FOXSYLVANIA

– – It’s challenging, but not impossible to be a Halloween-centered person during Xmas season as I am; it’s all a matter of perspective.  Many of you have probably seen the classic Campbell’s Xmas commercial when a friendly fir tree gently opens the window of an invitingly warm kitchen, extends a branch through the opening to the delight of a cherubic boy inside, helps itself to some green bean casserole, withdraws with it, and then essentially becomes ablaze with light as the perfect Xmas tree.- -All is calm, all is bright, right?

Those of us who are Halloween-centered prefer other kinds of trees and vegetation, however, of the more malevolent variety…like the carnivorous plant in Little Shop of Horrors, the trees in the enchanted forest of The Wizard of Oz or Poltergeist, or the consuming alien vegetation that Stephen King has crafted in a number of tales.  So we need to ask ourselves some questions, and perhaps re-engineer this commercial a bit…

…for example, isn’t the act of a fir tree consuming green bean casserole vaguely cannibalistic?  And what if instead of calmly opening the window, the pine tree smashed through it, grabbed the kid by the neck, hauled him screaming outside into a shrieking black storm, and inserted the hapless victim into some kind of unspeakable tree orifice to consume later? 

Now you’re thinking the way that I do!  I worry about myself, sometimes…but make my vegetation evil and otherworldly, please…buwahahaha!

This entry was posted on December 11, 2012 at 4:20 am and is filed under absurdities, anthropomorphic, television, the plant kingdom. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments.

Tags: anthropomorphic trees, evil vegetation