Archive for the ‘the plant kingdom’ category

Chantix Commercial, “Cold Turkey…”

June 9, 2019


  

In our most recent Chantix commercial, we get to venture inside of the Turkey’s home, and it’s an immaculate, spacious place…certainly nicer than my den!  Now it’s cold inside his home, symbolic of the old “cold turkey” approach to smoking cessation, so the turkey turns off his window air conditioner, and dons a colorful sweater vest…this is the “slow turkey” method, after all…  

Our feathered friend does all kinds of things at home, like tending to his aquarium, moving some sea shell souvenirs, mixing up what appears to be lemonade, and getting his flip-flops out of the closet.  I really don’t know how they will fit on his turkey feet, but he somehow managed to wear hiking boots when we saw him camping.  Yes, it would appear that our boy may be planning a visit to the beach!  I envy him…

Perhaps our next episode will be subtitled, Bird at the Beach, or perhaps more simply, Living With A Turkey.  I’m sure that’s a title that many of us could identify with!  Here are a few other suggested segments:

– – The Chantix Turkey in, “Beach Blanket Bingo!”

– – The Chantix Turkey in, “Fowl Play!”

– – “The Chantix Turkey Meets Rocket Raccoon!”

– – “The Chantix Turkey in “Feathered Fiends!”

– – “Turkey in the White House!” (- -nudge, nudge, wink, wink)

(…the possibilities are unlimited, folks!)

 

Crop Circles on “Monsters and Mysteries Unsolved”

July 15, 2016

 

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The second episode of “Monsters and Mysteries Unsolved” again hit on mysteries rather than monsters with an installment on crop circles, about 100 of which are sighted each year around the world, but usually in the United Kingdom and most often in fields of wheat and barley, appearing overnight.

Now about 90% of crop circles are fake, but a small percentage are not man-made. It’s possible to tell if they are not caused by human effort by damage done to the crop, which is thought to be from some sort of energy which causes nodes on the plants to expand and ultimately explode. Several different mechanical methods can also cause such damage, however.

Some UFO sightings have been reported in the vicinity of crop circles, and video footage exists. A video analyst examined one such tape, and pronounced it original without the object having been externally added. The specialist could not, however, identify the object depicted, which appeared in the footage as a glowing orb.

Midwestern U.S. formations appear to show a connection to one another, with the circles linked geographically in a straight line pointing directly to other crop circles. It might appear that such circles are not singular, isolated events, but rather parts of a series.

So what does this all mean? An explanation was not advanced, other than to say that crop circles were a phenomena which could not be pigeonholed. Questions were raised, but few were answered…

Wooden Personalities?

August 1, 2014

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I’ve always found it fairly easy to ascribe to the notion of sentient plant life.  I swear that the weeds are implementing a master plan to take over my lawn and garden, and mock me when I seek to eradicate them.  “If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can imagine!,” cry their tiny voices in my ears, echoing old Obi-Wan Kenobi from Star Wars.  If you would look for examples of intelligent plant life in movies or on the small screen, consider the carnivorous alien Audrey II plant from Little Shop of Horrors, the Triffids, the Jolly Green Giant, and a host of others.  We just haven’t had a good sentient plant around recently.

Fortunately, we have the character of Groot from Guardians of the Galaxy coming to our rescue!  Yeah, I know he’s essentially a sentient tree, but he does appear with a raccoon, so he merits mention here.  Furthermore, Groot is voiced by none less than Vin Diesel, so you know that this is a plant to be reckoned with!  While Groot is integral to the action of Guardians, he isn’t much of a talker, saying only one three-word line in the entire movie (“I am Groot!“).  Still, Vin Diesel voiced that line in several languages for movie outtakes, and even wore stilts coming in to the recording studio so as to better assume more of the character’s stature…and you thought that method acting was dead!

I’ve always liked the actor as an action hero, although some might say that his performance here is a bit…wooden, ahahahaha!

Evil Vegetation…

December 11, 2012

Campbells Xmas– – It’s challenging, but not impossible to be a Halloween-centered person during Xmas season as I am; it’s all a matter of perspective.  Many of you have probably seen the classic Campbell’s Xmas commercial when a friendly fir tree gently opens the window of an invitingly warm kitchen, extends a branch through the opening to the delight of a cherubic boy inside, helps itself to some green bean casserole, withdraws with it, and then essentially becomes ablaze with light as the perfect Xmas tree.- -All is calm, all is bright, right?

Those of us who are Halloween-centered prefer other kinds of trees and vegetation, however, of the more malevolent variety…like the carnivorous plant in Little Shop of Horrors, the trees in the enchanted forest of The Wizard of Oz or Poltergeist, or the consuming alien vegetation that Stephen King has crafted in a number of tales.  So we need to ask ourselves some questions, and perhaps re-engineer this commercial a bit…

…for example, isn’t the act of a fir tree consuming green bean casserole vaguely cannibalistic?  And what if instead of calmly opening the window, the pine tree smashed through it, grabbed the kid by the neck, hauled him screaming outside into a shrieking black storm, and inserted the hapless victim into some kind of unspeakable tree orifice to consume later? 

Now you’re thinking the way that I do!  I worry about myself, sometimes…but make my vegetation evil and otherworldly, please…buwahahaha!


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