— I, for one, find the prospect of exploding reptiles both darkly amusing yet creepy and disturbing, one of those rare things that both captivates yet repels me at the same time. You don’t really want to see such a thing yet if you did, you couldn’t bear to look away, either! With that in mind, I offer the following true story to kindred spirits like myself who dearly love tales of the grotesquely fascinating.
A family member knew of people who bought a bearded dragon as a reptile pet.- -Well, it seems that one feeds crickets to bearded dragons. Not knowing any better, the new owners of this pet fed their bearded dragon one cricket a day, and on this diet the reptile became listless and barely moved. Making inquiry, it was discovered that the bearded dragon was supposed to receive three crickets per day rather than one! Feeling guilty that they were starving their pet, the owners then proceeded to put a dozen crickets into the cage with the bearded dragon, who responded hungrily by eating all of the dozen crickets at a single time. Some time later (and I swear I am not making this up), the lizard…exploded!
I don’t mean exploded as in parts of bearded dragon flew across the room, but exploded as in suffered a lethal gastrointestinal rupture. One can only speculate as to whether the lizard died happy, although it certainly died full, to a fault. Perhaps exploding reptiles might have strategic applications, say sent in to $50,000 a plate Mitt Romney fundraiser dinners, courtesy of the 47%…and those among us who are homo sapiens are warned by this tale against eating anything larger than their refrigerators!
– – In another of the Degree Chain of Adventure commercials, three average guys are equipped with “meat ponchos” and then have a pack of wolves released upon them! “Sweat is like tasty gravy to a hungry wolf,” explains survival expert Bear Grylls.- –Well, only one of the three meat poncho wearers is still standing alive and dry at the end of the commercial, and it should come as no surprise that he’s the guy wearing Degree deodorant! 
– – Bear Grylls is a British survival expert and adventurer who hosts the show Man vs. Wild on the Discovery Channel. He also does a number of commercials for Degree deodorant, one of which shows us a poor subject pacing in a primitive “perpetual motion simulator,” which is really a large wheel set into motion by the movement of the guy walking inside it. “Feelin’ fresh and dry!,” assures the hapless subject as he moves at a leisurely pace. The deodorant’s protection is activated by movement, ‘ya see, so to kick things up a notch, the survival expert tosses the wheel walker a trout, and a bear is introduced in pursuit behind him!- –Now things are getting interesting!
– – I’m usually not much for family-friendly movie monsters as they tend to be overly sanitized, but Wayne the Werewolf from the upcoming movie Hotel Transylvania may be a redeeming grace, or at least a focal point for furry aficionados.
– – They sound like the perfect subject for a Saturday night original movie on the Syfy Channel: The Vampire Squid from Hell (Vampyroteuthis infernalis). They rather look like a bad movie monster, too, having a type of cloak-like webbing, unusually large deep blue or red eyes, and light-producing organs covering its entire body which it can flash! 
FOXSYLVANIA 
You must be logged in to post a comment.