Archive for September 2018

The Mintmobile Fox…

September 30, 2018

 

Who’s green and keen? — The Mintmobile Fox, of course!  Now normally when foxes turn green, it’s not a good thing, of course, and may signify severe gastrointestinal distress.  It all right for this little guy, however, ’cause he’s just a ‘toon, but one who we can see appearing in a wide variety of settings, beginning with his bed and ranging to such diverse environments as a supermarket and gymnasium.  This fox meditates…he rides in cars conversing with women…and looks ever so cool motoring in his own sweet ride.  He’s an inspiration to all of us of the vulpine persuasion…

The Mintmobile Fox is a mascot or spokesman for a wireless internet service, and that’s all right.  What’s not all right, as he’ll tell and show you, are such things as finger dipping and carpet showers.  We are then witness to such things as people at a gathering plunging their fingers into bowls of dip, and a guy showering in a stall layered in carpet.  I, for one, do not wish to be party to such things, nor would any sensible fox.

This bright-eyed and perky little guy even wears eyeglasses, or when the occasion calls for it, shades.  Catch his act for Mintmobile on commercials, although a cartoon series spin-off would be great…

KitKat’s Halloween Commercial…

September 26, 2018

KitKat has memorable Halloween commercials, such as a previous one featuring a cat with bat wings. In this year’s atmospheric offering, a Jack-O’-Lantern scares the woman who just carved him by shouting, “Boo!” and then laughing. The woman, momentarily startled, is wearing cat ears. That’s right, furries, she might be one of us! I think I’m feeling a connection here…

Anyways, the lady has done a hideous job in carving the poor pumpkin, and apologizes to him for what she’s done to his face, featuring a crooked grin and disproportionately sized eyes; Ray Charles could have done a better job. This is a mellow orange fellow, however, and he’s not bothered by her lack of pumpkin prowess, even accommodatingly offering her a KitKat right out of his mouth! The woman accepts and promptly eats the proffered treat, a contented look on her face. All is right in the strange world of talking pumpkins, which I’d take any day over the current reality in the news.

So have a KitKat…breaks are good! Chocolate…is there anything it can’t make better?! – – And the woman with cat ears? – – She wears them well!

High Octopi…

September 24, 2018

 

There are worse things to do to an octopus than make them high; like eating them, perhaps.  Octopuses are also normally rather antisocial creatures to the extent that they’ll fight each other to the death, much like Republicans and Democrats.

Their antisocial tendencies together with their intelligence made them alluring subjects to researchers at Johns Hopkins University, who environmentally exposed octopuses to MDMA, the psychoactive ingredient in the party drug ecstasy.  The serotonin-enhanced octopuses were then allowed access to separate chambers in one of which resided Star Wars action figures, while the other housed an undrugged male octopus.

The drugged octopuses forsook Chewbacca and a storm trooper to go all touchy-feely on the other octopus, wanting to hang out with and touch him!  Although their brains are vastly different from human, octopus behavior on the drug was similar to that of humans in terms of enhancing social behaviors.  With six more arms to hug with, it must have been quite a love-in (“His tentacles seemed to be everywhere!,” she testified).

The social enhancement behaviors were seen only in octopuses given exposure to an MDMA dosage equivalent to what a human might take; higher dosage levels resulted in the creatures lying around and staring at things, again much like humans.  And if you see a huggy octopus hanging around, please don’t send them my way.  I’ve nothing against them, but I only party with mammals… (Octopus’s Garden by The Beatles plays in the background)

Great-Grandmother vs. 12-Foot ‘Gator…

September 19, 2018


Here at Foxsylvania, we applaud and appreciate strong women, and feel that they are an awakening giant in America’s near political future. As a case in point, we bring you Judy Cochran, the mayor of Livingston, Texas who is also a great-grandmother.

Well, about three years ago, a miniature horse of her’s went missing, and its remains were never found. A large alligator was suspected, with multiple gators having been found on her property, which includes several miles of riverfront. Revenge is a dish best served cold, and a 12-foot, 580-pound alligator was recently legally shot and killed in a pond with one round by the mayor, who plans on eating the meat and making the hide into boots. Her grandson shot an even larger gator several years ago…

…I plan on staying on the right side of the mayor, and hope that she doesn’t see me as a varmint should I venture into Texas…

Mummified Corpse Housing Wildlife…

September 12, 2018


Gentle readers, the following post falls into the category of morbidly fascinating grossness.  It may accordingly not be suitable for the young, the overly-sensitive, or those who are eating.  Please consider yourselves duly warned…

…now that I’ve peaked your interest, welcome to Vulpes’ Cabinet of Curiosities, ahahahaha!  As the eerie harpsichord music begins to play, let’s stroll to where a mummified human corpse was found hanging from a tree in a forest in southwestern Poland.  Said corpse was of the seasoned, vintage variety, with the deceased estimated to have been, well, hanging around for approximately 13 years.  The body was fairly intact due to its suspended elevation and the relative absence of scavengers there, plus the fact that it was clad in two pairs of trousers, which kind of held things together. 

Now in the thirteen years that our fellow had been kept hanging, his body had become home to bees, wasps, and even a squirrel! First discovered in 2016 and reported last month in the journal Forensic Science International, researchers said the discovery illustrates the “unbridled resourcefulness of wildlife,” namely that such creatures exploit even the most unlikely spaces to thrive.  “Human bodies, if they meet the requirements of organisms, can be a home for them,” noted study author Marcin Kadej from the Institute of Environmental Biology, University of Wroclaw, Poland, in a statement.

All of this begs the question, would you want your body to hang from the trees and be a home for the bees? – – No, I wouldn’t either…but join us for our next creepy crawl into the Cabinet of Curiosities, if you dare…

The Grim Reaper of Home Appliances…

September 8, 2018

I, for one, fear the Grim Reaper of home appliances. My grief was great when he came for my hot water heater, leaving me $800 in the hole for plumber bills and heater replacement. Death, there is thy sting, right in the wallet!  Oh, the suffering budget, the anguish, the gnashing of teeth!  It was not a pretty sight…

…and so I can appreciate the trials of the poor woman in the American Home Shield commercial who answers her door to find the Grim Reaper paying a call, the icon hovering complete in smoldering black cowl.  As the dreaded black specter advances, our housewife understandably freaks out.  “No, it can’t be!  I’m not ready!  I do spin class!,” she protests, sinking to her knees in supplication.  But the Reaper advances further, his bony finger extending to indicate that his target is not the woman herself, but rather her large stainless steel refrigerator/freezer!  Now understanding, the woman protests “What? The refrigerator! – – Oh come on!  Do you know how much it cost me?  You’re killing me!”  Then the lady decides to rephrase her unfortunate choice of words, but death is implacable.  As the refrigerator shakes in his otherworldly powers, the announcer tells us how all of our appliances will eventually die, but their plan will see to their replacement.  For good measure, the Reaper decides to take out our hapless lady’s home central air system too.  It was a full day’s harvesting, apparently…

When the Reaper comes for me, I’m going to say “Oh happy day!”  No wait…that’s what I’m going to tell the aliens…

 

Giant Purple Blobs Invading SF Bay!

September 7, 2018

Vintage science fiction movies cautioned us to “Watch the skies!,” but perhaps they better could have advised us to watch the seas, because you never know what’s gonna wash up.  Submitted for your approval is one such example, a large purple blob of the type that has washed ashore along California, even in San Francisco Bay.  

Sadly it’s not alien, but is only a harmless sea slug, measuring up to 30 inches long and weighing up to fifteen pounds, although most are about the size of a fist. Still living stranded specimens can even pulsate a bit, which led one observer to call 911, thinking that they had found a human heart.  They do have an internal organ-like quality to them.  Normally found off the Mexican coast and the Baja California coast, the large purple slugs are also called sea hares, because their extended antennae are thought to resemble rabbit ears.  They’re just not as cuddly and pet-worthy, but I’m showing a mammalian bias here…

…and isn’t Invasion of the Giant Purple Sea Hares a SyFy Channel movie that begs to be made?!