Archive for the ‘Brilliant but twisted’ category

“Bambi: The Reckoning“ Is Coming!

December 7, 2022

I have to admit that I am not a great fan of hunting. Perhaps that’s because hunters consider those of my kind varmints, and perhaps it’s because I abhor seeing the spectacle of lifeless deer strapped to cars during hunting season in my state. We all know what hunters did to Bambi’s mother. And I say that payback time is hell…

I have a personal history with the Disney movie, Bambi. It was the first movie that my mother took me to. Think of it, I was five years old, and my own mother takes me to see a stag flick! Is it any wonder that I would grow up to be a furry? But enough of my childhood trauma. With a number of beloved childhood classics now falling into the public domain, they are now subject to revisionist treatment, and what’s coming out is either darkly hilarious or simply horrific, depending on your perspectives.

And so from the folks who brought you Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey, we have upcoming Bambi: The Reckoning! Let the hooves fall where they may, I guess…

Forget the 1942 Disney film with its tale of loss, life, and love..this is an extremely dark retelling of the original 1928 story, with Bambi retooled as a vicious killing machine on rabies. Yes, I…CAN…DIG IT!!!

Now the source material of the Bambi character is a 1928 novel by Felix Salten innocently named Bambi, A Life in the Woods. The original story passed into the public domain in 2022, and so is fair game for a horror movie treatment. The 1942 Disney version is not. Film maker Scott Jeffrey will not be allowed to use any of Disney’s character design for Bambi, but is rather drawing inspiration from a Netflix production called, The Ritual. In it, we will see Bambi’s transformation into a revenge-driven nightmare following the slaughter of his mother by hunters. One can hardly blame the guy…

Production begins in January of 2023, so no trailers are currently available, and all we have is a hint of the new character design. I, for one, will cheer on the exploits of this Rambuck. So bust ‘em up, Bambi! Let the games begin… 🦊

One can hardly do better, however, than this SNL visitation of the same theme. Enjoy!

“The Mean One” Grinch Horror Parody…

December 2, 2022

If you’re tired of annually getting Xmas drummed into you from late October through New Year’s, you just might be in the right mood to appreciate The Mean One, a parody of Dr. Seuss’ How The Grinch Stole Xmas. Tag line: “First he stole Xmas…now he’s back for BLOOD!”

Forget the Grinch being redeemed, this is the Dark Grinch, or as Stephen King might say it, “Full dark, no stars.” This is Krampus as opposed to St. Nicholas, the Grinch as horror movie Xmas slasher.

Forget Scrooge, who got all soft and wimped out on us. This Grinch means business. It seems that he killed little Cindy Lou-Hoo’s mother during the daughter’s encounter with him, and now twenty years later, she’s back like Sarah Conner after the Terminator with an accompanying skill set..

The Grinch always did seem to have horror star potential, but hey, as Kermit the Frog famously noted, “It isn’t easy being green.” There are leavening notes of dark humor in the premise and available trailer footage, because after all this is a parody and satirical in nature. Memorable lines by Cindy Lou-Hoo; “It’s time to roast this beast!,” and “You’re a dead one, Mr. Grinch!”

Just color me green with envy for this dark Grinch, with battle scenes against Santa figures reminiscent of Shapeshifters Anonymous! Cindy’s weaponry includes an illuminated Walking Dead “Negan-esque” bat, and some kind of wonderful candy cane shotgun. So let’s all go on a slay-ride, everyone! 🦊

“Break Free” VW Tiguan Commercial…

November 22, 2022

As the movie Lamb showed us, sheep have been, well, shorn of proper respect and attention in the animal kingdom. They have untapped potential as pets and child-surrogates. This is brought to our attention in a recent commercial for Volkswagen’s Tiguan.

So what happens when you allow a wayward sheep into your VW Tiguan, and take him home with you? Well, he or she becomes much like a dog, hanging out the vehicle’s window, and making themselves at home in your home, demanding walks, drinking from the toilet, making a mess when you’re away, and adorably taking a bath while bleating.—Ahh, the many joys of pet-parenting!

Life gets bigger, you see, when you break from the herd. So “make your own kind of music.” Who am I to judge? Just don’t call your new ovine pet Lambchop. They might get the wrong idea…🐑

And a Happy Thanksgiving, y’all! 🦊





“The Warriors;” “Can…You…Dig It?!”

November 2, 2022

In my twisted little mind, I got Halloween, current sporting events, and the 1979 cult movie “The Warriors” all mixed up, and began thinking, wouldn’t it be interesting if The World Series was played by teams like the film’s The Baseball Furies? The game would never go nine innings, however, as the teams would just pound each other senseless with baseball bats. It wouldn’t last long, but you’d get your afternoon or evening back…

Now why, you might ask, are we posting about a movie that’s over 40 years old? Simply because the movie remains a kick after all those years, and there’s nothing else quite like it. Besides, it’s fun, and the characters depicted in the movie are too cartoonish to be menacing. Even Ronald Reagan was reputed to have enjoyed this film!

Originally criticized as promoting gang violence, the gangs depicted are too cartoonish to be taken seriously, each with a distinctive look that essentially includes a gang uniform. Have you ever seen a roller-skating gang that wears bib overalls? Well, they’re in here, haunting the subways as “The Punks.”

While there was never a sequel to The Warriors, the film did inspire some video games and comics. So the Warriors did come out to “play-yay.”

So many iconic scenes in The Warriors epic battles to traverse the distance between The Bronx and Coney Island! But it’s probably good that a sequel wasn’t made. The original cast in recreating their subway ride had all grown rather long in the tooth, and I thank them for putting on shirts under their vests now. But I also thank them for this “guilty pleasure”movie fave of mine. So yes, “I…can…DIG IT!” And I’m still digging The Warriors… 🦊

Amazon’s “Red Riding Hood” Ad…

October 28, 2022

We seem to be posting a lot about wolves lately, but hey, Halloween is coming, and we gotta run with the pack, so to speak. So much has been written about Little Red Riding Hood that it’s practically a cottage industry, which may be appropriate since Grandma kinda lived in a cottage, don’t ‘ya know?

Well, Little Red here might be little, but she’s kinda hawt as well, and she sure ain’t no fool…no Big Bad Wolf is gonna pull one over on her. Going through those creepy old woods to Grandma’s house, this Little Red (Mikayla Roberts) fears no evil. So when she reaches Grandma’s house, she whips out her cell phone and places an Amazon order, which miraculously arrives almost instantaneously in time for deployment.

The Big Bad Wolf arrives, too…a magnificent, snarling version in white. But when Red deploys the dog toy that she has purchased, Wolfie becomes a good boy, jumping and playing with the toy in total delight! We’ve seen a similar transformation in such films as The Bad Guys, when Mr. Wolf just can’t help wagging his tail when called a good boy. There’s no such thing as a bad boy, really, right?

The actress playing Grandma isn’t exactly an elderly, bedridden-cripple either, but looks to be a pretty hip and vital lady. Well-played update on an old timeless classic, Amazon!

(tip o’ the pen to carycomic…)

Liberty Mutual’s “Tools” Commercial…

July 17, 2022

I’ve never had an emu work on my vehicle, but I could argue that some gorillas have. We’ve all been at the mercy of garages and mechanics. Even the venerable Plymouth Duster chariot used by the dynamic duo of Doug and the LiMu Emu occasionally needs work, and in the Liberty Mutual “Tools” commercial, we are taken inside a garage housing a Bat Cave’s worth of assorted vehicles, all the brand’s trademark “banana yellow” color. I mean, there’s a motorcycle, some kind of utility vehicle, and even Skidoo-type things…

Doug is hard at work beneath the chassis of his Duster, but is he up to the job? – – Nope, and neither is the Emu, who hilariously brings his human partner the wrong tool specified for each step of the job. When asked for a socket wrench, the Emu brings a hammer. When a blowtorch is requested, LiMu deposits a stuffed animal into Doug’s hand…

At the end of his efforts, Doug somehow manages to extract what appears to be a distributor from the bottom of the vehicle! “LiMu,call a mechanic” are Doug’s closing words. Clearly one is needed to prevent this Duster from entering the dustbin…

The LiMu Emu and Doug are best buddies who dress identically, and have a long-standing history, the details of which we someday may learn…or perhaps it’s best not to ask!

Car Seat Headrest, a “Furry Adjacent” Band…

July 6, 2022

I had earlier posted on Here Come The Mummies, a band whose members perform swaddled in mummy wrappings. We now highlight Car Seat Headrest, an indie rock band whose frontman Will Toledo is a furry who on his recent concert tour sometimes performed in a modified fursuit as his character, Mortis Jackrabbit…

Now the band Car Seat Headrest is described as “furry adjacent,” as in not totally furry, but next to furry, with their Twin Fantasy album featuring furry art of two canids hugging, and the album dedicated to “nervous young inhumans”with a cut by the same name...

Mortis the bunny is quite a presence on stage, appearing as if wearing a gas mask with uncanny, changing luminescent eyes…

So check out Car Seat Headrest, a very different band full of emotion and angst, and rooted in the furry fandom… 🦊

“Lamb” is haunting…

June 17, 2022

You probably won’t see many Icelandic folk-horror/fantasy films in your day, and Lamb is one of them. From the A24 studio that gave us such films as Hereditary, their latest film crosses genres, confounds us, and almost defies description. I had earlier posted on Lamb as a unique film that was coming prior to being able to view it, and now having seen the flick, I can confirm that Lamb is extraordinary, even though it is likely to mess with your head. The best films often do…

So submitted for your approval is the strange tale of Ingvar and Maria, two childless sheep ranchers living in a remote part of Iceland who one night come upon the birth of a mutation in their livestock, a lamb with humanoid features. They basically take the newborn into their house, place it into a crib in their bedroom, and raise it as their own, a sweet child with an ovine head but scattered human features which despite being a hybrid adapts well to life in the isolated world with human foster parents. This is comical but touching at the same time, and her “parents” are quite happy with their non-traditional family…

Now as a furry, I can probably transition to the world of anthropomorphic animals and animal-human hybrids more easily than most people outside of the fandom. I’m totally cool with the notion of folks raising something that is neither fully animal nor human, and in fact I am envious of them! You can dress such a creature in human clothing, treat it as a loved member of family, and even take them places with you, messing with mundane people as you do so. – -What could be better than that?!

What usually happens, however, is that other people won’t understand, will judge and condemn you, and in some fashion come after you as one harboring an abomination. I rather expected a mob armed with torches and pitchforks to come calling, and demand that this lamb be surrendered to them. Fortunately, this does not happen although there are a few tense moments when we are led to believe that Ada’s “uncle” is leading her off to shotgun her. This too doesn’t happen, and “Uncle Petur” becomes a convert…

Now Ada the lamb-child is revealed to us gradually as a hybrid, having one human hand and a hoof. She uses bipedal locomotion, and is about the size of a four-year-old. She cannot speak, but understands and responds to human language. Ada plays with her human mother, and is very sweet! I’ve seen human brats behave far less lovably…

But unfortunately, the story doesn’t end well but in violence against a target we didn’t expect when Ada’s biological father comes calling, also anthropomorphic and true nightmare fuel. Talk about Ram Tough! When you mess with nature, there are consequences, it would seem. This points to the need to keep firearms out of the hands and hooves of beasts.- – Are you listening, Congress?!

At any rate, Lamb may leave you scratching your head, wondering what you have just seen, and perhaps questioning the lines of separation between humans and animals, as well as questioning our relationship with the natural world. And that’s a good thing, really….so two paws up for Lamb, which now can be seen on some premium networks... 🦊

Here Come the Mummies…

June 8, 2022

Where hot funk music meets the paranormal and an iconic horror tradition, you have Here Comes the Mummies. Everyone has to have a gimmick, right? Well, the members of this band dress up as mummies at every performance, complete with subtle variations in their wrappings, make-up, and individual names such as Mummy Cass.– – Get it? A play on Momma Cass! Oh, some of you are too young to remember her. A pity, that…

There’s a backstory, too. It seems that these guys hit on Pharos’ daughter, and so were cursed. Yes, these guys suffered for their art! An early album of the Mummies is titled, Undead Live. Many of their concerts begin with the band members entering to an impressive throbbing drum line as an Egyptian-esque theme plays, with the lead singer roaring at the crowd when all are assembled. Then it’s on with the electric guitars and a brass ensemble that includes saxophones and trumpets as well as a keyboardist. These Mummies have their act together, and know how to put on a show! It’s comic and cool at the same time. Crowds leave their concerts smiling, so it’s a happy afterlife. Prepare to be mummified…Arrrgh! 🙀

Pharonic sax…no, not sex, get your minds out of the gutter!

Some early hits of The Mummies such as Believe include nice musical evocations of ancient Egypt and paranormal references, as in the lyrics, “Do you believe in things you cannot see? Do you take your superstition seriously?” Ancient astronauts theorists would be pleased…

It’s bizarre but wildly entertaining, and these guys are accomplished musicians who even incorporate some choreography into their numbers. I swear that I saw a mummy twerk at me! Anyways, I like these guys, and if that makes me a Mummy’s boy, so be it! They’re on tour this summer…

As the Mummies would tell us in Ra Ra Ra, When all is said and done,/ we’re not the first to be here / There’s nothing new underneath the sun.” We could all use a little twisted ancient Egyptian revival in these mad times, right? So spread the word and rock on, bandaged brothers! 🦊

https://youtu.be/ETHvSTT6PA8

Paging, “Dr. Rick…”

May 2, 2022

In a series of Progressive commercials, we are introduced to a sagely and much-needed therapist, Dr. Rick, who counsels people how not to become their parents. He’s kinda like Dr. Phil, but with a specialty practice, and more hair

Now parentomorphosis is a terrible but common disease. No one wants to become like their parents, but let’s face it, your genes predispose you that way, and you’re environmentally shaped. If you’re not careful, you may some day be seeking out Early Bird specials at restaurants, and looking to buy comfortable, practical shoes...

Dr. Rick both conducts group therapy, and takes his clients into real life situations. It is there that he can stop his charges from giving unwanted advice, telling the waiter their name, or gawking at people with their hair dyed blue. “We all see it,” Dr. Rick tells the staring client…

So if you have a bag containing bags (and oh God, I do!), you may be in need of Dr. Rick’s help lest you transform into your parents. I do hope that it’s not too late for me… 🙀