Archive for the ‘absurdities’ category

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Pee-Wee’s Big Holiday…

September 14, 2024

With Paul Reubens sadly deceased, there remains one chance to see his Pee-Wee Herman character in a lesser-known movie that I wasn’t aware existed until recently. Pee-Wee’s Big Holiday (2016), while not in my opinion his best movie, gives the actor-comedian and his defining character a fitting send-off…

It seems that Pee-Wee, the man-boy in his trademark too-small suit, has settled nicely in the town of Fairville, a wholesome place where he is known and loved by all, and works as a cook in a local diner where his masterfully-prepared meals are the delight of all. When not working, Pee-Wee may be seen motoring about in his sporty miniature convertible.

While Pee-Wee professes that he “doesn’t want to go anywhere, and doesn’t want to try anything new,” this changes when Joe Manganiello motorcycles into Pee-Wee’s town, craves a milkshake in the diner, and bonds with Pee-Wee over their mutual love of root beer barrels. Joe invites Pee-Wee to his upcoming birthday party in the Big Apple, and the film then essentially becomes a road trip movie as Reubens makes his way to NYC, encountering misadventures along the way.

These occurrences include captivity by a trio of female bank robbers who steal his car, an overnight with a farmer who curiously intends to marry one of his nine daughters off to Pee-Wee, and a memorable sojourn with an Amish community! Arriving in New York City, Pee-Wee manages to fall into a well in Central Park, necessitating his rescue. While trapped, Pee-Wee has some apparently delusional encounters with Abraham Lincoln and Queen Elizabeth…

While Pee-Wee and Joe seem to be an extremely unlikely duo, their attraction is supposedly based on shared interests and is a friendship, nothing else. This is a children’s movie, after all, or at least a child-friendly one. The Pee-Wee character is supposedly a boy in latency, although he did seem to show interest in the opposite sex in Big Top Pee-Wee. Anyways, Pee-Wee’s Big Vacation may be seen on Netflix, and is recommended viewing for fans of the character, admittedly an acquired taste for some that others never acquire…

RIP, Paul Reubens. His Pee-Wee character always reminded me of a demented composite of all the kiddie show hosts that I grew up watching…

Categories: absurdities, alternative realities, Brilliant but twisted, movies
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Comments: 2 Comments

Buffalo Wild Wings “Box Out” Commercial…

September 11, 2024

The buffalo in the Buffalo Wild Wings commercials appears to be a party animal, and as he shows in the Box Out ad, is a bit of the “bull in the china shop” beast as well, not that a pub equates to a china shop! The buffalo spokes-animal still manages to trash stuff pretty impressively, and that’s without being mad!

I’ve always kinda admired the Wild Wings buffalo as a rather well-rendered and impressive chimera, and he’s certainly articulate and expressive to the point of being brash or domineering. I doubt that his wings would be adequate, however, to enable flight, and support his massive bulk. They’re nice wings, nonetheless...

The buffalo, whose name is Hank, is voiced by Beck Bennett. Crafted for the March Madness event, the commercial is certainly mad and wild. Hank, who thinks that he knows a bit about playing defense, goes into a demonstration by unintentionally knocking people about, even breaking out the window, complete with a bodily ejection and flying glass. One would certainly want to be on this bison’s team, as his opponents might not survive him!

I’ve never posted about a buffalo before, but Hank does cut an impressive and imposing furry figure in this ad; you’d just want to think twice about inviting him to your apartment, however! Unanswered are the questions of whether Hank will be held liable for damages…

And BTW, this fox was born in Buffalo, New York!

And by the way, I just happen to have been born in Buffalo, New York! My university mascot was a bison!

Categories: absurdities, advertising, alternative realities, animal spokepersons, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, commercials, furry, furry commercials, humor, television, twisted reality
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Comments: 4 Comments

“Earl” from Smalls Food For Cats Commercial…

July 13, 2024

Somewhere between the Mayhem guy’s minimalist animal impersonations and a full-fledged, identity-concealing fursuit is Earl the Cat, doing commercial duties for Smalls Cat food. Earl is anthropomorphic, sleeping in a bed, going into the bathroom and brushing his tongue, and yes…we briefly glimpse a litter box in that bathroom, but thankfully do not see Earl using it!

We see Earl engaging in cat-behaviors such as doing a variety of full-body stretches to limber up the old back…but Earl also does humanoid activities such as going on his computer and getting into social networking sites. He becomes visibly excited when viewing web images of chickens…

Yes, Earl has the best of both worlds! Half-man and half-cat, Earl’s thoughts eventually turn as do all of ours to food. Earl is one of the sophisticats, too…no alley cat he! Picking out a container of food from a pantry-full, he carries it to a nice table, where there is candle-lighting, and perhaps a bottle of vino.- – How refined! – -How sweet it is! But in the manner of domestic animals everywhere, Earl puts his face down to eat directly from his plate.- – No utensils necessary!

Wouldn’t you love to have a human-sized anthropomorphic cat to lounge around your place? Sign me up!- – Cuddles and snuggles, anyone?- –Meow!

Categories: absurdities, advertising, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, fantasy, furry, furry commercials
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“Feed The Pig” Chase Commercial…

July 6, 2024

I find the “Feed The Pig” PSA commercial creepy, surreal, and oddly disquieting in that it features a human-sized pig, the walking and riding embodiment of a piggy bank, going about with a gaping slot in his head! The pig’s eyes are disturbingly human, while his face is frozen, and plastic-looking.

There is something terribly wrong here! With the gash in his head, the commercial makes me wonder who did this to the pig?! Is there some kind of Dr. Mengele or Dr. Moreau who goes about performing brain surgery on porcine members of the furry fandom, or what? What is the purpose of this mutilation? This pig walks, but is he brain-damaged? For some insane reason, this pig appears happy, and is just going about his business…does the pig even know what’s been done to him, or is he too neurologically-damaged?!

In the commercial, a young man shopping receives a text message that his bank balance is low, spots the pig walking along, and then hastily pursues him through a variety of scenes, the pig at one point riding a motor scooter, riding on an escalator, and in another appearing on a subway. The chase continues through the food prep area of a fine dining facility, and through the restaurant itself. The young man is in hot and frantic pursuit, dodging traffic, and even vaulting over a yoga class in a park to the sound effect of the Bionic Man, Steve Austin, jumping…

Eventually, the guy catches up with the pig outside a residence, tackles him, and stuffs a currency bill into the slot on his head! They are surprisingly polite to one another. “Same time next week?,” asks the dude of the the pig. “Well of course!,” the pig obligingly replies…

Created by the American Institute of CPAs and the Advertising Council in in the U.S., the Feed The Pig series of commercials is designed to get young people saving. I get it…but it’s also nightmare fuel! (*shudders*)

Categories: absurdities, advertising, alternative realities, anthropomorphic, commercials, fantasy, furry, furry commercials, furry television, television
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Comments: 3 Comments

“There’s Something In The Barn“ on Netflix…

March 24, 2024

Yes, there’s something in the barn, and it’s not a moo-cow but rather a Norwegian barn elf in this black horror comedy that plays like the movie Gremlins run through National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation…

It seems that a rather annoying American millennial-type family has inherited a Norwegian farm estate where their distant relative died trying to expel or exterminate the barn elf, succeeding only in dying a fiery death. Oblivious to Norwegian traditions and mythology, the Griswold-type family tries to impose gaudy American holiday traditions on the estate in the process of converting it to a bed-and-breakfast type inn…

This serves to make the barn elf angry, as they are creatures that despise change, bright lights, noise, and modernism in general. Only the family’s pre-teen son Lucas understands this, solely believing in the entity, and forging an alliance with the being by giving it cookies. If you are nice to such an elf, they will do service to you such as remove snow and split and stack firewood. Offend an elf, however, and open warfare results, with the mythical beings being able to call in reinforcements of their fellows…

You wouldn’t like such elves when they are truly angry. They are tribal, not adverse to killing, and will use primitive and environmental weaponry. When they stumble into your liquor cabinet, they’ll indulge themselves, and throw raucous parties…

The Americans are guided in their struggles by an expert in Norwegian folklore, who chides them with such admonitions as “This isn’t America. We don’t go about shooting each other in the faces!” A sensible people, Norwegians prefer negotiation.

Cookies are also powerful negotiation chips, if used in a timely fashion. Proper respect for folkloric beings is always in order, too. So be nice to your barn elf, should you have one… 🦊

Categories: absurdities, alternative realities, anthropomorphic, fantasy, horror, humor, movies, Mythological
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Comments: 10 Comments

Allstate’s “Wild Bird” Commercial…

March 19, 2024

Allstate’s Dean Winters as the redoubtable “Mayhem” is doing animal impersonations again, this time as a wild bird stuck in the attic of basketball legend Larry Bird. – -What, you’ve never seen a bird in a suit before?! That absurdity is part of the humor. Well, once again Winters pulls his animal act off, bonking his head against an attic window to show his entrapment, knocking stuff about, and announcing that he’s “going cuckoo…”

All of the ruckus draws the now senior Bird out of his comfy chair into his attic, where he encounters the bird-Winters, and arms himself with a lacrosse stick! “What ‘ya got, Larry? May the best bird win,” declares Winters. It’s no contest, however, as Winters-as-bird handily dodges basketball Bird’s swings. Jumping to reach Winters, Larry Bird crashes through the attic floor, his legs dangling comically through his living room ceiling…

“You may be a legend on the court, but you’re an amateur up here,” mocks wild bird Winters from the rafters. “Now YOU’RE the bird stuck in the attic!”

Once more, nature prevails…as does Dean Winters, whether as a cat, raccoon, deer, St. Bernard puppy, or bird.- – Can he do a fox next?! 🦊

Categories: absurdities, advertising, animal presence, animal problems, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, furry, furry commercials, humor, television
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The Robotic Ghost Furries of “Five Nights At Freddy’s”

March 16, 2024

There is now a 2023 movie based on the popular video game, Five Nights At Freddy’s. For those who have been living in a cave, Freddy’s envisions a closed and decaying 1980’s kiddie pizza emporium much like Chuck E. Cheese’s where the animal-resembling members of the house robotic entertainment band continue unnaturally to lumber around, stalking and killing intruders on the premises…

Now I’ve seen one of these animal robot bands performing in Florida, and it was creepy, because budget-level animatronics do not approach Disney World standards, and the robotic animal performers don’t move fluidly. Because of this, cartoon-like animal robots make suitable fodder for horror movies, kind of like Jason or Freddy with creaky hydraulics…

I’m usually not a fan of video games turned into movies, but this one is not without its moments, probably because I am a damn furry, and likely wouldn’t mind spending my afterlife as Foxy, the robot pirate-fox. Just be kind to him, because he’s been knocking around since the 1980’s unattended and without proper maintenance. Foxy is the worse for the wear, much like I myself…

The robots, ‘ya see, are inhabited by the spirits of deceased children who mysteriously vanished. While they are murderous, their mayhem is not graphically rendered on screen, and one reviewer termed this an introduction to horror movies for the video game generation, “baby’s first horror movie.” There are some novel concepts here, even if the film itself is not especially scary. This probably would have been better suited for presentation on the SyFy channel instead of the big screen, but it did play well in theaters. Similar themes were developed in The Banana Splits Movie, which didn’t have a video game pedigree. But catch this one on Amazon Prime if you have it. It’s fun, but won’t haunt your dreams. It just can’t be taken seriously, but there’s nothing wrong with that, and robotic furries are a kick…

(Foxy’s looked better, but haven’t we all?! And I could definitely get into the Robo-pirate fox scene, yarr! Lower yer flag and stand by to be boarded by the scourge of the Seven Seas, Matey!) 🦊

See y’all at Freddy Fazbear’s…or maybe the funny papers!

*Laughs hysterically and is taken away by nice young men in clean white coats* 🤪

Categories: absurdities, alternative realities, anthropomorphic, biomechanical, Brilliant but twisted, fantasy, furries, furry, furry films, furry movies, horror, humor, Questionably creepy, twisted reality
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Comments: 6 Comments

Easter Bloody Easter…

February 21, 2024

Here comes Peter Rottentail! It seems to be a recent trend in movies to reverse iconic benevolent or virtuous characters such as Santa, Winnie the Pooh, Peter Pan, or Bambi to make them menacing and malevolent. – -Well, Easter is coming, and we’ve got a bad egg for your basket in the form of a malevolent Jackalope terrorizing a Texas town!

A jackalope is kind of a shape-shifting creature that is part human and part giant horned rabbit, and it appears that local legend holds that such ravaged the area a century and a half ago. Guess who’s making a comeback, leading a demon bunny army, and just in time for the small town’s Easter-palooza!

The horror-comedy opens in late March, and you know about those mad March hares! It’s up to Texas determination and a professional bunny slayer to split a few hares… 🙀

Categories: absurdities, anthropomorphic, furry, horror, movies
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Comments: 4 Comments

Sympathy for The Grinch…

December 16, 2023

Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m the Grinch…of Mt. Crumpit!” – -(to the tune of, “Sympathy for the Devil,” by The Rolling Stones)

At this time of year, my thoughts turn naturally to The Grinch. He was, after all, a furry, and like many of us, misunderstood and much-maligned. Max was a furry too, an anthropomorphic dog, loyal and obedient to his master, even if the Ego to the Grinch’s Id. Max I suspect actually liked Xmas, and probably would have affectionately licked any Whos that he came across…

Now, can you imagine being visibly different as a child, then banished to lonely exile on the foreboding heights of Mt. Crumpit? As Kermit the Frog memorably lamented, “It’s not easy being green!”

Is there not, I say, a little bit of the pre-redemptive Grinch in all of us? Who of us has not had dark thoughts after being exposed to Xmas carols and commercials since Halloween? I mean, how many times can you suffer hearing “I Want A Hippopotamus for Xmas” before you utterly lose it?! 🙀

And let’s face it, The Whos were annoying in their relentless cheerfulness. They represented the overkill aspects of Xmas, and holding us all up to an impossible celebratory standard. Clearly, they needed taken down a few pegs, an infusion of Grinchiness…

Even pre-redemptively, The Grinch had some remarkable qualities. He was a survivor, a strong if solitary spirit who was a master strategist and a genius inventor with many skills, kind of the Wile E. Coyote of Xmas characters. His Road Runner was the Xmas overkill that is everywhere at this time of year. I submit to you that The Grinch was a cultural warrior, a tragic hero who only wanted peace and sanity, and perhaps a little Who Hash…

So respect and honor The Grinch, who meant well but whose reach exceeded his grasp. I shall celebrate The Mean One in my heart always, and save him a generous slice of roast beast…🦊

Categories: absurdities, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, famous furries, fantasy, furry, movies, seasonal, television
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Comments: 3 Comments

NJM’s “Snowman” Commercial…

December 6, 2023

What could be more Christmas-y than a cute, smiling snowman? The one in this NJM insurance commercial is even rather pint-sized, so he’s not particularly menacing. Two kids are crafting the snowman, one of which looks a bit like Ralphie in A Christmas Story. And wouldn’t ‘ya know it, once they put Dad’s ball cap on said snowman, he’s comes to life in the best Frosty the Snowman tradition…

Rather than lead the kids in a parade, this snowman begins to sing about Polar insurance, “the coolest around,” He waves his stick-branch arms cheerfully about. The kids scream, and run away; Mom and Dad are still standing there, however, and the insurance-shilling snowman asks them if they have any hot chocolate. One wonders if the snowman has a death wish…

For a company that prides itself in having no mascots, NJM has produced for us some of the best mascots around…a variety, no less!

Categories: absurdities, advertising, alternative realities, Brilliant but twisted, commercials, humor, television, twisted reality
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