Archive for the ‘animals’ category

Sears Black Friday Commercial, “Turkey Chase”

November 28, 2013

turkey chase– –  “Get in the bag!- – Get in the bag!,” cries the Denskies’ Dad, a would-be turkey pursuer to an agitated and very mobile turkey, which readily keeps ahead of the hapless hunter.  So intent is Mr. Denskie at bagging the bird that he is oblivious to a number of trees looming in the immediate vicinity, soon colliding with one of the massive trunks and getting knocked out cold.  The turkey escapes, none the worse for the wear. – – So who’s the real bird brain here?!

We haven’t seen a hunter this inept since Elmer Fudd, and Sears is bringing us this reminder of their Black Friday sales as a better way to save money than hunting your own wild turkey, most of which bear little relationship anymore to what’s being sold in supermarkets…and a happy holiday to all of you!

DirecTV Spot, “Attack of the Squirrels”

November 24, 2013

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– – Squirrels seems to have come into their own lately, appearing in more and more commercials. We’ve seen squirrels engage in kind of a sweat shop revolt in an earlier Sears commercial, and once again, the small rodents are combining in numbers to overwhelm and freak out hapless humans. Sure, they’re cute…but would you want large numbers of them hanging on you, as with this gentleman?

We are shown an adult man named”Dave” crossing a park who is converged upon by multiple squirrels, and verbally orders them to go away. The narrator tells us that the squirrels aren’t listening to Dave, and just don’t seem to care what he says. How very different this is than the DirecTV system, which can be verbally ordered to find kiddie movies, and is fully compliant. Meanwhile, poor Dave is left agitated and spinning about in the park with a myriad of squirrels hanging onto him in a scene reminiscent of the rat attacks from the movie, “Ben.” — The horror, the horror!

We are not shown the ultimate fate of Dave, and the squirrels aren’t talking, either. — What is their agenda? Vigilance is accordingly advised!

The Pepto Bismol Squirrel in “Aerial Enlightenment”

November 15, 2013

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– – Enlightenment can apparently be found anywhere, even on aircraft, when you have Pepto To Go!  We’ve already seen the zen-oriented rodent in the forest, and now he pops up on a flight, where he tells a female passenger that he can see that she’s packed…her stomach!  Such a pronouncement would be unwelcome from a human, but coming from a squirrel, we marvel at his sage perception.  

He appears out of a seatback compartment that looks like a medicine cabinet, and before we know it, the squirrel has somehow teleported into the woman’s pocket, emerging with a vial of Pepto, and telling the passenger that relief can be hers. There is a price to be paid, however, for the woman’s airline peanuts belong to the squirrel, and are shown in his tiny paws as he reappears in the seatback compartment in front of her, and the commercial ends.  Wisdom, like the squirrel, is where you find it…and perhaps the squirrel will come when the student is ready…

The Denskies and the Bear…

November 13, 2013

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– – In a new Sears commercial dealing with points redemption, we again see Bob Denskie, the guy earlier at the core of the squirrel revolt, trying to save money and winding up apparently in mortal danger.  Venturing out in the woods to harvest a Christmas tree, we see a panicking Denskie dragging the object of his search, running while being pursued by a bear.  “I’ve got the tree, open the door!,” he implores urgently with the bear in hot pursuit.  Denskie makes an additional observation about the bear: “He’s not hibernating!

We then cut to information about how Sears bonus purchase points add up, making it an easier way to save money.  When we are again returned to the hapless Denskie, we find that we need not have been concerned, for he is shown making snow angels with the bear sitting harmlessly at his side.  “And I thought you were gonna eat me!,” comments Bob Denskie, alive, well, and presumably much relieved…

Five-Hour Sour Apple Energy Shots Deer…

November 10, 2013

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– – In a recent commercial, the door of a rustic cabin deep in the woods creaks open late one night.  Standing in the doorway, we see the form of a magnificent buck.  The invader steals into the cabin where a hunter sleeps in bed; quickly and silently, the deer steals the hunter’s five-hour energy shots, thinking by this action that the hunter will be weakened, drowsy and unable to undertake the hunt the next morning! But perhaps the hunter has only pretended to be asleep; he pulls down his covers to reveal beneath them a pack of five-hour extra strength sour apple energy shots, saying to the now absent deer that he’ll be seeing him bright and early the next morning…diabolically clever!

One can hardly fault the deer for seeking to deprive the hunter of his edge.  Perhaps, however, the deer should have absconded with the hunter’s rifle instead of his energy shots, and opened up on him with his own weapon when he sought to pursue his “sport,” making it for the first time a fair competition…that’s what the fox says!

 

Tiger in the Library?

November 6, 2013

white tiger– – A recent Subway commercial for their Sriracha Chicken Melt sub features a woman named Candice, apparently the librarian, whom we are shown comfortably seated at the main desk in a busy library.  With her sprawled on an adjoining table is a magnificent white tiger, who is spied by a startled male assistant, Carl, apparently returning books to the shelf using a cart.  “I’m not sure that you should have that here!,” ventures Carl nervously, referring to the tiger.  Candice responds as if he was referencing her sandwich, however, saying that she’s just gotten into trying new and spicy things.  She then chides Carl for having an overdue scrapbooking book out, and sends the chastised guy on his sorry way.  Carl is clearly not an alpha male type…

In the remaining seconds of the short commercial spot, the featured sub is described as “bold” and “fiery,” and that is presumably the association or linkage with the tiger.  I guess that we all have to be wild in our own ways…

Bear in your Buick?

October 28, 2013

05_Flatbed_WEB - JULY– – As do a number of animals, bears continue to acquire skill sets, to learn, and to adapt to human-engineered objects and environments.  For this reason, bears have acquired a degree of know-how and finesse, and are able to do things with greater skill and agility than once was the case.  There once was a time when a a bear would have smashed a jar of peanut butter to get at its contents; now, bears having exposure to the item and a degree of experience with it can actually unscrew the lid!  Bears in some locations have also acquired the ability to get into cars by manipulating door latches.  In the past two weeks, three bears have been trapped in cars in Truckee, California.  The trouble is that once inside a car, the door may close in on the bear, rendering it trapped within the vehicle.  The bear after acquiring the desired food items that prompted its entry into the vehicle then endeavors to get out, with results that aren’t pretty for vehicle interiors, as bears claws are deadly weapons more than capable of trashing a car from within.

When observing a car rocking and bouncing about due to powerful and destructive interior forces, the owner of said vehicle would understandably want to extricate the ursine occupant promptly.  In some cases, police have been summoned to remove unwanted ursines from cars; at times, it’s necessary to smash the car windows to do so.  In other cases, people have allowed bears to escape simply by opening car doors, and remaining out of the way.

As prevention is obviously desirable, the best way to keep bears out of cars is not to keep fragrant foods within them.  Locking the doors is another common-sense precaution…

The Yeti-Bear?

October 18, 2013

Yeti– – I’m thankful for hairy hominids, without which this blog might soon expire from starvation.  And so, good readers, if you can suffer one more yeti theory, we offer yet another explanation being advanced:  the yeti is a type of previously-unknown, hybrid bear.

British researcher Bryan Sykes, a human geneticist at Oxford, has analyzed hairs from two alleged yetis, sequenced their DNA, and found a 100% match with a DNA sample from the jaw of an ancient polar bear.  Now Sykes is not saying that there are ancient polar bears wandering around in the Himalayas, but only that there could be a subspecies of brown bear in the High Himalayas descended from the bear that was the ancestor to the polar bear.  The Yeti accordingly may be a hybrid descended from two species of bear, an extinct polar bear and a closely related brown bear.

Such a species of bear might behave differently from other known bears, possibly being more dangerous, aggressive, or bipedal…and this Abominable Snowman apparently has a unique ability to cause any video recording device to go out of focus…

Another Controversial Sasquatch Study…

October 4, 2013

sasquatch siesta– – A Texas-based research group led by veterinarian Dr. Melba Ketchum, The Sasquatch Genome Project, is claiming that Bigfoot is real, and that they have tissue samples and video evidence to support their claim.  A report by the group claims that Sasquatch is a relatively new species arising from a female Homo sapiens and an unknown male primate that linked up about 15,000 years ago.

Blood and hair samples have been released by the group which claims that they are unlike any known creature.  A 19-second video also released by the team reportedly shows a sleeping juvenile Bigfoot in Kentucky filmed in 2005.  (Pictured:  a supposed Sasquatch siesta)

Mainstream science, however, has greeted the report skeptically.  Todd Disotell, a professor at the Department of Anthropology at NYU, has termed the research nonsense that is unscientifically reported and has not been subjected to peer review.  Previous arguments against Ketchum’s findings include allegations of possible contamination of her samples by the collectors, either accidental or intentional.

And so, the dispute and contention are likely to rage on… 

Flodilocks and the Three Bears…

September 18, 2013

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– – Flo of Progressive Insurance is a bit of a fantasy female herself, so she seems strangely at home in a fairy tale such as Goldilocks and the Three Bears.  While meandering as a uniformed insurance clerk in a magical storybook forest, Goldilocks/Flodilocks comes upon a cottage, entering it to find sitting on the kitchen table not three bowls of porridge, but rather three boxed insurance policies!  We really expect this kind of thing from Flo, who lives, sleeps, eats, and drinks insurance…and outside of these commercials, insurance is dreadfully boring stuff, to say nothing of the back-breaking expense of it. Buying insurance is as much fun as paying taxes.   But I digress…anyhow, checking out the boxed insurance policies, the intrepid Flodilocks finds one having lots of coverage, another one having little coverage, and the third one just right !

Just then Flodilocks notices that three anthropomorphic bears are sitting in the nearby family room, and they are staring at her! Things then become more surreal, for the Papa Bear voices, “Hi, yeah we love visitors! That’s why we moved to a secluded house in the middle of the wilderness.” Flo doesn’t quite know what to do with this bit of information, so the video freeze frames on this last scene, and we zoom out as the storybook page turns…

One may basically write their own ending here. – – Do the bears have sinister intent, and devour Flodilocks? Or my preference and darker still, would Flodilocks best the bears in hand-to-hand combat, and devour them?  End scene of Flo patting a very full belly, and fade to black.  The best fairy tales play out in the mind, after all, and can be rather scary…