Archive for the ‘twisted reality’ category

South Park’s “Woodland Critters” Return!

December 15, 2025

We haven’t seen the Woodland Critters on South Park in 21 years, and although many thought that we’d never see them again, they make a roaring return to the finale of South Park’s Season 28!

Now the Critters were originally created as part of a Xmas story dreamed up by 4th grader Eric Cartman for a twisted Xmas story that he wrote, and while they appear cute, lovable, and child-like are really satanic creatures with dark powers including the ability to summon demons and hellfire. They engage in murderous and sadistic acts, including the torture and murder of Strawberry Shortcake.

There are a dozen Woodland Critters that include a bear, deer, rabbit, squirrel, and a fox. All are named simply by adding a “y” to their species name, so here we have Foxy the fox. (We foxes do struggle to control our dark side, you know.) Despite their apparent innocence, the Critters are quite sadistic, and use their dark powers to engage in violent and despicable acts that I don’t wish to even describe in a blog that tries hard not to venture beyond PG-13 territory. This time, the Critters are all excited because Donald Trump has impregnated Satan, who is going to give birth to the Anti-Christ. Things get very strange in a show that includes a talking towel prone to getting high, Towelie…

I know of no other show that has an anthropomorphic, marijuana-addicted talking towel as a recurring character. In Towelie’s defense, however, the government created him, and he’ll do the right thing when he knows what’s going on. He’s actually saved the boys from an evil towel on one occasion…

South Park at its best reverses and confounds our expectations, and the re-appearance of the Woodland Critters after a long absence from the series is an example of that, mixed in with the saga of satirizing the Trump administration and its key players for several seasons.- – Y’all have a Merry Xmas now, ‘ya hear?

In Praise of “Gossamer…”

October 10, 2025

With Halloween coming, our attention turns (more than usual) to monsters, and an underrated cartoon monster is Gossamer, a creation of Chuck Jones who first appeared in the 1946 Warner Bros. cartoon, Hair-Raising Hare. Gossamer has a heart-shaped head and face, and is completely covered in reddish-orange hair, his only clothing a large pair of white or gray-white tennis shoes…

Now Gossamer is a creature of indeterminate species and sex, originally intended as an antagonist to Bugs Bunny, who quickly exploits Gossamer’s attraction to girly-type things like manicures and hair make-overs. Gossamer is also handily defeated even by Porky Pig in his space-cadet identity in service to Daffy Duck, calmly using a monster hair-clipper…of Acme manufacture, of course! And surprise…Porky’s clipper reveals that Gossamer is entirely made of hair!

Gossamer is essentially a paper tiger, so to speak, and while usually a hulking giant seen lurking in Gothic-type castles or even on Mars, he actually has a hidden shy and sensitive nature, and is more scared of people than you are of him. Enjoy the following compilation of Gossamer’s greatest moments that follows, and watch for a cartoon version of Peter Lorre right at the beginning!

“Screwball Squirrel’s” Short, Memorable Run…

September 17, 2025

Tex Avery was an animation genius who rebelled against many traditions, creating in Screwball Squirrel a deliberately unlovable character who was intended to be a satire of cute, sentimental cartoon characters such as were often seen in Disney productions. Also known as Screwy Squirrel, this rodent was aggressively chaotic and obnoxious, and appeared only in five theatrical shorts between 1944 and 1946 before being discontinued as Avery himself grew to find the character annoying, and disliked him! This was not an affable, cutesy, or nice squirrel…

Screwy was really manic and wild, and so you might say that there were elements of Daffy Duck and the much later Roger Rabbit in him, but without any redemptive or likeable features. Screwy would actively torment a dim-witted dog called Meathead, and bring about the unseen but clearly implied destruction of other characters that he found offensive…

(“Disney-esque” squirrel versus “Screwy…”)

Screwball Squirrel meets his apparent death in a 1946 cartoon when he is crushed to death by a hug from a spoiled, dim, and emotionally-needy dog called Lenny. Since death is seldom permanent in cartoon characters, however, Screwy who “don’t move no more” appears at the end of the feature holding up a sign reading, “Sad ending, isn’t it?” The aggressively chaotic character would much later be seen in the 1990’s TV series “Droopy, Master Detective” and “Tom and Jerry...”

Allstate “Check First Neighbors” Commercial…

August 22, 2025

I find screaming goats, at the very least, disconcerting. Although such goats are not actually screaming but bleating or calling, their vocalizations are loud, and can sound eerily like a human in extreme duress, say being tortured.– -Why, you might ask, do some goats make these verbalizations? It could be a sign of hunger, distress, or simply an attention-getting device. It sure would get my attention and displeasure, pronto. You could build a low-budget horror movie around these goats!

In a recent Allstate commercial Check First Neighbors, a couple is celebrating their first night in a new house. They hear a muffled shriek in the background. Looking out the window, they find goats clamoring all over their neighbor’s yard! Then the goats become invasive…one even loudly screams at the new occupants from within their house! Why is the goat shrieking?- -Possibly he wants fed, or more grain in his diet; the scream is certainly an attention-getting device. Goat farmers have noted that the goats sometimes will keep up this behavior for half to three-quarters of an hour before giving up…

You see, our new homeowners had neglected to check out the neighbors before buying the property, and you really should do that. Allstate can then save you hundreds on your homeowners insurance…

About the only thing I can think of that might be worse than living next door to a herd of screaming goats would be residing next to a family of howler monkeys…

Talking Beasts of Burden…

May 27, 2025

While Mr. Ed gets most of the attention, he was preceded by Francis the Talking Mule. The original Francis movie was released in 1950, and would go on to appear in a total of seven, yes seven movies! Elvis had not yet hit the scene, and people in the 50’s needed something to do, so they translated to film from three short stories written by David Stern for Esquire magazine about a talking army mule who would only talk to a dimwitted lieutenant, helping him in his military and other ventures…

Now Francis was actually a female donkey named Molly, selected because she was easy to handle. She supposedly cost $350 to buy, but made millions from the film series. To create the illusion that the mule was actually talking, thread would be fed into the animal’s mouth which would cause the mule-actress to try and remove it by moving her lips. The same technique would later be used for Mister Ed! Francis would also appear in a 1952-53 comic strip, Francis, the Famous Talking Mule.

A talking donkey, however, preceded Francis in The Bible! In the Biblical Book of Numbers, Chapter 22, verses 21 – 39 we are given an extraordinary account of an Old Testament furry, a female donkey who had her mouth opened by the Lord to the extent that she was able at least temporarily to talk to her abusive master and engage in a dialogue with him!

It would seem that Balaam was a pagan non-Israelite prophet and diviner who was commissioned by Balak, King of the Moabites, to lay a curse on the Israelites. After divining and seeing that the Lord was really with the Israelites and that they could not be cursed, Balaam relayed his message to Moabite king, who would not take no for an answer. Yahweh then instructed Balaam to to follow the Moabite delegation to the hill upon which Balak thinks Isreal would be cursed…

On route, Balaam rode his donkey, who alone perceived an angel standing in the road with a drawn sword in his hand, and turned off the road into a field. Balaam beat the donkey to get it back on the road. Then the angel stood in a narrow path through vineyards with walls on both sides. The donkey pressed close to the wall, crushing Balaam’s foot against it. The louse beat the poor donkey again…

So the donkey moved ahead, and this time the angel appeared in a narrow place where there was no room to turn either to the right or the left. The donkey simply lay down at that point under Balaam, and the crud became angry and beat the poor animal a third time!

Then the transformation happened. The Almighty opened the donkey’s mouth, and it said to Balaam, “What have I done to you to make you beat me these three times?” Balaam answered his pack animal, telling her that she had made a fool out of him, and that had he a sword in his hand, he’d kill the poor thing right then! The donkey’s words revealed that it had been trying to warn Balaam about the angel, to which Balaam finally bowed and admitted his sin. Sadly, the donkey kinda drops from the Biblical narrative at that point, but is an early example of an anthropomorphic being, as well as an early animal rights advocate. One can imagine them being voiced by Eddie Murphy as in Shrek…

So guys, if you come across a talking mule or donkey, give them a listen…you just might become a believer!

Happy Halloween from Foxsylvania!

October 31, 2024

Hello, Boils and Ghouls, and welcome to this special Halloween Edition of Foxsylvania! Halloween is special to me, always has been and always will be. It’s an occasion relatively free of suffocating family obligations and not awash in commercialism, a time of imagination and dipping into the dark corners of our psyche…here there be dragons! So gather ’round, kiddies, and let your Uncle Vulpes bring you items to thrill, chill, and amaze you…(well, maybe, just a little!) This is what we mean by, Cheap Thrills…

That’s it…come closer as I begin to be fired up, and my true form I share with you! For I am both man and beast, substance and shadow, flame and air…that’s really what a firefox is! I am fox, I am feral, and I am DANGEROUS! (Cue up that Michael Jackson number, please…)

(Firefox dancing with dark animal spirits to Dangerous…)

Brief, all too brief is All Hallow’s Eve when we can take off the masks that society makes us wear to please others. Join me in this dark dance of kindred furry spirits! It is a fine kind of madness that we enjoy as we gyrate and spin faster and faster, until the dancers become the dance!

A gritty, believable “Penguin…”

September 20, 2024

I didn’t like the version of Riddler or Batman that we saw in the movie The Batman, but I did like the version of Catwoman and The Penguin that we saw. We saw a bit of “Oz Cobb”(Oswald Cobblepot) in The Batman, enough to make me want to see more. Fortunately, Colin Farrell is back as The Penguin, and he makes the role both gritty and believable…

(Don’t hate him because he’s beautiful!)

Sure, Danny DeVito and Burgess Meredith gave us memorable versions of The Penguin that were fun, but so cartoonish that they couldn’t possibly exist in reality. Colin Farrell’s Penguin is no outrageous freak show with a pointed beak-like nose and flipper fingers, but rather a master gangster-like figure, perhaps what Tony Soprano could have been if he were far nastier and battle-scarred. Colin Farrell is a good-lookin’ actor who plays Penguin under heavy latex modifications that gives him a larger (but not beak-like) nose, extra pounds, and facial scarring. His hairline is receding and slicked back, and he walks with a pronounced side-to-side limp, perhaps a nod to the character’s waddle in previous incarnations. We see his bare foot in one scene, and it’s hideously deformed. This Penguin (who doesn’t like to be called that) knows his way around a knife and a machine gun, and wouldn’t be caught dead tooling around in a giant rubber ducky like Danny DeVito in the role…

Robin Lord Taylor got the role of the young Penguin much better and more realistic in the series Gotham, in my opinion. This guy was intelligent, adaptable, and ruthless…

So I’m glad to see this re-imagining of Penguin, and see the character given proper respect. No, he’s not my favorite Bat-villain, coming in my hierarchy after The Riddler and Joker. The limited HBO/HBO Max series takes up right after Riddler has flooded parts of Gotham in The Batman flick, and Oz Cobb is looking to fill in the gap in the power vacuum following the death of his boss with a mixture of shrewdness and brutality. No, you won’t see Batman in this, but he is out there, and no one knows just where. This is a crime drama told from the point of view of The Penguin himself…

Only the first episode of the series has aired as of this posting, and there are nods to the character’s comic roots in his gait and his use of an umbrella in the episode. Involved in the drug trade, this is Penguin as a tough, ruthless crime boss looking to climb the ladder, and this bird just might fly… 🐧

Buffalo Wild Wings “Box Out” Commercial…

September 11, 2024

The buffalo, whose name is Hank, is voiced by Beck Bennett. Crafted for the March Madness event, the commercial is certainly mad and wild. Hank, who thinks that he knows a bit about playing defense, goes into a demonstration by unintentionally knocking people about, even breaking out the window, complete with a bodily ejection and flying glass. One would certainly want to be on this bison’s team, as his opponents might not survive him!

I’ve never posted about a buffalo before, but Hank does cut an impressive and imposing furry figure in this ad; you’d just want to think twice about inviting him to your apartment, however! Unanswered are the questions of whether Hank will be held liable for damages…

And BTW, this fox was born in Buffalo, New York!

The Robotic Ghost Furries of “Five Nights At Freddy’s”

March 16, 2024

(Foxy’s looked better, but haven’t we all?! And I could definitely get into the Robo-pirate fox scene, yarr! Lower yer flag and stand by to be boarded by the scourge of the Seven Seas, Matey!) 🦊

See y’all at Freddy Fazbear’s…or maybe the funny papers!

*Laughs hysterically and is taken away by nice young men in clean white coats* 🤪

NJM’s “Private Eye” Commercial…

March 14, 2024