Archive for the ‘just plain stupid’ category

“Gladiator” Fights Lion; Not Worth Lion’s Time…

July 1, 2011

 – – With the World Animal Bothering Belt on the line, a self-proclaimed Egyptian “gladiator” stepped into a steel cage set in a wheat field in Mansoura, Egypt with a reportedly 660-lb. (?) lion in order to attract foreign visitors to Egypt and lift his country out of its post-revolution downturn. 

As the “gladiator” glared and bared his teeth, the lion, which had been fed an entire donkey before the event, is reported to have looked bored.   The event lasted 17 minutes, with spectators said to have been disappointed and to have regarded the feat as a publicity stunt.

One can only imagine what thoughts were running through the lion’s head about the human warrior, who carried a “shield” made of an old satellite dish (“You are so lame, pink skin!”).  The Egyptian Tourism Minister commendably blasted the spectacle as an inhumane act against animals…

For his next exhibition, perhaps the warrior will take on a narcoleptic camel, an agoraphobic scorpion, or even a rather large jellyfish in a bucket of water!–Hey, reality TV should be this good!

My Wish List…

October 11, 2009

monarch– – I’d  really like to have a costumed arch-nemesis; no plain-clothes nemesis for me, thank you very much…those with a costumed arch-nemesis tend to be memorable, like Batman.  People remember the Joker or the Riddler, but almost certainly wouldn’t remember the Freemason or the Certified Public Accountant. An arch-nemesis has a history with you, in many cases arching you for years; it’s a love/hate thing, really.  A arch-nemesis should be colorful but not competent; you don’t want them to actually do you in (for further exploration of the complex relationship one may have with a costumed arch-nemesis, catch the Venture Brothers on Adult Swim, the Cartoon Network).

What about henchmen?–If you have henchmen, they’ll have to go through them to get to you, and maybe your enemy will wear themselves out.  Henchmen give you extra time to get away, bargain, plea, or just work up to a good cry.  Plus if you have henchmen, you’re giving others work in this depressed economy.

Could I possibly get a sidekick?–Batman, Aquaman, and the Green Arrow have one.  I don’t think Marvel superheroes have sidekicks as much; Wolverine would probably kill his. – – Cancel the sidekick; I’d probably be arrested, especially if it was some teenaged guy in tights.   Maybe the sidekick would write a tell-all book, and we’d split the profits and get rich.  Money isn’t everything, but it’s way ahead of whatever’s in second place.

I’d also like to have minions, followers who hang on your every word and do your bidding.  No one’s done my bidding to this point in my life, so I figure I’m overdue.  In this category, I’d like to have a cat’s-paw, which should not be confused with a rabbit’s foot; some of my best friends are cats, and I’m not into the amputation of bodily parts.  A cat’s-paw is kinda like a chief minion or tool that acts in your behalf.–Wouldn’t that be cool?

…and why don’t we have manservants anymore?–If you want something, a manservant is there to get it for you, and wait on you hand and foot.  I’d like to have someone wait on my feet, and a manservant sounds classy; kind of like a gentleman’s gentleman.  You’ve gotta love the redundancy of that!

So I’m gonna ask Santa for these things; I’d be satisfied to get any of them.  If that doesn’t work, maybe I could get some of that federal stimulus money, ’cause these things would be stimulatin’ to me, woo!    😉

The “Deadliest Warrior” Show On Spike TV!

April 15, 2009

samurai–If you’re like me, there are some things on TV you watch even if you’re not proud of the fact.  Spike TV’s Deadliest Warrior series is such wonderful nonsense, great guy stuff!  Remember the old pointless arguments about the victor in a fight between a ninja and a pirate?–Well, now they’ve built a show around this kinda premise!–Is this a great country, or what?!

Forget the fact that the combatants were products of different times and different places, and would never meet in real life…forget the fact that you can’t compare apples and oranges…just shut up, sit back, and watch the most unlikely of death matches between a Roman gladiator and an Apache, or between a Viking and a samurai!


Leading up to the main event are analysis of the weaponry and fighting styles of the two opponents pitted against one another, with consideration given to such things as who possessed the weapons most effective at long, medium, and close range.  The information is then factored into a computer simulation program which predicts the likely victor in many of such clashes.  For your viewing pleasure, a computer-generated death match is then presented at the end of the show.  The series is similar to Jurassic Fight Club, but with human combatants.

I was kinda surprised that the Apache was predicted to be victorious in the majority of match-ups against Roman gladiators, but the gladiators seem to have been portrayed as plodding  juggernauts vulnerable to the attack and retreat tactics of the more nimble Apache.  I was unsurprised by the victory of the samurai warrior over the Viking, although I do have as a furry great respect for the Vikings, the berserker version of which howled, wore bear or wolf skins, bit their shields, and in general worked themselves into a rage intended to frighten their enemies.

No, we’re not apparently gonna see Ninjas vs. Pirates on future versions of this show, but we are going to be treated to Pirate vs. Knight and Ninja vs. Spartan. By the way, in a Ninja vs. Pirate match, my money would be on the ninja.  Personally, though, I’d prefer to be a pirate, as I think they had more fun.  Ninjas were more into discipline, and pirates more into wenching, drinking, and pillaging. –When’s the last time you went to a good pillaging?–It’s a lost art, really…

Sure, it ain’t Shakespeare…but it  is great guy entertainment! —Woo-hoo!!!   😉


“1000 Ways To Die” Misrepresentation

April 6, 2009

1000-ways–Hosted by Spike TV,  1000 Ways to Die can be morbidly fascinating, although one would be well advised to take some of its reported “true” deaths with a large grain of salt….

…one such segment, Em-Bear-Assed, is a case in point.  In the episode, a guy gets high on psychedelic mushrooms, then wanders about in the desert talking to bushes and whatever else it is that one does when high on mushrooms.  What should he encounter in that desert but a bunch of fursuiters err, enjoying one another’s company (wink wink).  Well, the dude tries to get in on the revelry, and is brushed off by several, including a really big chicken.  He then latches onto a black bear, as if they were indigenous to the desert…and, guess what?–The bear is the genuine article!

So, the bear gets an easy kill, and the furry community again gets insulted by yet another misrepresentation by those who neither understand nor are part of the furry subculture… <sigh>


Mourning Becomes Bunny…

January 31, 2009

funny-bunny-funeral— More surrealism in life:  A recent episode of Howie Do It featured a singing telegram delivered by a performer in a white bunny fursuit at a funeral! The gag was on the performer, who didn’t know that they were performing at a bogus funeral.

The “mourners” looked suitably grieved, and the singer (who performed, “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow”) was understandably shocked during an encore performance to the corpse when the deceased sat up!–Got ‘ya!

And just think…Stinky Pig is coming on another episode!

(and many thanks to my great readers for taking this blog to 20,000 hits!  🙂

Simon Cowell Hugged by Bunny!

January 29, 2009

simon-hugged–It was kind of a surreal moment for American Idol; competition judge Simon Cowell, known for his sharp tongue, was hugged by a man in a pink bunny suit during the Salt Lake City auditions!

The guy in the rabbit suit was big, bearded, and bespectacled, and was brought to the auditions as a lucky charm sidekick by a contestant, who did not advance to Hollywood.  The bunny, in a cheesy and ludicrous pink fursuit, was not deterred by his partner’s rejection from hugging Simon, vigorously enough in fact to pick up the Englishman from the ground!

One of the more memorable strange Idol auditions since a contestant wore a cow suit complete with udder in a past season…

Furry Monster Trucks

September 7, 2008

–Monster truck rallies can be good brainless fun, and the customization of some of these vehicles is extraordinary. — Just wanted to share this example of a furry monster truck!  Others styled like dogs can have floppy ears, a tail, and a tongue…it ain’t Shakespeare, but it’s fun to see these huge vehicles sailing through the air…and it’s probably no coincidence that many of the best-selling vehicles have carried the names of animals…

(<sighs for the return of the Volkswagon Fox…>)


%d bloggers like this: