anomalies, anthropomorphic, aquatic, cryptozoology, furry, speculation, strange happenings, television, unexplained, weird

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The season finale of Monsters & Mysteries in America (S2/Ep12) brought us three new segments with a wide range of strangeness. Just when you thought you’ve heard about every Bigfoot tale around, we’re asked to consider the twisted possibility that the celebrated cryptid is an alien, either the pilot of the UFO close by which it is seen, or an agent of those actually in control of it.- -“Who let the ‘Squatches out?!,” roared the commander of the Grays to his subordinates…

On July 30th, 1966 two picnicking couples got their vehicle stuck on Presque Isle in Pennsylvania. One male walked to town to seek a tow truck with the others remaining behind. Those remaining saw a “falling star” as night approached, the object assuming a mushroom-shape as it approached and landed behind a tree line. A park ranger then appeared, and that ranger and the remaining guy went to investigate the UFO. The two girls remaining with the car saw a 7′ humanoid approach, who attacked the car, hitting and denting it. Of course, there was nothing to be seen of the Bigfoot when the ranger and boyfriend returned. The next day, the Air Force, police, and other groups were crawling all over the site, investigating it. The incident supposedly became part of the Project Blue Book reports. In Fayette County, Pennsylvania a woman investigated noises in the vicinity of her porch, finding instead of the critters she expected a large, Bigfoot-type creature with red eyes. She fired a shotgun at it, at which point the creature disappeared in front of her eyes, apparently “beamed up” by its alien overlords.

Now if aquatic beasties are more to your preference, we were given the story of the Lake Pepin Monster in Minnesota, “Pepie” for short. A type of sea serpent, “Pepie” reportedly was photographed in 2004, with the photo showing a humped creature with a long neck.  The earliest known sightings go back to 1867, with Native American tribes attributing missing members to predation by the monster.  In 1983, a water skier fell off of her skis and while in the drink reported seeing a creature twenty to thirty feet long with scales; she has never returned to those waters since.  A boat equipped with “fish finder” type radar discerned a moving underwater object about 6′ wide by 35′ long; diver Cory Breault was sent in after it, to be passed by something large underwater which caught him in a vortex from which he barely surfaced, emerging freaked out by the experience.  “Pepie” is mundanely thought to be a giant sturgeon or eel, or more imaginatively a plesiosaur…wet and wild stuff!

The third and most brief segment presented the story of the Cajun Werewolf, a shape-shifting canine of the Louisiana swamps.  The creature is said to be a cursed person having the body of a man and the head of a dog or wolf-like beast.  Presented was the story of Chauvin Beldrin, who when about 13 years of age went hunting on All Saints Day in 1976, a day on which it was considered forbidden to take life.  While targeting a rabbit, a creature with the face of a dog came out of the grass, growled, and pursued the young teen, essentially driving him out of the swamp.  It was speculated that the wolfman may be sent forth by the swamp as a warning to those who are not respecting its ways, or trying to take inappropriately from it…

Melonheads; Devil Monkey; Blue Albino Woman…

Posted March 8, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: anomalies, furry, mysteries, new species, speculation, strange happenings, television, unexplained, unidentified, urban legends, weird

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– – Hoo boy!  Monsters & Mysteries in America fed us some great stuff in a recent episode (S2/Ep11), even if some of it was a bit hard to swallow.  Mellonheads (not to be confused with “My Melancholy Baby” or Coneheads) are strange, mutant creatures sometimes mistaken for children; we all know what little monsters they can be!  In what sounds like a great plot for a low-budget horror movie, a diabolical Dr. Crow in depression-era Kirtland, Ohio of the 1930’s performed sinister experiments in which he mutated orphaned children into monsters. After years of abuse, these deformed and tormented children rose up, fought back, and took revenge on the doctor, burning down his mansion.  It’s uncertain whether the doctor was killed, or simply escaped to set up practice elsewhere.

At any rate, there are dozens of sightings of Mellonheads over the years, especially in Michigan and Connecticut, with a few sightings even reported in Florida.  In Trumbill, Connecticut a Mellonhead sighting was reported along a road locally called “Dracula Drive.”  Then in 1986 in Naples, Florida kids playing war games left two of their number duct taped to a tree…with friends like that, who needs monsters, right?  Anyways, a Mellonhead was heard approaching and was reportedly seen by one of the taped duo, the other one’s head being held at the wrong angle for a sighting although both heard the mutant’s approach.  Their emotional extremity gave them sufficient strength and incentive to break the duct tape, and they fled the approaching Mellonhead successfully…

…then we have the Devil Monkey, who has been sighted in the Appalachian Montains in the 1970’s, specifically in such locations as West Point, Kentucky where Wayman and Marva Morgan were troubled by something five to seven feet tall that killed and mangled their poor Sheltie dog and made noises while ransacking their garbage cans.  Further announcing its presence by a bad odor, the Devil Monkey was spotted by Marva Morgan through a window, and was seen to have sharp fangs and claws.  In Saltville, Virginia the parents of Scott Boyd encountered a Devil Monkey while in their car, when the creature raked at their windows and left lengthy scratches in rows of three along the sides of the vehicle.  Speculations were made that perhaps the creature escaped from a government research facility (like myself), or was mutated by heavy metal pollution in the area.

Last but not least in Topeka, Kansas we were brought tales of the Blue Albino Woman, not to be confused with Smurfette or Dr. Manhattan.  This entity is rather a witch with long white hair and pale, blue-tinted skin.  A former resident of Topeka, the blue one was tormented and buried alive by sadistic local hoodlums, a practice which ticked her off royally and cast her into payback mode.  Now she frequents Rochester Cemetery and chases people out, a plague upon the living bent upon settling old scores…sounds like a plan to me!  Hundreds of sightings have been reported in the area, among them one by James George, who while a boy taken clothes shopping encountered big blue in a store among the manikins.  More recently in 2013, a Jessica Streeter went to said cemetery with her boyfriend, intent on a little amore but instead encountering the blue avenger, who reportedly scratched at them and tried to choke her. The couple managed to escape, and the young lady later used some Irish/gypsy magic to seal and protect her home from intrusion.  A local historian speculated that the Blue Albino Woman may just affect those who are looking for her…she vants to be alone!

The Rake; Sykesville Monster; Lechuza…

Posted March 1, 2014 by vulpesffb
Categories: anthropomorphic, cryptozoology, furry, strange happenings, unexplained, unidentified

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– – Once again, Monsters & Mysteries in America took us in a recent episode on a journey into occurrences involving paranormal entities. The first segment presented the Rake, not an agricultural implement but a shadow adversary which is described as being tall and sometimes faceless with long arms, large hands, and long, pointed fingers. Interestingly enough, the Rake can also extend tendrils from its back, and inspires fear and dread in its victims, stalking an individual for life; there appear to be some similarities with Slenderman. The reported incident took place in Erie, Pennsylvania where a female now employed as a tattoo artist was sent to a boarding school where she went out after hours with her boyfriend, a forbidden practice. Fear of being detected by the school’s proctor and his dog apparently served to attract the Rake, with the entity then repelled by the approach of the proctor and dog. The nocturnal stalker then supposedly visited the young lady at about 3:30 in the morning in her dorm room, the second encounter arousing her room-mate whose conscious state was sufficient to drive off the entity. The experience was reported to the school dean, who supposedly took the report seriously, bringing in a medicine woman to cleanse the premises. This was most unusual for a Catholic institution!

Then in Sykesville, Maryland a hairy monster about seven feet tall was supposedly encountered in an outbuilding by a woman living near the town. She called the police, with an investigating officer basically being bowled over by the creature as it exploded through the door and beat a hasty retreat. Although the monster disappeared, the police received many calls thereafter about it, and 14″ footprints were found that were distinctive for having only four toes. Things apparently then settled down a bit until May of 1981 when a factory worker while fishing saw a neanderthal-like being and reported the incident. A massive manhunt and investigation followed that apparently included what were described as being federal agents and vehicles, the whole “men in black” thing. While evidence was reportedly found, the man making the initial report was denied access to it, and firmly told to go home. A curfew was imposed at that time, and townspeople were scared. Opinions were ventured that the creature was “Something (that) got washed out of the mountains by hurricane Agnes in 1972.” Interestingly enough, the local official record on the incident is blank…

Finally, the third segment presented the Lechuza, a feathered, female, frightening, shape-shifting witch. Backstory legends tell of an old medicine woman in the American southwest who strayed from healing to black magic; this didn’t please the local villagers, who slaughtered the said woman, who in turn is now in payback mode, and manifests herself as kind of a witch-owl. Owls, you see, are regarded to be gods of the damned and heralds of doom in some folk cultures. Anyways, in 1964 in the vicinity of Roswell, New Mexico (yes, that Roswell), Juan and Maria Ramos had a baby, with infants seeming to draw the Lechuza. The witch manifested herself as a ball of fire and apparently gravely sickened the child’s father, but was driven off or killed with a cross-inscribed bullet as was prescribed by a white witch; blood and feathers were found following the episode. A second incident was covered from 2010 where teenagers David and Mike Garcia hunted around in an abandoned structure in Austin, Texas, where they encountered dropping temperatures and heard noises that transitioned to voices as well as screeches and clawing sounds. Something black-feathered slapped itself against window glass as if trying to get at them, a thing with remarkable and terrible eyes…