Real Cost of Smoking, “Little Lungs” Snowboard

Posted February 3, 2019 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, advertising, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, commercials, fantasy, television

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I, for one, am starting to get a bit freaked out over the number of anthropomorphic organs detaching themselves from the human body and making a go of it by themselves in advertisements and public service announcements. There was a time when reporting such sightings would have landed you a diagnosis as an active psychotic, but now we have bladders, stomachs, and even colons parading around without a suspicion of recreational drug use.  Perhaps it’s appropriate and to be expected for the times in which we live, but I’ll never be fully comfortable with it, and it may haunt my dreams…

One of a series, “Little Lungs in a Great Big World: Snowboard,” brings us the little lungs in question being asked by other bigger, presumably healthier lungs if they’d like to go snowboarding with the group.  The little lungs respond in the affirmative, but because they had smoked as a teenager are smaller in size,and subsequently unable to draw in enough air and keep up.  They wind up wiping out and getting skewered by the antlers of a moose, one eye hanging disconcertingly out of its socket.  

It certainly doesn’t make me want to light one up!  When I was young, we didn’t have all of these renegade organs marauding about, and were simply told that smoking would stunt your growth.  To lull us into acquiring a smoking habit, we went to visit Marlboro Country where manly men did manly things like ropin’ and ridin’ with nary a hacking cough to be heard, or a tumor to be seen. – – And who was cooler than Joe Camel? – – But ahh, times have changed.  Perhaps in the future, Larry Liver will warn us about the dangers of alcoholic consumption…

“Masked Singer” Mix and Masks, S1 Ep5…

Posted February 1, 2019 by vulpesffb
Categories: animals, anthropomorphic, fantasy, furry, television

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Episode 5 of The Masked Singer opened with a group performance by (from left) Alien, Rabbit, Lion, and Unicorn.  The group rendition of “I’m On Top Of The World” by Imagine Dragons went well, and was followed by individual performances by each of the contestants.  The use of “background dancers” by each performer is notable, with Alien’s dancers in UFO-inspired costumes, Rabbit dancing with a bevy of bunnies, and Unicorn performing with a red-clad pair eerily reminiscent of Thing One and Thing Two from Dr. Seuss.  

Rabbit’s dancing was again a crowd-pleaser, and he demonstrated an impressive set of pipes on the R&B inspired selection of Poison. Rabbit’s strategy has been to show his range with a different genre of music each performance, but I could have done without the country selection performed in his last outing.  In this episode he was again where he worked well, and against someone like Rabbit, the other contestants appeared flat-footed. With fewest votes, Unicorn was voted off, and revealed to be…Tori Spelling, an identity correctly guessed by judge Dr. Ken Jeong.

Finalists in this competition may well be Rabbit, Peacock, Lion, and Bee, all of whom can definitely sing!  Rabbit and Peacock seem to have the greatest sense of how to work the stage and rouse an audience as well with dancing and movement…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Snickers “Fantasy Night” Centaur…

Posted January 28, 2019 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, advertising, anomalies, commercials, furry, furry commercials, humor, television

 

No, good readers, we have not turned into a BDSM blog, but are only sharing images of a centaur which appears in a Snickers “Fantasy Night Football” commercial.  You see, Matt, the centaur pictured, has gotten his fantasy nights confused…and we’ve all been there, right (–not)?  So anyhow, Matt decides to go horsing around, and shows up at a neigh-bor’s house in his centaur’s costume.  The only problem is, it’s Football Fantasy night, and not…whatever else it is that Matt is into, ahem!  We shall not go there, being a semi-respectable establishment…

The commercial may be seen as an extension of the “you’re not yourself when you’re hungry” Snickers theme, and Matt must be hungry indeed.  Perhaps it’s appropriate that Matt is in his centaur suit, since Snickers is named after a horse…and being a centaur does add new layers of meaning into the expression, “going for a ride.”  

I’ve always wondered, though…when a centaur is ill, does he see an MD or a veterinarian?  There are unanswered questions here…hmmm!

 

Cox Communications Future Technology Panda…

Posted January 25, 2019 by vulpesffb
Categories: advertising, animals, anthropomorphic, commercials, furry, furry commercials, television

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In this Cox Communications advert, two anthropomorphic pandas are playing a spirited game of ping-pong, complete with appropriate panda grunts and cries…but things are not as they appear, for a mother summons one of the “pandas” to dinner, and playtime is over. He touches a button on a device, shedding his panda avatar and revealing that he’s really a human boy. His friend is likewise human, and furthermore located at a distance away. They give each other a wave and a “later dude” through a projected screen, and return to their mundane real lives…

This is an envisioning of technology of the future, and I find it completely believable. I’d better start saving now for the mobile emitter and massive data plan that I’ll need to shed my human self at will…

Chantix “Slow Turkey” Commercial…

Posted January 21, 2019 by vulpesffb
Categories: animal spokepersons, anthropomorphic, avian, commercials, feathered friends, furry, furry commercials, television

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It’s not easy being a turkey. Apparently, if a carnivore doesn’t get you, a nicotine addiction probably will.  Is Elmer Fudd lurking in wait for our feathered friend, or a cancer specialist?  Life is full of uncertainties. In light of his questionable destiny, the turkey in our Chantix commercial is keeping active in a variety of activities, and probably maintaining a positive mental attitude as well. This bird has a fuller life than I do…he gardens, reads, mows the lawn, and finds time to float in his pool.  I envy him…I don’t have a freakin’ pool, so the wages of poultry must be pretty good. He even puts out a feeder for the birds…but wait, isn’t that what he is?!  I’m so confused…then in order to minimize the number of strikes against him, the turkey is wisely trying to kick the cigarette habit with Chantix, a program which allows him to go “slow turkey” as opposed to cold turkey.

Unanswered is the question of whether  unsuccessful quitters of his species are the source of smoked turkey; I’ve always wondered. Anyways, I’m glad that this Chantix user is no bird brain…

The Masked Singer, Episode 3…

Posted January 20, 2019 by vulpesffb
Categories: animal presence, anthropomorphic, avian, fantasy, furry, furry music, imaginary animals, strange, television

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In the bizarre singing competition of The Masked Singer, the contestant known as The Deer looked like a stag wearing a gas mask with steampunk accessories such as metallic gauntlets and a long overcoat. Dance moves were hardly the Deer’s forte, with his movements stiff and minimal, possibly due to the headgear.  With his vocals equally forgettable, The Deer was voted off during Episode 3, and was unmasked to reveal football great Terry Bradshaw.  Perhaps his outfit could be used in a remake of The Island of Dr. Moreau…

Lion gave another good performance, and Monster I thought surpassed their previous effort.  Unicorn’s was adequate but not terribly memorable.  I thought that Peacock did well again, projecting a Las Vegas presence by beginning their performance on top of a 30-foot lift before descending to the stage.  It was kind of like watching Elvis with feathers…this bird can dazzle!

 

Allstate’s “Overly Confident Dog Walker”

Posted January 18, 2019 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, advertising, animal elements, commercials, furry

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Dean Winter is back as Mayhem for Allstate Insurance as the “overly confident dog walker” who would walk 100 dogs “if his paws were big enough to hold all the leashes.”  Well, he does have quite a herd of dogs leading him, and all that fur makes it hard for him to see where he’s going, causing him to take quite a header on a loose brick, his face impacting with a sickening thud on unyielding brickwork.  The homeowner viewing the accident via camera comments that Mayhem is not Kevin, his usual dog walker…Mayhem responds that he is today. Our man of infinite sorrows adds that unless the homeowner has Allstate Insurance, paying for his medical bills is gonna be “ruff.”  A dog sweetly licks Mayhem’s battered face…

In my twisted mind, I’d like to see some kind of apocalyptic standoff between Flo of Progressive Insurance and the Mayhem dude where he’d cast all kinds of calamities at her (fire, flood, lightning, raccoons, etc.) which Flo in her flawless white outfit would simply shrug off.  It would be kinda like a battle between two X-Men, the irresistible force versus the immovable object. Flo’s sister Janice could be indifferently chewing gum in the background, her attention riveted on her cell phone… (fade to black)

 

“Project Blue Book” A Winner!

Posted January 17, 2019 by vulpesffb
Categories: aliens, controversial, encounters, mysteries, paranormal, sci fi, speculation, television

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Think of a real-life X-Files series set in the 1950’s, and you’ve got the gist of what this ten episode dramatic series on The History Channel is like…and boy, did they get the period atmosphere and flavor right, down to the home decor and guys going everywhere in hats!  In addition to careful and authentic detail, there is superb acting and engaging scripts based on actual Project Blue Book investigations.  Aidan Gillen known for Game of Thrones gives a wonderful characterization of J. Allen Hynek, a brilliant but underappreciated professor called in by the government basically to put cases to rest but finding that science can’t explain everything away. He is pressured by his assigned partner Air Force Captain Michael Quinn (Michael Malarkey) who in turn is pressured by military higher-ups to produce the desired investigation outcomes.  It’s all there, including shadowy “Men in Black” figures lurking in the background, and glimpses of a UFO hidden in a government hanger.  

Episode 2 concerned an investigation of The Flatwoods Monster, a close encounter of the third kind which occurred in West Virginia in 1952 and about which I blogged here way back in 2010.  The incident was previously highlighted in an episode of the late great series, MonsterQuest.  Anyways, in this Project Blue Book treatment Dr. Hynek explains away the alien sightings as being of an owl up in a tree so as to appear ten feet tall, but is beginning to doubt his own explanations as the episode ends and he is hustled off the case.  Future episodes will probably depict the continuing evolution of the character, and I look forward to seeing it, commending the series for your viewing…

 

The Masked Singer, S1, Ep2…Run, Rabbit, Run!

Posted January 10, 2019 by vulpesffb
Categories: anthropomorphic, avian, Brilliant but twisted, furry, furry-like, television, twisted reality

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I was not disappointed!  The Rabbit rocked the house on S1, Ep2 of The Masked Singer with a rousing rendition of Ricky Martin’s Livin’ la Vida Loca. With his glowing red eyes, straitjacket-type outfit, and head-twitching mannerisms, The Rabbit conveyed a touch of madness and menace, winning over Alien with a great stage presence and a lot of kinetic energy, together with that “fresh from the asylum” vibe that he had going on…kinda like Michael Jackson by way of The JokerRabbit was deeply into his character, and I respect that. Perhaps he’ll perform White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane in a future match-up…

In other match-ups, Raven easily beat Pineapple, who was voted the weakest performance of the night and voted off.  The identity of Pineapple? — Tommy Chong, who is known for comedy but hardly singing and dancing.  Raven’s outfit was dark and foreboding, with almost steampunk and horror elements, and she sang Rainbow by Kesha…

In the third round, Poodle sang a strong version of Pat Benatar’s Heartbreaker, but lost to Bee who performed Chandalier  by Sia.  Bee is apparently a veteran performer who has been doing her thing since the 1950’s!  When the menagerie convenes in weeks to come, we’ll be seeing both of them again in someplace where your fantasies meet your nightmares.  This is weird but fun stuff, and I’m in for the ride…  

 

“Emotional Support” Blobfish…

Posted January 8, 2019 by vulpesffb
Categories: absurdities, advertising, animal oddities, anomalies, aquatic, Brilliant but twisted, commercials, creature features, furry, television, twisted reality

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I’m not unsympathetic to the idea of Emotional Support Animals, although some people have pressed the limits of what may be considered such an animal, and where it may be appropriate to take them.  As a case in point we have a Credit Karma commercial where a female passenger on an airline notices a male in the same seat row sporting a blobfish on his lap, who he introduces as Harold, an emotional support animal that he enlisted when his credit rating caused damage to his self-concept.  The woman advises the man that he can gain tips on improving his credit rating from Credit Karma, a thought which so excites the man that he accidentally drops Harold on the aircraft floor.  “He’ll be all right,” reassures the man.  “He’s a bottom feeder!

Now blobfish are real, a deep sea creature found in waters 2,000 to 3,900 feet deep off mainland Australia, Tasmania, and New Zealand.  A few years back, they were voted “the Ugliest Animal in the World.”  Blobfish are easier on the eyes if you see them in their natural habitat, since the appearance that people associate with them is caused by decompression damage as the specimens are brought to the surface.  So be kind to the blobfish, as you’re not seeing them at their best.  Harold could certainly not live out of water, even while he appears to move slightly during the commercial.

Sadly, no one claims blobfish as their spirit animal.  These guys just can’t seem to get a break.  And when it comes to emotional support animals, I’m inseparable from my inner fox