— I, for one, have always found the Charmin Bear family rather dysfunctional and somewhat disturbing. Now, we all know that bears defecate in the woods, but I just don’t think that it’s normal or healthy for there to be so much preoccupation over the matter of toilet paper. I mean, the episode where Leonard, the father bear, is basically alone stroking the toilet paper by himself while almost in a trance-like state as he mutters “so soft!” strikes me as being rather creepy, or reflecting an unhealthy and unnatural obsession. Then there are control issues reflected, as when one or another of the bears (usually the males) are told (by Momma Bear Molly) how much toilet paper to use, and that they can be using less. — I mean, this is ‘merica, right, and I can be using as much dang toilet paper as I want to! The tag line is even “less is more;” what are these bears, Republicans?! Also we have the episode where one boy bear has little bits of TP all over his bear behind, and is called to task for it by Momma Bear, Molly…this seems to violate his body space, dignity, and personal privacy rights! There are also unresolved issues that beg to be addressed in this psychodrama, such as the apparent use of toilet paper (“bathroom tissue,” excuse me) without toilets or even bathrooms…and what of the minimally-rendered forest in which these bears reside? Where is this unreal estate located, the Twilight Zone?
All in all, we haven’t seen this much obsession over toilet paper since the days of store owner Mr. Whipple, who chastised customers for squeezing the Charmin while secretly engaging in the same behavior himself, a paragon of hypocrisy. The Mr. Whipple character was retired, by the way, when the actor portraying him died, death being the ultimate form of retirement…
– – Although I never cease to be amazed at the things which offend some people and cause them to go on the warpath, cute, cuddly Geico spokesman Maxwell the pig seems an unlikely target. He’s sweet, innocent, resourceful, and just trying to make his way in the world like the rest of us.
– – The Monsters and Mysteries in America series on the Destination America channel has proven to be a substitute for those of us who miss such shows as MonsterQuest, and featured a segment on the Flathead Lake Monster, a cryptic creature reported to be living deep within Flathead Lake in the state of Montana in the United States. The life form is said to resemble the Loch Ness Monster, with reported sightings dating back to at least 1889. At that time, a steamboat operating on the lake spotted a “log” which later turned out to be a “whale-like” creature as they approached it. With a mentality common then as now, a passenger fired at the creature which wisely disappeared.
– – Hellhounds as profiled on Syfy’s “Haunted Highway” show in a 2012 episode are supposedly the spirits of vicious dogs that were once abused by miners in the El Dorado Canyon in Nevada; attributed to be horse-high and razor-fanged, they were sought by investigators Jack Osbourne and Dana Workman in the vicinity of the abandoned Knob Hill mine. 
– – I love the notion of accursed artifacts, articles from antiquity bearing some kind of spell, curse, or enchantment. Because of this, I think it’s totally cool that an ancient Egyptian statuette in the Manchester Museum in Great Britain is rotating seemingly on its own, and sensibly away from visiting tourists! This ten-inch high statue, an offering to Osiris the ancient Egyptian God of Death, dates back to about 1800 BC, and has been in the museum’s collection for about 80 years.
– – A new Terminix campaign visually supersizes termites and other household pests, making them visually repellent and a disgusting joy to watch. Rather than the small and largely unseen insects that termites actually are, these are giant, horrific hell-beasts that look fully capable of eating your house and probably anyone inside it as well. They are delivered to viewers complete with eerie horror-movie sounds and sinister voiceovers; Syfy original movie monsters should be half this good! One almost expects to see Ellen Ripley and a squadron of space marines appear to dispatch these loathsome and dangerous beasties, getting slaughtered in the process…the termites even have circular buzz-saw type jaws within jaws!
– – While we’re certainly not in the business of promoting alcoholic beverages here, the Red Stag Breakaway commercial for Jim Beam bourbon is a dazzling display of a stag on steroids. The big red guy begins his dramatic run in a residential neighborhood, then takes a turn into the city…and talk about burning up the pavement! A trail of flame initially follows the stag and cobblestones crumble beneath his mighty hooves as the stag charges ahead, literally running up walls and on the side of buildings to reach his final lofty height. It’s kind of like The Flash on four legs; what a rush with this scarlet speedster!
– – Hipster Maxwell the pig may have hail damage to his baby blue VW Cabriolet, but he’s so slick that he speedily gets an appointment through his Geico app with an insurance adjuster, and as fellow hail damage sufferer Ted struggles on hold with his insurance company, Maxwell even has time to steal Ted’s girlfriend away, and go boating with her! “Later, Ted!,” chortles the nameless fickle girl. –What is it with pigs, anyhow, that makes them “chick magnets?” Perhaps because they’re both farm animals…
FOXSYLVANIA 
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