Archive for the ‘strange’ category

The Grim Reaper of Home Appliances…

September 8, 2018

I, for one, fear the Grim Reaper of home appliances. My grief was great when he came for my hot water heater, leaving me $800 in the hole for plumber bills and heater replacement. Death, there is thy sting, right in the wallet!  Oh, the suffering budget, the anguish, the gnashing of teeth!  It was not a pretty sight…

…and so I can appreciate the trials of the poor woman in the American Home Shield commercial who answers her door to find the Grim Reaper paying a call, the icon hovering complete in smoldering black cowl.  As the dreaded black specter advances, our housewife understandably freaks out.  “No, it can’t be!  I’m not ready!  I do spin class!,” she protests, sinking to her knees in supplication.  But the Reaper advances further, his bony finger extending to indicate that his target is not the woman herself, but rather her large stainless steel refrigerator/freezer!  Now understanding, the woman protests “What? The refrigerator! – – Oh come on!  Do you know how much it cost me?  You’re killing me!”  Then the lady decides to rephrase her unfortunate choice of words, but death is implacable.  As the refrigerator shakes in his otherworldly powers, the announcer tells us how all of our appliances will eventually die, but their plan will see to their replacement.  For good measure, the Reaper decides to take out our hapless lady’s home central air system too.  It was a full day’s harvesting, apparently…

When the Reaper comes for me, I’m going to say “Oh happy day!”  No wait…that’s what I’m going to tell the aliens…

 

Giant Purple Blobs Invading SF Bay!

September 7, 2018

Vintage science fiction movies cautioned us to “Watch the skies!,” but perhaps they better could have advised us to watch the seas, because you never know what’s gonna wash up.  Submitted for your approval is one such example, a large purple blob of the type that has washed ashore along California, even in San Francisco Bay.  

Sadly it’s not alien, but is only a harmless sea slug, measuring up to 30 inches long and weighing up to fifteen pounds, although most are about the size of a fist. Still living stranded specimens can even pulsate a bit, which led one observer to call 911, thinking that they had found a human heart.  They do have an internal organ-like quality to them.  Normally found off the Mexican coast and the Baja California coast, the large purple slugs are also called sea hares, because their extended antennae are thought to resemble rabbit ears.  They’re just not as cuddly and pet-worthy, but I’m showing a mammalian bias here…

…and isn’t Invasion of the Giant Purple Sea Hares a SyFy Channel movie that begs to be made?!

Sea Creature Washes Up On Russian Beach!

August 17, 2018

We always get terribly excited here at Foxsylvania when any kind of globster washes up on any beach, anywhere. Set up some food stands and a good band, and you’ve really got something to break up the summer doldrums!



…the “sea monster” in question is described as being smelly and hairy, and at least three times the size of an average human. It washed up on the shore of the Bering Sea on the Pacific side of the Kamchatka Peninsula; from Russia with Love, Darlink! Although the unidentified thing appears to be from an animal with gray and white coloring, it lacks a defined head or other body parts other than a possible tail or tentacle. The creature is covered with tubular hair, which is hollow and similar to that found on a polar bear.

Some have speculated that the carcass could be the remains of a wooly mammoth that had washed up as glaciers thawed, while others suggest that it could be from an octopus or giant squid. The most likely theory, however, is that the carcass is indeed a globster, a term coined in 1962 to describe something that is not a complete animal, but rather the decaying parts of sea animals such as whales or sharks. Under the influence of time, the sea, and post-mortem predation, the remains of large sea animals often take on bizarre and unrecognizable forms.

So if you visit a beach and come upon a globster, resist the temptation to make a sandwich. It wouldn’t be good for you…

“Frozen Aisle” Aspen Dental Commercial…

July 4, 2018


While visions of Hell usually emphasize a hot, burning place, horror can be found in many locations, and the image of a dentist emerging from a freezer case to snatch someone back into its unspeakable depths suffices nicely.  Like this dentist, the emissaries of the netherworld can also be charmingly seductive…

Our Aspen Dental commercial begins with a woman and her self-absorbed hubby prowling the aisles of a generic supermarket while she complains about having to pay for her dental services, whether or not she’s happy with them. “There has to be an easier way,” mutters hubby, his eyes never leaving his paper.

Thus summoned, the dentist rolls out of the adjoining freezer case, complete with frost and icicles on his body and dental chair…chilling!  While the woman gawks and hubby continues to read his paper, the dentist from a frozen hell begins his spiel.  “If you’re looking for easy, look no further,” he advises as he tells the woman of Aspen’s money-back policy on dentures.  Next the woman is happily in the frosty dental chair; “That’s pretty easy!,” giggles the woman. “Easy said, easy done!” agrees the dentist as they are retracted back into the freezer case which closes. – –Abandon all hope,  ye who enter here?

Clueless hubby finally looks up from his paper, obviously totally unaware of where his wife is or what has just gone on.  I’m sure that those of us who are in or once were in a relationship can relate…

Spider-Goats!

January 31, 2018


(PhysOrg.com) — Researchers from the University of Wyoming have developed a way to incorporate spiders’ silk-spinning genes into goats, allowing the researchers to harvest the silk protein from the goats’ milk for a variety of applications. For instance, due to its strength and elasticity, spider silk fiber could have several medical uses, such as for making artificial ligaments and tendons, for eye sutures, and for jaw repair. The silk could also have applications in bulletproof vests and improved car airbags.

Read more at: https://phys.org/news/2010-05-scientists-goats-spider-silk.html#jCp

I, for one, am both entertained and concerned with the prospect of Spider-Goats.  I mean, imagine entering one of your rooms and finding one of the buggers hanging on your wall or ceiling!  I doubt that the usual spritz of Raid spray would be enough to deter one of them.  It might, however, lead to the development of a new generation of pest controllers, Goat-Busters. — I’m claiming royalty rights on that film franchise now!  The theme song’s already playing in my head…you got goats, got yer freakin’ goats?

And we have other thorny issues to sort out, too, like cross-over problems.  Would Spider-Goat be a superhero or super villain?  Would a special issue of Spider-Man be called for featuring a knock-down, drag-out fight?  And who plays Spider-Goat in that film treatment?  Even if computer-generated, voice work is required…I’m available!

Now because the spider silk is found in the goats’ milk, could you acquire spider powers yourself if you drank it, assuming of course that you could get it down?-  – Would that be a baaad idea?  Would you then be a Spider-Goat-Person? The line is forming to the left, folks, but remember that with great power comes great responsibility…

…remember the Spider-Pig episode of The Simpsons?  We’ve all got plenty to think about now, and I think that 2018 is off to a roaring (or perhaps a bleating) start.  As Dr. Seuss might have expressed it, From there to here / From here to there / Hybrid animals are everywhere!  

At least I’ll better fit in now, someday, maybe…


The Nightmare Before Xmas?

December 4, 2017

As one might expect, decoration of the White House by the Trumps has proven…controversial.  While most of the rooms show traditional Xmas decor, one long hallway in particular has been termed eerie, spooky, and right out of a horror movie.  It’s presented here for your perusal…you decide!

“Darkness falls upon the land.  The midnight hour is close at hand.”* With enormous white skeletal branches clawing at you and emitting a preternatural light reflected by the cold, ice-like floor as you traverse the enormous length of the darkened hallway, you can almost feel the warmth being sucked out of your body.  It’s an “abandon all hope, ye who enter here” moment.  And wait…do you hear something?  Is the wind rattling those towering branches against one another like dried bones?  Or is something unspeakable about to rush up at you from behind?!  Could it be Jack Torrance wielding a knife, a dire wolf, or perhaps an especially nasty witch?  Has the Dark Side awakened? Wanna go for a slay ride along this dark road?  You can enter these woods, but you can’t check out, so “…stand and face the Hounds of Hell, or rot inside a corpse’s shell.”*  Little Red Riding Hood, you sure are lookin’ good…*

At any rate, there’s no escaping…how strangely appropriate!  Alright, cue the Vincent Price Thriller* narration…

* (With thanks to Michael Jackson and Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs…)

Seen This “Cheeky Monkey?”

September 12, 2017

Better known for voicing Shrek and creating Austin Powers, comedian Mike Myers creates another Brit Tommy Maitland in the ABC network revival of The Gong Show.  Shown here with a furry act, Myers/Maitland is the flamboyant host of the series, strutting on stage each episode wearing a matador’s hat to the punchy notes of a killer band.  

While non-existent, Tommy Maitland is reportedly a beloved 72-year-old British comedian with a long history of career successes.  A small British flag and a picture of a younger Queen Elizabeth adorn a table on the set.  Performing in deep makeup, Myers as Maitland presents and champions each act before sending them off for a “nice cup of tea” and another reward which varies.  The “presenter” frequently mimics or mocks each act with props and exaggerated expressions during their performance.

This inner joke within a spoof can be quite a hoot, or Snax the Rabbit as the case may be.  And by the way, the proper reply to the question of “Who’s a cheeky monkey?” is a resounding response of, “YOU ARE!”  

And in closing, we pose the questions:

…Isn’t Snax a great name for a rabbit?

…Aren’t we all Cheeky Monkeys, at least some of the time?