Archive for the ‘Brilliant but twisted’ category

Gecko’ s “Really Literal” Genie…

November 9, 2014

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Two women begin this Geico commercial eating outside with the usual conversation about how spending 15 minutes with Geico can save you 15% on your car insurance.  “Everyone knows that!,” dismisses one woman.  “Well, did you know that some genies can be really literal?,” retorts the other.

Cut to a mock-sitcom called, “Genie and Me,” complete with laugh track.  A man is unpacking boxes, and comes upon a brass lamp, which he polishes. — Poof!  A genie appears, who has a wonderfully disaffected, almost bored expression.  His master is granted a wish, and greedily if predictably wishes for a million bucks.  The genie gestures, and the house and grounds are suddenly populated with a million bucks…the four-legged, antlered variety!  Be careful what you wish for, as it is said…

…there are other “Genie and Me” episodes available for viewing, all in the style of a 1950’s – 1960’s sitcom, complete with hokey humor.  In one, the mother of the genie’ s master mistakes the magical lamp for a gravy boat.  “Good gravy!,” comments the genie, who is wonderful to watch.  It’s fake television, but still better tongue-in-cheek viewing than much of the drek actually airing on the tube…Ray, Genie! 

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American Horror Story: Freak Show

October 24, 2014

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The Fx series American Horror Story: Freak Show is remarkable dark television horror, combining good writing and superb acting on a bizarre subject in a fashion rarely seen on the small screen. Inspired by Tod Browning’s Freaks and Herk Harvey’s Carnival of Souls and set in Florida in the early 1950’s, the show details the relationships between a closely-knit colony of sideshow freaks in a dying profession, and the often harsh outside world of gawkers and exploiters who constitute the real monsters. Every subtype of human oddity is represented, including a brilliantly-portrayed tormented “bearded lady (Kathy Bates),” a “lobster boy,” “pinheads,” and the stars of the show, a pair of stunning conjoined female twins with radically different personalities. Paranormal elements are injected, and there is also about the most scary predatory clown that you are ever likely to see, “Twisty” (pictured).

This is disturbing but mesmerizing stuff, definitely not for the kiddies due to gore and sexual content. It’s perfect, however, for horror fans, and those of us who enjoy Halloween themes year-round…

Doritos Breakroom Ostrich…

February 4, 2014

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The 2014 Superbowl was not especially memorable for either football or commercials, but the Doritos ad featuring an ostrich was cute.  The  short spot began with an office boss dressing down two employees for eating all of the Doritos in the breakroom, plus making an awful mess.  One of the two employees just so happens to be be a full-sized ostrich…

…the crime scene itself is then recreated, as we are shown the balding male employee scarfing down every Dorito in sight, and indeed making quite a mess in the process; he would seem from the wrappers to prefer the nacho flavor variety.  The ostrich appears in the doorway and observes the spectacle, casting a disapproving gaze and then backing out; the man says nothing.  When the boss is then confronting the duo and telling them that the offense has been narrowed down to one of them, the human shamelessly says that the ostrich is “obviously” the culprit, at which point the ostrich does a memorable and wide-mouthed gasp!  Obviously, some humans are capable of anything

…and darned if I don’t have an incredible desire to eat some Doritos right now, although I prefer the ranch flavor…ranch, Mmm!

Tums TV Spot, “Chicken…”

January 12, 2014

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– – It’s grotesque, absurd, and surreal, and like something out of a vegetarian’s worst nightmare…the plucked, decapitated, and man-sized chicken in a commercial for Tums Ultra Strength antacids.  Standing upright at an upscale outdoor barbecue presumably where it was consumed, this most foul fowl and the man who is now tormented by it become aware of one another’s presence at the same time.  The chicken carcass utters what I suppose martial arts challenges would sound like if vocalized by a chicken, and begins to swing its sizable plucked wings at the hapless human, landing at least one good slap.  Although caught off-guard, the man responds by dodging and directing a punch at the giant plucked bird…thankfully, we are spared the full  fury of the combat.

…the announcer then interjects, “When that chicken you had at the barbecue starts fighting with heartburn,  fight back with Tums!”  Antacids apparently succeed where fisticuffs do not, for in the final scene, the man and the great carcass are playing nicely with one another at a friendly game of volleyball.  Sports is often seen as an outlet for male aggression and a substitute for war, after all…and I do so like to see conflict resolved amicably, especially when it involves the barbecued dead…

The Starburst “Juicy Dragon…”

October 8, 2013

starburst– – I hate to see mythological creatures exploited, and one usually doesn’t want to mess with dragons.  But the Starburst “giggly juicy dragon” is not your typical dragon, even among a race of extraordinary creatures.  The dragon in question also seems to dearly love his videos, and apparently is easily entertained by them.  The dragon must live under a rock not to already be familiar with the “keyboard cat” video, but then again, dragons are reputed to at times live under rocks, or at least in caves.  For that reason, the giggly juicy dragon is probably starved for entertainment, or at the very least doesn’t get out much.  The “keyboard cat” apparently can really tickle the dragon’s funnybone, or whatever he may have that passes for one.

In this short video, one candy-chomping man is wondering how they get Starburst candies to be so juicy; lord knows, many poor devils lay awake at night pondering that very point.  Now thanks to this commercial, you need wonder no longer! – – They show the giggly juicy dragon funny videos such as the keyboard cat, he laughs so hard that he weeps tears of joy, and such tears as they flow are collected and put into the Starbursts.  I guess that this isn’t quite exploitative as the dragon gets his jollies that way, although PETA might see the matter differently…

What Does The Fox Say?

October 2, 2013

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– – There are few things that I both love and hate at the same time, and a video by two Norwegian brothers of the comedy group Ylvis named What Does The Fox Say is one of them.  The video begins with a gathering of fursuited people at a home, and many different species are represented; there is a rather good dalmatian, an elephant, and some birds, among others.  Although these scenes are thought to be a reference to the furry fandom, the brothers denied even knowing about furries when this footage was made.  You then have a few awful moments when you think that you are viewing a video intended for a preschool audience; animals are introduced by the sounds that they make, e.g., “A cat goes meow,” etc.  After several such painful introductions, however, the question is raised, “What does a fox say?,” and we are off to the races, or rather, the forest…

…the forest is wonderful, a tree-bordered area shrouded in the night and rich ground fog; I could party there all night!  We are shown the brothers, wearing mediocre fursuits with facial fox paint. Then there are the dancers ringing the brothers, fox-like but not attired as such, more like the Blues Brothers with white shirts and dark ties…they do, however, have some awesome moves!  I didn’t know a pelvis could move like that. .. anyhow, as the brothers launch into their vocals, we hear as part of the lyrics sounds supposedly representative of those that foxes make, with the camera occasionally cutting to a grandfatherly-type reading a storybook to a child and making those same sounds.  It then becomes a matter of interpretation as to whether you think that the sounds made are intended as a parody of the excesses of electronic house music, or are actually intended as imitative of the variety of sounds that foxes make.  We do make over forty sounds for different purposes, including warning alerts and, ahem, calls to lure a mate…(blushes)

The later stage of the video that I love becomes mystical and spacey, with the vocals continuing to refer to the language of foxes as an ancient mystery.  The performing fox-clad brothers are surrounded by spikes of blue laser light, and arise into the air to be suspended there comfortably.   Is there an alien connection? – – I’ll never tell!  The final stage of the video shows a breath-taking CGI fox who enters at the periphery of the scene then takes center stage, arising to stand on his hind legs and singing scat in a beautiful baritone/bass voice, with subtle supportive choreography!   This jazz-oriented fox is alone worth viewing the video for, and could easily become a break-out star.- – I’d buy his albums, this dude has some major pipes!

You’ll either love it or hate it, but whether for the comedic elements, the furry overtones, or the electronic music, What Does The Fox Say is worth a look and a listen, and can accessed on YouTube.  Just don’t ask me about the ancient mystery thing, please.  These are secrets entrusted to only a few, and I’m bound not to tell…wink, wink!   http://youtu.be/jofNR_WkoCE

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Cousin Itt…

September 27, 2013

Itt– – I would be remiss if I did not include at least one post about Cousin Itt, since who could be more hairy or furry than he? A recurrent but not main character on The Addams Family television series and movies, Itt was a character not created by cartoonist Charles Addams but rather by the producer of the series. The cousin of Gomez Addams, Itt was a short individual completely covered with long, thick hair that completely obscured any underlying features. He typically wore sunglasses and a hat, usually a derby. Itt’s speech was rapid, high-pitched gibberish understandable to any member of the Addams family but not to anyone else.

Cousin Itt did not routinely reside at the Addams mansion, but was a regular visitor there and at times occupied a room, one scaled down to his height and size. Itt was reputed to be highly intelligent, and had a variety of skills and talents, including singing. Itt was quite a lady’s man, and did at one time sire a child, whose name appropriately was “What,” supposedly the first word out of the gynecologist’s mouth when the child, who resembled a tiny Itt, was delivered.

Itt could be the life of any party. My favorite episode depicted Gomez asking Cousin Itt what was under his great mop of hair.  Itt’s response was, “roots!”

Flodilocks and the Three Bears…

September 18, 2013

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– – Flo of Progressive Insurance is a bit of a fantasy female herself, so she seems strangely at home in a fairy tale such as Goldilocks and the Three Bears.  While meandering as a uniformed insurance clerk in a magical storybook forest, Goldilocks/Flodilocks comes upon a cottage, entering it to find sitting on the kitchen table not three bowls of porridge, but rather three boxed insurance policies!  We really expect this kind of thing from Flo, who lives, sleeps, eats, and drinks insurance…and outside of these commercials, insurance is dreadfully boring stuff, to say nothing of the back-breaking expense of it. Buying insurance is as much fun as paying taxes.   But I digress…anyhow, checking out the boxed insurance policies, the intrepid Flodilocks finds one having lots of coverage, another one having little coverage, and the third one just right !

Just then Flodilocks notices that three anthropomorphic bears are sitting in the nearby family room, and they are staring at her! Things then become more surreal, for the Papa Bear voices, “Hi, yeah we love visitors! That’s why we moved to a secluded house in the middle of the wilderness.” Flo doesn’t quite know what to do with this bit of information, so the video freeze frames on this last scene, and we zoom out as the storybook page turns…

One may basically write their own ending here. – – Do the bears have sinister intent, and devour Flodilocks? Or my preference and darker still, would Flodilocks best the bears in hand-to-hand combat, and devour them?  End scene of Flo patting a very full belly, and fade to black.  The best fairy tales play out in the mind, after all, and can be rather scary…

 

The Day of the Squirrel…

September 11, 2013

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Sears has given us a great gift in their commercial, Squirrel Revolt, about the best furry-themed ad that I’ve seen in months! The commercial begins with the fictitious Denskie couple entering their home, where Bob Denskie reveals to his better half that he’s trained those “pesky squirrels” to cut coupons! And so we are shown realistic CGI squirrels, about half a dozen sitting at tiny individual work tables and industriously using scissors. “I love your brain, Bob!,” says his adoring wife. “So do I!,” agrees Bob immodestly.

All is not well, however, in this workers’ paradise, for a moment later one squirrel throws his worktable over and screams:
“Enough! — Your tyranny ends now, you filthy humans!” With that, nuts are thrown, tiny fires are ignited, and the squirrel leader flings himself onto the face of his human oppressor! This is getting good! Bob screams at his wife to get the squirrel off his face, and she obliges by repeatedly whacking him in the head with a golf club! –Ooh, that’s gotta hurt! The Day of the Squirrel is at hand…and it does not bode well for the Denskies.

I, for one, wish to avoid the great and terrible wrath of the squirrel, so I don’t put them to hard labor in sweat shops, but rather feed them peanuts in parks. Perhaps they will remember this small kindness, and spare me in the coming tribulation…

Mike’s Hard Lemonade “Deer Head” Commercial…

August 5, 2013

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– – It’s kind of a “night of the living dead venison”  commercial; a guy is shown kicking back with three male friends in a comfy room, the mounted head of an antlered deer hanging on the wall.  The doorbell rings, and the guy answers the door.  There standing at the door is every hunter’s worst nightmare; the body of the slaughtered deer, minus its head!  It gets creepier; you can see the headless torso breathing! 

“Who is it?,” asks the head of the slaughtered deer from the wall; you can see its mouth move, and its eyes blink.  The guy is too stunned to say anything, so the deer head repeats its question; “Seriously, who is it?”  Again, the host is unable to answer, the headless body lingering in the doorway…end of commercial!

First airing in July of 2012,  this is creepy yet wonderful stuff, imparting the message that Mike’s hard lemonade is different, and that as the host tells a friend of the lemonade, “sometimes you gotta change things up.”  If every hunter was visited by an undead version of their slain prey, it might indeed make a world of difference…(Twilight Zone theme plays in the background)