Enter the Wolf…

Posted January 18, 2012 by vulpesffb
Categories: cool things, creature features, furry, furry literature, furry stories

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– – Before vampires were pretty and made babies with human girlfriends, Anne Rice showed us how things should have been in her acclaimed Vampire Chronicles series that began in 1976.  Rice’s vampire Lestat was cunning, ruthless, rather classy, and quite magnetic, his exploits detailed in a series that had considerable literary merit.  Even folks not ordinarily into vampires found Rice’s  tales a powerful draw.  The giddy ride ended when Rice began writing books about angels and the life of Christ, leaving us literate horror fans to cry in our root beer.

That long dry spell may be alleviated with Rice’s return to horror at least  to a degree in her upcoming release, The Wolf Gift, coming in February on Valentine’s Day (–what could be more appropriate?)!  Called both a return and a departure, Rice’s new work marks a return to the horror genre, but with spiritual  elements as the lead male werewolf character is a kind of protector or guardian.  The book is also a departure in that Rice has never done the lycanthrope scene before.  She is, however, expected to bring her intelligent blend of class and romanticism to the effort while delivering the jolts.

While details about the work are few, it sounds promising.  Perhaps most interesting is the fact that the featured werewolf, a reporter operating in California, suffers no “disconnect” following a transformation; rather, he can recall all of his actions the previous night when in the wolf state.  This werewolf would also appear to suffer less angst about his status, and rather to see the potential in the “gift.”  We learn how the central character became a werewolf, and follow his growth in that condition and as part of a greater scheme.

So I’m looking forward to reading this one, and won’t wait until it’s on the bargain table…The Wolf Gift is not a present I’m likely to return!

Mythology and Dr. Pepper…

Posted January 16, 2012 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, Brilliant but twisted, furry commercials, television

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 – – Some Diet Dr. Pepper commercials have recently featured mythological characters, including Sasquatch, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, a leprechaun, an alien, a merman, and others.  The stop-motion features evoke the Rudolph specials of old.  The underlying notion is that it’s as hard to get people to believe in a satisfying diet drink as it is to sell them on the notion of the existence of legendary or mythological figures.

In one version, the unlikely and fantastic characters are seated in a circle of chairs as part of an “I Exist!” support group, listening to Santa complaining about not being believed in by his core constituents…another version re-unites this cast, also bringing forth a unicorn and a merman, the latter introduced as the boyfriend of the tooth fairy…the merman gets so taken with the flavor of Diet Dr. Pepper that he breaks his aquatic container with an enthusiastic rap of his trident!

Perhaps I can find a local chapter of the I Exist support group…heaven knows I need the validation! 



Divine Burgers?

Posted January 14, 2012 by vulpesffb
Categories: psychology, research, science, strange, strange happenings, weird

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 – – At a restaurant aptly named Hamburger Mary’s in Tampa, Florida, an image of the Virgin Mary has been reported on a stainless steel wall near the kitchen.  Remarkably, the diner has been known for gay karaoke nights and drag queen shows. 

The mark of a superior being or saint has likewise been seen in a Walmart receipt, cheese sandwiches, candle wax, Cheetos, rocks, overturned trees, walls, pizza pans, and even on a fish stick!   Some of these items have been offered for sale on internet auction sites.  Verily, the Lord moves in mysterious ways…

The perception of religious imagery in natural phenomena is sometimes called simulacra, and studies have shown that even visual perceptions can be affected by wishes, preferences, and desires.  The human mind prefers to perceive patterns, especially the pattern of a human face, in otherwise random phenomena.  Perception of an image is additionally mediated or filtered through culture, politics, and worldview…

Carnival Cruise Commercial With Wildlife!

Posted January 12, 2012 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, furry, furry commercials, television

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 – – “Ah, so much better than last year!,” muses a contented passenger on a Carnival Cruise ship as he and his companion look over the railing of a ship at sea.  Next we are shown a flashback to last year’s vacation, where at a camp site the same man is shown screaming behind the wheel of a car, his passenger also screaming on her side of the vehicle as a bear and a mountain lion both on their hind legs paw at the vehicle. 

“Throw the food out the window!,” screams the man in fear and desperation as the bear roars.  Unfortunately, we’re never shown the outcome of the encounter.   Then we return to the cruise ship, where the woman takes a bite of a treat and swears, “Never again!”   It’s all part of Carnival’s “land versus sea” campaign extolling the virtues and pleasures of sea travel vacations…

…in my twisted little mind, however, I can rewrite the ending of this commercial with an anthropomorphic bear and lion standing along the cruise ship railing, having financed the trip with the proceeds of their profitable campground takeover!

Roadkill Harvest…

Posted January 10, 2012 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, furry, strange

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 – – It’s an inherently gruesome topic, but our distaste for roadkill doesn’t eliminate the existence of it, and  it’s a problem that must be dealt with.  In many areas, state highway crews or private contractors are brought in to remove animal carcasses along roadways; in my area, one private contractor is a grandmotherly-looking woman.  For those with sufficiently strong stomachs, roadkill removal is a fairly lucrative business; removal of a single deer carcass can bring $50 or so.

In Illinois, a “roadkill bill” took effect last year that allowed anyone with an Illinois furbearer license to salvage pelts or even food from the unfortunate fauna that lost a fight with steel-belted radials.  The promoter of the bill was a retired state conservation officer who thought it was a waste to allow  animal pelts to rot along the roadside, and saw it as an opportunity for some people to make a little money.

At least 14 states have laws related to roadkill, including those that allow motorists to keep animals that they hit although some laws pertain only to deer or bears… 

(Pictured is a desktop from Roadkill Toys.)

Netflix Beaver Commercial…

Posted January 5, 2012 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, anthropomorphic, furry commercials, television

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 – – Most people like talking animals, which is good because I am one…a writing, blogging one, anyways.  Those of the talking animal persuasion tend accordingly to be popular as product and service spokesmen, or one might say, spokesfurs.  Recently Netflix has released two commercials, one with a talking beaver and the other with a talking hamster. 

The Netflix beaver is genial and sociable, and takes us inside a cozy lodge where a rabbit and a duck are comfortably seated on a sofa watching a big screen television.  The beaver introduces us to the Netflix service and its attractive rates, which are then confirmed by a fish which conveniently pops up from beneath the beaver’s hat.  It’s all cute and charmingly retro, with the animal cast looking like they’d be naturals for hosting an afternoon or Saturday morning show for kids.- – I’d move in with them in a minute!

Not everyone has received this commercial well, however, with some noting similarities to the stop-motion Beaver Creek Episodes created in 2008 by award-winning animator Ian Timothy, and viewable on YouTube…

Maxwell the Pig Returns!

Posted January 3, 2012 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, furry commercials, television

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 – – He’s still having fun, and he’s still the one!- -Maxwell the pig, that is.  Reappearing in a commercial for the new Geico mobile app and having the time of his life, Maxwell is enthusiastically riding along high above the ground on a zip line, his little feet flailing, sensibly helmeted, and a pinwheel in each hoof!  He catches up with a slower moving rider, slows momentarily, and pronounces his experience to be “Pure…adrenaline!”  Then Maxwell is off, pinwheels spinning and “whee!”-ing as he goes!  We’d expect nothing less from him…

…Well done, Maxwell, for returning  just as we needed ‘ya, and getting 2012 off to a good furry start!

The Yodeling Cat…

Posted December 28, 2011 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, animals, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, furry, furry commercials, television

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— Some have referred to the Yodeling Cat as being “creepy” or “disturbing” or even “horrifying,” but the holiday season seems to spawn such things,  and one may see the creepy and disturbing prowling the aisles at Walmart anyways, so I welcome this white-furred warbler as a twisted commentary on where the excesses of Xmas can lead us. It’s also perhaps the most significant intrusion of yodeling into pop culture since the late great Andy Kaufman  yodeled to an African drum rhythm,  or yodeling was used as a potent weapon against alien invasion in the movie,  Mars Attacks!  

As one who loves dementedly random things as well as juxtaposition,  by extension I’m also led to wonder if perhaps by yodeling we who are furry might also also use it as a force for societal change, or at least by yodeling cause Donald Trump’s head to explode as those of Tim Burton’s aliens did.- – It’s worth a try…

We’ve come a long way since the 1955 novelty hit, “Jingle Bells” by the Singing Dogs, right?– No, I didn’t think so either…

Honey Badger…

Posted December 24, 2011 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, furry, furry commercials, television

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 – – Although only the size of a medium dog and weighing in at about thirty pounds, it’s hard to find a more vicious and tenacious predator than the African Honey Badger (Mellivora capensis), also known as the Ratel.  A relative of the Wolverine, the Honey Badger has been listed in the Guiness Book of World Records as “The World’s Most Fearless Creature.”  

The Ratel’s well-deserved fearsome reputation has been earned based on the fact that it has no known natural predators, and has been known to attack jackals, wildebeest, wild boars, buffalo, humans, monitor lizards, and even lions and cheetahs!  Armed with razor-sharp teeth and inch-and-a-half long claws, the Honey Badger routinely eats poisonous snakes, spiders, and scorpions.  The Ratel also loves honey, from which he gets his name, acquiring such by boldly invading a beehive and using his quarter-inch thick skin to absorb the hundreds of stings he’s likely to receive in the effort. 

Not registering fear, pain, or any emotion other than anger, the Honey Badger has become a popular internet meme, and may be seen in commercials opening pistachios by flailing them with a cobra…

 

Feline Survival Tale…

Posted December 23, 2011 by vulpesffb
Categories: animal behavior, animal occurrences, furry, furry stories, strange happenings

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– – A large black and white cat survived a road trip of 200 miles and four hours duration while traveling under the hood of a car in Ohio last Sunday afternoon.  The driver of the car smelled something burning when he stopped at a rest area near his Cleveland destination, and raised his hood to discover the feline hitchhiker stuck in the engine compartment!

Although the cat suffered burns to his right side, he survived his ordeal remarkably well, and a vet who checked the cat out said that he’s going to be fine.  The cat has been named “Eclipse” as that was the model of the car, and the SPCA is trying to find the cat’s owner…