Death from the Skies?

Posted September 23, 2011 by vulpesffb
Categories: science, space, strange happenings
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 – – Perhaps Chicken Little was on to something after all…a dead climate satellite about the size of a school bus is expected to plummet back to Earth around Friday, September 23rd or Saturday, September 24th.  While most of it will disintegrate in the atmosphere, over two dozen pieces weighing a total of about 1,200 lbs. are still expected to survive re-entry, the largest weighing about 300 pounds.  If such were to hit you on the head, it would probably ruin your whole day!

While this is the most massive NASA satellite to make an uncontrolled re-entry into Earth’s atmosphere in more than three decades, not to worry…the odds of the big nasty hitting anyone anywhere in the world are about 1-in-3,200.  The odds of you getting hit personally are on the magnitude of 1-in-21-trillion, meaning that you are much more likely to be struck by lightning or eaten by a shark than to be hit by a piece of the UARS satellite! 

Anyways, a killer satellite might really enliven an otherwise dull weekend…so “Look to the skies!”

Comments: 2 Comments

Of Amphibian Tongues and Arby’s…

Posted September 21, 2011 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, television, weird
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 – – A recent Arby’s “Chicken Cravin'” commercial features a guy sitting with two friends who whips forth a frog-like tongue several feet in length to lap sauce from one friend’s face; I’m unable to find an image of the act presently, so have done the best simulation that I can.  Following the act, the two friends of the tongue-endowed wonder understandably draw their chairs away from him. 

General reaction to the commercial has been negative, with some denouncing the ad as “nasty” and “gross,” and others declaring their intention not to patronize Arby’s until the offending commercial has been removed!   Licking food from anyone’s face would generally not endear you to the person licked, and be considered a major social faux pas in polite and less-than-polite company; when such an act is committed with a tongue of amphibian dimensions, it becomes unappetizing if not seriously creepy…

Comments: 2 Comments

“Deadliest Warrior’s” Zombies vs. Vampires…

Posted September 18, 2011 by vulpesffb
Categories: cool things, strange, television
Tags: ,

 – – We’ve posted here before about the Spike TV Deadliest Warrior series in which combatants are matched from vastly different cultures and time periods who would not and could not have possibly met much less fought in reality; if you sit through about fifty minutes of debate about the weaponry, fighting styles, and characteristics of the warriors and watch ballistics gel torsos get shot and sliced in tests of weaponry and techniques, you are eventually rewarded with brief but realistic combat footage of the two featured warriors engaged in mortal combat.  Sample matches shown in past episodes have included a pirate versus a knight, and a ninja against a Spartan…the winners in those matches were the pirate and the Spartan, respectively. 

It’s kind of a permutation of the fantasy combat match-ups that guys have entertained themselves with and delighted in since the dawn of time, and it’s great guy entertainment!  Well, the Deadliest Warrior guys kicked it up a notch for this year’s series finale, and featured a closing match of vampires versus zombies!   This added a mythical or otherworldly dimension to the usual reality violations routinely accepted on the show, but hey, why not?! Being familiar with the attributes of both groups yet not identifying strongly with either, I was strangely prepared to be relatively objective and impartial, being at core by my very nature a were-animal guy; that’s where my loyalties lie.


Since a vampire is easily the superior of a single zombie (whose strength lies in numbers), they set a ratio of one vampire for every 63 zombies in the match, and even against such odds the vampires were able to prevail although two of the three starting vamps were ultimately swarmed by zombies and overcome, and it was also strongly hinted that the sole survivor was infected.  While outrageous stuff it was great fun as well, and if similar extreme fantasy “warrior” matches are held in the upcoming season, werewolves would certainly like a crack at this season’s winners…

Comments: 4 Comments

Old Spice “Swagger” Sea Captain and Squid…

Posted September 16, 2011 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, furry commercials, humor, Invertebrates, strange, television
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 – – He’s self-described as not being a “well decorated sea captain who battles monsters on a large nautical vessel,”  but thanks to Old Spice’s Swagger, he smells like one!  The character we see depicted kind of plays out like Jules Verne’s Captain Nemo as seen on a bad acid trip…he walks into a room with a patently fake killer squid attached to his left shoulder at which the captain throws half-hearted punches throughout the commercial while endless gold treasure pours from his pants, quickly filling the room!

Apparently, Old Spice is trying a variety of spokesman, and this bizarre sea captain is part of a new ad campaign to “smell better than yourself.”  Smelling better than yourself may be fairly easy if you routinely smell like squid, and the squid in this one is wonderful, looking like a low budget creature feature creation from 1950’s or 60’s Chiller Theater type offerings.  I like the little guy, who features moving eyes, teeth, and flailing tentacles…the punches thrown at him don’t seem to faze the persistent squid much, and I keep waiting and hoping for him to remove a chunk from the captain.  Failing in this, perhaps we could arrange a steel cage death match for him with SpongeBob…

Comments: 2 Comments

Batmanning…

Posted September 14, 2011 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, strange, things humans do, trends
Tags: ,

 – – People with entirely too much time on their hands have always found something to do, often by inventing fads or trends, for example cow-tipping or planking.  One of the latest ones is simply called Batmanning, and it basically involves hanging upside down by one’s feet from a door, bar, gate, ledge, or whatever.  It may be done by individuals alone, or in a group of any size as illustrated here. 

To hang like a bat requires a fair degree of athletic and acrobatic skill to say nothing of lower-body strength.  We do not recommend that you try this, or you may experience Emergency Rooming…

Comments: 4 Comments

Blofeld’s Kitty…

Posted September 12, 2011 by vulpesffb
Categories: famous furries, furry, furry sidekicks, movies
Tags: ,

 – – James Bond’s archenemy Ernst Stavro Blofeld was originally never shown facially, but only in closeup stroking his white Persian cat.  Blofeld never calls the cat by name or even  acknowledges that he is holding one, although the supervillain holding a cat has become a stock cliche parodied in the Austin Powers series by the character of Dr. Evil with his cat, Mr. Bigglesworth. 

While Blofeld was dumped down an industrial chimney by Bond in For Your Eyes Only, the cat jumps to safety, and is probably out there working for several organizations bent on world domination until his nefarious schemes come to fruition…

Comments: 2 Comments

Gumby Goes Hardcore…

Posted September 9, 2011 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, cartoons, strange happenings
Tags: ,

 – – I, for one, hate it when Claymation figures go bad…and so it was when a person dressed as Gumby walked into a 7-Eleven store in Southern California over Labor Day dressed as Gumby, claimed to have a gun, and demanded money!  I swear I am not making this up…I couldn’t write stuff this good!

Since Gumby tends to be slightly less than intimidating (while the Eddie Murphy version is clearly not to be trifled with), the store clerk treated the surreal customer as a lame joke, and essentially ignored him, telling Gumby that she didn’t have time to waste (No one really has time for Gumby these days, which might be at the root of the problem)! Disrespect from a convenience store clerk seemed to drive Gumby to extremes, causing him to counter, “You don’t think this is a robbery?  I have a gun!”  At that point the clay avenger fumbled inside his costume as if looking for a weapon, but alas his green gloves seemed to get in the way.  Instead of pulling out a gun, Gumby only dropped 27 cents on the floor, which won’t buy you much of anything these days.  Gumby’s apparent sidekick who had entered with the green dude then left the store, reappearing with a minivan which retrieved Gumby and departed…

…the clerk was unfamiliar with the Claymation icon, describing him to her boss as a “green SpongeBob SquarePants.”  Clearly, a major re-education program is necessary so that our young people can distinguish Gumby from SpongeBob.- -Pokey the horse would have been so mortified on all counts!  The police line-up for this one should be very interesting, and a $1,000 reward is being offered for the apprehension of the suspect!


And what lies ahead for our benighted society?- -Drive-by shootings by the Banana Splits characters?- -The Trix Rabbit going postal?  Some things are better left unconsidered…


Comments: 4 Comments

Kia Hamsters “Party Rock!”

Posted September 7, 2011 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, furry, furry commercials, television
Tags:

 – – You think that you’re watching a commercial for a Halo-esque video game that you wanna play, and it’s got everything — the robotic warriors are engaged in a ferocious battle in a post-apocalyptic world complete with death lasers and Terminator-type hunter-killer aircraft when up pulls a green Kia Soul out of which emerge three human-size hamsters who compose themselves and then dazzle the combatants with their moves to Electro Hop group LMFAO’s hit Party Rock Anthem.  It’s utterly irresistible, and soon there’s a cease fire in favor of some world-class shufflin’!  We’re even shown a sparking robotic lower body that still has some killer moves in it!

Once again, furries have restored peace and harmony, and a dance fight triumphs over a firefight!  It’s all good, but I missed seeing the golden robot that graces LMFAO’s performances…he is awesome, and likely to be a fave this Halloween! 

Comments: 2 Comments

Bear Seeks Fudge, Gets Creamed…

Posted September 5, 2011 by vulpesffb
Categories: animal behavior, animal occurrences, animals, furry
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 – – On August 28th in Juneau, Alaska, Brooke Collins let her two dogs out later to hear her dachshund, Fudge, barking.  Investigation revealed that the dog had good reason to bark as a black bear had scooped the wiener dog up, and was biting it on the back of its neck!  This did not bode well for the wiener…

Fearing for her dog’s life, the young woman then decided to deploy five-fingered Mary against the ursine invader, punching the bear on its snout until it relinquished its hold on the pooch.  Her boyfriend then entered the fray, chasing the bear until it disappeared into the bushes.

Ms. Collins said her instincts got a hold of her.  “It was a stupid thing but I couldn’t help it,” she explained.  “I know you’re not supposed to do that but I didn’t want my dog to be killed.”  Fudge survived his ordeal with minor injuries, and a biologist with the Alaska Department of Fish and Game felt that hunger might be driving bears into residential neighborhoods due to a poor berry crop…

Comments: 2 Comments

Perry Shoots Less-Than-Wily Coyote…

Posted September 3, 2011 by vulpesffb
Categories: animal occurrences, animals, furry
Tags:

 – – Republican presidential aspirant Rick Perry, described by another Texas Republican as being “…like Bush only without the brains,” recently drew attention for reportedly shooting a coyote dead that he felt menaced his daughter’s Labrador while he was jogging on a trail near Austin.

Now Perry claims that he always carries his .380 Ruger handgun in undeveloped areas because he’s afraid of snakes,  and felt that either he or the dog were in imminent danger from the coyote, so the governor plugged him.  It should be noted that the governor was without his security detail at the time, so the incident or the degree of threat posed can’t be substantiated.  Coyotes usually, however, are wary predators that shun human contact, and when some Austin locals protested that Perry’s reaction was excessive and dangerous, Perry shrugged it off.   “Don’t attack my dog,” Perry said, “or you might get shot – if you’re a coyote.”

Dunno about this Perry, but I’d vote for Perry the Platypus…and had the coyote been Wile E., properly supplied and supported by Acme, the incident might have had a very different outcome…

Comments: 4 Comments

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