Allstate’s “Overly Confident Dog Walker”

Posted January 18, 2019 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, advertising, animal elements, commercials, furry
Tags: ,

Dean Winter is back as Mayhem for Allstate Insurance as the “overly confident dog walker” who would walk 100 dogs “if his paws were big enough to hold all the leashes.”  Well, he does have quite a herd of dogs leading him, and all that fur makes it hard for him to see where he’s going, causing him to take quite a header on a loose brick, his face impacting with a sickening thud on unyielding brickwork.  The homeowner viewing the accident via camera comments that Mayhem is not Kevin, his usual dog walker…Mayhem responds that he is today. Our man of infinite sorrows adds that unless the homeowner has Allstate Insurance, paying for his medical bills is gonna be “ruff.”  A dog sweetly licks Mayhem’s battered face…

In my twisted mind, I’d like to see some kind of apocalyptic standoff between Flo of Progressive Insurance and the Mayhem dude where he’d cast all kinds of calamities at her (fire, flood, lightning, raccoons, etc.) which Flo in her flawless white outfit would simply shrug off.  It would be kinda like a battle between two X-Men, the irresistible force versus the immovable object. Flo’s sister Janice could be indifferently chewing gum in the background, her attention riveted on her cell phone… (fade to black)

 

Comments: 1 Comment

“Project Blue Book” A Winner!

Posted January 17, 2019 by vulpesffb
Categories: aliens, controversial, encounters, mysteries, paranormal, sci fi, speculation, television
Tags:



Think of a real-life X-Files series set in the 1950’s, and you’ve got the gist of what this ten episode dramatic series on The History Channel is like…and boy, did they get the period atmosphere and flavor right, down to the home decor and guys going everywhere in hats!  In addition to careful and authentic detail, there is superb acting and engaging scripts based on actual Project Blue Book investigations.  Aidan Gillen known for Game of Thrones gives a wonderful characterization of J. Allen Hynek, a brilliant but underappreciated professor called in by the government basically to put cases to rest but finding that science can’t explain everything away. He is pressured by his assigned partner Air Force Captain Michael Quinn (Michael Malarkey) who in turn is pressured by military higher-ups to produce the desired investigation outcomes.  It’s all there, including shadowy “Men in Black” figures lurking in the background, and glimpses of a UFO hidden in a government hanger.  

Episode 2 concerned an investigation of The Flatwoods Monster, a close encounter of the third kind which occurred in West Virginia in 1952 and about which I blogged here way back in 2010.  The incident was previously highlighted in an episode of the late great series, MonsterQuest.  Anyways, in this Project Blue Book treatment Dr. Hynek explains away the alien sightings as being of an owl up in a tree so as to appear ten feet tall, but is beginning to doubt his own explanations as the episode ends and he is hustled off the case.  Future episodes will probably depict the continuing evolution of the character, and I look forward to seeing it, commending the series for your viewing…

 

Comments: 3 Comments

The Masked Singer, S1, Ep2…Run, Rabbit, Run!

Posted January 10, 2019 by vulpesffb
Categories: anthropomorphic, avian, Brilliant but twisted, furry, furry-like, television, twisted reality
Tags: ,


I was not disappointed!  The Rabbit rocked the house on S1, Ep2 of The Masked Singer with a rousing rendition of Ricky Martin’s Livin’ la Vida Loca. With his glowing red eyes, straitjacket-type outfit, and head-twitching mannerisms, The Rabbit conveyed a touch of madness and menace, winning over Alien with a great stage presence and a lot of kinetic energy, together with that “fresh from the asylum” vibe that he had going on…kinda like Michael Jackson by way of The Joker. Rabbit was deeply into his character, and I respect that. Perhaps he’ll perform White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane in a future match-up…

In other match-ups, Raven easily beat Pineapple, who was voted the weakest performance of the night and voted off.  The identity of Pineapple? — Tommy Chong, who is known for comedy but hardly singing and dancing.  Raven’s outfit was dark and foreboding, with almost steampunk and horror elements, and she sang Rainbow by Kesha…

In the third round, Poodle sang a strong version of Pat Benatar’s Heartbreaker, but lost to Bee who performed Chandalier  by Sia.  Bee is apparently a veteran performer who has been doing her thing since the 1950’s!  When the menagerie convenes in weeks to come, we’ll be seeing both of them again in someplace where your fantasies meet your nightmares.  This is weird but fun stuff, and I’m in for the ride…  

 

Comments: 3 Comments

“Emotional Support” Blobfish…

Posted January 8, 2019 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, advertising, animal oddities, anomalies, aquatic, Brilliant but twisted, commercials, creature features, furry, television, twisted reality
Tags: ,

I’m not unsympathetic to the idea of Emotional Support Animals, although some people have pressed the limits of what may be considered such an animal, and where it may be appropriate to take them.  As a case in point we have a Credit Karma commercial where a female passenger on an airline notices a male in the same seat row sporting a blobfish on his lap, who he introduces as Harold, an emotional support animal that he enlisted when his credit rating caused damage to his self-concept.  The woman advises the man that he can gain tips on improving his credit rating from Credit Karma, a thought which so excites the man that he accidentally drops Harold on the aircraft floor.  “He’ll be all right,” reassures the man.  “He’s a bottom feeder!“

Now blobfish are real, a deep sea creature found in waters 2,000 to 3,900 feet deep off mainland Australia, Tasmania, and New Zealand.  A few years back, they were voted “the Ugliest Animal in the World.”  Blobfish are easier on the eyes if you see them in their natural habitat, since the appearance that people associate with them is caused by decompression damage as the specimens are brought to the surface.  So be kind to the blobfish, as you’re not seeing them at their best.  Harold could certainly not live out of water, even while he appears to move slightly during the commercial.

Sadly, no one claims blobfish as their spirit animal.  These guys just can’t seem to get a break.  And when it comes to emotional support animals, I’m inseparable from my inner fox…

Comments: 5 Comments

“The Masked Singer,” American Edition…

Posted January 3, 2019 by vulpesffb
Categories: animal elements, animal presence, animals, anthropomorphic, avian, creature features, fantasy, feathered friends, furry, furry fandom, television
Tags:

Aha, I just knew that we were going to be able to sneak some compelling furry images and characters onto mainstream television soon, and with The Masked Singer on Fox (- -how appropriate!), our time may have finally come in 2019!

 

Now for those of you not in the know, The Masked Singer is a new reality show (for the U.S., anyways) in which celebrity contestants perform and compete entirely clad in costume head-to-toe, concealing their identity. Most often those costumes are of animals, monsters, or other fantastic life forms with the contestant’s group of twelve including among others a unicorn, a deer, a hippo, a French poodle, a pineapple-man, a lion, and my personal fave, a rabbit! For the first night, six contestants competed on a paired basis, with the lesser voted contestant of each match-up relegated to the bottom three, and the weakest of that group unmasked and sent home. Victors in the matches included a Peacock winning over a Hippo, a Unicorn beating a “Monster,” and a Lion defeating a Deer. The Hippo, a real-life football athlete, ranked lowest and was sent home.

 

The show kind of blends American Idol with The Gong Show by way of a furry convention. Some of the costumes are elaborate and impressive, and dependent on their individual gifts and the bulk of their outfit some of the contestants incorporate a little choreography into their stage presentations. All of the contestants are supposedly well-known figures in music, comedy, or athletics, and the identity of each will ultimately be revealed as the weaning-out process continues. Popular in Asia and originating in South Korea, the American version of The Masked Singer is certainly different, even if it’s not for everyone…

Comments: 6 Comments

Mucinex Mr. Mucus vs. Gorilla…

Posted January 2, 2019 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, advertising, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, commercials, furry, furry commercials, television
Tags:

It’s hard to think of a less appealing figure in a commercial than Mr. Mucus.  We’ve seen bodily organs with minds of their own such as the Myrbetriq bladder and the Halos stomach, but this guy is a bodily product, for crying out loud, basically animated phlegm! He’s even a revolting green color, so we think less than kindly of him, and basically want him gone, ASAP; it isn’t easy being green, as Kermit the Frog observed, and Kermit had redemptive qualities. The repulsiveness of Mr. Mucus is why we are glad to see some insult or harm come to him, and will remember any product that can further that end. You’ll never see stuffed likenesses of Mr. Mucus flying off store shelves.- –  It’s snot gonna happen, ahem!  (laughs maniacally)

The brief ad begins with a man asking his wife where her cough is. The woman responds that she’s fine because she took Mucinex DM, which sent the cough far away. – – How far away? We are then shown Mr. Mucus in the jungle, complete with a safari jacket and pith helmet. Coming across a gorilla, he asks the ape if he’s seen a nice woman with a cough, to which the simian responds Hulk-like by smashing Mucus-boy with a mighty fist that sends him flying swiftly out of sight.  No tears are shed on Mr. Mucus…sad!

Mucinex DM, the voiceover then tells us, releases swiftly and lasts 12 hours, not 4, leaving Mr. Mucus to bungle in the jungle…”Well, that’s alright by me.” (Jethro Tull).

(“I’ll write on your tombstone, I thank you for dinner/This game that we animals play is a winner.” —Jethro Tull, Bungle In The Jungle)

 

 

Comments: 2 Comments

Season’s Greetings!

Posted December 25, 2018 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, furry, Mythology


Forget Rudolph…I’m traveling with Odin’s reindeer!

A Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanzaa, Happy Yule, and Glad Festivus to all of my readers!

~ the Fox sends you Season’s Greetings from Foxsylvania!

Comments: 5 Comments

Yuletide Horrors…

Posted December 19, 2018 by vulpesffb
Categories: creature features, fantasy, furry, horror, legends and folklore
Tags:

Since Christmas has been pushed on us since October, it’s only fair to bring a bit of Halloween to the merriment with tales of The Wild Hunt. Traditionally associated with Germanic folklore, notions of The Hunt have since spread and been adapted across Europe, and may even have resonated in North America…

The Wild Hunt stretches attempts to explain it a bit, but basically involves a group of spectral or supernatural huntsmen who ride in frenzied pursuit of unknown or unspeakable prey, or portending a catastrophe such as war, plague, famine, or a second Trump administration. The Huntsmen are traditionally led by a god such as Odin, a historical figure such as Theodoric the Great, a figure drawn from religion such as Satan, or at least a really bad dude. The cohorts of the Leader of the Hunt have been seen as elves, faeries, demons, or spirits of the dead. Their bestiary consists of horses (often spectral) and large fierce canines of the hellhound-variety.

Now riders of The Wild Hunt might be glimpsed as a vision or passing mist in the midwinter sky, and such was seldom regarded as a fortuitous thing, portending calamity to the observer at the very least. Unfortunate observers might have their souls sucked from their bodies by the Riders especially if they obstructed or attempted to interfere with the procession, while by some accounts they might also be rewarded if they helped in some way.

Celtic conceptions of Cernunnos, the bestial Lord of the Hunt, may have been influenced by Wild Hunt mythology. He’d give Santa a ride, but he ain’t no reindeer…

And in North America, the mythic concept appears as Ghost Riders (In the Sky), also a haunting song that may help in visualizing the spectacle. — So have yourself a scary little Christmas!

Comments: 6 Comments

“Mr. Murderbritches” is Free…

Posted December 13, 2018 by vulpesffb
Categories: animal behavior, animals, furry, predators
Tags: ,

You have to love the name “Mr. Murderbritches” for a bobcat kitten, but I wouldn’t recommend petting him because he might rearrange your face. I also had to search a bit for a non-bloody picture of the little guy, whose images often appear with a chicken that he has just killed, or eating a road-killed deer. This is hardly some cuddle-kitten, but rather a tough little hombre, a wild thing that is truly wild…approach at your own risk!

Now Mr. Murderbritches is a 4-to-6-month old bobcat kitten who was first reported by a homeowner in Kanarraville, Utah in their chicken coop, at which time the bobcat hadn’t killed any chickens. He was let out by a sheriff’s deputy, with a live trap set up in case he returned, which he did the following day. Held in captivity for one night, Murderbritches was later released away from the property but again returned, successfully killing and eating a chicken from the coop at that time. Joshua Carver, a conservation officer with the state’s Division of Wildlife Resources, then released the snarling cat back into the wild.

Murderbritches then made his way to an isolated property miles away from where he was released, and became stuck in a dog kennel. The conservation officer captured the small wildcat again, feeding him a delicious meal of roadkill deer and eagle-killed pheasant before releasing him again even further away. The badass bobcat struck and hissed at those releasing him, and hasn’t been seen since. The cat was “too mean” for the conservation officer to tell if the animal was male or female at first.

Now here’s a quiz to see if you’ve been paying attention. Mr. Murderbritches is:

a.) A clown that you don’t want performing at a childrens’ birthday party.

b.) A new Xmas gift doll for a child that you hate.

c.) A new heavy metal band.

d.) Trump’s next nominee for Department of the Interior.

e.) A bobcat kitten.

Aww shucks, you probably all aced the quiz! In the words of Conservation Officer Carver, “I get a kick out of wildlife being wild.” – – Long live Mr. Murderbritches!

https://youtu.be/7xcuJ3OPl8k

Comments: 2 Comments

Halos “Good Choice, Kid: Fair” Commercial…

Posted December 11, 2018 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, advertising, Brilliant but twisted, commercials, furry
Tags:


Our internal organs are revolting…seriously!  First we have the walking big-eyed bladder of the Myrbetriq commercial, and now in a Wonderful Halos commercial we have a stomach so appalled by the dietary choices of its host that it jumps out of his mid-section complete with skinny legs, and like something from John Carpenter’s The Thing scrambles off in the opposite direction!  In the Halos “Good Choice, Kid: Fair” commercial, we are shown one gentleman with double deep-fried butter sticks in each hand offering one to another guy at a county fair.  It’s more than his stomach can stomach, erupting from his gut and charting its own course…

It’s not that I’d be immune to the allure of a double deep-fried stick of butter.  I’d probably enjoy one immensely, dying with a smile on my face even as it clogged my arteries.  County fairs are notorious for providing such guilty pleasures.   I just doubt that I could retain the blissful composure of the fried butter stick eater as my gastrointestinal organs visibly bailed ship and exited my body, which is the stuff of serious nightmares.  The butter-eater seems to shrug it off…

“Who knew these things were bad for you?,” comments the double deep fried butter eater as his stomach runs off.  “Everyone,” responds the other guy, continuing to sensibly eat his Wonderful Halos oranges.  Sometimes, you see, the right dietary choice is easy, even if guilty pleasures aren’t going away any time soon…

Comments: 1 Comment

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »