— Killer Chimps in America was a recent MonsterQuest episode that did not pertain to Mojo Jojo, simian nemesis of (-ugh!) The Powerpuff Girls. Rather, it concerned the possibility of wild chimpanzees loose in the swamps of Florida and possibly in California. It was not the best MonsterQuest episode, dragging at times and appearing pieced together…but it was not the worst episode, either.
The intrepid MonsterQuest team searched for chimps in the Green Swamp in central Florida, a mere 40 miles away from Orlando, where great merchandising beasts are loose. The team used camera traps including thermal units as well as gyroplane aircraft, one of which I must add to my Xmas list! Anyhow, the camera traps detected bobcats, whitetail deer, wild turkey, owl, boar, and even a red wolf but (–surprise!) no chimpanzees.
Now immature chimps have long been paraded on TV as cute and lovable creatures who can be dressed in clothes and otherwise embarrassed by training them to perform human-like behaviors. The problem is that sexual maturity causes chimps to become stronger and more aggressive. This is why the late Michael Jackson sent Bubbles the Chimp to a Florida simian sanctuary after palling around with him in the 1980’s. As the Travis the Chimp mauling demonstrated so horrendously in recent months, a chimp possesses several times human strength, and can readily take a person apart with nothing other than their hands and teeth. In the Travis attack, the lady targeted lost her nose, eyes, lips, and hands. MonsterQuest profiled another man who together with his wife suffered a chimp attack, and his injuries were also horrendous. Primates often target the face, by the way…and while chimps in nature often build up to a frenzied stage before an actual attack, domestically-raised chimps can attack instantaneously without telegraphing behaviorally their intentions.
…Now roadside carnivals and zoos in the 1920’s through 1940’s often exhibited chimps in Florida, with P.T. Barnum himself exhibiting chimps there as early as 1896. Sadly, such road shows had been known to simply set the chimps free after they were done exhibiting them. This would lend some credibility to the assertion that wild chimp populations were out there. A cartographic comparison by MonsterQuest of the Green Swamp with Mali, Africa revealed that the areas had minimal differences despite variances in vegetation and elevation.
Despite many eyewitness sightings, physical proof of a wild chimp population in Florida remains elusive, however, and resources are not judged sufficient to maintain such a population. It is also deemed unlikely that an escaped chimp could survive undetected in Central Florida; he would inevitably gravitate to Disney World, and probably attempt to butt in line at the attractions.
An underlying issue presented in the episode was that 13 states don’t regulate ownership of exotic animals that would include chimpanzees, and chimps are near the top of the list of animals that make bad pets for home ownership…
— Having already considered the Trix Rabbit, it is only fair that we also consider the Nesquik Bunny, wondering perhaps which one might win in a Deadliest Warrior deathmatch…
— It’s not a good idea to feed the bears. They might become extremely annoying, like Yogi Bear and Boo Boo…or they 
— Bears are omnivorous and opportunistic feeders that primarily forage for berries, nuts, and insects. They will, however, also consume human 
— His 50th birthday has quietly come and gone, and I’ll bet that you didn’t buy him anything, either, what with famous people dropping like flies lately and hogging the spotlight…he’s the Trix Rabbit, an anthropomorphic cartoon rabbit and the oldest commercial mascot to continue to exist on television! Now Trix cereal by General Mills has been on the market since 1954, but the Trix Rabbit was created on August 
— Something is snatching up the wild leek crop that is a staple of the diet of the local Shor people of Kemero Region in Siberia!
— It’s a little-known secret that I played a chicken (specifically, a rooster) in my second grade class play!
– – You’re probably well aware that Bob Barker hosted The Price is Right game show for many years, and is a long time animal rights activist as well, having ended his shows with an admonition to “get your pets spayed or neutered.” The Robot Chicken show on Adult Swim did a cute bit with Barker going about following his retirement, and personally carrying out this mission, even using hedge clippers! <shudders>
— Look!–Up in the sky!–Is it a bird?–Is it a plane?–Is Sarah Palin killing wolves from aircraft?–No, it’s an 
More intriguing was the corpse of a immature creature (left) captured in 2007 and now mummified, but reported to have been alive and aggressive when captured; the connection was that perhaps this was an infantile form of a flying humanoid, some kind of previously-unknown species. Described as appearing between a rat and a monkey, this small corpse was at first thought to have been that of a skinned monkey, although it was later found to have rudimentary skin, fangs, and semi-human features including a double arch which is thought to have given the creature the capacity to stand. Large eye orbits in the remains suggest that the beast had good vision. A piece of the creature’s tail was taken for DNA analysis, and it was found to contain no identifiable material! In other words, they’re not sure what it is! The creature appeared primate-like in appearance.
— There is a matter of considerable importance of which you must be made aware: Michael Jackson’s nose is MISSING!!!
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