– – Many of us like to hug kittens, but would you like to wear them?- -Not as skins, heaven forbid, but as living, moving creatures? It would be unnatural, and possibly a bit surreal if not creepy. Then you’d probably pick up a lot of cat hair, and what if one of them had to pee or poop? Many would be the problems of a kitten shirt, not to be confused with a hair shirt, worn in the Middle Ages to mortify the flesh, which is not an idea much in vogue in contemporary society…
…well, hair shirts were worn intentionally to be uncomfortable, and the idea of this commercial for Hanes ComfortBlend T-shirts and underwear is that they’re as soft or next best to being covered with luxurious kitten fur. To drive home that point, we are shown a man wearing a digitally-enhanced shirt of many kittens, and they don’t seem to be overly-distressed by being worn, moving slightly and mewing independently. The kitten-shirt wearing man doesn’t seem to be getting much support on his attire from his friends, so he taps Hanes spokesman Michael Jordan for his opinion. Michael doesn’t seem to think much of kitten shirts either, and you can bet that PETA would be of the same frame of mind.
While cat-friendly, I doubt I’d like a kitten shirt, as well. Now if you’d care to cover me with Catwoman, however, that’s another matter entirely…
– – He understands marketing completely, wears an electronic speech translation device around his neck, and occasionally eats his staff members…that’s Mr. Wolfdog, the marketing director brought in by Old Spice to promote their Wild Collection fragrance line. Wolfie knows his way around an office, and his is complete with devices like calculators, business awards, and desk toys like a Newton’s Cradle. Wolfdog is also a busy rascal, having made a series of banner ads, a number of videos posted on YouTube, animated GIFs, and even an album of inspirational business music called Night Business, with cover art featuring Wolfie in shades and a cool casual suit! His credentials include being Alpha Male for Deciduous Forest Pack #13588 in Woods, Montana.
– – It’s cheesy, and proud of it…Wolfman Mac’s Chiller Drive-In, that is! Many of us when young grew up with regional variations of the “Chiller Theater” concept, a show usually on Saturday night which presented horror or science fiction films from the 1950’s or 1960’s, such “The Crawling Eye” or “Attack of the 50-Foot Woman.” Armed with a freshly-made batch of Jiffy Pop popcorn, I’d settle down before the tube for two hours of kiddie bliss. Horror and sci fi films of that era weren’t terribly graphic and the special effects were laughable by today’s standards, but they were great stuff to a ten-year-old! Some of those shows included hosts, such as Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. 
– – Litter Genie is a cat litter disposal system, not to be confused with Little Genie, the Elton John song. Anyways, Litter Genie features a spokes-cat named Walter, who is a bit of a singing sensation himself. Walter has actually cut some music videos, one of which is called I Haz a Pie Row Tek Nik, performing as Walter and the Awful Pawfuls. My favorite Walter video, however, is a flashback to the psychedelic sixties, with the fab feline performing I Haz a Catnip in Mah Head with Walter and the Wizards. This is from an album called, Litter Trippin’.
– – To me, they looked more demonic than simian, but that was perhaps the point. The Flying Monkeys on the Syfy movie of the same name which aired on March 9th were evil, shape-shifting monsters, pets by day and killers by night. Unrelated but with a number of shameless nods to the Oz saga (the movie’s even set in Gale, Kansas), these are nasty, flying beasties that swoop down to shred and tear…something to “get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!” – -Shameless but captivating low-budget entertainment, and as much fun as a barrel of flying monkeys! Just click your heels together while repeating, “There’s no place like the Syfy Channel!
– – ‘Toon bears are less common and often forgettable, so I’m glad to find something different. Both Brickleberry and Yogi Bear are set in fictitious national parks, and include the relationships between bears and park rangers, but the resemblance ends there! The Comedy Channel show Brickleberry is anything but clean and wholesome, and the center of focus for me is an anthropomorphic grizzly bear cub named Malloy who is crude, politically incorrect, narcissistic, has a superiority complex, and delights in putting down and messing with the park rangers, none of whom are normal individuals! His parents unintentionally slain, Malloy has been raised by humans, and excessive indulgence in video games and junk food have turned him into something dark and sardonic that nature never intended; this is Baby Stewie from Family Guy in a fursuit! Yogi Bear and Boo-Boo wouldn’t last five minutes with him, and Brickleberry is anything but Jellystone Park!
– – We’ve all heard of pulled pork, but Geico takes Maxwell the pig to a different level of meaning with this when a police officer pulls his blue convertible over in a recent commercial. Maxwell hands the officer his license and registration as well as his Geico digital insurance card. Now it turns out that the cop doesn’t have a problem with the fact that a pig is driving, but rather the fact that Maxwell’s tail light is out. “Fix it!,” orders the cop before walking away.
– – If Skynet designed greyhounds, they would probably look something like these beauties; starkly striking robotic greyhound creatures who are racing for their lives in a Mad Max styled desert wasteland. Both a music video and a commercial, the video features the music of electronic dance trio Swedish House Mafia, who appropriately perform their track, Greyhound, while electronically transformed in the video to robotic dogs who chase a floating orb. Bizarrely costumed guests watch the greyhounds go through their paces while drinking Absolut cocktails served by a waiter in a mask with animal styling.
FOXSYLVANIA 
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