Archive for the ‘weird’ category

Caddy, the Alaskan Nessie?

July 22, 2011

 – – There’s a monster in Alaska…and no, I do not speak of Sarah Palin!  I even dislike the term, “monster,” for its negative connotations.  But in the North Pacific a 2009 video captures a 20- to 30-foot long unknown creature.  The footage, black and white video, was taken by fishermen on a rainy day with (- -what else?) a shaky camera.  


One eyewitness, none less than Andy Hillstrand of the Deadliest Catch reality tv show, describes the creature as a “big, long white thing moving in the water.”  Spray came out of the creature’s head, and the fishermen chased it for twenty minutes.  Described as “definitely not a shark,” the cryptid was unlike anything that the men had seen before.  

This Nessie-like aquatic animal hails from the Cadboro Bay in British Columbia, and is accordingly called “Caddy” for short.  It is further described as having a long neck, a horse-like head, large eyes, and back bumps that stick out of the water.   No newcomer, reports of such a creature have circulated for 200 years.  In 1937, scientists thought that they might have uncovered physical evidence of  Caddy when what was thought to be a sea serpent was found inside the stomach of a whale. 


Alternative identities of the sightings have made mention of the Beluga whale, an oarfish, or a ribbon fish.  In any case, be wary of large, blurry monsters running rampant on the land and seas!  And would someone with a high-definition camera please get out there?!

Car Maulings in the Carolinas!

July 20, 2011

 – – Lizard Man is again running rampant in the Carolinas, and he’s rough on cars!  This bad boy has a nasty habit of biting, ripping, and pulling apart car fenders, hood ornaments, and radio antennas.- – Try calling bite marks in to your local insurance agent!

In an incident last week in a rural area of South Carolina, owners of a car discovered that their vehicle was riddled with what appeared to be teethmarks that went completely through the car’s fender.  Similar occurrences began in 1988 when a car mauling was reported, with the front fender on a car snapped in two and other pieces of chrome torn off.  Two years ago in a case similar to the original, a van was mauled by something biting through the metal and bending the fenders. 

A teenage eyewitness in 1988 reported an encounter with a creature about seven feet tall that had red eyes and three-fingered hands;  the young man came from a responsible, respectable family, and passed a polygraph test about the incident in which the scaly cryptid ran towards him following a tire change and jumped upon his moving car before being thrown off.   He has never changed his story…

Perhaps this car-biter is suffering from a serious deficiency of iron in his diet…and should we call in the Car Fox?

“Legend Quest” Coming on Syfy…

July 12, 2011

 – – For those of you interested in the kind of drek that I am, heaven help you…and you may want to give the upcoming Legend Quest series a look as it begins on the Syfy channel this July 13th at 10 P.M.  Billed as an action-adventure series, this Quest will follow Ashley Cowie, an archaeological explorer and expert in ancient symbols as he and his team travel the world in search of some of history’s greatest and most mysterious artifacts.  All of the elusive items are believed to hold hidden powers and mystical significance for ancient and modern cultures, and will include such items as King Arthur’s sword Excaliber and the Holy Grail.

Up first is a twin billing with the Ark of the Covenant and a Mayan Talking Cross featured…

“Gladiator” Fights Lion; Not Worth Lion’s Time…

July 1, 2011

 – – With the World Animal Bothering Belt on the line, a self-proclaimed Egyptian “gladiator” stepped into a steel cage set in a wheat field in Mansoura, Egypt with a reportedly 660-lb. (?) lion in order to attract foreign visitors to Egypt and lift his country out of its post-revolution downturn. 

As the “gladiator” glared and bared his teeth, the lion, which had been fed an entire donkey before the event, is reported to have looked bored.   The event lasted 17 minutes, with spectators said to have been disappointed and to have regarded the feat as a publicity stunt.

One can only imagine what thoughts were running through the lion’s head about the human warrior, who carried a “shield” made of an old satellite dish (“You are so lame, pink skin!”).  The Egyptian Tourism Minister commendably blasted the spectacle as an inhumane act against animals…

For his next exhibition, perhaps the warrior will take on a narcoleptic camel, an agoraphobic scorpion, or even a rather large jellyfish in a bucket of water!–Hey, reality TV should be this good!

“Pudding Face” Jello Commercial…

June 23, 2011

 – – If ever human beings were in screaming need of plastic surgery, it is the “pudding face” people pictured in Jell-O commercials.  The facial images presented are disturbingly creepy, reminding me somewhat of Jack Nicholson’s portrayal of The Joker; the commercials don’t inspire me to go out and buy Jello (“Gee!– -I wanna look like that!”), but rather to collect money to buy the poor afflicted souls with the condition prompt surgical correction (“Give generously, or “Pudding Face” is forever!”).  An army of zombies with “Pudding Face” would be too horrible to imagine.   It’s one of those things so weird and repugnant that you wish you could look away, but you somehow can’t help but stare at the image, as if it were a decayed mummy…

It Don’t Smell Like Roses!

June 6, 2011

 – – A Minnesota man recently deployed a fox product against pranksters who had been toilet papering his property; he hit them with fox urine!–Hey, we didn’t ask to be a biological weapon!

After discovering 15 to 20 people on his soybean field armed with, err, toilet paper, the property owner ordered the teenagers to leave, swore at them, and finally unleashed a Supersoaker squirt gun filled with fox urine upon the group!

…now fox urine has a rather distinctive and putrid smell, so much so that it is used to discourage rodents and other pests from trespassing.  It may therefore be judged equally unpleasant as an aftershave or body spray for young people.  The fox pee gunslinger now faces charges of fifth degree assault and disorderly conduct related to the incident.

Fox urine, by the way, is also a good repellent for rabbits, skunks, squirrels, possums, and woodchucks, and is also available as a less messy shake away powder which works longer, smells stronger, and won’t evaporate, freeze, or soak into the ground the way regular fox urine does…better living through chemistry, right?


Strange Corpse Identified

June 4, 2011

 – – Something weird and disgusting that washed ashore near New York’s famous Brooklyn Bridge on May 21st has at last been identified…

…”What?,” you’re probably saying, “Did Fat Tony forget to weigh down a body again?!”

Not at all!  The over six-foot long body that was pulled from the East River in New York City has been identified by experts from the Riverhead Foundation for Marine Research and Preservation as a bony-plated Atlantic sturgeon...

…informers and other rats, however, will continue to sleep with the fishes!

Howl Hitler?

May 27, 2011

 – – The Nazis weren’t much on human rights, but apparently were fond of animals and liked the idea that dogs were intelligent and could communicate with people.   According to a new book “Amazing Dogs:  A Cabinet of Canine Curiosities,”  Nazi specialists attempted to train an elite group of dogs regarded as intelligent to read, write, and speak!

Research from Cardiff University associate professor Dr. Jan Bondeson found that the Nazis collected pups from across Germany and put them through intensive training in the 1930’s at the Tier-Sprechschule ASRA (School for Dog-Human Communication) in the town of Leutenberg.  According to Dr. Bondeson, the hope was that the superior dogs would eventually communicate with their SS masters and act as the ultimate guard dogs. Where it gets really strange is in the contention that an institute-trained dog such as one named Rolf the Airedale could communicate with humans on such topics as  religion and mathematics by tapping out an elaborate code with his paw!  Another dog, Kurwenal, supposedly could crack jokes.

Hitler himself was widely recognized as a dog lover, and had two German Shepherds named Blondi and Bella.  Where talking dogs are concerned, we of course will always have Scooby-Doo…


Hail the Mighty Thor!

May 10, 2011

 – – There’s something strangely cool about dressing up in Viking gear and then going to dine in a fine restaurant or attending the opening of Thor so attired;  besides, who am I to judge, since I am, after all, a furry…whatever floats your boat!

Anyways, the Norse Hollywood Dining Vikings did exactly that, attending a screening of the movie in Glendale, California in a variety of chain mail and horned helmet regalia.  They usually do a restaurant gig, but a little change kinda keeps things fresh, and besides, what could be more appropriate?  Tony Swatton, de facto leader of the Dining Vikings, is a master blacksmith who designs custom-made weapons, armor, and props for television and film, including Thor.

So what if they look like they just made a Capital One credit card commercial?–I say may their cup of mead be always full!

“Mongo-D” for Short…

May 8, 2011

 – – I, for one, find it easy to obsess over Mongolian Death Worms;  they are reputedly large,  homicidal red worms that spew fiery acid, burrow in one of the world’s largest and coldest deserts,  can reportedly electrocute unlucky things like camels and goat-herders from a distance, and for a finale, explode when they get angry! –What’s not to like, Mongo-D has it all!

Certain aspects of the biology of the Mongolian Death Worm are not unfamiliar; big worms are not uncommon, with Australia hosting earthworms that can reach five foot lengths.  Spitting acid is also fairly common among arthropods, to say nothing of my former supervisors.  Intestinal worms can also bring down an animal, although they need to be inside it to perform that feat.  It’s when you combine all of these attributes that you get a really cool, otherworldly-type of cryptid!

The subject of investigations by Destination Truth and even National Geographic,  the Mongolian Death Worm has never been found, leaving us only with eyewitness testimonies about them and at least one really bad movie…