Archive for the ‘furry’ category
August 16, 2010
– – How, you may ask, do you thwart a polar bear attack?–After all, it is well-known that the readers of Foxsylvania want to be prepared for every possible contingency, including a zombie apocalypse. It is best not to tase the polar bear, or to tempt him with a picnic basket…so what do you do when the bear is standing on your gun?!
When you absolutely, positively must do something and prefer not to become bear kibble, consider making a loud, threatening noise and punching the offending bear in the nose. This tactic apparently worked rather well for a 67-year-old wilderness guide in the far Canadian north. Polar bears, you see, have a very sensitive nose. This was advice passed on to the wilderness guide by an Inuit elder, and it did work in this specific instance.
Failing in that, the wilderness guide might have had to resort to bad Terrance and Phillip impersonations, being that it was in Canada and all…
Categories: animal occurrences, animals, furry
Tags: Polar bear attack
Comments: 2 Comments
August 15, 2010
– – Yes, that’s right…another post on the same topic, something without precedent in the annals of Foxsylvania! Some say that he’s cuter than the Geico gecko, but you can’t compare apples and oranges, and appearance is subjective, anyways! At any rate, Maxwell the Pig has taken on a life of his own, and appears at home both everywhere and nowhere, a surreal porker for the 21st century. Both lovable and annoying, he’s just being himself! With a literary tradition going back to the 1728 nursery rhyme (“The Nurse’s Song”), this little piggy is as old as the 18th century but as fresh as tomorrow!
Maxwell knows that life is too important a matter to be taken seriously. He has a childlike quality and exuberance that would brighten the psyches of the worst “namby pamby jackwagons.” The endless squealing is meaningless, yet somehow manages to say it all…that embracing life with a pinwheel in each hand while leaning out of the window and shrieking with delight is perhaps the best of all ways to handle it!
The name “Maxwell” is of English/Scottish/Welsh origins, and means “major well.” This well is one we all could benefit from drinking from…
Categories: absurdities, animals, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, cool things, furry, imaginary animals, television
Tags: Geico pig, Maxwell the pig
Comments: 1 Comment
August 13, 2010
– – It’s a twisted world after all, and Geico has the perfect commercial to commemorate this fact; called “Piggy,” it puts a twist on the old nursery rhyme about the little piggy who cried “Wee! Wee! Wee! all the way home.”
Leaning out of a back window of an SUV, this little piggy does just that, much to the chagrin of an annoyed and weary mother and her son. He even holds two pinwheels out of the window as he does it! Not to worry, though…the piggy’s wearing his seatbelt! When this ultimate annoying rider makes it home, he declares “Oh, cool!,” and thanks his ride. Viewable on YouTube and many other sites, and well worth a look…
By the way, the pig’s name is “Maxwell,” and the long-suffering driver is “Mrs. A”…
Categories: absurdities, animal occurrences, animal oddities, animals, anthropomorphic, Brilliant but twisted, furry, humor, television
Tags: Geico commercial, Geico's Little Piggy
Comments: 6 Comments
August 12, 2010
– – Orangutans aren’t exactly balls of fire but rather simian slackers; they can sleep for twelve hours a day, and then nap for several hours more! In fact, orangutans use less energy, pound-for-pound, than any animal except for the tree sloth. This is not necessarily a bad thing…
It turns out that orangutans are not lazy, but simply energy-efficient. In the wild, orangutans live mainly off fruit, which can be hard to come by in their forest habitat for several months of the year. Those who can survive on the least food for the longest therefore have the best chance of surviving and reproducing. Although a large male orangutan can weigh in at over 250 pounds, a new study in the Journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences shows that such an animal consumes less than 2,000 calories a day, which is 20% less than a typical human male.
This can be considered an evolutionary adaptation to deal with their habitat, with sleep being a low-energy state…
Categories: animals, environmental, evolution, furry, science
Tags: animal energy efficiency, orangutan
Comments: 5 Comments
August 7, 2010
– – Humans who seek to neutralize bears with a stun gun may wish to consider that it doesn’t work terribly well on them, and may leave them seriously annoyed, possibly resulted in you being mauled and eaten!
This is what happened in Anchorage, Alaska on July 22nd after a man caught a bear by his fish fryer and proceeded to shoot it with a stun gun; the bear “went inverted, with feet in the air, growling and crying at the same time, flailing with his feet. He actually rolled off the porch.”
Now while the gentleman in question escaped being mauled and eaten, Fish and Game officials in Alaska warn that after the initial shock, the bear might go into a rage and ruin your whole day. Even Sarah Palin understands this, which is why bear hunters carry a .45 pistol on their belt when they go hunting to back up their shotgun. Using a stun gun on a bear is like using a peashooter on a bomber.
So don’t tase bears, which outweigh you by 800 pounds and are pointy on five of their six ends. Should you, however, run across a picnic-basket stealing bear named Yogi, use whatever weapon you may have at hand…
Categories: absurdities, animal occurrences, animals, furry
Tags: Bear tasered in Alaska
Comments: 4 Comments
August 3, 2010
– – I, for one, am grateful to these felines for covering up what might have otherwise been an unsightly display of less than buff human epidermis. You may surmise that these cats are not overly pleased with having assumed this duty, and I feel their pain. I would not be overly happy in their situation, either…
We will not get into a discussion of why some humans choose to have their pictures taken in the buff with their pets, leaving such considerations to philosophers and psychologists. You may wish, however, to see more of the same at Awkwardfamilypetphotos.com, as well as images of monkeys in dresses and families with snakes wrapped around their necks…
Categories: absurdities, furry, things humans do, weird
Tags: awkward family pet photos
Comments: 2 Comments
July 29, 2010
– – He began as the simple, hand-held puppet shown to the left and morphed into an animatronic animal with an attitude…I’m talking, of course, about the Car Fox!
Designed by Legacy Effects studio, the special effects group behind Predator, Iron Man, and Avatar, the new Car Fox takes five people to operate, and took six weeks to design.
Animals are said to find their way into consumers’ hearts and minds in ways no human spokesman can. This will lull them into a false sense of security…buhwahahahaha! 
Categories: animals, furry, television
Tags: Car Fox
Comments: 2 Comments
July 23, 2010
– – Rabbits generally aren’t perceived as scary, with the possible exception of the wonderful specimen shown here from the movie, Donnie Darko. Now granted that my killer dust bunnies are at least annoying and Bugs Bunny is a master of psychological warfare, but usually most people don’t find rabbits fear-arousing…
Now every rule has its exceptions (including this one), and a 60-year-old geography teacher in Germany had a paralyzing fear of rabbits! It then became possible for a 16-year-old student to get her teacher’s goat (so to speak) by drawing pictures of rabbits on the blackboard and spreading stories about her teacher’s rabbit phobia; kids are remarkably resourceful for seeking out and detecting such Achilles heels! In 2008 the teacher took a different student to court and reached a settlement that prevented the student from ever speaking about the teacher’s fear of rabbits to anyone else.
This time, however, the presiding judge dismissed the case without explaining the verdict. The lagomorph loather has a month to appeal the decision…
…and maybe Elmer Fudd had some kind of fear and loathing thing going on with Bugs…and wouldn’t Rabbits of Doom be great antiheroes?!
Categories: animals, anomalies, furry, strange happenings
Tags: furry court cases, rabbits of doom, scary rabbits
Comments: 2 Comments
July 15, 2010
– – Once again a supposed chupacabra has reared his ugly head, again in Texas. In Hood County, an animal control officer shot and killed in an old barn an unsightly creature described as having deer-like ears, big teeth, and pinkish skin that was unlike anything he had seen before. A few days later and within ten miles, a rancher also shot and killed another of the bizarre creatures, leading some to speculate that there were a pack of them.
Hood County Animal Control has sent one of the deceased creatures to Texas A&M for DNA testing, but don’t bet the rent on it being a chupacabra. Until test results are in, doctors have only said that it’s some kind of coyote hybrid…very possibly with mange, I might add…
Categories: animals, anomalies, cryptozoology, furry, unexplained, unidentified, weird
Tags: chupacabra shot?, Texas chupacabra
Comments: 4 Comments
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